"Have You Practiced the Piano?"

"Have you practiced the piano?" I've been asking this question nearly every day for as long as I can remember. Let's see. Isaiah started piano lessons when he was eight, and he is now 21, so it's been 13 years. It feels like longer. This must be every piano mom's least favorite part, trying to make sure they practice. It's hard. They don't want to. Well, maybe some do. Mine never have.

Then there's the issue of when (whether?) to let them quit altogether. Boy am I on the fence with this one. That's a strange feeling. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a pretty opinionated person. I have strong opinions on just about everything, so to say I'm straddling the fence on this issue is quite unusual. I really do see both sides.

My initial "gut" is to never make kids do extracurricular stuff if they don't want to. There are so many things they must do: go to school, get decent grades, learn manners, behave responsibly, complete their homework, share with their siblings, go to church, pay their tithing, attend seminary. The list goes on. So if they don't want to participate in sports, or join the chess club, or act in school plays, or run for student body office, or even play the piano, shouldn't it be their decision? Yeah, that's my "gut" feeling for sure. And I've stuck to that in nearly all situations. Luke, who played viola from 4th through 9th grades, decided to quit in his sophomore year of high school. It was difficult for him to fit in all the college-prep classes he wanted and still take orchestra, and he didn't love it enough to care. Should I have forced him to continue? I don't know. Does he regret quitting? I have no idea.

Shulamith studied classical dance starting at age 5. She was a beautiful ballerina, particularly lovely en pointe, but when she got to high school, she decided to give it up in order to become a cheerleader. Doing both was impossible; both demanded incredible amounts of time. I was sad. I tried to talk her out of it. But ultimately, I let her decide. She had a fun and successful tenure in cheer throughout high school, but I always wonder if I made the right decision. Does she regret quitting dance? She says yes.

Next comes Isaiah. At age 8, he began piano lessons. I still remember the short drive from our house to the teacher's house that first day. "Do you think I'll be famous?" he wanted to know. "You never know," I replied. He played through his sophomore year of high school, beautifully, if I may say so as his mom. He played a lovely arrangement of "We'll Bring the World His Truth" at Luke's mission farewell in 2006, but that would be his last performance. By then I was fighting the "practicing battles," and it became more than I could tackle. He was a good sight-reader, so he could fake his way through lessons sometimes, but finally, we both came to the place where it needed to be over. "If you don't want to practice, I don't want to pay for lessons." He didn't want to practice. He was delighted to be done. Even his teacher agreed. He has played on his own from time to time since, but not much. Does he regret quitting formal training? He says no.

Eli began piano lessons when he was 10, and he continued all the way through high school. Did he always want to practice? No. But he always wanted to play. Always. If I even suggested that we would have to stop lessons, he'd get motivated right quick and start practicing lots. It paid off. In 2011, when he graduated from high school, he also had his senior piano recital. It was joyous to see his accomplishment, the reward that comes from so many years of hard work and dedication. Even better, though, is the reward we see now. As most of you know, he's serving a church mission in Arkansas. He spent his first six months in a tiny town called Blytheville. His ward had about 20 active members, none of whom could play the piano. They piped in organ music for Sacrament Meeting, but Eli played piano for almost all their other meetings. How wonderful that he could use his skill to serve in this way.

So yeah, I mostly think kids should be allowed to choose their own extracurricular activities. Mostly. But there is clearly another side to the issue, one that makes sense too. I think it's best summed up with this statement:

"I'm so glad my mom let me quit taking piano lessons when I was little," said no adult ever!

And that brings us to Seth, the fifth and final child. He started piano lessons just over a year ago. He progressed faster than either of his older brothers. Really, he seems to have a natural aptitude for this. He soars through books so quickly, I feel like I need to buy stock in the music store. Last week, his teacher asked me if we could extend his weekly lessons to 45 minutes, rather than 30, because his rapid progression requires more time. Okay, fine. Absolutely. Whatever he needs. However, I'm fighting the "practicing battles" as never before. Even though he's extremely successful at piano, he complains about it constantly and wants to quit. He tells me I am wasting my money and I should just give it to him instead. Hmmm.

For now, I've decided to break my past pattern and insist that he continue. I've talked to him about the importance of developing the talents we are blessed with, and I really feel this is one of those. Also, Seth doesn't participate in any other extracurricular activity. I think he can do this one thing. Am I wrong? I'd be interested to hear your opinions. Meanwhile, for the twenty-billionth time, I'll ask:

"Have you practiced the piano?"