Cuz I really like being right.

 

Thursday night, we celebrated.

The celebration was ostensibly in honor of Shulamith and her new job, but I'm claiming it also as a celebration of me. Being right. Cuz I really like being right.

A few months ago, Shulamith began to consider a career path adjustment, returning to the K-12 public school system. Eleven years ago, after teaching kindergarten for four years, she "retired" in order to do more important work: Swen! After Kennedy was born, she picked up a night class at Salt Lake Community College, teaching developmental reading and writing. College adjuncting is a decent gig for a mom; I can attest to that, having done it for the past 25 years at five colleges in three states. But it has its drawbacks.

Unlike in the K-12 system, in order to get paid in the summer, adjuncts have to work in the summer. There is also a 6-week period in May and June when we don't get paid at all. Eeeeek! And most annoying, our schedules change every semester, so three times a year. Enrollment always governs course offerings, and enrollment is this giant mystery that administrators can only guess at solving. 

So basically, there is no job security whatsoever in adjunct teaching. 

That said, I have somehow always had classes when I wanted them; the system has worked for me, but it is stressful. "Will I get the classes I want, at the times I want, at the campus I want?" "Once they're offered, will they make?" Generally, classes don't run with fewer than 10 students. Stressful, yes.

By early spring, Shulamith decided to pursue returning to K-12, with several firm requirements. (1) She would accept only a half-time position. (2) It would be in the Jordan School District, so on the same schedule as her kids. (3) It would be very near her home. She applied for all the jobs she found that met those criteria, but as you can imagine, there weren't many. Most teaching jobs are full time. There are only three schools close enough to where we live, and one of those is where Eli teaches, and district policy prohibits relatives from working under the same supervisor. It didn't look promising.

Then, about a month ago, she saw a posting for a half-time kindergarten position at Mountain Point Elementary, our neighborhood school where her three kids attend. What??? Is this even possible? She applied that very day.

And the waiting began.

One week went by, then two. After three weeks, Shulamith was 100% convinced that she didn't even get an interview.

"Obviously, they don't want me. They didn't even interview me," she declared.

"I disagree," I replied. "These things take time. There are any number of reasons they haven't reached out to you yet."

"Nope. They don't want me."

That very day, we happened to be standing in an aisle at Smith's when her phone alerted her to a call from Mountain Point. This is not unusual. Because of Swen's T1 Diabetes, she gets calls from the school all the time. He's going low. He's going high. He bolused for lunch but now says he doesn't want to eat most of it. And on and on. But this time, the call was different:

"Hello, Shulamith? Hi! Your kids are all fine. Swen is good. We're calling to invite you to interview for the half-day kindergarten position."

Uh huh. Who was right? Just sayin'.

Her interview was a week ago Wednesday, and she thought it went great. She also thought they should offer her the job that very day, even though they told her quite clearly that they were doing more interviews Friday and would make a decision by "early next week."

"If they really want me, they'll call today."

"Uh, no they won't. They told you they have more interviews Friday. They for sure won't call until after Friday," I argued.

"Nope. If they really like me, they won't wait till Friday. They'll want to wrap this up today."

They didn't call that day. Or the next. Five days passed, and suddenly, it was "early next week" already. Still no call. By Wednesday, Shulamith's hope was fully extinguished. It had been a full week since her interview.

"They obviously don't want to hire me, but I wish they would at least tell me that. Send me one of those form letters about how they had 'so many qualified applicants' but decided to go a different direction."

"I don't think that's necessarily the case," I dared suggest. "It's possible, sure. But it's also possible there was some internal glitch in the process that slowed them down. I really still think you'll get it."

"No I won't!" She was adamant. 

Positively convinced she didn't get the job, she decided to widen her search. She found a half-time kinder opening at charter school near our neighborhood and applied. They called her that very day, interviewed her the following day, and offered her the position on the spot. 

Now what? This job met most of her criteria; it was half time and near her house. But it was not in the Jordan School District so not on her kids' schedule, and also, charter schools pay considerably less than public schools. I told her she needed to email the principal at Mountain Point right way, explain that she had another offer, and ask where they were in their hiring process. 

