All Because I Didn't Get a Bundt Cake!

In order to understand this particular post, you will need to know two things. Most of you already know the first, but possibly not the second:

1. I suffer from a chronic anxiety disorder, that (when it's at its worst) specifies itself to intense, irrational fear of terminal illnesses.

2. On 103rd and State Street in Sandy, right across the street from The Shops at South Town, in an inconspicuous strip mall, sits a tiny establishment called Nothing Bundt Cakes.

What do these two facts have in common? More than you'd think.

This past month my stupid anxiety has been ridiculous. As in terrible. Really. Really. Sucky. Blah. My whole body has been locked in high alert, the "fight or flight" response, my mind consumed with thoughts of dying, which in turn produces symptoms of one disease after another, and can you see the downward cycle here? Sleep becomes impossible, leaving me both exhausted and terrified and unable to fix either.

Quick shout out to my awesome family: Even after years of dealing with my anxiety, they're still around. Eli and Amanda brought up incense and lotion, both designed to be calming and to decrease stress. Shulamith googled all my symptoms and repeatedly reassured me that I am 100% healthy. I had promised myself I wouldn't wake Gerald up, because he doesn't get nearly enough sleep as it is, and he can't really help anyway, but I reneged on that promise one of the nights, when it was 3:00 a.m. and I hadn't slept at all, and the following day was Easter, and I had so much to do! Many people would have given up on me years ago, but these guys hang in. They are my team.

The other team member is Emily, my friend and walking partner. She likes to figure stuff out (and she's very good at it), so together, we speculated about what might have triggered this recent episode. Yes, I'm a little extra anxious about Seth this transfer, but no, I don't think that's enough to send my anxiety brain to this degree of crazy. Could it be the stress of trying to juggle two schools? Well it certainly didn't help that last week was the final week of winter semester at Salt Lake Community College AND the first week of spring semester at LDS Business College. No lie. I thought I had a handle on it, until Tuesday when I was was rattling on about my new classes at LDSBC, and Shulamith said, "So you're not going to SLCC tomorrow?"

Wait...what????

"Noooooooo. I have face-to-face classes at 11:30 at two different colleges tomorrow. What am I gonna do?"

Olivia Pope (aka Shulamith Webster) to the rescue. She offered to teach the last day of my SLCC class, so I could go to the first day of LDSBC. All's well that ends well, but oh my goodness!

Still, none of this is sufficient to trigger the heightened response of the past month. The only other thing I can think of is the lack of a bundt cake. You see, often (okay, too often), when Shulamith and I happen to be out at the mall in Sandy, we'll make a quick hop across the street to Nothing Bundt Cakes and each pick up our own little individual bundt cake. For a few weeks, we did this weekly. And then we didn't. I don't think I've had a bundt cake in like FOUR WEEKS!

I know chronology doesn't always equal causality, but I'm not taking any chances. It's not worth the risk, now that I'm just beginning to feel better. Shulamith, if you're reading this (and I know you are), we are getting bundt cakes tomorrow. Plan on it.