Speechless

It is rare for me to be at a loss for words. But it happened.

In fact, so speechless was I that it's been a few days since this incident occurred, and I'm only now putting words to it. 

I sat at my desk in my home office, feeling great after grading the last of 62 annotated bibliographies. I should have just walked downstairs and cracked open a fresh can of Diet Coke. Or wandered down the hall to my bedroom and climbed in bed to watch a show. Or picked up my Kindle and continued reading about Phil Knight, the creator or Nike, in his memoir, Shoe Dog.

I should have done anything but what I did: open Outlook for my three schools. As I scrolled through a dozen emails, one stood out because I didn't recognize the student's name. Then I noticed that it came from a student in my hybrid class, which meets on Mondays only. Because of all the Monday holidays this semester, this class has only met nine times. Maybe that's why I didn't recognize the student's name?

I clicked on the email. It was pure ChatCPT start to finish. Eight paragraphs of annoyingly bland sentences, pablum really, with that nauseating cadence unique to robotic writing. Blah. And what did these eight paragraphs say, you may be wondering? An apology for the student's "recent lack of participation" and an understanding that "consistent attendance and engagement are essential components of a successful academic experience." Next, it explains that the student has been facing significant challenges due to a "heavy workload from other classes." After eight paragraphs of this, the robot email concludes by expressing gratitude for my "understanding and patience" and that my "support and guidance are greatly appreciated."

After throwing up (okay, not really, but almost), I flipped over to Canvas to check this student's progress and grades. Turns out the student has never, even once, attended class. The attendance record shows Present, 0 days; Tardy, 0 days; Absent, 9 days. No wonder I didn't recognize the name; I've never met this person! Then I checked grades. The student currently has 0%, having submitted not a single assignment. Then I checked email history. No prior emails. So in Week #11 of a 15-week semester, this student contacts me for the first time ever, asking for help. And the worst part of all?????

They do it using that awful ChatGPT! 

Zero genuine voice. Zero captivating tone. Zero rhetorical style. This, along with zero attendance and zero grade percentage left me with....uh....

Zero words. Speechless. (And sad. Also sad. Because I really do want all my students to succeed.)

Leapin' through February!

In my experience, January lasts about a year, February lasts about an hour, and suddenly it's March. Yes, I realize February is the shortest month; still it's not that much shorter, and every four years it's not that much shorter at all. This is one of those years, yet here we are, at the end of February, and I barely remember anything about it. What exactly happened? What did I even do? I have a vague memory of the dredges of January and its never-ending cold but no Christmas and the feeling that it would never end. But suddenly, tomorrow is March. 

I guess a few things happened worth noting, so here goes.

Of course the very best thing that happened in February was our NYC trip, fully documented here. At least once a day, I say to myself "I'd really rather be in New York." This feeling will fade with time but never fully vanish. Until my next visit. I do love it there.

Valentine's Day passed without much frivolity; someone brought me two chocolate cupcakes, which I couldn't eat because of the 4 lbs. I gained in NYC that I was still working to lose. Eli and Amanda's daughter, Jane, made Valentines for everyone. Look how hard she worked:

The day after V. day, Shulamith's daughter Kennedy's had her dance company fireside, where she danced magnificently. Kennedy is so dedicated to her art, and it shows. 

And last week, Seth told me he was feeling like he hadn't seen anyone in a long time. He's only 20 minutes away, but he works lots, along with finishing his final semester at UVU. He'll graduate May 2nd, and I couldn't be any more excited than to celebrate our fifth and final college graduate! 

I told Seth that if he picked a night to drive up for dinner, I'd invite everyone, and hopefully at least a couple of the sibs would be able to come. But as it turned out, they all came, all the locals that is! It was such a fun evening to have all four of them together for no special reason other than to hang out and catch up. We stayed a long time. I felt extra blessed these people belong to me.

I just looked back at my post from Leap Day four years ago. It was so innocent. I taught a class. Walked two dogs. Met Shulamith for lunch at Cafe Rio. Ran an errand in Lehi. Took another walk. Bought groceries. 

Nothing out of the ordinary. 

