Another Thing I'm Not Good At

We have already established a plethora of things I'm not good at. Let's review. I don't cook well. I can't sew, knit, crochet, or do crafts of any sort. I can't draw or paint. I can't sing. My handwriting is abysmal. I'm not an athlete or a musician. I have no idea about gardening, auto mechanics, or interior design. I am both directionally and technologically challenged, which means I can't find my way to most locations whether physical or virtual.

Indeed, my skill set is woefully limited.

And guess what? In the past two days I've discovered yet another thing I totally suck at. I know what you're thinking: Could there really be anything else? But yes, oh yes, there is.

I am really, really, really not good at being sick. Really. The problem is, I have so little experience with it. I am almost never sick. I attribute that good fortune to having five children who, over the years, have coughed, sneezed, and puked on me enough times that my immunity to illness is nearly 100%.

You'll notice I said "nearly." It's obviously not quite 100%. On Sunday I came down with the nastiest little virus. I can't remember ever feeling this ill. I went to church because we were teaching the poetry of Isaiah in our Sunday School class, and ooooh how I love the poetry of Isaiah, but I came home immediately afterward and went straight to bed. Without going into the disgusting details, let's just say that between stomach issues, a raging headache, a fever, and an aching body, I was quite out of sorts. I seriously don't know how people who get sick regularly do it. I whined and whined, but my temperature just climbed higher and my body just ached more. It was a sad night.

Then came Monday. In most jobs, when you're sick, you can call in, and someone else will somehow do your work. That is not the case with my job. I can call in, yes, but it means my students, who paid tuition, will not have the class they paid for. I might have stayed home yesterday regardless, except I'm already canceling class this coming Monday when I'll be in Indiana. So I dragged myself out of bed, and without touching my hair or make-up (now you know how sick I was), I pulled on some sweats and went to school. I instructed my students to keep their distance, and they happily obliged. Between classes, I slept in my car. No kidding. I set my phone alarm for my next class and passed out in the back seat of my little car.

Yep, I positively suck at being sick. And it transcends the physical. Keep in mind my chronic anxiety disorder that tends to specify itself to fear of fatal disease. I'm not sure I've ever blogged about this specifically, but anyone who knows me well knows all about this. Those of you who don't, well let's just say that I've wasted a goodly amount of time in my short life worrying uncontrollably over various fatal diseases that, in the moment, I'm certain I have. In reality, I'm the healthiest person I know; however, I've been emphatically convinced on countless occasions that I have any number of terminal diseases.

So you can only imagine what happens to my delicate psyche when I really do get sick. Uh huh. Exactly. Since I happened to have a backache along with all the other above-mentioned symptoms (really, every muscle in my body ached, including my back), I decided I must have kidney cancer. Because that makes perfect sense, right? You see, anxiety is never rational. If it were rational, it wouldn't be anxiety. So not only was my body sick, but my mind was raging out of control with thoughts of leaving my children without a mother! Help!

I can write this today because I am both physically and mentally recovered. Well, mostly recovered. I still feel weak, not quite my energetic self, but better than yesterday and oh so much a better than the day before. This morning as I was getting ready for school, Gerald remarked, "You're putting on make-up. That's a good sign." Yes, good.

And so, dear friends, we have discovered yet another thing I totally suck at. I totally suck at being sick. I'm sure we'll discover more. Stay tuned.