Taking a leap of faith to avoid a literal bursting at the seams

A few months ago, as I sat in my hairstylist's chair solving world problems, we somehow arrived on the topic of my physical scriptures. Keep in mind that I visit Heidi every 8-9 weeks to have my extensions moved up and my hair cut and colored. The whole process takes 3-4 hours, so we cover lots of topics. In this case, I was telling her about my study quad, which is about 25 years old and has been well loved and well used all that time. As I study, I write annotations on small Post-it notes. These comments include my thoughts and perspectives on the text, along with specific questions to ask when I'm teaching. And I stick these Post-it notes to the pages with the scripture references connected to my comments.

It's super efficient; however, I've recently realized that it's not going to work forever. There are so many Post-it notes everywhere that the text, itself, is hard to read without removing and reattaching the Post-it notes (which, of course, is why Post-it notes work well, but still). And, my quad is now so thick that it's difficult to hold in one hand. I also worry the binding won't hold up much longer, but I surely can't get rid of all these notes! They are the result of years of study, and they represent the evolution of my thoughts on so much doctrine.

Heidi suggested I use the annotations tool in the Gospel Library app. Say what? Give up my physical scriptures and move fully digital? Uh, no. I can't do that. But what if there were some sort of hybrid approach? What if I kept my physical quad intact with all the Post-it notes in place, but gradually shifted over to the Gospel Library app? This would take a long time, obviously, but what if each time I read something, whether just a few verses or several chapters, I typed the comments from the Post-it notes into the annotations tool on my phone?

I've been doing this for a few weeks now, and it's actually quicker and easier than I expected. The second step, and the one I'm still not fully committed to, is using the app for all new comments I write and not making any new Post-it notes. This one is more challenging. I don't even know how to study scriptures without Post-it notes and a pen in hand. At home, I'm still doing both: writing new Post-it notes, then typing them into the app. But last week at church, I conducted an experiment. I didn't bring any blank Post-it notes. I was studying the Book of Revelation as we finish up the NT this month. I read Chapters 11-14 and made several notes in the annotations tool, but I didn't write any Post-it notes. I may have made a couple notes with a pen in the margin of my physical scriptures, but not that many. 

How did it feel? A little weird but mostly good? Since then, I've checked the app several times to make sure those notes are still there and accessible. They are!

So thanks to Heidi, I took a leap of faith to save my beloved scriptures from literally bursting at the seams!

All is calm, all is bright. Even though the code was broken.

(Photo cred: Mathew Monson)

After a super fun gingerbread house party hosted by Shulamith on Christmas Eve afternoon, I packed up an overnight bag and drove to Eli and Amanda's. Ever since Shulamith and Mathew got married almost 14 years ago, we have alternated December 25th with Matt's family. On the "off" years, we just move our whole celebration to a different day, and while my sons don't love this plan, it works just fine and they live with it. This was an "off" year, so we scheduled our Christmas Eve for Dec. 26th and Christmas Day for the 27th. Before Eli was married, on "off" years, I would usually just hang out alone on the 25th, reminding myself often that "This is not Christmas, and 25 is just a number." (All true, by the way.) Gerald and the boys would busy themselves with the things they like to do: online work, Dominion, video games, sometimes a movie. It was fine.

However, once Eli and Amanda got married seven years ago, they've invited me to spend the 24th and 25th with them on the "off" years, a blessing I never take for granted. This year was especially magical because their daughter, Jane, recently turned two, and this was the first year she had any idea about Christmas. It was joyous! And so calm with just the four of us. 

All is calm.

Christmas Eve night, we ate dinner and prepped for the next morning. Amanda and Jane left cookies out for Santa, and Eli read us all the story of Jesus' birth from the Gospel of Luke. That was my favorite!

Amanda and I wrapped a few last presents, and we all went to bed. I can't say we went to sleep exactly; Eli and I are still like little kids and find sleep elusive on Christmas Eve, but I think we both slept a little.

