I need to step aside

Those who know me well, know of my extreme dislike for a set of slang words people sometimes use to discuss bathroom issues. Many of those words begin with the letter "P," and oooh, how I dislike those, every last one of them. When I was in the hospital after giving birth to our first child, I remember some of the nurses using those words to talk about my brand new, perfect little Luke. I tried my best to be polite, but goodness, it was hard. You can say he has a wet or messy diaper, but please don't use those gross, slang "P" words to talk about him. Please!

As our children grew to toddlers and preschoolers, they learned to use the restroom without the need for any of those words. We taught them to say "I need to go to the bathroom" or "I need some bath tissue." Perfect! Music to my ears.

Now that they're older, they like to tease me about all of this. I'm not sure why, because it's not funny. Not at all. It's a matter of politeness and respectability. If you need to announce your bathroom plans (and I'm not sure why you would), here are some lovely ways to do it:

1. I need to go to the bathroom.
2. I need to use the restroom.
3. I need to use the washroom.

Or even better:

4. I need to excuse myself.

I especially love that one.

But recently I was thinking back to my college days as an undergrad at Willamette University in Salem, Oregon. I was an English major, but Willamette's liberal arts curriculum allowed me to explore a variety of disciplines, including philosophy, psychology, art history, theater, German, and religion. I loved my religion classes; had I not loved British poetry just a little bit more, I might have majored in religion.

My favorite religion professor was an older, southern gentleman (and gentle he was indeed). For the life of me, I can't remember his name, but I can see him so clearly in my mind and even better, hear his soft voice with its distinct southern accent in my head. By now, he almost certainly resides in heaven, but I will always remember the way he taught the New Testament, so carefully, thoughtfully,  and thoroughly. I learned so much. Lorrie, are you reading this? Do you know who I'm talking about?

The other thing I remember about him is the one day our class somehow found itself in a discussion of the proper way to refer to the need to use the bathroom. How did this conversation come about? No idea. But this dear professor, with his refined southern charm, taught us what his grandmother had taught him to say: "I need to step aside."

I think I'm in love.