Little did I know that the following month the world would shut down. A virus would cause a pandemic the proportions of which none of had ever experienced or expected. We would learn a new term: "social distance." We would stay home almost all the time. We would fear contact with others. We would worry about every cough, sneeze, or fever. We would worry especially over our elderly friends and family members. We would watch in horror as people died.

We would also learn a lot. We would learn to be grateful and to trust more. We would learn how resilient we are. We would learn how much our faith means to us, wherever it is centered. And though every one of us felt the trauma of that time, we also found our way through the trauma and began to heal. I expect we will never be quite the same as we were before COVID; hopefully what we learned will serve us and others well.

Happy Leap Day, everyone!

"You'll be back!"

My favorite song from the four shows we saw this past weekend was this one, sung by King George in the award-winning Hamilton. On our trip to NYC nearly two years ago, Hamilton was still way too expensive, at least for the seats I like, where I can see their sweat. This time, we were able to get tickets, and Oh. My. Goodness. There is a reason this show won so many awards. How does one person write the entire script, along with all the amazing song lyrics AND the music to create this incredible of piece of art, and then star as the lead when the show first opens? You would have to ask Lin-Manuel Miranda. I'm baffled by the degree of talent it would take to do all that, but grateful to Miranda for sharing that talent, so I could experience the story of Alexander Hamilton in such a genre as the Broadway stage. The show was pure delight from start to finish, especially the first time King George took the state to remind the American colonists how much he loves them:

You'll be back like before

I will fight the fight and win the war...

'Cause when push comes to shove,

I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love!

Second place goes to the song "One Day I'll Carry You Home" from The Notebook. Guys, we were literally there the second day of the show's Preview performances! Can you even believe that? It was so good, far better than the movie (and I loved the movie)! Three couples played the leads: younger Allie and Noah, middle Allie and Noah, and older Allie and Noah, and the way the director staged all of them to move fluidly among the years was nothing short of brilliant!

I've got a secret to tell

I'm falling in love with you.

And I know, nothing else matters

'Cause one day I'll carry you home.

The whole world might think we're crazy,

But one day I'll carry you to our home,

And one day you'll be my home.

Third place song is in the second act when Sweeny sings the reprise of "Johanna" to honor his daughter, who was taken from him as a baby, when he was unjustly exiled to Australia fifteen years earlier. We saw Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street between its Josh Groban/Annaleigh Ashford run and before the new cast to include Aaron Tveit and Sutton Foster. But be very clear: I can't imagine better performances than we witnessed from Nicholas Christopher (Sweeny) and Jeanna de Waal (Mrs. Leavitt) last weekend. They had been Groban's and Ashford's understudies up to that point, but they took that stage and owned it. I loved every second. 

I feel you, Johanna

I feel you

Do they think that vaults can hide you?

Even now I'm at your window.

I am in the dark beside you

Very sweetly in your yellow hair,

Johanna, Johanna.

Finally, fourth place song goes to "Shape of My Heart" from &Juliet. We bought tickets to the first three shows (above) before we left home, but decided to take a chance on last-minute bargains for our fourth and final show. As I stood in an enormous line at the Cheap Broadway Tickets booth, Shulamith decided to run around to various theatres to see if she could find us discounted tickets. She did (!) for the show &Juliet. We decided to chance it, and it turned out to be a great choice. Alongside three shows with serious themes, &Juliet was just pure fun! In a retelling of Shakespeare's original, Juliet decides not to kill herself over a boy she's known only a few days, and goes on to live her own life, following her own rules. Gotta love Shakespeare with a feminist twist. The show features covers from a variety of pop music, and "Shape of My Heart" was my favorite.

We were so excited to have Isaiah with us this time, and I believe we've successfully converted him to Broadway musicals. I'm shocked how much he likes them. In his words, "I can't stay here much longer. I have to drop $200 every day I'm here to see another show." He went with us to Hamilton, Sweeny, and &Juliet; then he had the nerve to stay one more day after we left and go see Merrily We Roll Along. We're very jealous.

We mostly ate bagels and watched shows the entire four days, though we did manage to work out at the hotel gym...

...and take a lovely walk in Central Park...(photo on top)

As always, both Shulamith and I grieved leaving NYC and the Broadway stage. It's just so hard to say goodbye. But I'm certain when King George sang "You'll Be Back," he was singing right to us. 