I woke up before everyone else and enjoyed the quiet house as I sat in the recliner by the light of the tree and browsed all my friends' Christmas posts on social media, smiling at each one. Eli woke up next, and we wrapped some last-minute gifts for Amanda. Then I headed out to Maverik with three Stanleys in hand to bring back fresh fountain Diet Cokes for the three of us.

At around 10:30, they decided to gently wake Jane. Amanda was so excited for Jane to see her "Santa" gift, a beautiful doll house that Amanda built for her. 

It seems she likes it!

We ate the most delicious cinnamon rolls that Amanda made from scratch, and later some biscuits and gravy. In between, we enjoyed watching one another open presents, one at a time, which is how we do it in our family. I've heard other families open their gifts all at once at the same time, but I want to watch every person open every gift!

I went home for a couple hours in the afternoon and listened to Seth talk through some LSAT prep questions. Then, Gerald, Seth, and I all went back to Eli and Amanda's house for Christmas dinner: pork nachos. It was a perfectly lovely (and calm) Christmas celebration Round 1!

All is Bright.

I think we were all grateful for a "rest day" on the 26th, to prepare for our larger celebration. A friend's Xmas card reads, "All is not calm, but all is definitely bright." This is a spot on description of our Christmas celebration Round 2 yesterday, with the entire family other than our oldest son Luke and his daughter, who live in Maryland. With 12 people, four of whom are age 11 and under, there was nothing calm about it. But it was surely bright: bright with noise, bright with excitement, bright with hope, and bright with love!

Tuesday night we opened our traditional Christmas Eve pajamas, this year navy shirts with a candy cane peace sign and the words "Peace and Joy." 

Then we began the process of getting settled for the night, who would sleep where, etc. Matt is the only one who didn't stay over. I don't think he quite understands the joy of everyone sleeping under the same roof on Christmas Eve, then waking up together on Christmas morning, but for a Christmas mom like me, it's the best thing ever.

The next morning we gathered in the basement to open gifts in our regular pattern of youngest to oldest. Except this year something startling occurred. Each year I create a new code to identify Christmas gifts. I don't use people's actual names on the tags, but instead assign everyone a code name. This is because my children are snoopy. Especially Eli. He is the snoopiest. And I don't want them shaking their presents and trying to figure out what they are. For over three decades, this system has successfully prevented that. No one has ever broken the code. Until this year... 

Take a wild guess who did it? If you are thinking "Swen Webster-Monson," you would be correct. How could this happen, you ask? Well, let me just tell you. A few days ago, this conversation between Swen and me transpired:

Swen: Hey Her, can I borrow your phone. I wanna watch a YouTube video.

Me: Sure! (handing him my phone) 

Swen: Thanks.

After a few minutes, I learn that Swen has found the code and sent a screenshot to everyone in the family. The kid is positively unstoppable! :-)

Nevertheless, Christmas Round 2 was awesome and fabulously bright. Gift opening took until mid-afternoon, and the rest of the day we ate good food and just hung out together. Here are some highlights:

Cookies, lights, and a dusting of Christmas snow!

"And I totally forgot; when are we doing our cookie day? Time's running out!" 

This text from Amanda a few days ago reminded us that we hadn't scheduled our annual cookie baking party. Nor had we chosen a night to drink hot chocolate and drive around to look at beautiful Christmas lights. These are both important traditions!

The season didn't exactly creep up on me; it's more like it gobsmacked me in the face without warning. It's been an intense fall. Trying to keep up with eight classes at three different colleges nowhere near one another has proven just as challenging as it sounds. I only left my phone on the FrontRunner once. The second time it was Trax and it was my entire purse! My Type A, ultra organized personality flew right out the window with this semester's teaching schedule. At the same time, I was abruptly and prematurely released from my church calling, and I can't even describe the level of angst and despair that has caused. All in all, I'm ready for a new semester, and yes, a brand new year!`

But back to Christmas. We decided on this past Friday for both cookies and lights. My final grades were due Wednesday at midnight, so that gave me two days to recover, along with responding to students who expected different grades than what they earned:

"All I'm asking for is a C. I really need to pass this class."

