Welcome Noelle Elise!

Now that our "capstone child" is a very grown up ten years old, I am left to celebrate the births of my friends' children. This lovely new little person, fresh from Heaven, is Noelle Elise, the fourth daughter of my friend Celeste and her husband Matt. Isn't she about the sweetest thing you have ever seen? Oh how I long to just pick her up and cuddle her....except she lives in San Antonio, so I can't. Noelle was born on June 23rd and joins sisters Kylie, Megan, and Molly. Watch out, Matt! You are significantly outnumbered.

The circumstances of Noelle's birth in some ways parallel the birth of our fourth child, Eli, 17 years ago. Noelle's daddy has a brand new job, so he doesn't have a lot of time off, leaving Celeste alone with her new baby and three young children. Those first few days and weeks with a newborn are always challenging no matter the circumstances, but being alone makes them more so. Such was the case for us after Eli's birth. Gerald had a new job, which required us to relocate from the Bay Area, California to Mt. Vernon, Washington. Because the geographical area covered by our HMO went only as far north as Longview, Washington, we had no choice but to deliver Eli at the hospital there. I had a grandmother who lived in a small retirement community 20 miles from Longview, so 2-year-old Isaiah and I stayed with her for a week, hoping Eli would decide to be born before his scheduled induction on his due date March 13, 1993. He didn't.

Instead, we went to the hospital that morning, I was induced, and Eli was born that afternoon. Gerald left Luke and Shulamith with his relatives in Northern Washington and met me at the hospital in Longview in time for the birth. He didn't, however, have enough time off work to stay any longer, so that same day he went right back up to Mt. Vernon, leaving me and Eli in the hospital, and Isaiah with my mother who had come up from Portland. The following day, my mom brought me Isaiah, and I left the hospital by myself with my two little boys in tow and headed north. Gerald decided to meet me at the Tacoma Mall when he got off work, so we'd at least be driving at the same time (albeit in separate cars) to our new home in Mt. Vernon. I reached the mall first, and carrying Eli in the infant seat with Isaiah by the hand, I went in. And right then, those lovely postpartum hormones decided to kick in. Right then. What timing, huh?

I was a mess. I must have looked like the most pathetic woman ever, crying uncontrollably, a newborn in one arm, chasing after a 2-year-old who was finally free from his car-seat after two hours. I remember one kind woman asking if she could help me. "No," I blubbered, "my husband is supposed to be here any time now." This was before we had cell phones, so I was only guessing that it would be soon, and eventually, Gerald did arrive. I regained a minimum of composure, and we got back in our cars and drove the remaining miles home. There, I found our new apartment in total disarray. It appeared that those who helped us move had simply dumped the contents of the U-Haul into the apartment. Furniture was scattered everywhere, couches on end, tables tipped over, utter disorder. Yikes! Gerald asked what he should do to make it tolerable at least temporarily. I told him I needed my rocking chair set up in front of a TV with videos for the kids. And I needed a path cleared to the kitchen and bathroom. That he did.

And that's the way the apartment remained for the next week until my friend Corrie arrived to help me. She took over everything, which included taking care of me, my new baby, and my three older children. She arranged furniture, set up beds, cooked us delicious meals, and created some harmony out the chaos. I will never forget her kindness. And I wish, more than anything, that I could do the same now for Celeste. Her mom can't be with her for another couple weeks, and I so wish I could be there now to help. Or that Lindsey could be there. Or better yet, both of us! I know Celeste will be fine on her own; she is one of the strongest people I know and the most incredible mother. Noelle is so lucky to have her. I still wish I was there.

So welcome to the world, little Noelle. You are loved by many, even by those of us who have yet to meet you. Your birth gave me reason to pause and think about the birth of my own fourth child 17 years ago: a challenging, but ultimately happy memory. So thank you.

Genetic or Learned Behavior?

So I fight a continuous battle, and I'm pretty sure I am not alone. I thrive in a very neat environment. I wilt in disorder. I love things clean and tidy. I detest clutter. The battle? Not everyone in my family is like me. In a recent conversation with Seth, I began to wonder: Is the tendency to be neat and tidy or messy and cluttered genetic, or is it learned? Is it dependent on gender? Hmmm.

Me (picking up a bathrobe from the floor): Ugh! Why can't people put their things away? It is so rude to leave things out lying around.

Seth: Mom, it runs in the family. Well, except for you and Shulamith. Because you are ladies. And ladies like things all tidy up, but guys don't care. Well, except Luke. He never makes messes. But Isaiah, Eli, Dad, and me....we don't care. We like things messy.

