This and That

Shulamith is in a faculty meeting for the next 90 minutes (blah!), so here I am in her classroom, chillin' on the computer. And since I can't get access to Facebook here, my lovely blog is my only option. I already spent a goodly amount of time browsing travel sites, checking on airline rates. Can I tell you that I get tired of doing this? Before I'm even home from one trip, I'm dealing with finding the flight for the next one. Two years ago, when Shulamith decided to accept this teaching position, she promised that from that point on, she would do all the searching for flights, so I wouldn't have to. Yeah, it hasn't exactly worked out that way.

Oh, wait... She just texted me from her meeting. She wants candy and pop. Okay, I'm off to 7-11. Back in a bit..

Back. With white chocolate Reese's peanut butter cups, Swedish fish, and of course, Diet Coke. She just came and picked it up, so hopefully it will get her through the next hour until her meeting is over. Yum, these white Reese's cups are better than I expected.

Okay, where was I? Yes, the never-ending search for cheap airline flights. In all fairness, I should point out that sometimes such searches are actually successful. Two days ago, I found Costa Rica flights for $487 each. Can you even believe that? I have paid as much to get Shulamith home to Billings for Thanksgiving. Well this was just too good to pass up, so I bought them. That means we are really going. To Costa Rica. In August. Wow! Now my focus is back to the Portland trip in July for my niece's wedding. I'm seeing some decent rates on StudentUniverse, but only I can use that site; Gerald can't because he's neither a student nor a faculty member at a university. For any of you who are students or faculty at universities and aren't aware of this site, it's definitely worth a look. As for Portland, we'll have to keep searching.

Our weekend was delightful. We spent time in the mall, ate yummy food (Pei Wei, Cafe Rio, Cheesecake Factory, the usual) watched two good movies, and located Shulamith and Matt's new ward which we attended yesterday. For those of you who like the same types of movies I do (Lindsey, Celeste, Lorrie, others?) , I can wholeheartedly recommend both "Letters to Juliet" and "The Back-up Plan." Are they realistic? Nope. Are they predictable? Thoroughly. But do they make you feel good and happy and warm inside. Yes, yes, and yes!

Today, after a quick stop at Einstein's Bagels this morning, we spent the day in kindergarten. Shulamith has a wonderful class this year, so much better than last year, like night and day. These little babies are so cute, I wanted to take them all home. They are bright, loving, and eager to learn. One brilliant little girl even writes complex sentences. No, I'm not joking. She wrote a story in which she incorporated, all on her own, two sentences with dependent clauses. I am way impressed. At the end of the day, Shulamith transferred caterpillar cocoons to the top of a netted cage, so when they hatch in a couple days, the butterflies will have space to fly around. Pretty cool!

She's back! We're so out of here.

UTAH!

I am here. In Utah. And this time (just like last May), I get to stay a whole week. Woo hoo!

Okay, first things first. Shulamith and Matt's little apartment is totally adorable. She had sent me pictures, so I knew it was cute, but in real life it's even cuter. Its only problem at the moment: no Internet connection. Seriously. I don't know how they survive day after day. I, personally, was having withdrawal symptoms by this morning. Yes, I can get Internet on my phone, so I'm not completely isolated from life; however, it takes too long to type anything of substance on my tiny keyboard. (BTW, soon I'll be upgrading my phone, and my #1 criterion: a larger keyboard).

Here we are today in her kindergarten classroom, which has (hooray!) Internet. HOWEVER, Facebook is inaccessible here. It must be blocked. Ugh! So, my thought was if I write a blog entry, it will automatically post on Facebook. If you are reading this, it worked. So today things are unusually quiet here in kindergarten. That's because it's testing week. During this week, Shulamith's students come one at a time for a 30-minute test. She did most of them earlier in the week, but she still had four today, and one is left for tomorrow. It's great because when she's not testing, we have lots of time to hang out, talk, and this year, we're even being somewhat productive. I was here last year during testing week, and we mostly just sat around and talked. Today, though, we've been cleaning and organizing her classroom. We separated all her 5,000,000 children's books into different categories: fiction, non-fiction, fairy tales, math, holidays/seasons, school, Spanish, and ABC books. Then we put each category of book in its own bin, labeled the bins, and scrubbed down all the bookshelves. Oooh, if this isn't serious "therapy" for my OCD, I don't know what is. I love it. Well, except for the one time (okay, two) when I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sight of a stupid book about those disgusting creatures, long and skinny, with no arms or legs. I think it's child abuse to have such books in a kindergarten classroom.