"Dude, you finished the course with 59%, and your final research essay was 100% ChatGPT, so...."

Now that Shulamith's kids are old enough to actually be helpful, I feel like the cookie baking was more efficient than ever before. We cranked out ginger, shortbread, and chocolate crinkle cookies, all in about two hours. 

After lunch and some rest time, we headed out to grab hot chocolate and look at lights. Eli is our driver and personal guide to all the best displays, and he did not disappoint. We saw so many amazing houses, all lit up, in many cases synchronized with music we could hear by tuning our radio to the posted frequencies. We saw lots of snow people, Santa and reindeer, along with several themed displays including The Grinch and Nightmare Before Christmas. All were wonderful, so much fun! But my favorite by far was the picture at the top of this page, a nativity scene with live animals (!) and an audio of someone reading the story of Christ's birth from the Gospel of Luke. It was the coolest! 

Yesterday (Saturday) would be our last shopping opportunity, so Shulamih and I left early in the morning to help Santa with stockings. It has been an untypically warm fall, so when I walked outside to fresh snow, it felt sorta magical. Shulmaith's son Swen was still asleep at that point, but later when he woke up, he called Shulamith and told her that he had "prayed so hard for Jesus to send snow for Christmas, and it worked!" I don't think we'll get a white Christmas, but that dusting of Christmas snow Saturday morning was lovely, and I'm grateful Swen's prayer was answered.

Have I mentioned how much I love unemployment?

As of this past Friday, my fall 2023 classes are officially over at all three schools. Which means I am technically unemployed. Hooray! As an adjunct, my contracts are only ever for one semester. That means no one is obligated to hire me back to teach classes in January. In reality, I already have my offers from all three schools, and my teaching schedule for spring 2024 is set, assuming the classes carry and aren't canceled for low enrollment. That uncertainty is just part of the adjunct dance, a sometimes tricky one to navigate.

For now, though, I am fully enjoying my "unemployed" status. On my first day of unemployment, I woke naturally at the time my body prefers: 7:15 a.m., in sharp contrast to the 5:15 a.m. alarm I set three days a week for the past 16 weeks. I ran downstairs to grab a Diet Coke (Don't judge! People drink coffee in the morning; I can drink Diet Coke), then ran right back upstairs and back into bed. I scrolled through a bit of social media. I played Wordle and Connections. I worked on revisions of our family Christmas letter to be illustrated by Kennedy, printed, and sent this coming week.

Then I leisurely got up and dressed and headed up to the mall in Sandy to walk with my friend Emily. After a fabulous walk/chat with her, I got Flake mini-pies and Zao takeout for Shulamith and me, and arrived back at her house just as she was pulling in the driveway, home from her morning kindergarten job. We ate lunch, and then I left to meet my friend Allie for yet another walk. I sure love to walk! Especially with friends.

I still have lots of grading to do before I can submit final grades and be completely done with the semester. I've been studying the Book of Revelation these past couple of weeks, the current text for our church's Sunday School curriculum. The number "7" in the Bible symbolizes a sense of completeness. That sounds awesome! I can't wait until I can feel that #7, that sense of completeness, as I click "submit" for my eight classes. I'm trying hard to remain calm in the meantime and not stress too much, but rather work on grading consistently for some part(s) of each day. I will finish. I always do. (Though I've never taught eight classes before, so maybe I won't?)

I guess we'll see. Until then, have I mentioned how much I love unemployment?

It's okay. It will come again and again and again.