But do they really? Do they really like things messy, or do they just dislike cleaning? Do they thrive in mess the way I thrive in neatness? I wish I knew.

For me, the answer is so incredibly simple. Don't make messes in the first place; then you never have to clean them up. My motto: Maintain the Clean! If you use a dish, rinse it immediately and put it into the dishwasher. When you take off an item of clothing, either hang it up if you intend to wear it again, or put it right into the laundry basket. When cooking, put things away as you go. As food is simmering on the stove, use that time to rinse utensils, and throw them into the dishwasher. And if you have a bit of extra time, grab a rag and wipe off the counter. When you get out of bed, make the bed behind you right then. If you play a game, put the pieces away immediately when you finish. Only handle paper once. Dispose of junk mail before you even enter the house. Never set things down except for in their proper places, and have a place for every item.

This is really so easy.

But apparently not for everyone.

Most of the people in my family (I won't name names, but Seth has it pretty well figured out) seem to operate with an entirely opposite set of rules. Instead of maintaining the clean, they make huge messes and then lament the prospect of having to clean them up. When they use a dish, they set it right next to them, wherever they happen to be. Since they, themselves, are generally NOT positioned in the dishwasher, the dish doesn't get there. When they remove an item of clothing, they lay it down wherever they are, which is not usually in their closets or in the laundry basket. When cooking, they leave every single solitary item they use sitting out all over the counters. When they get out of bed, they simply throw the blankets into a ball and leave them. When the play a game, they leave the game board and pieces scattered all over the table. When they open mail (particularly Netflix items), they leave the torn envelopes and wrappers wherever.

This behavior leaves an incredible mess throughout the house every day. It also leaves a grumpy, frustrated, sometimes even resentful mom. I do not desire to be any of those things, but I also do not care to clean up after able-bodied, fully capable people. A recent status floating around Facebook read, "I wanted to clean up messes I didn't make, so I became a mom." You see, I am not alone.

Back to the original question: Genetic or learned? Probably both. I think people like me reduce anxiety as they establish order. Well, I don't just think this; I know it. The neater things are around me, the calmer I am. For others, though, I suspect it increases their anxiety to think constantly about being tidy. That difference is obviously genetic. On the other hand, I think we build habits as we live in various situations and with different people. Both my parents were incredibly neat and tidy, and I learned that behavior at a young age. So why hasn't this rubbed off on my children? It has, at least on a couple of them.

Gender specific? I don't think so. As Seth so eloquently pointed out, Luke never makes messes. Neither did my dad. I think we'll throw gender out the window this time and go back to a combination of genetics and conditioning.

"Ugh, why can't people put their things away? It is so rude to leave things out."

How many times in the past 20+ years do you suppose I've spoken those words? I'd guess in the thousands.

Sometimes God Calms the Storm

Sometimes God calms the storm. Other times, He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

Yesterday, it was the latter.

We arrived home from church around 2:30, a typical Sunday. Isaiah was at work at Walmart, and Eli was already in Utah headed for EFY, so it was just the three of us at home: Gerald, Seth, and I. We hung out for awhile, and then I decided to take a nap, my favorite Sunday activity. I lay down in my bed and was just at that point when you're almost asleep but not quite when the sky suddenly darkened. It seriously looked like dusk rather than mid-afternoon. Almost immediately, it began to rain. Hard. Then harder. Then the rain changed to hail. I've often heard the term "golf ball" to describe the size of large hailstones. Until yesterday, I had never seen such a thing. Indeed, the hail yesterday, at least some of it, was the size of golf balls.

About the time we opened our sliding glass door to gather up a couple of these huge stones (I wanted to put them in the freezer to show Eli when he gets back), the electrical storm began. Lightning lit up the sky; the crash of thunder bellowed immediately after. It was very close. At that point, we lost power. Seth, who had been putting on a brave front, came running into my arms. "Did the thunder scare you?" I asked. He replied in the affirmative. We hugged tight. I can't tell you for sure how long the storm lasted; it seemed relentless, one bolt of lightning after another, each followed closely by bellowing thunder.

It's always surprising to realize how much we rely on electricity. We surely take it for granted until we don't have it. Our land line phone was also down, so all we had with which to communicate with the outside world were our cell phones. Texting was sketchy--some messages got through; others didn't--, but thankfully, we could make and receive phone calls. We wanted to make sure Isaiah was okay at Walmart. He was. They locked down the entire store; neither customers nor employees were allowed to go outside. Isaiah actually saw the tornado before it ripped the roof off the Metra Park Arena and destroyed several businesses in the area. Fortunately, there was no event at the Metra yesterday, so the building was vacant as were most of the nearby businesses. It could have been so much worse had the Metra been occupied. Still, there is immense damage, and many will suffer emotionally and financially.

