The false importance of page views: Is social media changing my brain?

When I began this blog in 2009, my goals were simple. First, I needed a place to write. Writing calms my anxious mind better than most anything else. It relaxes me. There must be some sort of endorphin release because it makes me genuinely happy. Second, since I'm an essayist and not a journal writer, I wanted some platform to help me follow the counsel of my church leaders to keep a family record. That's it. Two goals.

That was nine years ago. Back then, I didn't expect many people to read the blog, and honestly, I didn't care. I knew Shulamith and Gerald would read it, maybe some of my sons, probably Lindsey, and possibly my brother and my mom. The point is it didn't matter. It didn't matter because I could meet both goals listed above, even if no one read it.

I now have over 600 posts, and though I hate to admit it, I care very much about page views. I obsess over them. "What? Barely 100 views? And no one even commented? Maybe I should have added a picture. Maybe my title didn't provide sufficient click bait. Maybe I posted at the wrong time of day. Maybe I'm just a bad writer. Maybe nobody likes me."

Yep, I go right there, and I'm not even a teenager! Shulamith has been reading a lot about the adverse effects of social media on youth, thinking about Seth, and also wondering what it will be like when her kids are teens. Should she even give them smart phones? Do we want our kids stressing over how many snap chat followers they have, how many "likes" they got on a certain post, or where their friends are gathered at any given moment? Seth's phone pings relentlessly, with a constant stream of incoming messages. Is it healthy? I'm not sure.

Some research suggests excessive social media actually changes our brains. What is excessive, though? I check Facebook multiple times a day, but I don't really care how many "friends" I have because the majority of them aren't even real friends. I post to Instagram, mostly to generate chat books, and again I don't care how many followers I have. But my blog? Well that's different. That's like my sixth child! I care. I love it when I get a few hundred views on a post, or when someone comments, either directly to the blog or on Facebook. Hardly anything makes me happier than when someone I barely know stops me in the hall at church to tell me she loved a recent entry.

I guess it sort of relates to what I wrote here about talents. I have so very few. When the precious few I do have can make people happy, it makes me happy. I feel like I am serving in some way, even if it isn't baking people cookies or accompanying  a soloist on the piano. Someone likes to read what I write. It's incredibly gratifying.

Still, page views shouldn't affect my self-image or my attitude or my personal peace. Page views have nothing to do with my worth as a human being. I don't have all the answers, but finding a way to internalize this and teach it to our kids has to be a first step. Our individual worth comes from a much higher place than page views on a blog, "likes" on Instagram, or followers on snap chat. Our worth comes from our divine parentage. God does not love us because we are good; God loves us because God is good.

A friend and Methodist pastor once gave a talk about individual worth. In it, he said, "The thing about teenagers is that they have so much potential." But isn't that true of all of us? We have so much potential. God sees that potential, even when we cannot, and none of it is dependent on page views or followers or "likes."

I just watched Seth make a video of himself emptying a can of refried beans into a bowl. How many "likes" will he get when he uploads that video to social media? I don't care. And neither should he.

I am about to upload this blog post. How many page views will it get?

Trying hard not to care.