Thursday evening after dinner, I fell into a deep, post-Thanksgiving meal sleep. We had feasted on turkey that Mathew smoked in his Traeger, and I'm pretty sure I'll never roast a Thanksgiving turkey in my oven ever again. I'm not a fan of surprises or things not going according to my ever-so-careful plans, but this particular part of the mayhem worked out perfectly. When my oven broke prior to Thanksgiving and was not repairable, we asked Matt if he'd consider smoking the turkey, in case I couldn't get a new oven installed in time. As it turned out, my new oven was delivered Wednesday evening, but Matt decided to go forward with the smoking adventure anyway. I AM SO GLAD HE DID! Augmented with the traditional stuffing, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, deviled eggs, and rolls, it was a fabulous meal. Sadly, I didn't remember to take any pictures that day, other than my BeReal, so I'll give you that one:

Sorry no one was posing or even looking at the camera, but we were all too busy being real. 

Throughout the day, like so many other moms, I felt immense gratitude for my wonderful family; everyone was here with us except Luke and his daughter, who live in Maryland. People tell you to avoid discussion of religion and politics at social gatherings, but in our family, those are the two most favorite topics of all, and Thursday was no exception. It was somber as we shared our feelings about the tragic situation in Israel, and our heartbreak for all parties involved. Gerald and I have a trip to Israel scheduled for May. Will we even get to go? We don't know. 

Between dinner and dessert (yes, Matt, that's how it goes; we need time to digest our food and get hungry again before diving into pie), we played Ransom Notes and Family Feud. Eli is the best game show host and should definitely be on TV! Eventually, I found my way upstairs to my glorious bed, and, as noted above, fell promptly into unconsciousness, but not before remembering that "Tomorrow is arguably the best day of the entire year!" It's true. I love all holidays because I love to celebrate! I love making memories, establishing traditions, and any excuse for my family to be together. But Black Friday is special. It brings together most of my favorite things: shopping, eating, laughing, and preparing for Christmas. 

I can't even remember the first time Shulamith and I went Black Friday shopping, but it's been at least two decades. And we never miss a year. For seven of those, we froze to death through the early-morning winters in Billings, Montana. Even in 2020 when we were stuck home here in Utah, we improvised. Yesterday marks another Black Friday shopping day, and it was epic. I picked Shulamith up at 7 a.m., the first snow of the season falling gently to earth on BLACK FRIDAY! Could it get any better? We drove through Beans & Brews for steaming cups of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream, then headed straight to Target. In a couple hours we parted with much of our Christmas cash, but also made serious progress on our Christmas shopping lists, and we moved on to Fashion Place. That place has way too many memories for me and surfaces all sorts of nostalgia. Coming to visit Shulamith during her college days, roaming the mall while she finished her shift across the street at Macaroni Grill, shopping for my dress for her wedding, the list goes on.

We are, if nothing else, efficient shoppers, and at the mall, we continued to cross item after item off our list. The only lack of efficiency was a few times when I tried to pay, and the sales associate told me they "don't take cash at this register" and I'd have to go to a different one. Haha, I use cash only one day in the year: Black Friday. I withdraw cash every month starting in January and put it in a well-hidden envelope. By Black Friday shopping day, I have quite a wad. I love using the cash! It's already out of my account, so I mean it's basically free money when you think about it. 

While sharing our favorite Chicken Madeira with mashed potatoes at Cheesecake Factory, we reorganized ourselves and our shopping lists, and formulated a plan of action for the afternoon. We also took the opportunity to order stuff from Amazon, because, though we love the "shopping in real stores" experience, some deals are just better online. With Thanksgiving desserts still in our fridges at home, we skipped cheesecake and headed back out.

Next stop, Costco, followed by Walmart, our absolute least favorite store, but one that had a few items we needed. After an hour or so at each, we declared ourselves done for the day. One brief stop at Maverik for Diet Coke, and we were home.

