Kids often get a bad rap, especially toddlers and teens. The terms “terrible twos” and “trying teens” make us laugh, cry, or at least nod with understanding. But what if the behavior that drives us crazy is really just normal, age-appropriate, human development? What if our kids aren't hatching evil, subversive plots to manipulate us or ruin our lives? What if they're just doin' their jobs?
It is an infant's job to suck and cry. And wake in the night. Several times. It's what they do, and no, they cannot “self-soothe,” nor should they be expected to. Cuddle them close and meet their needs.
It is a toddler's job to whine, say no, run wildly, dawdle, hit, bite and throw both food and temper tantrums. They are little people with tons of mobility, limited language skills, and not an ounce of common sense. It's a frustrating life to live, but it's also joyous. Celebrate it!
It is a teenager's job to sulk, be moody, resist, overreact, and demonstrate bipolar-like tendencies. Bodies are a-changin' and hormones a-ragin.' They are searching to figure out life, their place in it, and their relationship to us, all the while feeling at times so insecure that it hurts to walk out the door. Walk next to them. Love them through the tough times. Their potential is great and their hearts are good.
Parenting is not for wimps, but if we switch up our perspective, perhaps it can take the edge off. If one of my former toddlers was on the floor throwing a colossal tantrum, and if I could look at him and think, “Wow, you are totally excelling at your job; I'm impressed!” it was far easier not to react in anger, but rather to rub his back and whisper, “I can tell you're really upset that you can't have another cookie, but well, that would be too many cookies. Would you like to go for a walk (or build a tower of blocks, or take a bath, or whatever) instead?”
If my teenager is sulking and in a bad mood for heaven knows what reason, and I can think to myself, “You are really doing your job well today,” it's far easier to react in a supportive way: “You seem to be struggling today. I love you. Let me know if I can help.”
Kids often get a bad rap, especially toddlers and teens. But most of the time, if we stop and think about it, we realize that they are just doin' their jobs.
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