Literally ten seconds after she hit "send" on that email, the principal called her. Guess what? There was a minor glitch that slowed them down. (Really? I never would have thought of that.) Since Shulamith's interview, they secured funding for an additional kindergarten position, so the principal was working to restructure and shuffle positions internally before moving forward. But she definitely wanted to hire Shulamith, so much so that she offered her the job right then on the phone.

Two job offers in the same day. Not bad.

I am so happy and excited for her! How cool that she gets to be at her kids' school! It's only one more year that all three of them will be there in grades 6, 4, and 1. The following year Swen will go to middle school. For sure this will be a year to remember.

Thursday night, we celebrated.

The celebration was ostensibly in honor of Shulamith and her new job, but I'm claiming it also as a celebration of me. Being right. Cuz I really like being right.

 

The Son shone brightly this Easter morn!

 

For those of us in the Salt Lake Valley, it's been a long, hard winter. Yes, I lived in Montana for seven years, where winters could be even more challenging, but in my 12 years here in Utah, I've never experienced such relentless cold or never-ending snow. Every time we dared to think "Maybe this is the last big storm," another arrived. As recently as last week, we had over foot of new snowfall, closing our local school district yet again and triggering my driving anxiety. Yet again!

But this Easter morn, the Son shone brightly!

Guys! It was such a beautiful day! As I walked into church, wearing a short-sleeved dress and no coat, I couldn't help think about the first Easter morn, when after three days of what must have been crippling grief, Jesus' followers awoke to a beautiful day. Their Lord had risen, culminating the most miraculous event in human history, and the most impactful. The Son shone brightly that Easter morn.

....as it does today. For us! Easter reminds us that hope is ours for the asking. It is freely given, and received by anyone who desires it. 

Even after the snowiest winter, because of the Son, the sun will shine again.

Through the most tumultuous storms, whether literal or figurative, because of the Son, calm will come.

They say time heals all wounds, but that is not true. Jesus heals all wounds. Absolutely all of them.

Not that I'm wishing time away, because I'm definitely not. I actually find myself regularly wishing time would slow down. But I do look forward with excitement to the end of this year when we get to study the final book of The New Testament: The Revelation of St. John the Divine, which includes one of my most favorite references:

"And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it; for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it" (Revelation 21:23-24).

Had Easter been any earlier this year, we would have had some snowy Easter egg hunts. And that would have been just fine too because, as the above scripture promises, we have no need of the sun to light our lives, if we invite the Son to do so. 

Still, I like to think God looked down upon all of us here in the valley, and with infinite grace, sent us spring, just in time for Easter.

The Son shone brightly this Easter morn!

I am grateful.

(Early Happy Birthday to our favorite Isaiah, who will be working in Las Vegas next week on his actual birthday!)

Maidens and Covenant Friends

"Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day; I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish" (Esther 4:16).

Last year, when we studied the story of Queen Esther in Sunday School, I was once again struck by her strength of character, her faith, her bravery, her loyalty, but this time, something stood out to me that I had not before considered. As she prepares herself to go before the king in attempt to save her people, Esther not only asks others to gather together and fast for her, but she mentions the she and her maidens will "fast likewise;"

Who are those maidens, I wondered, the people who are by her side, the ones she trusts to stand with her, support her, hold her, and fast and pray with her and for her? The text doesn't reveal specifically who they are, but I imagine them: A small but mighty tribe, whose loyalty she doesn't have to question. She knows they are on her side no matter the circumstances. She trusts they are faithful and will demonstrate their faith on her behalf.

Then I thought, "Who are my maidens?" Who can I count on with that kind of loyalty and love? It was an easy answer. My maidens are a small group of three: Shulamith, Eli, and Amanda. (I tell Eli that, yes, I know he's a dude. But he's still one of my maidens.) These three all have firm testimonies of the Savior and of the power of prayer. From the smallest needs to the largest problems thrown at us by mortality, we are there for each other as prayer warriors. One text to the group thread, and I know, without a doubt, I have instant support and prayers from these three.

We also love to play, so this week, when both Eli and Shulamith's children had spring break, we packed up two cars and headed south to St. George. It wasn't super warm there, but we were thrilled to escape the eternal snowstorm that has been our lives these many weeks. Now, back at home, the forecast predicts yet another huge storm Monday. Thank goodness we had a tiny reprieve!