It ended as abruptly as it began. The sky turned blue, and everything was quiet. We went for a long walk breathing in the fresh, post-storm air.

Sometimes God calms the storm. Other times, He lets the storm rage, and calms His child. Yesterday, it was the latter.

Emma, Jase, and Hanna

My three favorite children (other than my own, of course) are Emma, Jase, and Hanna. They are 6, 4, and 20 months, respectively. Last week, I had the pleasure of spending a couple hours with them while Lindsey went visiting teaching. As Emma and Jase and I sat on the couch watching Hanna attempt to jump rope (which was plenty entertaining enough), Jase proceeded to take another jump rope and tie me up. He wrapped rope around both my feet and then around the couch. The following conversation ensued:

Emma: I love your necklace, Terrianne. It's so cute.

Me: Thanks, Emma. I love it too. Gerald gave it to me. It has a mom holding a baby. It reminds me how much I love my children.

Emma: You have five children, right?

Me: Yes, I do. The oldest is Luke. Do you remember him?

Emma: Yes.

Jase: I like Luke!

Emma: Then there's Shulamith, except she's not in your family anymore because she got married.

Me: Oh, Emma, Shulamith is still our family. She got married, so now she lives with Matt, but she is definitely still in our family. Next comes Isaiah. Do you remember Isaiah?

Emma: Yes I do.

Jase: I don't remember Isaiah.

Me: Well, we'll have to bring him over, so you will remember him. He was gone at college for quite a long time. And then there are Eli and Seth. Of course you know both of them very well.

Emma: Yeah (giggling), I like to chase Seth!

And then, out of the blue...

Jase: Well, your children are sure gonna miss you. Because you're tied up to this couch forever. You'll have to sleep here and eat here.

Me: Really, I'll have to stay tied up here forever?

....Pause.....

Jase: Are you prayin'?

Me: Ah, no.

Jase: Maybe you should be.

Me: You mean I should pray that I can somehow get untied from this couch?

Jase: I'll just do it for you.

At which point, he folds his arms, closes his eyes, and begins to pray....

“Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for this day. Please bless the food to nourish and strengthen our bodies. And please bless Terrianne so she can get untied from this couch. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

A Decade of Joy

Seth and best friends Ethan and Tommy swim at The Reef indoor water park to celebrate the day.











Yesterday was Seth's 10th birthday. As he kept reminding me, he entered into the DOUBLE DIGITS. I know it's true, but that doesn't make it any easier to believe. You see, it really seems like just the other day that he wasn't here yet. We had our four other children fairly close together, and for quite a while, we thought we were done. But then, when Eli was 5 or 6, I began to wonder if there wasn't one more child waiting for us. The thought didn't go away. I expected Gerald to totally shut me down with this train of thought, but he must have known on some level as well because he was entirely sold on the idea. So on June 14, 2000, when Eli was 7 years old and Luke was 15, Seth came to Earth and to our family. What a blessing to us all!

I remember the day I went into labor. It didn't seem to be convenient for anyone. I had been up all night with definite signs of pre-labor when the phone rang at 7:00 a.m. It was the school. One of our kids was out of lunch money on his account, and could I please come in and pay because it was too late in the year to charge. "Ah, I would, but I'm actually in labor right at the moment," which abruptly ended that conversation. I believe they went ahead and fed my child. It was also Shulamith's 8th grade graduation, which I would ultimately miss. My mom brought her by the hospital, so I could see her in her dress, powder blue to match her eyes. She was beautiful as always.

My labor was also inconvenient for the hospital, it seemed. Mt. Vernon is a small town, so when there are no mothers in labor or recovering, they close down the maternity ward entirely. Such was the case that morning. They had to open it up for me and ask an OB nurse to stay past her regular shift time in order to help me. Here's the irony. Teenage pregnancy is rampant in Mt. Vernon, and the nurse who was asked to stay had this to say: "I'll do it as long as it isn't another teen mom." Well, no problem here! I was what they politely call an "AMA patient." That stands for Advanced Maternal Age and applies to anyone having a baby at age 35 or over.

