Charmed

Do you ever feel charmed? Do you have days in which one little thing or another brings an unexpected smile to your face and makes you thankful you got out of bed? These moments need not be hugely significant in the grand scheme of life; nevertheless, they provide a sweet second of joy that makes us grateful to be who we are and where we are right now. I had two such moments today.

First, in my College Composition class, students were gathered into small groups of 3 or 4 and asked to prepare a presentation to teach the rest of the class a particular grammatical concept. All of these presentations were done well. Students worked hard to sort out their grammar issue and explain it to the class. Following each presentation, I added my two cents because I always have something to add when the topic is anything grammar. One group, however, surprised me with its presentation and made my otherwise lovely day...well, even lovelier. They began their presentation on the proper usage of commas with coordinating conjunctions by singing a rap. I wish you could have seen and heard it live, but here is the text:

We are here to make some noise
We are the mighty FANBOYS
We're not about a lot of drama
We're just getting rid of unnecessary commas!

Ha! I'm still entirely amused by this. I'm smiling right now as I remember it. It was classic.

Next, I came home to my Seth, who often has charming tidbits of wisdom to offer in a tone only he can create. Today was no different. He was rambling on about various things and found himself talking about a boy who lives in our cul-de-sac and who sometimes walks home from school at the same time Seth does. He proceeded to take that line of thought in a new direction which led him here:

"That boy is a little annoying. He talks constantly. Sort of like you and Shulamith. You two never stop talking when you're together. Pretty soon you're both going to lose your voice. Then what will you do? I guess you'll both have to learn sign language so you can keep talking to each other constantly. But you won't be able to teach for at least a month because your students don't know sign language."

Charmed. Yep, I was today!

Rhetoric Rant - The Third Installment

Just so you know, this post is the result of a direct request from my friend Rachael, so I'm not sure it qualifies as a true "rant." My other two "rant" posts, here and here, sprang from my immense frustration over some grammatical error that I'd witnessed all too often in the recent past. I was actually considering doing a post on apostrophes next because they are constantly misused, but Rachael requested a post on commas, and I surely won't ignore an actual request from a reader. So here goes...

First and probably most important, you must ignore some erroneous babble you might have heard in the past from well-intended but sadly mistaken English teachers who told you to use a comma whenever you just happen to feel like pausing or taking a breath. Let us be crystal clear about this: commas have nothing to do with respiration! Nothing.

Whew. Now that we've settled that, we can move on. The reason commas are tricky is that there are certain grammatical constructions that require commas, other grammatical constructions that prohibit them, and still other grammatical constructions in which commas are optional. I apologize for this. I ask you not to kill the messenger. I only report the rules; I did not create them (even though my last name is Webster). Let's deal with each category separately. I won't have time or space to cover every single possible use of the comma, but if we deal with the most common situations, we'll know what to do nearly all the time. Moreover, I will leave out discussion of the ridiculously obvious situations (between cities and states in addresses, between the day and year in dates, etc.) because everyone knows about those, right?

Category #1 - Constructions that require a comma
1. Use a comma following two prepositional phrases that begin a sentence:
On hot summer days in July, I love to go swimming.

2. Use a comma following a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) if the conjunction divides two independent clauses (complete sentences):
I got paid today, and I can't wait to go shopping.

3. Use commas to set apart non-essential elements in a sentence:
My friend, who has three young children, is coming to visit soon. (It might be nice to know that this friend has three young children, but that information is not necessary to show the reader which friend I'm talking about. Therefore it is considered non-essential and must be set apart with commas).

4. Use a comma between a subordinate clause and an independent clause in a sentence when the suborninate clause comes first:
Because she tried to swallow a bee, Kitty woke up this morning with hives covering her body.

(Oh, and for the record, whoever told you never to begin a sentence with the word "because" was, of course, dead wrong as you can see from the sentence above. Just be sure that when you do, the subordinate clause is followed by an independent clause, so you don't have a fragment.)

5. Use a comma following a conjunctive adverb (therefore, consequently, however, thus, moveover, also, finally, anyway, etc.) that introduces a sentence:
I got paid today. Therefore, I can't wait to go shopping.

Category #2 - Constructions that prohibit a comma
1. Do not use a comma before a subordinating conjunction (for, and, not, but, or, yet, so) if what follows the conjunction is not a complete sentence:
I got paid today and can't wait to go shopping. (Compare with Rule #2 in Category #1.)