Oh, and in case you're asking yourselves, "Did they buy anything for themselves?" of course we did. Every year, we get one item for ourselves, usually the same thing, but this year, not even close. I bought a super cute pair of corduroy joggers, and Shulamith bought a 4-slice toaster. When your husband bakes the best sourdough bread on the planet, your family eats a lot of toast!

Friday night, I began to feel the sadness of the day ending. It was exactly the emotional boost I needed, in the throws of so, so much grading and the many challenges that have been mine this fall. But Black Friday will come again and again and again, and now we focus forward, toward our month-long celebration of the baby born so long ago, in a small town to humble parents, the baby that changed absolutely everything.

Remember the UTA Trax guy? Good Samaritans among us, Part 2

"Not again!" I said pleadingly. "No!"

A couple weeks before, I had left my phone on a Trax train, so I already had PTSD about this. "I can't do this again," I thought. But really, what choice did I have? This time, I left not just my phone, but my entire purse, with my phone and all my cards.

I should point out that I love UTA employees, especially the early morning train host who rides between Lehi and Provo at 6:00 a.m. Her hame is Chris. She's probably in her late 70s(?) and just the nicest person. She is so wide awake and happy each morning, greeting people warmly, welcoming them onto the train. I've decided I wanna be her when I grow up. Twenty years from now, when they tell me I'm too old to teach English, I'm gonna be a train host. Like Chris! She has so much fun, and she doesn't have to wear one of those ugly hair nets like the old ladies at Costco do. Win/win.

But I digress. This past Tuesday, I left my purse on the Red Line train up at the U. I couldn't even connect to the internet because the U. has dual authentication, which requires me respond to a "push" to my phone. So I had to teach two classes with zero technology, and I had no idea what I was doing in either because I never check until I get there. (If you're wondering why that is, remember I'm teaching eight classes. It's all I can do to show up!)

When I was finally back on the train headed home and could connect to the internet, I texted Shulamith from my computer and told her to start calling my phone. That she did, and after many attempts, someone answered, a guy at the UTA Daybreak Station. He said he had my purse and would keep it there for me to come pick up that night.

Should have been easy peasy. Like last time. Except that my car battery had died that morning, and Shulamith had already jumped it twice for me at the Lehi Station, once at noon and once at 7:30 p.m. I didn't want her to have to come do it again, so I headed off to Daybreak to retrieve my purse, determined to leave my car running no matter what! I was barely out of the Lehi Station parking lot when my gasoline light came on. What else could possibly go wrong? Well just you wait.

I parked across the street from the small shelter where the UTA employees hang out and where my purse would certainly be. I left the car running and sprinted as fast as I could in the pitch dark to rescue my purse and drive home before my car ran out of gas. Inside the shelter was another awesome UTA employee, Aaron. Out of breath, I quickly recounted my sad story, and together we looked around the small space. No purse. "Are you sure they told you it would be here? At this station?" he asked. "Yes, yes, I'm positive." I had Shulamith's phone with me, so I tried calling my number. Immediately, we heard my ring tone coming from the giant, black, metal safe in the corner, with a secure padlock and the words "Lost and Found" painted in white across the front.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Aaron said. "Someone must have thrown it into the lost and found."

"Do you have a key?" I asked, in a tone of simultaneous hope and despair.

"No. Hardly anyone has a key to that. Not even our supervisors."

"Then how do I get my purse?"

"Every two or three days, a guy with a key comes around and collects whatever is inside. He takes everything to the main office up in Salt Lake City, so you'll probably be able to go pick up your purse by early next week."

<SIGH>

I was pretty distraught, and Aaron sensed my angst. "So your phone is in your purse and all your credit cards too?" he asked.

"Yes," I managed to whisper, on the verge of full-on ugly crying. "And my car is across the street, almost out of gas, with a dead battery. I just need my purse, so I can get some gas and go home."

Aaron looked me squarely in the eyes and said, "Okay, you didn't see me do this." He reached into the drop opening as far as his hand would go, trying desperately to grab my purse. No luck. 

