The Webster-Monsons Become a Party of Five: The Culmination of a Miracle!

I once told you a story about a miracle. If you've forgotten and would like to read it again, here it is.

Two days ago, we experienced the culmination of that miracle, as the Webster-Monsons became a party of five. Mom Shulamith, Dad Mathew, Big Brother Swen, and Big Sister Kennedy welcomed Theodore Webster-Monson to their family.

And I fully breathed.

Perhaps for the first time in eight months.

Shulamith often says she has bad luck. And she's right, at least in some scenarios. In her pregnancy with Swen, she developed HELLP Syndrome, a dangerous form of preeclampsia. HELLP occurs in about .003 of 1% of pregnancies in the U.S. In her third pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, she had placenta accreta. There aren't any statistics on this one because no one besides Shulamith gets it in the first trimester, post-miscarriage.

I tell you all this in order to explain my ridiculously high levels of anxiety throughout this pregnancy. I mean, seriously, who gets both HELLP Syndrome AND first trimester placenta accreta in the same lifetime? Shulamith Ericha Webster!

So pretty much ever since the day she took the positive pregnancy test...

which, in one of God's tenderest mercies, was the

very day the baby she miscarried would have been due,

  

...I have been a crazy woman. In the first trimester, I worried about another miscarriage. Every. Single. Day. In the second trimester, I worried right up until the 20-week ultrasound about the placement of the placenta.  In the third trimester I worried about HELLP, and by the final month, I worried about pretty much everything! This was most annoying to Shulamith, whose lovely, carefree personality doesn't tend to worry at all.

So, when my friend Candie (who happens to be a nurse here at IMC) wheeled Shulamith out of surgery Friday morning with Baby Webster-Monson (he didn't have a name at that point) in her arms, you can't imagine the overwhelming relief. Shulamith was healthy and well. Her baby was healthy and well. Every muscle in my body felt it; every emotion was released.

A friend once commented, "Terrianne is a fierce mother." It might be the highest compliment I've ever received. Shulamith is also a fierce mom. And brave and protective and patient and kind. She has been through so much in the past year and a half and has proven that, short of risking her life, she'll do anything to get her babies to earth. It reminds me of one of my most favorite songs, "Mom." If you hate country music and the voice of the amazing Garth Brooks, maybe you don't want to open this link? 

But on the other hand....

It's really the sweetest song about babies and moms and God and how we partner with Heaven to give these precious spirits the opportunity for life. So maybe you should just open it and listen anyway:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RHmNXvAw2c

I've had the pleasure of staying at the hospital these three days with Shulamith, while Matt handles the home front and the two kidlets there. Such a treat to do nothing all day and all night but help Shulamith with her newest little guy, make dozens of trips down the hall to the Diet Coke fountain, run out three times a day for all our favorite food (no, Shulamith does not eat hospital food), and just chill with my bestie and her baby boy.

We will go home tomorrow. Baby Theodore with join Swen and Kennedy as the Webster-Monsons become a party of five.

The culmination of a miracle!

Babymoon: Almost successful and good enough to suffice

Tomorrow morning, Shulamith will go to the hospital for a scheduled C-section delivery of her third baby. While a baby is always wonderful in every way (!), she and I both know the lifestyle limitations a newborn brings. I've had five; she's had two, so yeah, we know. We've been trying to fit in all the things it's impossible (or difficult) to do with a new baby, one last time, before "Baby Webster-Monson" (they're still working on a name) arrives tomorrow.

Earlier this week, we got gel manicures. Today, Matt's mom kindly offered to keep Shulamith's kids, so we could go to the temple. That didn't work out as we'd hoped. Because the Jordan River Temple is closed for renovation, surrounding temples are crazy busy! We arrived at the Oquirrh Mountain Temple, thinking it might be okay on a Thursday morning, but nope, the wait was way too long for an uncomfortable pregnant girl. Dang!

Instead, we went for pedicures (delightful!), followed by a quick trip to Target to pick up some last-minute things Shulamith needed for Baby and some hospital snacks for when I don't feel like going out to get stuff. Then we went to a kid-free, sit-down lunch. In addition to keeping Shulamith's kids, Matt's mom gave us gift cards to Red Robin. Thank you, Dawn! Red Robin is always yummy, but honestly, food just tastes so much better when it's free.