Our time there was relaxing. We played rousing games of "Ransom Notes," "What Do You Meme," and "Family Feud." Side note on Family Feud: Shulamith and Amanda might have won the regular play, but in the lightning rounds, Kennedy and I crushingly prevailed.

The best part of this particular Airbnb was a private hot tub on the back porch. Ooooh, we all sure love hot tubs! 

We also went bowling. Let me just point out that, along with everything else I suck at (which is practically everything), I super suck at bowling. While I've never bowled regularly, I'm sure I've been bowling at least a couple dozen times in my life, and never has my score hit 100. 

Until now.

Look at this score:

Winner!!

Yep! I bowled 130. I can't even believe it. I beat both Eli and Shulamith, and I would have certainly beaten Amanda too, had she not stayed back at the Airbnb to rest after a long night with a baby who doesn't sleep so well in new places. Wow!! As we drove to the bowling alley, Isaiah, who couldn't come to St. George with us, texted the following to the group: "TRUMP JUST GOT INDICTED. WE MIGHT ACTUALLY SEE THIS MAN BEHIND BARS!" I'm gonna credit my amazing, unexpected bowling victory to this wonderful, overdue news.

Not Winner.

Not Winner.

The three days with my "maidens" came far too quickly to a close, but not without one final highlight for me. My longtime friend, Patty, was able to meet me for dinner Thursday evening. When we studied the relationship between Elijah and Elisha last year and I pondered their friendship and loyalty, I again asked myself a question: "Who are my covenant friends, those outside my family, who regardless of time or circumstances, will always be mine." I could think of only five. Patty is one of those five. 

We were college roommates for just one semester, with four other girls in an apartment of six. Decades have passed since that one semester, and I don't have contact with any of the other four girls, but Patty and I remained connected. Pre-Internet, we exchanged snail mail letters regularly, and once we had email, communicated even more regularly. It was before COVID that we last saw each other, so our 3-hour dinner involved non-stop talking and catching up. We went through the kids, her three and my five, one by one, and shared all the details. She offered to drive me back to the Airbnb, and of course I couldn't find it. The GPS was useless, and finally, Eli had to come out, track us down, and lead us back. I also planned to get a picture of the two of us, but failed there as well, so you'll have to settle for a couple more random shots of the trip instead:

Spring Break Self Care: How did it go?

It was arguably the best spring break of my life, and I didn't even leave town. I barely left home, truth be told, and when I did, Shulamith drove. And guess what? No car crashes.

Did everything go as planned? Uh, almost? Tuesday night, I decided to cross off one item from my spring break list: A movie with popcorn (extra butter):

Excited for our stress-free, kid-free girls' night out, Shulamith picked me up, and we drove to Herriman to grab Amanda. After a quick stop at Holiday to fill our Stanleys with fountain Diet Coke, we arrived at the movie theatre with time to spare. Shulamith dropped Amanda and me off, so we could get in line for that buttery popcorn while she parked the car. Popcorn and Diet Coke in hand, we approached the cute, 16ish-year-old girl with blonde curls and a bright smile who was scanning tickets. Shulamith pulled out her phone to scan us in.

Nothing. It wouldn't work. She tried several times until cute blonde girl said, "Let me help?" and took the phone. Still no luck.

Cute blonde girl: Are you sure you have tickets for today?

Shulamith: Yep, we're seeing Missing at 7:05.

Cute blonde girl: Uh, that movie isn't showing here. Are you sure you didn't purchase these for Jordan Landing?

By this point I was bordering full-on panic because I can't (won't? don't!) go to movies (or anything) late. 

 Shulamith: Crap. We're supposed to be at Jordan Landing.

To be fair, both Amanda and I were fully aware that we were supposed to go to Jordan Landing, yet we allowed Shulamith to drive us right up to Cinemark Riverton, where we walked in and bought popcorn, blissfully unaware that we were at the wrong theatre. 

Cute blonde girl said if we would like to watch something else, something that was actually showing there, we could walk across the theatre and talk to a manager guy, who would exchange our tickets. That we did.

Shulamith: So, we went to the wrong theatre.

Manager guy: Did you mean to go to Jordan Landing? Happens all the time.

Shulamith: Can you tell us what is playing now or soon? At this theatre?

Manager guy: Cocaine Bear and Jesus Revolution.