Tomorrow, with only one test to give, Shulamith will have lots of free time. Our goal is to prepare lesson plans for all next week, so she won't be burdened with planning each day. My hope is to do much of the teaching for her, giving her plenty of down time, which is generally absent from a kindergarten teacher's day. We're planning a unit on measurement, using a cute story, Inch by Inch, Leo Lionni.

Lest you should worry, this trip is not all about work. With seven days here, we'll still have lots of time for our "regular" activities. Movies: There are several Matt and Gerald do NOT wish to see (I know, right?), so those we'll do first. Food: We're both trying to lose 10 pounds, so we won't go overboard, but I can't come to Salt Lake City without hitting Cafe Rio. Also, exactly one year ago, this very week, was the first time I met Matt. The three of us went to a Thai restaurant, and after about 1/2 hour, I texted Gerald saying, "I think he's the one." :-) So we're planning to go back there one night this week for nostalgia's sake. Shopping: YES! No further explanation needed. Beauty: Pedicures for sure, and Monday Shulamith has a hair appointment.

If you can't tell, I'm happy to be here. Six weeks between face-to-face visits was too long. Gerald says everyone's fine at home. Seth has play dates tonight and tomorrow night, so he won't be home alone while Gerald works and Eli goes to a stake dance.

Okay, it's nearly 2:10, when she's allowed to leave for the day. We will go pick up Isaiah, who looks like he's going through cancer treatment. Don't even ask. Okay, ask. He lost a bet to a friend, and the deal was the winner got to do whatever he wanted to the loser's hair. Yeah, Isaiah now has no hair. All those long, curly locks are no more. Nineteen-year-olds. What more can I say? Despite his appearance, we'll go get him and take him grocery shopping. He's out of money at Shaw (food place on campus), but he still has two more weeks here, so we can't let him starve. Then we'll take Shulamith and Matt shopping at Costco and then go to dinner.

More tomorrow. Hopefully, by then, the bird, which has somehow made its way through a hole and into the wall of Shulamith's classroom, will have either escaped or died. No, I'm not kidding.

Gifts

It is now 10:00 p.m., and as Mother's Day 2010 comes to a close, I am thinking about gifts. Some gifts are beautiful and expensive; others are equally beautiful but cost nothing. Some gifts are crafted by tireless hands; others are purchased in fancy stores, and still others are carefully created by tiny fingers in kindergarten classrooms all over the world. Gifts: those things we give and receive in the spirit of grace, generosity, and love.

I have to admit, though, there have been times when I have not felt so graceful, generous, or loving, even on an occasion as special as Mother's Day. It's time to come clean, my friends. Let me explain. In our church it is traditional for the men (the Elders' Quorum, the Bishopric, the High Priests' Group, or some combination of those) to have gifts ready for all the adult women in the ward on Mother's Day. After the closing prayer in Sacrament Meeting, the women are asked to stand, and the young men (boys 12 - 17) go out into the foyer, bring in the gifts, and pass them out to all the sisters. And what do you think those gifts usually are? Candy bars or home-made cookies like we give the men on Father's Day? No! Never! It's always a little plant in a tiny plastic not-so-sturdy container. Every year.

So every year we're forced to carry these plants through our next two meetings, trying to keep the dirt from spilling out as we conduct or teach or lead or sing or whatever we happen to do. If we decide to set our plant down on the floor, you can be absolutely certain that some adorable baby (we keep our children with us in meetings until they are 18 months old) will crawl over and spill it, or worse, eat it! If that doesn't happen, and we manage to get the plant safely into our car, without question, it will spill on the drive home, forcing us to vacuum up dirt on the Sabbath.