"I'm sorry. I can't reach it."

"What if you turned it upside down?" I suggested.

"It's so heavy, though."

"What if I helped?" (Cuz, you know, I have so much upper body strength, haha.)

And together we turned that big safe on its side, and then upside down. "Plop!" We heard my purse fall, and instantly Aaron reached in and pulled it out.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to jump for joy. I wanted to hug Aaron. I did none of the above. Instead, I tried to express the depth of my thanks while bolting out the door and across the street to my running car. Then I drove to a gas station and prayed I wouldn't blow up if I added gas while the car was still running. Prayer works!

And that is the end of Part 2: "And who is my neighbor? Good Samaritans among us."

"And who is my neighbor?": Good Samaritans among us - Part 1

Wait! You waited for the scans to be read, so you could call me and tell me all is well?

Wait! You lifted a huge, metal safe and risked injury to your back by turning it upside down, so you could reach deep inside it and grab my purse? 

Who are these people? Honestly, I don't know. The first is a radiologic technologist, and the second is a UTA Trax employee. Strangers to me, really.

Yet both showed me what grace looks like. A friend posted a meme recently that pointed out how when the lawyer asked Jesus "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus told the well-known story of "The Good Samaritan." In it, Jesus does not mention the Samaritan praying for the injured man. He does not mention him preaching to the man or quoting scripture, or taking him to church. (Not to imply that these aren't good options; I'm sure Jesus would approve of all of them.) But in this story, the Samaritan stops and helps the man, tends to his wounds, finds him a safe place to stay with food to eat, and pays for it, even! The Samaritan walks the path of eternal life, rather than just talking about it.

And so it was with these two strangers.

Anyone who knows me well, is familiar with my crazy anxiety about terminal illness. So imagine how terrifying it is each year, when I have to do my annual exam, with its various scans and blood draws! One year, I worked myself into such a fit that my blood pressure, usually lower than average, rose to 180/70! Another time, I made myself so sick with worry while waiting for test results that I lost 6 lbs. Ain't anxiety grand?

The time for my yearly check-up crept up quickly. "Didn't I JUST do all this?" I asked my tribe (aka Shulamith, Eli, and Amanda). "Yes!" they all agreed. "It cannot be time to go through this again." But it was. So I braved up, as I do every year, and scheduled the appointments. When I arrived for my mammogram, I was noticeably anxious, and the tech asked me if I was okay. I briefly explained my stupid anxiety disorder; she responded with kindness, care, and zero judgment. 

"Okay, let's gets this done, so you can get out of here." She was careful and precise in her work, making sure she didn't need to repeat any of the scans, and it was over in about 10 minutes.

"We're done! Now you can relax."

"Oh I won't relax until that letter comes in the mail, telling me everything is fine."

She thought for a moment and then explained, "The scans will be read today, and they will call you within two days if anything concerning shows up. So if you haven't received a call by the end of the day Thursday, you can stop worrying."

"Oh, that helps so much, thank you! I only have to feel like this for two days, rather than a whole week! You are amazing."

And with that, I quickly dressed and got the hell out of there because I hate those places so much! 

....but the story doesn't end there.

Late that afternoon, I received a call from an unknown number. I don't usually answer those, but for some reason I did. 

"Hi, this is Corrine from Lone Peak. I waited until your scans were read, so I could call you. I didn't want you to be sick or not sleep, even for two days. The scans are back, and everything is perfectly normal. Come back in a year."

Flooded with emotion, I could barely speak. I babbled something unintelligible and hung up. I mean who does this? Who offers this kind of care, so far beyond her job responsibilities, for a stranger!? Someone who walks the path of discipleship. Someone who loves like Jesus. A Good Samaritan among us. 

Because I know readers prefer shorter posts, I'll stop, but again, the story doesn't end there. There's still the UTA Trax guy. Stay tuned for Part 2....