2. Do not use commas to set apart essential elements in a sentence:
My friend who is wearing the red ribbon in her hair is named Juliet. (In this case, the clause "who is wearing the red ribbon in her hair" identifies which friend I'm referring to and is, therefore, essential to the sentence so not set apart with commas. Compare with Rule #3 in Category #1.)

Category #3 - Situations in which a comma is optional
1. Use commas to separate items in a list. The final comma before the conjunction is optional. (Note: I like it there. I think it eliminates all sorts of terrible confusion; however, it is optional.):
I have lived in Oregon, Washington, California, Montana, and Utah. (Comma after "Montana" is optional, but I recommend it.)

2. If a a sentence has an independent clause followed by a subordinate clause, a comma after the independent clause is optional. (Compare with Rule #4 in Category #1.):
Kitty woke up this morning with hives covering her body because she tried to swallow a bee. (Note, a comma after the word "body" is optional, but I don't like it there, so I left it out.)

Those are the most common issues with commas. Hope that helps, Rachael.

Enjoy your breathing, everyone. Just don't confuse it with comma usage.

Suspense Films - Part 2

My last post brought many lovely comments. Thanks, everyone! One of the most suspenseful parts of my life happened, uh, let's just say a few years ago. I was a young bride (I'm still young but probably don't qualify as a bride anymore) and pursuing my career in education. I had goals. Serious goals. I would be a principal by the time I was 30 and in upper-level administration by 40.

Then the most amazing thing happened. Luke was born. I realize that the birth of a child is an everyday occurrence. It happens every second of every day in all parts of the world. To others, this event was not spectacular. For me, however, it was the single most defining moment in my life. Absolutely everything changed that day. I looked down at my tiny infant (okay, he was 9 pounds 12 ounces, but to me he was tiny), and he looked up at me. And the whole earth stood still. It felt as if time no longer existed. Worries, cares, troubles were not. In that moment, everything was absolutely perfect.

It was clearer to me than anything in the past had ever been that this was my destiny. This was my calling in life, more important than anything else I would ever do. TV talk show host Dr. Phil has remarked about his wife Robin: "She was put on this earth to be a mother." Me too! After Luke was born, I couldn't wait to see who would come next. And next. And next. And next! I was blessed to feel that same perfect joy four more times. Each time, I wondered how it could be as wonderful as previously, but it always was. This morning, as I walked Seth to school, the sun shone on our faces and the cool breeze rustled our hair, and I said a silent prayer of thanks for this child, who allows me the opportunity to continue to do what I love most. He is 11. How many more years will he want me to walk him to school? Not many. In fact, this is most probably the last. But for now, he really does. And I'll take it. I'll totally take it.

But let's go back to those career goals. What happened there? I quit teaching when Luke was born (no way I was leaving that precious baby with anyone else) but continued my pursuit of a master's degree. That turned out to be one of my wisest decisions. It wasn't easy. It took me a full five years, little by little, and by the time I finished, Luke was 4 and Shulamith was 2. That degree has made it possible for me to work in education on a very part time basis, teaching college-level writing classes here and there. While I no longer had the least desire to become a principal or even to teach full days, I still loved English, especially writing, and I enjoyed sharing my love for writing with others, particularly adults with genuine interest.

I had opportunity to teach writing classes at Skagit Valley College in Washington and most recently at Montana State University in Billings. As we prepared over the last year to move to Utah, people sometimes asked me, "Will you get a job there?" My reply was "Oh, I hope not!" That was partly a joke. What I meant was that if I chose to teach in Utah, it would need to be just exactly the right situation, and I doubted I would find that. But you know how these suspense films are; our predictions are usually wrong. Very soon after we moved, I learned of an opportunity at LDS Business College. LDSBC is part of the church education system along with the three campuses of Brigham Young University (Provo, Utah; Rexburg, Idaho; and Laie, Hawaii) and the numerous seminary and institute programs around the world.

I am both honored and excited to have been hired to teach writing part time at LDSBC this fall. I will teach MWF from 10:00 am - 3:00 pm., so I can get Seth off to school and be home just about the same time he is, and I can be home all day on Tues. and Thurs. Like I said, it would need to be just exactly the right situation. Our classes began this week. I have delightful students who seem eager to commit to a semester of hard work, teaching, learning, and fun.

What will the next chapter of my suspense film bring? I have no idea. But for now, this is good. This is all very good.