Now I realize that I sound horribly ungrateful and unappreciative here, but why can't they give us food like we give them? Don't they understand how much easier that would be? And how much more satisfying? Don't they know how hungry we get during the three-hour block? I'm sure on other days, we often go three hours without food, but seriously, church makes people positively ravenous. How lovely to have a nice candy bar or bag of cookies to tide us over on Mother's Day. But no, it's always those little plants.

Until today.

Today, I had to repent of all my negative thoughts directed toward my brethren and friends. Today, they did not give us plants. No, they did not give us candy or cookies either. They gave us something even better, something that lasts. Today, they gave us music. I nearly jumped out of my pew with joy (and shock!) as the dashing young men entered the chapel carrying stacks of CDs to hand out to the sisters, a collection of hymns both well-known and not so well-known. I haven't had the chance to listen to mine yet, but I can't wait to do so first thing tomorrow. What a perfect gift!

I received some other "perfect" gifts today as well. Some were indirect, that is they were delegated by one sibling down to the next. Isaiah texted Eli last evening to be sure Eli had "done something" about Mother's Day. Eli reassured Isaiah: "Yes, I baked her a cake and bought her two kinds of chocolates and a card." And so he did. Thank you, Eli. Some of my perfect gifts were as simple as a phone call or text message from my three "away" children. Another was even simpler, but equally perfect: a giant hug from Seth.

Gifts. I am thankful today for my many gifts, most especially for my five funny, smart, incredible, unique kids. And I'm thankful too that I didn't get a plant at church.

Mother's Day Kool-Aid

Today was a lovely event: A Mother's Day Tea in Seth's 4th grade classroom. However, Seth insists that I call it the "Mother's Day Kool-Aid" because (1) they served Kool-Aid not tea, and (2) we don't drink tea. So today I had the supreme pleasure of attending a Mother's Day Kool-Aid.

I entered the classroom with all the other moms, classical music playing in the background and a slide show of the kids flashing across the screen in front. A sense of calm filled the room; it was not noisy or raucous as one might expect. Next to each child's desk was a chair for his or her mom. I proudly took my seat next to Seth, and he politely asked me which type of cookie I would prefer: chocolate chip or M & M. I chose M & M, and Seth served me a delicious cookie with a cup of Kool-Aid.

Next, the children took turns reading the poems they had crafted for their moms. Seth was near the end and stood with grace and confidence (all those primary talks have obviously paid off) to share his poem. He wrote a poem in which he created phrases using each of the letters in my name. Now Seth knows full well that I go according to "Terrianne" and that no one calls me just "Terri" and lives to tell about it. Evidently, he felt he could get away with it on this very special occasion. His poem was as follows:

The best mom ever.
Everybody likes her.
Really loves me.
Red is her favorite color.
Irregular mom.

(Okay, no comments on that final phrase. You may laugh, but no rude comments).

After the poetry presentations, the children proceeded to introduce us moms to our grand-baby eggs. Yesterday, each child was given a hard-boiled egg to care for throughout the day. They got to draw a face and hair on their eggs and name them, filling out birth certificates with weight and circumference. My grand-baby egg is named Jake Webster Erichsen. He had a difficult time surviving his first day of life, as evidenced by the three band-aids covering the cracks he suffered the multiple times during the day that Seth dropped him. Poor egg baby!

Next, we walked around the room attempting to identify the portrait of ourselves that our child drew. It took me at least five guesses to find "me"! That's because Seth thought it would be funny to give me totally gray hair. He thinks it's hilarious that I'm just slightly older than most of his peers' moms, and he takes every possible opportunity to rub it in. But here's the thing: I DO NOT have gray hair. Not one single strand! My mother doesn't even have gray hair. Sheesh! He did draw me nice and skinny, however, and for that I am surely grateful.

