Can your level of dysfunction equal ours?

This is birthday season in our family. Oh my goodness; every time I turn around, it's time to celebrate another birthday! Admittedly, most of this is my own fault. Eli in March, Isaiah and Shulamith in April, Seth in June - all my fault. We used to at least have a break in May, but then Mathew, born May 19th, joined our tribe, and THEN he and Shulamith had a baby in May, so now...well you get the idea. Birthday after birthday after birthday.

Last night was Matt's celebration. Several incidents of sweet family dysfunction made me laugh, so I thought I'd share them here.

1. First, when I told everyone that we would be celebrating Matt's birthday yesterday evening, Gerald, Eli, and Seth each independently asked, "Will Matt be here?" I told them that I thought he was coming although I didn't know for sure. We would celebrate his birthday either way; if he came, it would be the icing on the cake (his birthday cake!). Back story: Matt doesn't much like holidays or celebrations, and he works so much that he usually isn't here for them, and we're not sure he would come even if he were available more, because they are just not his favorite. But he was home last night (!), and he came. Yay! We love Matt.


2.  At some point in the evening, Shulamith was lamenting how "fat" she is becoming. As always, I tried to tell her the truth; she is not fat, but pregnant. And beautiful. Duh! But then the following conversation ensued:

Shulamith:  "Matt says even my calves are getting fat.

Gerald (her own father, by the way):  "They have to get bigger in order to hold up the rest of you."


 3.   Meanwhile, Seth was down in the living room showing Swen his card tricks (i.e. throwing cards at Swen while Swen giggled with delight).

Isaiah (quietly upstairs): "Finally, somebody can tolerate his card tricks."

Me (louder, so Seth could hear):  "Seth, Swen seems to like your card tricks. "

Seth:  "FINALLY SOMEONE LIKES THEM."


4.  Then the topic shifted to Isaiah's upcoming graduation. On May 31st, Isaiah will graduate with his B.S. in computer science. We are proud if him. Really we are.

Isaiah: "So Mom. What are you getting me for graduation?"

Me:  "In our family, you have to graduate with honors to get a present."

Isaiah (smiling): "I hate this family."

Shulamith: "You are the smartest person in this house, and you are not finishing with honors. Really, Isaiah?"

Back story: Isaiah will be our third college graduate (3 down; 2 to go!). Luke finished Magna Cum Laude; Shulamith, Cum Laude. Isaiah? Ahh, no.

Me: "Isaiah, exactly what happened between your sophomore and junior years? Just curious."

Isaiah: "I sorta stopped doing any homework after that point. Realized I didn't really need to. And I worked a lot."

So Isaiah was smart enough to pass all his upper level computer science classes without doing any homework and just taking exams. But not quite smart enough to do it with honors. Gotta love that kid.

I'd like to point out that I adore my family, dysfunction and all. But the question remains: Can your level of dysfunction equal ours?