Genetic or Learned Behavior?

So I fight a continuous battle, and I'm pretty sure I am not alone. I thrive in a very neat environment. I wilt in disorder. I love things clean and tidy. I detest clutter. The battle? Not everyone in my family is like me. In a recent conversation with Seth, I began to wonder: Is the tendency to be neat and tidy or messy and cluttered genetic, or is it learned? Is it dependent on gender? Hmmm.

Me (picking up a bathrobe from the floor): Ugh! Why can't people put their things away? It is so rude to leave things out lying around.

Seth: Mom, it runs in the family. Well, except for you and Shulamith. Because you are ladies. And ladies like things all tidy up, but guys don't care. Well, except Luke. He never makes messes. But Isaiah, Eli, Dad, and me....we don't care. We like things messy.

But do they really? Do they really like things messy, or do they just dislike cleaning? Do they thrive in mess the way I thrive in neatness? I wish I knew.

For me, the answer is so incredibly simple. Don't make messes in the first place; then you never have to clean them up. My motto: Maintain the Clean! If you use a dish, rinse it immediately and put it into the dishwasher. When you take off an item of clothing, either hang it up if you intend to wear it again, or put it right into the laundry basket. When cooking, put things away as you go. As food is simmering on the stove, use that time to rinse utensils, and throw them into the dishwasher. And if you have a bit of extra time, grab a rag and wipe off the counter. When you get out of bed, make the bed behind you right then. If you play a game, put the pieces away immediately when you finish. Only handle paper once. Dispose of junk mail before you even enter the house. Never set things down except for in their proper places, and have a place for every item.

This is really so easy.

But apparently not for everyone.

Most of the people in my family (I won't name names, but Seth has it pretty well figured out) seem to operate with an entirely opposite set of rules. Instead of maintaining the clean, they make huge messes and then lament the prospect of having to clean them up. When they use a dish, they set it right next to them, wherever they happen to be. Since they, themselves, are generally NOT positioned in the dishwasher, the dish doesn't get there. When they remove an item of clothing, they lay it down wherever they are, which is not usually in their closets or in the laundry basket. When cooking, they leave every single solitary item they use sitting out all over the counters. When they get out of bed, they simply throw the blankets into a ball and leave them. When the play a game, they leave the game board and pieces scattered all over the table. When they open mail (particularly Netflix items), they leave the torn envelopes and wrappers wherever.

This behavior leaves an incredible mess throughout the house every day. It also leaves a grumpy, frustrated, sometimes even resentful mom. I do not desire to be any of those things, but I also do not care to clean up after able-bodied, fully capable people. A recent status floating around Facebook read, "I wanted to clean up messes I didn't make, so I became a mom." You see, I am not alone.

Back to the original question: Genetic or learned? Probably both. I think people like me reduce anxiety as they establish order. Well, I don't just think this; I know it. The neater things are around me, the calmer I am. For others, though, I suspect it increases their anxiety to think constantly about being tidy. That difference is obviously genetic. On the other hand, I think we build habits as we live in various situations and with different people. Both my parents were incredibly neat and tidy, and I learned that behavior at a young age. So why hasn't this rubbed off on my children? It has, at least on a couple of them.

Gender specific? I don't think so. As Seth so eloquently pointed out, Luke never makes messes. Neither did my dad. I think we'll throw gender out the window this time and go back to a combination of genetics and conditioning.

"Ugh, why can't people put their things away? It is so rude to leave things out."

How many times in the past 20+ years do you suppose I've spoken those words? I'd guess in the thousands.