You've got to be kidding. The only reason we'd even heard of Cocaine Bear is because Eli and Seth want to see it, which is, itself, a good reason not to. Best we knew, it's about a bear who gets high on cocaine and runs around killing people. That is a hard no.

Shulamith (to Manager guy): What even IS Jesus Revolution?

(Manager guy reads the paragraph-long description off a laminated card.)

Shulamith: That sounds horrible.

Manager guy: I'd have to agree. 

Regardless, we had no other choice; no way we were gonna watch a 500-pound, drug-fueled bear tear people to shreds. 

So what's the verdict on Jesus Revolution, you ask? Shulamith actually thought it was okay, Amanda enjoyed it, and I loved it! Lots of awesome 70s music, throwback to when I was a little girl and dreamed of being a Haight Ashbury hippie, and the timeless message of the Gospel of love, forgiveness, and grace.

Despite this slight misstep, my other self-care items played out right as rain:

1. I did not set my phone alarm a single morning the whole 10 days.

2. I enjoyed a full pajama day, in which I finished Season 1 and began Season 2 of The Chosen, listened to the Podcast The Letter, and read all the books.

3. I got a much-needed spa pedicure. Shockingly, there's a place right here in the Bluffdale wilderness that does lovely gel pedicures and even makes the water hot enough(!) where many places don't.

4. Another day Shulamith and I met up with Isaiah and Seth for a yummy Thai lunch. The best part was hearing the two of them converse in Japanese. Isaiah loves Japan and has taught himself enough Japanese to get around there, and Seth is currently taking first year Japanese at UVU in preparation for his study abroad experience. He will spend the month of May in Japan!

5. Additional food self care involved breakfast at Sunday's Best in Sandy, one of our favorite places. Shulamith and I both do intermittent fasting, so breakfast is a rare treat. We shared an order of biscuits and gravy and an order of powdered sugar beignets. Fully decadent. And delicious.

7. And then.....it just so happened that I recently accumulated enough Crumbl rewards points to earn a free box of four. I mean what timing, right? (Also, if you know how many cookies you have to eat in order to earn a free box, don't tell me. I don't want to know.) We chose four gooey flavors. I cut each cookie in half, gave Shulamith four halves,  and kept the remaining four. I grazed on cookies for the next two days!

6. Finally, I dug even deeper into the scriptures, as I planned my upcoming Gospel Doctrine lessons, including the ones I won't get to teach because they fall on the 2nd and 4th Sundays (Relief Society). I continue to be in awe of the Savior, through the stories of his mortal life. How blessed we are! Here is one idea you might consider:

When the woman who had been ill 12 years reaches for the hem of Jesus's robe, he heals her instantly through her faith and His power. A hymn called "Where can I Turn for Peace?" includes the line: "He answers privately, Reaches my reaching, In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend." Where in your life does Jesus reach your reaching? Where does He come to you, right where you are, hold you, heal you, and bring you peace?

I needed spring break this year more than ever before, and it did not disappoint! As the week concludes, and I jump right back into five classes, relentless student emails, and never-ending essays, all while striving to maintain my house as well as some sort of work/life balance, I will lean into the promises of a God who never stops reaching. 

Jane explains...

Jane Eliza is the 16-month-old daughter of Eli and Amanda. Yes, she's a little bit young for her own ongoing blog post, so entries will likely be sporadic, but she definitely talks, so I thought we'd get started with her blog.

1. Eli and Amanda dropped a Diet Coke off at Shulamith's house and picked up Kennedy to come over here. When Kennedy got in the car, Jane was very happy to see her.

Jane: Wow! Wow! Wow!

2. Eli and Amanda have a cat named Ramsay, whom they have basically ignored for the past 16 months since Jane was born. But Jane likes him and calls him "Meow." When I got to their house tonight for dinner, Ramsay, who is an indoor cat and never allowed outside, escaped out the door. Jane was concerned about finding him right away.

Jane (looking around and pointing to the door): Meow! Meow! Meow!

3. Jane loves Cocomelon, and her favorite character is JJ. Often she brings the remote control to one of her parents or me, points it at the TV, and ays "JJ." That means we're supposed to turn on Cocomelon. The other day, though, Amanda was folding laundry, including Jane's JJ pajamas. Jane quickly unfolded these and begin trying to put on the pants.