Yes, King George. We will indeed be back.

The best (healthy) muffins on the planet. Really.

It was around 3:00 p.m. Saturday, in the middle of my temple shift. I serve in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple once a week as an ordinance worker, which just means that I go there each week for six hours and assist the patrons. I stopped by the break room to pick up my Stanley, which I keep there so I can grab sips of Diet Coke throughout the afternoon. Gathered around one of the tables were like a dozen workers raving over these muffins that Sister Graham brought to share, but by the time I got there, they were gone! 

When I asked her about them, she said they are both delicious and healthy. Tell me more! Except she couldn't because she needed to leave for her next post assignment, and I needed to get upstairs to start the next session. But about an hour later, Sister Graham found me up on the 2nd floor and handed me a small piece of paper with the recipe for these muffins. She must carry recipes around with her wherever she goes? Anyway, it was nice of her, and the recipe looked interesting. It only has 1/4 C. oil in 30 muffins and only 1.5 C. sugar. Everything else is pretty good for you.

So the next day I bought all the ingredients to make them. The process wasn't especially hard, though I did cut my finger while grating carrots. Next time I'll for sure buy pre-grated ones; I struggle mightily with sharp objects. You probably aren't as klutzy as me, but be careful nonetheless.

But here's the thing. These muffins turned out so much better than I ever imagined. They are SO good! I can't even explain why they're so good, but I suspect it has something to do with the combination of flavors: pineapple and coconut and walnuts and carrots and raisins. Yummmm!

I barely ever share recipes on this blog. I'm a terrible cook. Why should I show y'all how to make bad food too? This is my 884th post (say what?) in the15 years of itslegs, and I think I've only included three other recipes. There's our family favorite: egg casserole. And this amazing black bean salsa. And, surprisingly, another muffin, which though good, is not quite as good as this one.

I won't hold out any longer. Drive to the store. Buy this stuff. Make these muffins. Thank me later.

The best (healthy) muffins on the planet - aka Morning Glory Muffins:

2 1/2 C. white or whole wheat flour

1 1/4 C. sugar

3 tsp. cinnamon

2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

2 tbsp. flax seed (or crushed bran flakes)

Mix all of the above in one bowl. Set aside.

3 eggs

1 C. applesauce 

1/4 C. oil

1 tsp. vanilla

Mix these four things in a bowl.

Combine both bowls.

2 carrots (grated)

1 apple (grated)

1 8-oz. can crushed pineapple

1/2 C. coconut flakes

1/2 C. raisins

1/2 C. chopped walnuts

Stir the above six things into the other mix, and fill muffin cups.

Bake 20-24 minutes at 350 degrees. Makes around 30 muffins.

2023 Favorites (and a few least favorites)!

If Oprah can have favorites, so can I. Here are my 2023 picks:

Favorite Book:  Burial Rights by Hannah Kent

Beautiful story. Beautiful writing. That’s all I’m gonna say about it. (But prepare to cry yourself to sleep). Honorable mentions to Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garums, which is hilarious and quirky and all the good things, and Lovely War by Julie Berry. Disclaimer: This one’s classified as a “young adult romance,” which I didn’t know before I read it, and had I known, most likely wouldn’t have picked it up. I am no fan of young adult literature, yet here it is, earning an honorable mention this year. Set during WWI, it includes the agony of war, but also the redeeming power of true love, all narrated by Aphrodite, adding a touch of Greek Mythology, which is always a plus. Loved it.

Least Favorite Book: None. 

I don’t read books I don’t like. Capture me in 20 pages or I’m out. 

Favorite Purchase: Barely making the 2023 deadline, on New Year’s Eve I bought a new entryway table on FB Marketplace! It is exactly what I’ve been looking for and in “like new” condition. It even has a lower shelf to display my 15 years of blog books. So, so happy with it!

Least Favorite Purchase: New AC unit.

Seth’s dumb dog, Waffles, used our previous AC unit as his private bathroom, successfully corroding all the internal and external hardware. He did this on purpose. Rather than going out back in the small gated area, he wanted us to take him on six walks every day, where he could roam the neighborhood, smell all the smells, and bark at other dogs. And he got his wish! Replacing the AC unit was horribly expensive, and I’m still grieving that decision and feeling foolish for spending so much. We could survive without it. And we should have.