The other "babymoon" thing we wanted to do was go to a movie, but there is seriously nothing playing that we want to see. Nothing. Check for yourself. It's pretty sad.

So no temple and no movie, but still a lovely morning to ourselves before the arrival of Baby Webster-Monson tomorrow morning.

It's about connection

I'd like to introduce you to my friend and personal therapist, Jay Ericksen. To be clear, she is not related to Gerald. Their last names are like homonyms--sound the same but spelled differently.

I met Jay 13 years ago, when we moved from Washington to Billings, Montana. She remembers our first meeting. I don't, but she says it was in the foyer of our church building, one of our first Sundays in the ward. She says 4-year-old Seth was by my side, and through the years as I post updated pictures of him, her mind is always blown because to her, he will always be that 4-year-old little boy. Me too, Jay. Me too.

We barely knew each other when we decided to take a road trip together to Utah. She wanted to visit her sisters here, and I wanted to visit Shulamith, who was in her first year of college at Westminster. I'm still amazed that we decided to do this. Nine hours each way in a car with someone you hardly know?! That comes with the potential for all kinds of scary.

All I can tell you is that trip changed everything. We literally (and I only use that word in its most correct denotation) talked nonstop the entire drive there and back. Let me add one other thing here about Jay. There are so many wonderful things to say about Jay, but this....this! She enjoys driving! That's right, she actually likes to drive. I hate driving, so she gladly drove both ways.

I can't tell you every single thing we talked about in those 18 hours together in my minivan. I'm sure I've forgotten some things, and others--well--therapy is confidential for a reason. Despite fairly different backgrounds and demographics, we discovered important commonalities and connected on a level that parallels few other relationships I have, even some that have been years in the making. In all my trips between Billings and Salt Lake City (and there were way too many to count), I have never felt the time pass so quickly. 

After that trip, we were forever bonded, bonded as friends, bonded as confidants, bonded as each other's "therapist." How incredibly lovely! From that point on, Jay and I continued our "therapy" sessions monthly-ish. Sometimes we'd get busy, and two or three months would go by without one, but that just made it all the more special when we could finally meet. We always went to Applebee's in the Heights, where we'd eat dinner and sit for 3-4 hours.

That all ended in July of 2011, when my family left Billings and moved here. Now our therapy sessions are only once a year and last only a couple hours. I am so thankfu to her for taking the time to see me when she's here visiting family, and equally thankful to her family for graciously letting her go.

One of those yearly therapy sessions happened yesterday. I think the Lord's hand works in our lives far more than we realize, and I think the timing of Jay's trip this year was a tiny tender mercy. I had been feeling extra lonely these past couple weeks, struggling to find my place here in Salt Lake, wondering if I'll ever belong here or if a happy life here will ever be possible. When Jay messaged that she'd be in town this week, I may or may not have jumped right out of my seat and shouted for joy!

The time is never, ever, long enough. Those couple of hours sail by quickly. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, Jay said, "It's about connection." She is right. Connection is what separates our more superficial relationships from those that endure. Emotional connection is what powers those lasting friendships through the ups and downs of life. I am grateful to have a few of those connections, and so very glad Jay is one of them.

Safe travels back to Billings, Jay. Already looking forward to next year.

Kennedy says...

So a while back, I started an ongoing blog post for Shulamith's son Swen, documenting the funny things he says. I did this for Shulamith because she doesn't have time to do it, and she will want to remember all this stuff. Recently, she asked if I would do the same thing for her daughter, Kennedy, so here we go.

1. We were in Costco, and Kennedy saw a huge play structure with swings, slides, etc. way up high on a tall shelf.
     Kennedy: I want to go on that.
     Shulamith: That looks like fun, but it's way too high to reach.
     Kennedy: Maybe a forklift would help.

2. Kennedy confuses Lagoon with Jungle Playland. Last week, Matt's work offered all employees and their families an afternoon at Lagoon. When Shulamith told Kennedy about it she said,
     Kennedy: I will ride the roller coaster with Her, and Her will hold my head.
This is because every time we go to Jungle Playland, I ride the fast, bumpy roller coaster with Kennedy, and I always hold her head next to me, so it won't shake and scare her.