Seth's birth was positively lovely. My other four children were born without pain-relieving medication, in other words: natural childbirth (Read: excruciating pain.) Let me make this clearer. In all four cases, I felt as though my back was about to break in two, and I prayed it would, because in that moment, I'd gladly have lived the rest of my life paralyzed just to escape the present situation. There is a myth that mothers forget all this once their babies are born, but a myth is exactly what that is. I remember. In contrast, with Seth, I had this amazing, blessed procedure called an epidural. I highly recommend it. Enough said.

After Seth was born, they let all four of his siblings come right in. Isaiah and Eli (ages 9 and 7 respectively) helped give him his first bath. All four kids took turns holding him. Our family was complete, and we all seemed to know it.

The ten years that followed have sped by faster than I could have ever imagined. Some people have told me that having a baby later in life would keep me young. I'm not sure I agree. I suspect I would have "kept" young all on my own, with or without Seth. I'm just that way; I ardently refuse to join the "older generation" whatever that is. However, Seth has provided me the opportunity to continue on with primary functions, elementary school activities, play dates, sleepovers, all the things that go with having a young child. And I love that. Every bit of it.

He is a remarkable child, in my opinion. I always said I wanted strong-willed children who know their own minds and feel free to express themselves. I got my wish with all five, including Seth. He has had to contend with people much older than himself his whole life, and he does it quite well. But emotionally, he is still nine. Okay, ten. His sense of humor is still that of a 10-year-old. In closing, let me illustrate that with the following conversation we had just yesterday:

Seth: Can I just live with Shulamith and Matt forever?

Me: Only if Dad and I die.

Seth: Well then, could you hurry up and do that?

The View from the Left: Part 3

A Democrat in the LDS Culture: Part 3 of 3

I have been asked on occasion how it is to be a liberal Democrat and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The only response I can give is, “It's good, and it's good.” After all, it's good to be a Democrat, and it's good to be a member of the LDS Church. So the combination must be great, right? And it is. It absolutely is. But that doesn't mean it's always easy. Sometimes, it feels a little lonely. I am certainly not unique in my political/theological perspective. There are other LDS Democrats here and there, even serving in public office such as Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. There is even a Facebook group of which I am a member called “The LDS Left.” I am not alone.

But let's get real. The truth is that the great majority of the membership of the LDS Church, at least in this country, is politically conservative. Most support Republican candidates. And it's even more skewed in that direction in traditionally conservative states including Montana. For the record, is hasn't always been so. I'm told that in the 1950s, most Latter-day Saints were moderate Democrats. That surprises me (I was not quite on Earth yet myself), but that's what they say. From moderate Democrats to conservative Republicans in just 50 years! How did that happen? I'm not sure, but if I had to guess, I'd say a militant reaction against the “hippie movement” of the 1960s and the conservative politics of former LDS Church President Ezra Taft Benson likely played large parts.

Whatever the reasons, today, most Mormons are Republicans. And since I am blessed to be on Earth today, and not in the 1950s, I am faced with the challenge of how to handle it. For the most part, it isn't that difficult. The Church, itself, is politically neutral. Each election year, a statement from the First Presidency on political neutrality is read over the pulpit in Sacrament Meeting in every ward and branch in the country. I am only paraphrasing, but this beautiful statement affirms that the Church takes no official position on individual candidates. It states that Gospel principles are to be found in the platforms of BOTH major political parties. Church leaders do not tell the members how to vote; they simply encourage them to do so, to actively participate in the political process. The statement counsels members to study the candidates and issues, to pray about them, and to decide which candidates' positions are most closely in line with Gospel principles. Woo hoo! That's exactly what I do, and if in doing so, I happen to come to conclusions that are different from 95% (only guessing here) of the members, so be it.

Generally speaking, there is not a lot of political talk at church on Sunday. It's more likely to come up at activities during the week. Our 17-year-old son Eli recently noted, “All my Young Men leaders hate President Obama. They're always ragging on him.” I asked him what he says in response. He said he told him he likes the President and that in the 2012 election, he will be old enough to vote for him, and he will! Go Eli! Occasionally, I'll receive group emails from members who assume that I'm politically conservative because I'm Mormon. One time a few years ago, I received such an email. It was instructions on how to defend the decisions of President Bush against any opposition I might run into. Gerald said, “You aren't going to be able to just let this go, are you?” Of course not! I replied with a polite but straightforward note explaining why I opposed most of President Bush's policies and how I was hopeful to have a Democratic President soon. Thankfully, I got my wish.