Suspense Films and Not Missing the Dance

On Thursday, I had the opportunity to listen to Henry J. Eyring address new students and their parents at the opening devotional at Brigham Young University Idaho. His words were kind and reassuring, just what we anxious moms needed as we prepared to leave our precious children (young adults?) at college for the first time. As part of his remarks that day, he said,

"If the Lord were a movie maker, he would make suspense films."

He continued to explain that in our lives we can't always predict or plan for everything that will happen. For those of us who like to be in control of everything, this idea is a bit disconcerting. As a polarized "J" on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I DO NOT like surprises. I love to plan, and even more, I love to see my plans work out exactly the way I expect. But as Brother Eyring so eloquently reminded me, my life is not a "formula movie"; it is indeed a suspense film.

Pondering Brother Eyring's words the past few days, I was reminded of one of my favorite songs by country music singer Garth Brooks. In the final two lines from the chorus of his classic song "The Dance," he sings, "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." These lines are so perfect when we consider the ups and downs, the twists and turns of our lives. Heading up to BYU-Idaho with Eli, I really had no idea how painful it would be to leave him at college. He is my fourth child, after all. I have done this before. I did not intend to cry. Not at all. I really thought I could just hug him tight, tell him how much I love him and how proud I am, and joyously say goodbye.

Not so much.

I was a total mess. Like a sobbing mess. Not kidding. Fortunately, we were in the car, so only Eli had to witness this complete breakdown, and he was so sweet about it. He said something like "It's okay, Mom. It's okay if you cry. It will all be okay." And so it was. He walked off toward his dorm, and I drove the three miles to Lindsey's house, the perfect place to be that night with my dear friend. We laughed. We talked. We played Phase 10. I lost, just like I do every game I play. Thank you, Lindsey. And thanks for being in Rexburg right now, available to help Eli if he needs anything. It makes all this so much easier. I'll be there for you when the time comes to send Emma off to college, and if you think that's a long time away, think again. Just saying.

Brother Eyring said the Lord would make suspense films. Thank goodness! Because really, if we knew ahead of time exactly how everything would be, how many of us would be willing to choose the ride? If we knew about those screaming infants in the middle of the night and the utter sleep deprivation that goes along with that? Or if we knew about the setbacks, the failures, the disappointments, the sad times? Or if we knew how our hearts would feel as we wave goodbye to our beloved children? Would we do it? Are we that brave? I'm not sure.

But of this I am sure: With all its trials, struggles, heartache and seemingly insurmountable challenges, this suspense film we call "life" is undeniably a dance worth dancing.

A New Walking Partner

Just before I left Billings for good, I took the opportunity to write about a few of my friends there, hoping to immortalize them forever in this blog. One of those friends was my walking partner, Trudy. Since moving into our house here in Utah, I've had to revamp my walking regimen somewhat. There is not a bike trail with mileage markers outside my door like there was in Billings, so I have to walk through the neighborhood and figure out my distance based on time. One exceptionally wonderful thing about this change is that because I now walk in a neighborhood, a quiet residential area, those nasty creatures (the long squirmy one with no arms or legs) seem to be non-existent. I haven't seen a single one!

But there are other changes as well. I've had to find a new walking partner because (obviously) Trudy is still in Montana. My new partner, Kitty, shares a few similarities with Trudy. They are both beautiful, nice, and very charming. They are both dedicated walkers who love to be outside, especially in the morning. They both love me.

But there are clear differences as well. For one thing, Trudy was willing and able to walk in a straight line. Kitty prefers to walk in a zigzag pattern, tripping me with her leash. Moreover, Trudy was happy to walk continuously at a healthy pace; Kitty feels the needs to stop every few feet and sniff various things. In addition, Trudy was content to do the entire 4-mile walk while chatting only with me. I was sufficient companionship for her. Kitty, on the other hand, though non-verbal, prefers to visit all the different houses on the block, especially when she suspects there might be dogs living in them.

But the most startling difference between them: Kitty LOVES all people while Trudy HATES all dogs. In fact, I'm not sure who would win a dog-hating competition, Trudy or Gerald. At first I hesitated to write this post, wondering if it might offend Trudy to be compared to a creature of the canine race. However, I decided to go for it because Trudy has a lovely sense of humor. I'm sure she'll be just fine. Right, Trudy???

So there you have it...the story of my new walking partner.