Favorite Movie: Waitress. 

I saw so few movies in theaters this past year that choosing wasn’t difficult. I was sad I missed the Broadway production of Waitress when we were in NYC, so I was excited to see the movie, which was a live stage recording of the show. It did not disappoint! Honorable mentions to A Man Called Otto (based on the book A Man Called Ove) and Barbie.

Least Favorite Movie: Wonka. 

I didn’t think anything could be more boring than the Frozen franchise, but I was wrong. Have I mentioned how much I detest kids’ movies? Even more than young adult literature?

Favorite Travel Experience: Ten-day Mediterranean cruise in May with Shulamith. 

We visited Barcelona, Cannes, Pisa, Florence, and Rome, and it was all incredible. Runner up… a quick weekend trip to Phoenix in November, where Shulamith, Kennedy, and I attended my niece Carley’s wedding. Of course weddings are always the best, but getting to spend time with my Oregon family, extended family, and relatives of my extended family was the icing on the proverbial cake. So fun!

Least Favorite Travel Experience: None. No such thing.

Favorite TV show: The Chosen. 

Like so many people, I was captivated from the start. It is the best representation of Jesus I’ve ever seen, perfectly nuanced between His humanity and divinity. 

Favorite TV mini-series based on a book: All the Light We Cannot See. 

Simultaneously tragic and heroic like so many WWII stories, the TV mini-series is nearly as powerful as the book. Honorable mentions to Lessons in Chemistry and The Last Thing He Told Me. I read both these before watching the two mini-series and thoroughly enjoyed both genres.

Favorite Blog Post: “Cuz I really like being right.”

This year I’m going with the post that got the most page views. (Also, because I really like being right.) Nod goes to “‘Were you consistent?’ Mr. Gay wanted to know,” which placed second for the year in page views. The former is the story of Shulamith’s transition back to teaching half-day kindergarten after a 10-year break. The latter is about my 25+ year journey as an adjunct college instructor and our family's commitment to education. Interesting that the top two posts are both related to our careers.

Favorite email correspondent: Hermana Emma Mecham.

My friend Lindsey’s daughter is serving in the Minnesota Minneapolis Mission, Spanish speaking, out there every day sharing the good news of the Savior Jesus Christ with the people of Minnesota. It is joyful to receive her emails and hear about all the people she is serving. I know her beautiful smile is a light to everyone she meets! (Lindsey, wasn’t it just last week that she and Seth were sitting at your dining room table in Billings playing Candy Land?)

Favorite meal: Shrimp pasta in a lovely little restaurant in Pisa.

It was so delicious, and working to get the shrimp out of the shells was nuts!

Least favorite meal: Everything we ate on the cruise ship. Blah!

Favorite Bible story: Matthew 3. This past year our church Sunday School curriculum focused on the New Testament, which includes the incredible stories of Jesus and His ministry. It’s hard to pick a favorite, but the story of Jesus’ baptism, in Matthew 3:13-17 teaches us so much. I especially love the significance of verse 15. When John the Baptist questions his own worthiness to baptize Jesus, Jesus explains, “Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfill all righteousness.” Consider the word “us” in that sentence. Jesus says “it becometh us” not “it becometh me.” This is kingdom language; this speaks of the covenant relationship that is needed. It’s like He’s saying, “Now we, together, will build the kingdom.” I wonder how a fuller understanding of this principle might affect our individual lives and journeys.

Favorite song: “O Come, All You Unfaithful.”

Released in 2020, this is not a brand new Christmas song, but it was new to me! I’ve listened to probably a half dozen covers, but my favorite is this one by the BYU Young Ambassadors. We can be deniers like Peter, doubters like Thomas, runners like Jonah, persecutors like Paul, idolaters like Solomon, unfaithful like David. Our Savior is always there with open arms to cleanse, redeem, welcome, and love. As the song lyrics invite: “Come, see what your God has done.”

And that's a wrap on my 2023 favorites. Happy New Year, everyone!

Jane Explains - Part II

 

18. A couple days ago I was singing a song while changing Jane's diaper.

Jane: Her funny, sing a song!

19. I have a chronic cough, every day, all year long. I suspect it's allergies. Last night I was at their house, and as usual, coughed.

