I am not Jacqueline - Wait! What was I thinking?

Last month I traveled to Portland to attend my mom's 80th birthday celebration. So many things about that short weekend made it a delight. Well, here it is, if you want to read about it. One of the most delightful things was this one particular pie my sister-in-law brought to the party. It was seriously so delicious; everyone was raving about it. So I got this crazy idea that maybe I could make that pie. Why would I think that? Who knows? Sometimes my brain doesn't think clearly. Keep in mind:

I have never, ever, in my entire life, made a pie.

Jacqueline told me a well-intended, totally non-malicious lie, one I've heard so many times before: "Oh, it's really easy." For people like me, things like this are never easy. Even so, I asked Jacqueline for the recipe, and yesterday, I decided to try to make this pie. Banana cream is Shulamith's husband Mathew's favorite pie, and I am pretty fond of it myself, so my motives weren't entirely unselfish.

Bright and early I was off to the store to buy the ingredients. Home again, I laid them all out on the counter, making certain I had everything I needed. At that point it hit me: I don't own a pie plate. Why not?

Because I have never, ever, in my entire life, made a pie.

Why would I have a pie plate? I texted Shulamith to see if, by some chance, she might have one, but no. And then another thing hit me: This was going to be a terribly expensive fail. But I already had all the stuff, so back to the store I went to buy a pie dish. Found one for $5.99.

The next few hours were filled with angst. I can't really describe it, except to offer two revealing details:

1. Several times in the process, I declared, in a voice a few decibels louder than my normal tone: "I am not Jacqueline! What was I thinking? Jacqueline does stuff like this. She cooks. She paints. She sews. She makes beautiful crafts. So of course she makes pies. What in the freak made me think I could do this?"

2. Once, when Shulamith was upstairs and dared to say that she thought it was going to turn out great, I snapped, "How can you say that? You have no idea how many things can go wrong here!" The smell of bananas was making her sick, and my attitude was making her sicker, so she quickly retreated back downstairs.

One of those many things that could go wrong was the whipped cream. For this recipe, you literally have to whip the cream. Like you buy it in liquid form and then whip it with an electric mixer. Until yesterday, I had never done that. Cool Whip was all I knew. My question: How do you know when you're done? How do you know when it's whipped enough? They should definitely tell you how many minutes to whip. That would help.

Well I know you're dying to hear how this all turned out, and even if you're not, humor me. Believe it or not (and I barely believe it, even now), this pie was a huge success. It definitely doesn't look as pretty as Jacqueline's, but it tastes just the same. I know, right? I am just as shocked as you are.

When Shulamith first told Matt I was trying to make a banana cream pie but it probably wouldn't turn out, his response was logical: "No, it probably won't." I think he was as surprised as I was when we both loved it.

As I said, not as pretty as Jacqueline's, but here it is...