3. . Swen and Kennedy were playing doctor.
     Kennedy: I need some medicine.
     Swen: Okay. What kind you want? I got allergy medicine, Ibuprofin, or pills.
     Kennedy: Hmm, maybe pills. Do I have to give you money?
     Swen: No, it's free!
So proud of Swen for his inherent understanding that healthcare should be free to everyone!

4. Kennedy's little brother, Theodore, is just a week old, and Kennedy adores him. But apparently she's still figuring out what it means to have a baby brother.
     Kennedy: Mommy, why is he coming with us?
     Shulamith: Who? Theodore?
     Kennedy: Yeah, the baby.
     Shulamith: Cuz he's part of our family now, so he's going to come with us everywhere we go.
     Kennedy: What?!?!
     Shulamith: Yes, he's my child too. He's your brother.
     Kennedy: He is?
     Shulamith: Yes.
     Kennedy: Okaaaaaaaaaaay.

5. So Shulamith has been talking to 3-year-old Kennedy recently about whether she might be interested in possibly giving up diapers any time soon. For the most part, Kennedy says no, that she is just fine wearing diapers. However, Shulamith has convinced Kennedy to try wearing her new Ninja Turtle underwear tomorrow and using the bathroom like a big kid. If she does, she gets to open the new Ninja Turtle toy that is still in its package. But then a couple hours after all this was decided, Kennedy wanted to clarify one important detail:
     Kennedy: Mommy, is it okay if my Ninja Turtle underwear get wet? It is, isn't it?

6.  And continuing on the subject of Kennedy and her lack of desire to bathroom train, a while back Shulamith was getting her dressed in her princess dress for her princess dance camp.
     Shulamith: I wonder if you should think about wearing underwear instead of diapers soon. I think princesses wear big girl underwear.
     Kennedy: No they don't! They only wear crowns!

7.  So just to set context, Swen often wonders why I don't eat various different (fattening) foods. I tell him it's because I'm fat, and I'm trying to be skinny. So Kennedy apparently overhears these conversations between Swen and me, which happen nearly every day. A couple days ago, she was mad at me about something, and in frustration, shouted:
     Kennedy: You're a stupid, fat Her!
Shulamith and I couldn't contain our laughter. Bahahahahahahaha!

8. And back to #6 above:
     Kennedy: Mommy, ask me if I want to wear underwear today.
     Shulamith: (so excited!): Kennedy! Do you want to wear underwear today?
     Kennedy: Um, maybe tomorrow.

9. At breakfast this morning at McDonald's, we were trying to leave, and both Shulamith's kids were playing and not getting shoes on.
     Shulamith: Come on, Kennedy. Let's get your shoes on. 1 - 2 - 3...
     Kennedy: Mom! Stop counting at me!

10.  Kennedy: Did Heavenly Father make all of our pieces?
      Shulamith: What do you mean?
      Kennedy:  Like did he make our eyelids and our toes and our eyebrows?
      Shulamith: Yes, he did.
      Kennedy: I think Heavenly Father made us like Legos.

11. Swen does not like it when Kennedy plays with his cars and car washes, and she knows it. So she mostly only does it when he's at school. A couple days ago, she was playing with his car wash just as Swen was walking in the door after school.
      Kennedy (running away from the car wash): Whew! That was close!

12. Kennedy loves to pretend she's a doctor (like Doc McStuffins), and poor Theodore is always the patient. She has a liquid medicine syringe, which she pretends is a shot, and she gives him dozens of shots each day:
      Kennedy (as she gives him another shot):  Here, Theodore, this will fix you in no time!

13. Kennedy was sitting on the floor in the living room eating some candy corn. I walked past and grabbed a couple pieces and ate them.
      Kennedy: I do NOT like it when big people eat my candy!!!

14. Like many new moms, Shulamith is still working to lose all the baby weight she gained while carrying Theodore. She's doing great, but still has a little left to lose. She was standing in a particularly unflattering position, when the following conversation between Swen and Kennedy occurred:
     Swen: Mommy, do you have another baby in your tummy?
     Kennedy: No, she doesn't. She just has fat.

"Halfway Christmas": It's a thing

Last month, Utah had its final snowstorm of the year. Okay, no, that's not right. It will undoubtedly snow again before the end of 2017. I guess more accurately, I should say the last snowstorm of the 2016-2017 winter season. There we go. Regardless, it confused Shulamith's 3-year-old daughter, Kennedy. She said, "It's snowing! That means it's Christmas and Santa's coming!"