Jane: Her funny, (then imitated me by basically gagging). 

20. Shulamith and I had a lunch date with Jane one day last week. We went to Chick-fil-A, and I got her a kids' nugget meal. After eating every single chicken nugget, she held up the box.

Jane: Chicken gone!

21. Yesterday was Amanda's birthday, but when they tried to explain this to Jane and sing the song, she kept singing "Happy Birthday, dear Her Her." 

Amanda: Whose birthday is it, Jane?

Jane: Her Her!

Eli: No, It's Mommy's birthday!

Jane: Happy birthday Her Her.

My birthday was in October, and we think that is the first birthday Jane remembers celebrating, so now she thinks every birthday is mine. Which is absolutely perfect!

22. Shulamith, Kennedy, and I took Jane to lunch yesterday. We asked her about one of the many temper tantrums she had thrown lately, which Amanda told us about. In this case, Eli had the nerve to color the "B" on her "Bluey" coloring page, and she had a full-on meltdown. 

Shulamith: Jane, did Daddy color the "B" on your "Bluey" page?

Jane: (Making her mad/crying face and hand motions to wipe tears): MAD!

23. After we dropped her home, she told Amanda all about our adventures.

Jane: Shulamith and Kennedy and Her Her drive the car, eat the food.

24. Jane and her parents are coming here for dinner tonight.

Jane: "Silly Matt" (said with wiggling fingers and a grin) will "Jane tickle."

25. Jane (grabbing Amanda's face): It's mine! It's mine!

Amanda: What's yours?

Jane: It's MY Mommy! MY Mommy!

26. I went to pick up Amanda and Jane for lunch.

Jane (running around the room and jumping): Her Her!!!

Me: Hi Jane, are you ready to go to Chick-fil-A?

Jane: Kennedy going?

Me: No, Kennedy can't go with us this time; she's visiting her daddy at his work today.

Jane: Kennedy??

Me: No. Kennedy can't go today.

[Jane has a very sad face.]

Me: Are you sad, Jane? 

Amanda: Are you sad or are you mad?

Jane (with her made expression): Jane mad!

27. Yesterday, Eli worked all day, then went straight from work to a movie and straight from the movie to a concert downtown. (Note: This is not typical, but a nice break for him.) However, it wasn't Jane's favorite. I went over to their house when I got home from the temple at 6:00 to hang out with her and Amanda, so when Jane heard my key in the door, she thought it was gonna be Eli.

Jane (when she saw me): No Dada. It's Her Her. 

She was definitely sad at first about this turn of events, but after saying it a couple more times, she seemed happy, judging by how she jumped up and down when she said "It's Her Her!"

28. Jane likes to help Amanda cook, so Amanda bought her this little stand that is enclosed on three sides, so Jane can safely reach the countertops. Amanda also bought her a children's cutting knife that is safe for Jane to use but still cuts food (it's pretty cool, actually!). 

Amanda: I need to make a salad now.

Jane: Make a salad, Jane?

So Amanda set up Jane's stand, and Jane cut lettuce, cucumbers, green onion, avocado, and tomatoes. Then she grated cheese, and added croutons. 

29. Jane co-sleeps with Eli and Amanda every night, though sometimes Amanda sleeps in the other bedroom, so she can get good sleep. Eli seems to co-sleep just fine. This morning Jane woke up with this to report:

Jane: Oh no! Jane lost the Daddy! Lost the Daddy! Not Daddy here; it's Mommy!

Then she got her grumpy face, a really serious tone, and shook her head, repeating: 

Jane: Jane lost the Daddy. Lost the Daddy. 

30. Jane can be unpredictable in whom she likes on any given day. (Other than her parents, whom she always adores.) For example, one day last week, she was not in the mood for me. When I opened the door and stepped into their house, she immediately made her wishes known.

Jane: No, Her Her!

Then I tried to sit down, first on the recliner and then on the couch. Both times she was not happy.

Jane: No, Her Her! No sit down.

But then a different day, she was happy to see me. In fact. she was snuggling me on the couch, when Ramsay (their cat) jumped up and landed on my lap.

Jane (pushing Ramsay away): No, Meow Meow. My Her Her!