Recently, Luke sent me a brand new “Obama 2012” bumper sticker for my car. I seriously think I may be the first Montana resident to have one. I went right outside and proudly displayed it on the rear window of the van. A week or so later, Gerald asked me if I'd had any response to it. Only one. And this one makes me sad. To backtrack, I currently have two callings in my ward. First, Gerald and I co-teach the Gospel Doctrine class, a calling we both dearly love. In addition, a couple months ago, I was called as a Ward Missionary to help the sister missionaries serving in our ward. I dearly love this calling as well; I didn't get a chance to serve a mission myself, and hardly anything is more fun than going out teaching with these amazing, young sisters. My one comment about my bumper sticker came from Sister Buchanan. She and I are kind of soul-mates; we're both directionally challenged, Facebook junkies, and avid bloggers. She told me there's a potential investigator family they met and are hoping to teach, and she wants to take me over there. Great! Then she told me why. Apparently, these people told the missionaries that they might like to learn more about our church except they can't. “Why not?” the sisters asked. “We're liberal. We're Democrats. We wouldn't be welcome in your church,” they replied.

Ack. This is so not good. We must do all we can to dispel this awful myth. Of course this lovely family would be welcome in our church. Liberals are welcome in the Kingdom. Jesus loves Democrats too; in fact, were he on Earth today, I'd like to think he'd be one himself. After all, who was the best example of feeding the hungry, caring for the poor, and providing free health care to all? I haven't had the chance to meet this family yet, but I hope to meet them soon.

Meanwhile, as a Democrat in the LDS culture, I'll continue to nurture my testimony of the Savior, vote my conscience, and hold on tight to my perfect right to be both an active Democrat and card-carrying Mormon.

The View from the Left: Part 2

Passing On a Legacy: Part 2 of 3

My grandpa was also a strong believer in the value of education. He and my grandma lived in a high-rise apartment overlooking Portland State University. He would hold me in his arms, and together we'd look out the window at the college campus. “Tannie, you see those kids there. They are getting an education. And that is important. One day, you will go to college and get an education. It's the one thing no one can ever take from you. They can take your money, your home, your possessions. But they can't take your education.” I would fantasize about living with my grandparents and attending Portland State University. What a perfect life that would be! My grandpa died when I was 12, and by the time I went to college, my grandma had moved from those apartments. I did not attend PSU, but I did go to college. And to graduate school. And much of my commitment to education, both for myself back then and for my children now, is due to my grandpa's influence.

The night I met Gerald (well, maybe not the actual night, but very early in our friendship), we somehow found ourselves on the subject of politics. I don't know, perhaps it was the five bumper stickers supporting liberal candidates and issues that adorned my old beater car at the time that instigated the conversation? In any case, I was pleased to learn that he shared my political perspective. You see, I could marry someone with different values in some areas of life. I could even marry someone of a different religious faith (which was the case for us at the time, although not now). But marry a Republican? Never!

I would like to think that now, as a grown woman, my politics are my own. I really do study the issues and the candidates, and I embrace the values of the Democratic Party almost all of the time. I would like to believe that this is the same conclusion I would reach even had I not been raised in the family I was. But I can't be sure. Regardless, we seem to have successfully passed on our political tradition to our children, at least to the oldest three. Eli and Seth are not yet politically active, but Luke, Shulamith, and Isaiah clearly are. One of my fondest recent memories was in the fall of 2008. Luke signed himself and me up to canvass for Presidential candidate Barack Obama. Luke had only been home from his mission (LDS) a few months, so as we set out canvassing door to door, I remember telling him to be careful. “Remember what we're doing,” I warned. “When they answer the door, be sure NOT to say, 'We're missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.'” We both laughed at that thought and spent a lovely morning together. President Obama didn't take Montana, but the race was closer than anyone would have predicted early on, and I'd like to think part of that was due to our efforts. Shulamith, also, is unashamed to voice her liberal views, especially on social issues about which she feels strongly. And Isaiah is perhaps the most politically-informed 19-year-old I know. He was too young to vote in 2008, but he looks forward to supporting Democratic candidates in the upcoming midterm elections. My grandpa would beam with pride at his great-grandchildren.

The question remains: How do we form our opinions on significant topics? Do we do so independent of our upbringing? Or are the teachings of our childhood so permanently impressed upon our souls that we cannot escape them? I'm not sure. I suspect it varies from person to person. For me, it's likely more the latter, and if that's the case, I have only this to say: Thank you, Grandpa! I love you. Just like a tree that's planted by the water, when it comes to the very basics of politics and social justice, I shall not be moved.

....To Be Continued...