Jane: JJ! JJ! JJ!

Jane's nice mommy finally helped her put on the JJ pajama pants at least partway over her clothes, and she was a happy girl.

4. Jane calls their cat, whose actual name is Ramsay, "Meow." So it shouldn't have been a surprise today when she saw a picture of a cow on the wall at Chick-fil-A:

Jane: Moo!

5. Jane in beginning to put words together into very short sentences. As I was leaving their house, she waved and said:

Jane: Bye bye, Her Her.

6. And she keeps expanding her command of language, both vocabulary and sentence structure. I was carrying her from the car to Old Navy yesterday, and she would have preferred to walk in by herself.

Jane: Her, no, down!

7. Eli and Amanda left Jane and me at home when they ran to Shake Shack to grab us dinner. 

Jane: Dada, back?

Me: Yes, Jane, Dada will be right back.

8. Eli, Amanda, And Jane came over tonight for dinner, and they dropped off Jane at Shulamith's house for a short while, so she could play with Kennedy and Theodore before they all came over here. Jane looked out Shulamith's patio door, where Woof was outside:

Jane: Dog! Cute. Me scared! (Then she did her "scared" face and motions, where she shakes and looks terrified.)

Later, Jane noticed that her mommy wasn't there:

Jane: Me Mommy back?

Then Swen and Theodore were fighting:

Jane: Oh fight!

9. When they were leaving tonight, Jane was in the driver's seat pretending to drive. Amanda was shotgun and said to Jane, "I love you."

Jane: I love you.

10. Eli and Amanda went to a movie tonight by themselves. They very rarely leave Jane, so she wasn't super happy about this. She's also very smart, so when I came over and she noticed her parents were gathering their things, preparing to leave, she told her mommy, "No Her Her!" I convinced them (Amanda) to go, because I knew Jane would be fine once they were gone, which she was. After she was clear about her opinion on the subject:

Jane: No Bluey! No trick/treat! No Her Her! Mommy and Daddy!!!

11. Jane's first attempt at actual trick-or-treating was a moderate success. Mostly, she wanted to be carried, rather than walk up to doors on her own two feet. She also had a comment on most of the houses we visited:

Jane: Spooky house!

12. I was out of town last weekend for my niece's wedding, and when I retuned, Amanda asked if I would come over in the morning and hang out with Jane because she had a zoom meeting for her job. (She works from home part time for the U. of Utah, evaluating and processing transcripts from applicants.) Surprisingly, when I got there Jane was still asleep, and she stayed asleep all the way through Amanda's meeting. Just as I was about to leave, Jane woke up, so I only saw her for a few minutes. After I left, Amanda says she wandered around the house:

Jane: Her Her, where are you?

13. Eli and Amanda got Jane a doll house for her "Santa" Christmas gift, but they left it out in plain sight, thinking she wouldn't notice. She definitely notices. And she got so excited, she was literally shaking!

Jane: Oooooh, pretty house! Blue house!

Me: Is it your house, Jane?

Jane: Yes!

14. Jane was eating spaghetti last night, while sitting on Eli's lap. When she finished, she switched to Amanda's lap, and then reached over and took Eli's bowl of spaghetti and proceeded to eat.

Eli: Jane, did you take my spaghetti?

Silence.

Eli: Jane is that Dada's spaghetti or Jane's?

Jane (pointing at herself): JANE'S!

15. Jane is extremely attached to her mother, which is exactly as it should be for a two-year-old. She prefers to be sitting on Amanda's lap. Not sitting beside her. On her lap. Last night Amanda was trying to eat dinner (easier without a toddler on your lap). 

Amanda: Jane, do you want to sit her on the couch right next to Mommy?

Jane: No! Mommy, sit, lap.

16. Jane is addicted to a song Matt played for her and his kids last time Jane was over there. They march around and dance to it. It's called "The Wellerman," and is something about ship that brings sugar and tea and rum. And part of it goes "da, da, da, da." Anyway, Jane knows how to request it.

Jane: Aleka, da, da, da, potfy. (Alexa, play "da, da, da" on Spotify.)

17. We were all at Shulamith's house last night for dinner because Matt was away on a hunting trip with his parents. Shulamith makes the best cookies, and everyone was enjoying them, including Jane. When I was about to leave, I grabbed a couple cookies and put then in a plastic bag to take home to eat later.