And that's how it all began.

Halfway Christmas, I mean.

Shulamith posted Kennedy's comment on our group family text chat, and the ideas started churning. It could be Christmas. Sort of. What if we had a miniature Christmas celebration? What if we did it next month on June 25th, exactly halfway to Christmas? The more we talked, the more excited we were. Hardly anyone loves Christmas as much as I do, but Shulamith, Eli, and Amanda aren't far behind me.

It was set. On June 25th, Eli and Amanda would drive here from Rexburg to celebrate Halfway Christmas. We would draw names, so everyone would have one gift, something small, under $15. No need to break the bank. We would listen to Christmas music, eat some of our traditional Christmas food (egg casserole and chocolate fondue), and watch a Christmas movie.

I'm happy to report that this event was a screaming success. In every single way. Not only did Amanda and Eli come, but also Amanda's brother Alex, and Eli's friend Ben, and Ben's friend Brianne. Isaiah is in Vegas this week, so it was nice to have all these others here to fill in.

Here are some photos of the details:

Amanda, just before opening Seth's gift of a collar and leash for their cat, Ramsay.

Shulamith, just after opening my gift of a little bathrobe for her baby boy, who will be born next month.

Gerald, just after opening Shulamith's gift of all his favorite soda and candy products and also that new blue thermos right there.

Bad lighting, but me, opening Eli's gift, my new "EAT" sign for my kitchen, which I know went $5 over the $15 limit because I've been eyeing it for the last week. Isn't it adorable? Maybe it will motivate us to eat at home more often? Okay, no. But I still love it.

Eli, opening Amanda's gift of seven or eight t-shirts. The store Rue 21 was closing in Rexburg, and Amanda got all these shirts for $1.00 each. Score!

Seth, after opening Gerald's gift of red vines, peach rings, Reese's Pieces. Definitely a good supply of candy to last at least a week.

Shulamith's kids, after opening a doctor kit for Kennedy and a car for Swen.

If you're noticing one person in particular missing from this post and wondering, "Where's Matt?" let me remind you that Matt hates the real Christmas. Trust me, he had zero interest in participating in this amazing event.

In this respect, I am the antithesis of Matt. If you love Christmas as much as I do, and waiting a full 12 months between celebrations is so hard, I highly recommend this. As I shopped for my gift, it felt so real, glimpses of the feeling I have through the entire months of November and December. As the Christmas music played yesterday, as we opened our one gift each, as we watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," it was exactly what I needed to get me through until November. My Christmas fix!

Halfway Christmas. It's a thing.

Looking for Neil; found Tilian instead

What's your dream?

This is a question I'm asked regularly by Shulamith's five-year-old son, Swen. My answer has to be just right. If I tell him something that has actually happened, he says "That's not a dream, Her. That's a 'real.'" If I can't remember a legit dream, he doesn't like that either, so often, I have to make stuff up.When I ask Swen about his dream, he usually talks about things he wants to happen, his hopes for the day.

So what about those kinds of dreams: our hopes, our goals, our wishes for the future, either near or distant. We all have them. I sure do. For example,

1. I dream of going to Europe, especially Germany and Austria.
2. I dream of taking a road trip across the U.S., visiting church historical sites along the way and culminating in the South, visiting Eli's mission.
3. I dream of serving a full-time mission for my church, hopefully somewhere foreign, an opportunity neither Gerald nor I had when we were younger because we weren't yet members.

Some of my life dreams have already been realized, including watching Broadway shows in NYC, and seeing Neil Diamond in concert (that one's happened three times!), and being the mom to five amazing kids.

Today, Eli fulfilled a decade-long dream: attending Vans Warped Tour! Since he was 14 and a freshman in high school, he's dreamed of going to this event, but apparently Billings isn't cool enough to host Warped Tour, so he never could. Today, he and Amanda just happened to be here in Salt Lake the very day Warped Tour was here. How could he pass that up? He couldn't.

Not a super fan of post-hardcore rock, I debated whether to go with them, but ultimately, there's not much I wouldn't do to hang out with my kids. Visit a snake farm? Probably not that. But just about anything else.

It was quite an event. Seven different stages graced the Utah State Fairpark, along with tents for each band, selling t-shirts and other swag. Eli bought a Warped Tour shirt, along with (count them!) three "Dance Gavin Dance" t-shirts.