31. Jane loves her cousins and was so excited to see them Sunday. When they pulled up into my driveway:

Jane: I want Theodore, Swen. I want Kennedy. I want Kennedy. I made it to Her Her's house!! I made it! I made it!

32. Amanda had hiccups, so Jane wanted them too.

Jane: Want Jane too hiccup now!

Amanda: I'm sorry, Jane. I cannot give you hiccups, so you can have them like Mommy.

33. One day Last week, Eli was trying to change Jane's diaper, which is a giant struggle recently,  and he said something like "Please listen, Jane" or "Jane, you're not listening." Fast forward to today. Eli walks upstairs to use the restroom, but Jane wants more chocolate milk, so she yells at him:

Jane: More chockey milk, Daddy!

Once he's all the way up the stairs, she turns and looks at Amanda with one of her signature scowls:

Jane: Daddy not listen to Jane!!

34. I was showing Jane the picture from Seth's graduation of Gerald and me and the four of our kids who live here. Jane was pointing out the people one by one:

Me: Who's that?

Jane: Gerald!

Me: Who's that?

Jane: Shulamith!

Me: Who's that?

Jane: Isaiah!

Me: Who's that?

Jane: Her Her

Me: Who's that?

Jane: Daddy!

Me: Who's that?

Jane: Isaiah!

Me: No, that's Seth.

Jane: No. Not Seth. Isaiah!

(It's okay, Jane. Our dentist can't tell them apart either.)

35. Backstory, Swen does not like it if I have pictures of Jane as the wallpaper on my phone. I've tried to explain to him that I have pictures if my kids as my wallpaper, but oftentimes, Eli is holding Jane in those pictures. Swen still doesn't like it. Evidently, Jane also wants to control the wallpaper on my phone. Currently, I have a beautiful picture of the OG Erichsen-Websters (minus Luke).

Jane (looking at the picture): Make picture Jane!

36. Amanda was feeling sad about something the other night. 

Jane (patting Amanda's shoulder): It's okay, Mommy. Jane is here.

37. On Mother's Day last weekend, Amanda came downstairs after taking a nap. She forgot that she was supposed to bring down one of Jane's stuffed animal cats, so Eli ran up and brought it down for her. A few minutes later Jane was standing right by Amanda and said:

Jane: I miss you! I miss you!

(Amanda assumed Jane was talking about missing her because she had been taking a nap.)

Amanda: Awwww, I missed you too, baby! That's so sweet.

Jane: I missed you, cat. I missed you, cat.

(She was definitely talking about missing her stuffed cat, not Amanda.)

38. Eli: Jane, we need to change your diaper.

Jane: One second! I'm watching Hungry Caterpillar on tablet.

39. Eli was helping Jane take a bath.

Eli: Jane, let's get out of the tub now, so you can eat some pizza.

Jane: One second! I taking a bath.

40. Amanda was taking apart my bed frame to move it into the guest room, as my new bed is being delivered tomorrow. Jane was helping.

Amanda: Jane, let's go downstairs now.

Jane: One second, Mommy. I'm fixing the pirate ship.

41. Jane loves both her parents fiercely, but she spends more time with Amanda because Eli works full time away from home, while Amanda works part time fully remote. Jane really misses Eli when he's gone. Thursday was his day off, and he spent all day with Jane, and she was the happiest. But the following morning, she was distraught, and begged Eli not to go.

Jane (crying): Please stay with me, Daddy.

42. Eli dumped out some ice from a cup onto the ground.

Jane: It goes on the trash. Not on the grass.

43. We went to a playground the other night, and Kennedy was coming down the slide.

Jane (standing with outstretched arms at the bottom): It's not scary. I catch you!

44. Jane was trying to cut her doll's hair off with nail clippers, and Amanda was trying to stop her.

Jane: Mommy, stop talking a me!

45. Eli and Amanda were trying to convince Jane to eat dinner before she eats marshmallows.

Amanda: Strawberries make you strong.

Jane: Strawberries no make you strong. Marshmallows make you strong.

46. Jane and I were snuggling on their new couch under a blanket reading a book, when Jane decided she needed to do something else.

Jane (holding up her hand): One second! I be right back and snuggle a you.