Jane: Her Her, cookie! So, of course, I had to give he part of one of mine. (This scenario made me smile because Luke's first complete sentence when he was around Jane's age was, "Where my cookie go, Mommy?" Today happens to be his 39th birthday, so Jane asking for my cookie last night brought all the nostalgia.)

Never have I needed it so badly! Self care, here we go.

On our morning walk yesterday, I told Shulamith, "I can't remember a time when I needed spring break so badly." I'm fine. Nothing terrible has happened to me. It's just a series of little things that add up. I've heard people say it's important to practice self care. I hope to do that this coming week, and this morning I find myself wondering what that might look like:

Maybe it looks like not setting an alarm for the next 10 days. 

Maybe it looks like one full day of pajamas, Netflix binging (The Chosen), reading all the books, and not leaving the house except for walks, food, and Diet Coke. 

Maybe it looks like more time in the scriptures and with Jesus. 

Maybe it looks like a Crumble cookie or a gourmet Rice Krispie treat or both! 

Maybe it looks like a pedicure and a movie with popcorn (extra butter). 

Maybe it looks like not driving anywhere, the whole 10 days, so I can be certain I won't get in another crash. 

Maybe it looks like one full day off from grading papers and answering student emails. 

Maybe it looks like blogging whenever I feel inspired, rather than only as a reward for grading a certain number of papers.

Maybe it looks like all of the above. I'm not totally sure, but I bet it looks like some of those things, because after the last four weeks, never have I needed spring break so badly. 

Weeks 5 - 8 of a 16-week semester are always challenging. Even if I feel like I've kept up pretty good through the first four weeks, those second four feel like a blizzard of essays pouring down on me from all directions. Except this semester, in addition to a blizzard of essays, we also experienced a literal blizzard! No lie. I have not seen this much snow in the 12 years we've lived in Utah. It just keeps snowing. And snowing. And snowing. 

In the middle of all that snow, this happened. My nice, red car got crunched. The accident wasn't weather related; another driver ran a red light and hit me in an intersection. But the snow came soon after. And for some unknown reason, it took Allstate four weeks to declare my car a total loss. All that time, I drove a rental car provided to me through my own insurance company's roadside assistance plan. In the snow! It's scary enough to drive in snow when you're familiar with your car, but driving an unfamiliar rental in an eternal snowstorm, day after day, already fighting terrible driving anxiety from four accidents in as many years, well, you can imagine my state of mind. 

A week ago Monday, Allstate finally called to inform me that my car was totaled. In the same phone call, they also mentioned that they would only reimburse Geico (my insurance) for my rental car for two additional days, following their declaration that my car was totaled. All the thoughts flew through my head. My car really is toast, my bright red car that is so easy to spot in a parking lot. You might remember that I am directionally challenged. That red car has saved me hours of roaming through giant parking lots, and now I'm supposed to replace it in two days??

I should point out that the above mentioned phone call happened on Monday, February 20th. It had already been snowing all month, but Monday was just two days before it would escalate to a full-on blizzard that would dump over a foot of additional snow and shut down the valley the following day. Awesome. Because I've always wanted to go car shopping in a blizzard. My dream really.

Wednesday, all schools were closed, and most everyone either worked from home or didn't work at all. Shulamith and Amanda spent the day searching online for a new car for me. They flooded our family text thread with hundreds of cars (only slight hyperbole), one after the other. It was nuts. By mid-afternoon, I was over it. I don't like cars. They don't interest me. I hate driving. It's an unfortunate necessity. Frustrated and tired, I sent these two hardworking women this text:

"Thanks so much for all you've done, but please, no more cars. I'm tired. They all look the same to me. I don't care. Find me a car, and I'll buy it."

There is one issue, though. I will only shop at Carmax, because their business model of full transparency and zero pressure is morally sound. I won't deal with other immoral dealerships and their price finagling, high-pressure nonsense. So Amanda found me a car at Carmax. Shulamith and I went there and bought it. Pretty much just like that. 

We walked into a silent Carmax in the late afternoon, where only a couple salespeople remained. No other customers. The parking lot was an ice rink, and thick snow blanketed the rows of cars, as more snow fell atop them. 