I looked for my guy, Neil Diamond, but instead found a beautiful young man with solid dance moves named Tilian Pearson, mononymously, Tilian! Lead singer (clean vocals) for Eli's favorite band, Dance Gavin Dance, Tilian is seriously talented. The only problem is, it's so hard to hear him. Most of the time, he is efficiently drowned out by blasting-loud music and other band members screaming. But every now and then and not often enough...sometimes at the start of a song, sometimes at the end or even in the middle, all that loud music and screaming subsides. And you hear Tilian sing. That part. That part is lovely.

Even lovelier for me was watching the pure joy on Eli's face when this band played. Just like Shulamith and me at a Neil Diamond concert, Eli knows every word to every song.

It was hot and crowded, and I had mild claustrophobia, fearing I might die in the mosh pit, but nothing could keep me away from Eli and watching his utter euphoria! Indeed, we moms are happy when our kids are happy. Eli and I were happy today!

We watched a couple other bands he likes. I was excited to actually recognize one song: American Authors' "Best Day of my Life." We danced and clapped and sang along. We ate good food, applied and reapplied sunscreen, and drank copious amounts of water to stay hydrated.

What's your dream?

Eli realized one of his today.

I looked for Neil, but found Tilian instead.

And it was good.

Irony and parallel lives

I never set out to be a teacher. Neither did Shulamith. At age 17, I left for college, dreaming of four years of perfect bliss, reading the poetry of Ben Jonson and John Donne, William Blake and John Keats, and discussing it with brilliant professors, whose insights would forever change me. And that's exactly what I did. And it was lovely. But midway though my junior year, it hit me that even lovely things eventually come to an end, and at some point I would graduate and need a job. So I grabbed enough classes on the side to secure a teaching credential.

Shulamith began college as a nursing major, but somewhere in the middle of her first year discovered her violently adversarial relationship with chemistry and anatomy, and switched to education. Both of us came at teaching through the backdoor, never as a real goal. I only taught in the K-12 system for one year before getting married and starting my family. Shulamith taught four years, but both of us quit when our first babies were born.

We love being stay-at-home moms; that career suits us perfectly. That said, we both also need a bit of cash to supplement our husbands' incomes. For me, the answer was to get my Master's degree, opening up the world of adjunct college teaching. With that degree, I could teach just a tiny bit (one night class each semester), still stay home with my kids, and bring home a decent amount of money. And such has been my story for three decades.

Shulamith began serving at Macaroni Grill a couple evenings a week when Matt was home with their kids, until she happened to see an ad for developmental reading and writing teachers at Salt Lake Community College. For developmental (non-college level) classes, a Master's is not required, only a bachelor's with ESL endorsement, which she has. Score! Except she had never taught anyone older than five. It was mildly terrifying.

That was nearly two years ago. Recently, she's added another part-time job, teaching English to Chinese children online through a company called VIPKID. At first, I wasn't going to join her in this endeavor because, truly, I have plenty to do with my three classes at LDS Business College. But she was having so much fun that I became sufficiently intrigued to submit my application and start the process. I was hired. Yay! Except I had never taught anyone younger than 18. It was mildly terrifying.

Now we find ourselves with the exact same two part-time jobs: adjunct instructors of college classes, and ESL teachers of Chinese children. Parallel lives. We spend most of our days together, and much of that time is now spent mentoring each other. What comes as naturally as breathing to me is often foreign to her, and vice versa. She teaches me about synthetic phonics and TPR (Total Physical Response) and various ESL tools. I teach her about sentence analysis and rhetorical strategies and motivating adult students who think they already know how to write.

Don't get me wrong. Shulamith and I are very different people. Though both extroverts, our personalities have many contrasts. I am "Anxiety Girl," able to jump to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound, while Shulmith has never had an anxious day in her life. Right up there with Sponge Bob and President Hinckley, she is one of the most optimistic people I know. She helps me chill when no one else can, and I hope I offer at least something to her in return, if only the security that I do all the worrying for the both of us. Imagine. Before she ever even considers worrying about something, I already have it covered!

They say when God gives you a daughter, he gives you a best friend for life. I know it doesn't always work out that way, but I'm grateful it did for us. But if you'd told me we'd wind up doing the exact same jobs at the exact same time, side by side, I wouldn't have believed you.

Irony and parallel lives.