Lastly, our children presented us with beautiful, flowering plants in pots they had painted themselves. Seth's comment as he handed me mine: "Try not to kill it." Ah, my child knows me well.

What a joy to have a 4th grader. I am blessed indeed.

But Mostly, I Think It's the Wind.

Anxiety is a frustrating disorder. For one thing, everyone feels anxious sometimes, so those of us with genuine anxiety disorders are forever second guessing ourselves: "Is this how a 'normal' person would react in this situation," we ask, "or is my anxiety creeping in?" Often, it's hard to tell. I am definitely feeling anxious today.

But mostly, I think it's the wind.

You would not believe this wind. For days now, Billings has been nearly swept off the map by a constant, harsh, relentless wind. It's like nothing I've ever experienced, at least not continuously or for this long. Last evening, as Seth and I walked through the Albertson's parking lot, I felt compelled to grasp his hand (something he doesn't much appreciate these days) to keep him from blowing into oncoming cars. He only weighs 60 lbs., after all! Then during the night, I lay in bed listening to the rumble overhead and the clash and boom as trees hit windows over and over all around the house. Had I awakened this morning transplanted to the Land of Oz, I would hardly have been surprised.

I wanted to drive Seth to school, but he insisted on riding his bike, even in the wind. So I've been stressing for the last hour over whether he arrived safely. Surely, his weight combined with the weight of his bike would keep him planted firmly on earth, right? Hmmm. Unable to ease my fear, Gerald offered to go over to the school and make certain Seth's bike was parked safely in the bike rack. Text just in; bike is there; Seth is fine. Okay, good. Now to address other issues.

Yesterday was the first official day of my summer vacation. Grades are submitted. Outcomes assessment is complete. I'm done! Woo! Typically, this scenario would make me feel calm, relaxed, anything but anxious. Not today. Today, I look toward the next four months, still uncertain how everything will play out. Ugh! As I mentioned in an earlier post, I will be in Portland on July 10th for my niece's wedding, but I still don't have airline tickets or a definite plan. Tentatively, we're thinking of driving to Salt Lake City the day before the wedding, "we" meaning Gerald, Seth, and I. Tickets out of SLC are half the price as out of Billings, so we would fly from SLC to PDX early Saturday morning in time for the wedding. Can I afford three airline tickets even at half price? Not really. But I don't know what else to do. Sunday, Gerald and Seth would ride Greyhound up to Everett to visit Gerald's family there, and I would fly back to SLC to be with Shulamith. Tuesday, Gerald and Seth would fly out of Seattle and meet me in SLC, and the three of us would drive back to Billings Wednesday. It's a plan, yes, but only a tentative one. You'll remember that we "J" personality types like definite plans. Uh huh, my anxiety is a little high today.

But mostly, I think it's the wind.

Even as I sit here typing, I am distracted by the constant thrashing outside. It's unsettling and disconcerting. And it won't stop.

In addition to our trip to Portland, Gerald and I have been discussing the logistics of a possible trip to Costa Rica in August. That is still completely up in the air, which does nothing to ease my anxiety. I love to browse the websites showing the beautiful beaches and the amazing animal life in the canopy of the rain forest, but then I get scared. What if this doesn't work out? I'd be better off not looking at this stuff until I know for sure we will go. But how can we decide for sure if we don't look? Blah! Anxiety really sucks.

Ultimately, I think it's just been too long since I've seen Shulamith. As a rule, the two of us get together once a month, but because of various circumstances, when I go to Salt Lake City next week (!!!), it will have been a full six weeks since I last saw her. You would think those extra two weeks wouldn't make much difference, but they do. Yes, we talk every day. Yes, we have lots of contact through all different types of media. But it's not the same as being together in person.

Oh, and then there's the anniversary tomorrow of my dad's death. Never an easy day for me. Never an easy season. I guess you could say there are lots of reasons I'm feeling anxious.

But mostly, I think it's the wind.