"I'd like to see your 2019 Dodge Grand Caravan," I told the lady at the front desk.

"Now?" she asked, incredulously.

"Uh yeah. Sorry. It's a long story, but I need to buy a car today."

She found me Nathan, one of the two salespeople, and I repeated the conversation with him.

            

"You want me to dig out the car right now?" he asked.

"Yeah. Sorry!"

"I can't let you test drive it today because of the road conditions," he warned.

At this point, Shulamith jumped in to assure him. "If you will dig out this car, she will buy it. She doesn't need to drive it."

Carmax has a 30-day return policy. If you don't like your car, you can return it within 30 days, no questions asked, so buying a snow-covered car that I had never driven and had never even sat in wasn't as much a risk as it seems.

Nathan headed out, trudging through snow up to his knees, as we followed him to the minivan. It is white, so we couldn't really tell where the snow ended and the car began until Nathan started to dig. It was so cold, and I felt so bad for him.

"I'm sorry," I kept saying.

"Hey, I'm selling a car today!" he cheerfully replied. 

We took Shulamith's son, Swen, with us because of his giant love for all moving vehicles. He was dying to choose a car for me, even though Amanda had already found the one I would buy. As Nathan dug, Swen slid wildly around the snowy lot, searching for just the right car. He found what he believed was perfection: a bright red Ford Mustang convertible. At least he got the color right!

"Swen, I have five kids. We would not fit inside a tiny car like that. But it does look cool!"

Even though I didn't buy Swen's choice, but instead the white minivan Nathan dug out of the parking lot, Swen was still excited we could drive home in a new car. 

And we did.

That was over a week ago, and so far, the car is still intact. No one has crashed into me. My driving anxiety is fully triggered, for better or worse, but it's officially spring break (!), and never have I needed it so badly. Self care, here we go.

What should I do?

Rather than my typical narrative voice, this post will be more of a straightforward request for help. As you know, my poor car was in a collision four weeks ago today. It took Allstate nearly all that time to determine that my car is a total loss. Why did this take so long? No clue. All I know is yesterday, Allstate finally called to report this outcome and to tell me what my cash back would be once they pay off my loan. Oh, and then they added this little tidbit: In cases of total loss, Allstate will only pay for a rental car for two additional days after they declare the car totaled.

Seriously?

That means I need to buy a car by tomorrow night. Because, no, I can't be without transportation even one day, unless that day is a Friday, the only day I don't have to go anywhere. My job takes me to four different college campuses around the valley. 

I don't know about you, but when I have to make larger financial decisions, I like to have more than 48 hours to consider my options. And since I taught all day today, that window is now down to just over 24 hours. I have to return my rental car tomorrow night. 

Shulamith and I went to Carmax yesterday to check out their inventory, but they didn't have much. Cars within my price range that seat 7 people all had like 70,000 miles. That's too many! I have no desire to pay more money for a car that's less desirable than my beloved, red, now crunched, Dodge Journey crossover. 

Also, I detest all car dealerships that aren't Carmax. I find their lack of transparency and high pressure sales techniques utterly disgusting. At Carmax, the price is the price is the price; there is no negotiating. If you want the car, they are happy to sell it to you, and when you go to sign the paperwork, the price that was discussed during the sale is literally the exact price you pay. I know, right? And the process is smooth and quick; it takes maybe 20 minutes to sign everything and be out of there. If you decide you don't want to buy a car, that's fine as well. You say "Thank you for your help," and you leave. You walk right out the door. No one tries to block your way. No one asks you to sign a piece of paper agreeing to buy the car if they can finagle a certain price. No one leaves to go talk to a manager. And guess what? No incessant phone calls from salespeople once you finally escape!

After super sucky experiences with Shulamith when she bought her van and with Eli and Amanda when they bought their current vehicle, I vowed I'd never go anywhere but Carmax. And I haven't. Isaiah bought both his cars there, and I bought my above-mentioned, now-crunched car there as well.

But if Carmax doesn't have a car that fits my needs and price by tomorrow, whatever will I do? Also, a foot of snow is expected overnight and tomorrow. Car shopping is bad enough, but car shopping in the snow? You've got to be kidding!

And that's where you come in. I ask you, my friends and loyal readers: 

What should I do?