Real or Fake?

If you've read my earlier blog posts this summer, you may remember that we have two major trips planned, one this weekend to Oregon to attend my niece's wedding and another in August to Costa Rica. I travel often, but 90% of my trips are between Billings and Salt Lake City because I am the wimpiest mom ever and can't go a single month without spending time with my daughter. Trips to Salt Lake City are easy; I barely take anything at all. I use all Shulamith's hair and cosmetic products, and for the most part, just wear her clothes. I pack a small carry-on bag with a few essentials, jump on the plane, and that's it.

The two trips this summer, however, especially the one next month to Costa Rica, have taken and will take just a bit more planning. Gerald, Seth, and I will leave early this Friday and drive to Salt Lake City, spend the night, and then fly over to Portland first thing Saturday morning, in plenty of time for the 3:00 p.m. wedding. So my planning is well under way. A few days ago, I mentioned to Gerald some of the items on my list of things to accomplish before we leave. Along with getting laundry and packing done for Seth and me, some beautification is also a must:

1. Buy more of my gradual fake tanning lotion, so my legs don't look totally white.
2. Get my eyebrows waxed.
3. Have my hair cut and highlighted.
4. Get a pedicure to match my dress.

Oh yeah, the dress saga. Let me be the first to tell you, in case you didn't know, that Billings, Montana is NOT the shopping capital of the world. I know, right? You are overcome with shock. But no. We have one little mall with a few stores (Dillard's, Maurice's, JCPenney, the Buckle, Abercrombie) and a couple strip malls with Old Navy, Ross, Target and Kohl's. That's really all there is. How do I survive here? Who knows? Anyway, a couple weekends ago, I dragged Gerald through every one of the above-mentioned stores in attempt to find a simple dress to wear to this wedding. I tried on every potential dress in each store. The styles this year seem to be about 2 inches shorter than last year, making them just a tad too short. Combine that with the lack of sleeves in most of the styles, and I wound up exhausted from trying on clothes and entirely empty handed.

At the exact same time I was shopping, Shulamith and Matt pranced into a Down East Basics store in Salt Lake City. Matt pulled a dress off the rack, Shulamith tried it on, and voila! It was totally adorable. She sent me a picture right there from her phone. So cute! At that point, lamenting the fact that we don't have a Down East store here, I decided to go to their website and order a dress. Shulamith and I looked online at the same time and found one we really liked, but when I went to place the order, the dress was not available in my size. Grrrr. Persistence pays off, though. I began calling Down East stores near where Shulamith lives, asking if they had the dress in my size, and finally, after several calls, I found it! I begged them to hold it for me, and the following day Shulamith and Matt went to the store and bought it. Well, first Shulamith tried it on and sent me a picture, so I could be sure it was as cute as I thought, and fortunately it was. So I have a dress. I haven't actually seen it in person yet, but I have it. It's hanging in Shulamith's apartment, and I'll get it Friday night. Whew!

Okay, back to my "to do" list: tanning lotion, eyebrow waxing, hair cut and color, pedicure. When I mentioned these "to do" items to Gerald, he had this to say:

"So when you're all finished, I won't see the 'real' you any longer. Your skin color won't be normal. You're hair color won't be normal. Your toenail color won't be normal."

Nope, I guess not. I guess I'm a totally fake person. But can you blame me? My natural skin color is a pale, pasty white. My natural hair color is a mousy, boring brown. And my toenails, well every girl needs pretty toenails, but especially girls who have ugly toes from years of cramming them into pointe shoes.

Real or fake? I'd like to believe I'm quite genuine on the inside where it counts, but I am indeed thankful for the various advantages cosmetology has to offer.