In Support of Bachelorhood

When I began this blog over a year ago, one of my many objectives was to record some of Seth's charming comments. I've done that, occasionally, but not enough. When he says funny, adorable things, I think to myself, "I really need to blog that." Then I don't. Then I forget. Such is life. When our four older children were younger, I would tell my mom the funny things they said, and she would always say, "Did you write that down?" Nope. I didn't. I wish I had.

So this morning, after a conversation with Seth, I decided this one would be recorded, today, before I forget.

As many of you know, part of my job is to march with faculty in commencement exercises at my university. That was today. For some reason I was running terribly late (can't remember why), so I asked Gerald if he would drive me, so I wouldn't have to deal with traffic, parking, walking from the parking lot to the arena, etc. He said "sure." I explained to Seth where I was going and that I'd be back by 1:00. Then Seth saw Gerald getting ready to go too and assumed he was attending graduation with me, which would leave Seth here alone.

"No, no," Gerald reassured Seth. "I'm not going to the ceremony. I'm just doing taxi service this morning."

To which Seth replied...

"Ugh. That's why I'm NEVER having a wife."

101 Posts and Feelin' Good

So I fully intended to do something special with my 100th blog post. I wasn't sure what that would be, but certainly something should mark such an important number, right? It's sort of like when the kids in early elementary school celebrate the 100th day of school by bringing 100 items. I remember going to the bank to get 100 pennies, so Seth could take them to school on his 100th day of second grade. I thought about the upcoming 100th post when I was on #90 and again at #96; however, when I actually wrote my 100th post, I didn't think about it at all. I didn't even notice! The 100th blog post came and went (sigh) without the slightest fanfare. Ah, well. It matters not.

What matters is today I write my 101st blog post, and I have to tell you that I am feeling good. I mean really good. Like almost "normal" good. As you know, Shulamith's wedding was hugely emotional for me. It was the strangest thing. I love my daughter more than life, and in the past year, I have come to love Mathew nearly as much. Seriously, this kid has really gotten under my skin. He and Shulamith are so perfect together; what a blessing they found each other. Nevertheless, this whole wedding thing tapped my emotions in ways I could have never imagined. Worried that I wouldn't be able to hold myself together long enough to get through the ceremony, let alone two receptions, I was calmly reassured by my friend Lindsey. She predicted that I would do okay through the sealing and even through the first reception for the most part because I would have no choice. But the trip home in the car, she thought, might very possibly be a repeat of our trip home nearly six years ago after dropping Shulamith off at college for the first time (See May 21, 2009 post entitled "Angst" for details).

As usual, Lindsey was pretty much right on. I did okay at the sealing, and even pretty well though the Utah reception, other than right after they took off together in the decorated car. But the ride back to Montana the following day was pretty tough. As was the Billings reception the following week. As were the next two months, truth be told. I simply could not stop crying. Like four or five times a day. Every day. I would hear a certain song on the radio and cry. I would look at a picture of Shulamith and me and cry. I would go to the mall and cry. I would eat a Cinnabon and cry. I would wear one of the many items of clothing she and I have in common and cry. I would do absolutely nothing and cry. Sheesh!

Once again, Lindsey to the rescue. She told me that eventually, this would stop. Eventually, everything would feel normal again. My anxiety would decrease, and life would be okay. Well, I am here to tell you that I think she was right. This morning as I was driving out to the C.O.T., it occurred to me that I'm no longer crying every day. I still cry sometimes because I'm an emotional person, but not every single day and certainly not several times each day. When did the change happen? I don't know. It must have been gradual? However it happened, I am grateful. I still miss her tons, just as I always did. I still hate the distance between us and can't wait until we can move down there. And I'm still profoundly thankful for modern technology which allows us such regular contact. I know we're not supposed to worship "items," so I won't, but I'm pretty darned appreciative of cell phones, text messaging, instant messaging, and email. Moreover, every time she tells me the latest kind and thoughtful thing her new husband has done for her, I am once again thankful for Matt.

So yeah, to any of you who were concerned for my mental health, you can relax. I really am doing better.

101 Blog Posts and Feelin' Good!