47. A couple days ago, I went to Eli and Amanda's house for dinner and to spend the evening.

Me: Hi Jane! How are you?

Jane: Mommy is taking a shower. Mommy is SO dirty!

48. Eli was lighting off fireworks last night, to celebrate Utah's fake holiday, Pioneer Day. Amanda had been concerned for Jane's safety (and Eli's!) when Eli lit one closer to Jane than Amanda wanted, and again when Eli jumped over an active fireword.

Jane: Daddy not safe. Don't just over the firework, Daddy. It's not safe!

49. Jane is still slightly confused about why I don't live with them, after the two months they lived here with us when their house was being repaired.

Jane: Her Her coming over.

Amanda: Um, I don't think she is coming over tonight. Maybe she can come tomorrow night.

Jane: Oh! Dat a good idea, Mommy! Her Her come and sit with Daddy. Her Her loves Daddy!

(She's not wrong. I do love her Daddy. Very much!)

50. Jane started dance class this week. Because they only have one car and Eli takes it to work, I am helping Amanda get Jane to class on Wednesday mornings. I pick her up, and she drives up to the Sandy Center of the U. of Utah, where I have class. Then she takes Jane to dance in my car while I'm at school.  At 1:00 p.m. when I get finished teaching, they pick me up.

First, Jane did not want me to go to class; she wanted me to go with her and Amanda to dance class.

Jane: Her Her go to dance and watch me through the window. (There is a window through which parents can watch their little ones dance.

After they picked me up, we met Shulamith at Olive Garden for lunch. Oftentimes, when we're in separate cars, we tell Jane to hurry and get into her carseat so we can race Shulamith to wherever we're going. This time we definitely arrived first at the restaurant.

Me: Jane, we beat Shulamith to the restaurant. We won!!

Jane: We win Shulamith!

Shulamith (pretending to cry): You beat me, Jane. You won, boo hoo hoo.

Jane: It's okay, Shulamith. You can win again.

51. Eli usually works the early shift on Wednesdays (Jane's dance day), so he's gone before she even wakes up. Amanda takes her to dance and watches her through the window. This past week, however, Eli was asked to trade shift with someone, so he was still home when Jane woke up, though he would be off to work long before dance class. 

Jane: Daddy is home today! Daddy go to dance a me and watch me in the window! (Poor Eli! Like what could he possibly say?)

52. Jane said the whole prayer one night last week before bed. The was it:

Dear Heavenly  Father,

...a go a mall....

a everything I want.....

....get me everything I want.....

.....everything a want.....Amen

54. Jane is 3 years old and prefers to always be the center of attention, so much so that she gets quite angry when Amanda and I talk to each other. Usually, she yells at me: "MY MOMMY!" meaning I shouldn't be talking to Amanda. But the other night she switched it up. I was throwing a ball back and forth with Jane, while attempting to talk to Amanda.

Jane: No, Mommy! Not talk a Her Her.

Amanda: Can I talk to Her Her while she plays with the ball with you?

Jane (screaming):  

NO!!!!!!

MY!!!!

HER!!!!

HER!!!!!

55. Jane's 3rd birthday was yesterday, and her parents and I had dinner at their house and gave Jane her presents. They bought her all toys, and she fell in love with everything from the birthday doll to the "computer" to the fingernail polish. I, however, gave her a Bluey book and some clothes. She pulled out the Bluey book first and seemed to like it fine. Then, one after the other, she pulled out articles of clothing: two dresses, a pair of pants, and a matching shirt. To say she was not impressed is an understatement. She sort of threw them at me, very much like Isaiah does when he's not impressed gifts. Then she made just one comment:

Jane: I don't like this stuff.

56. Jane was sick today with a stomach bug, so she asked Amanda if she could video chat with me. Amanda texted me to ask, but before I replied, Amanda's phone sounded an alert.

Jane: It's Her Her! This is the happiest day of my life!

57. Jane does not like it when I talk to anyone besides her. I'm not allowed to talk to her mommy or her daddy. But I like to talk to them. So she was pretending to be a hair stylist, using her plastic, toy scissors to "cut" Eli's hair. I walked into the "hair salon" and said something to Eli.

Jane: Don't talk a Daddy!

Me: But I love Daddy, and I want to talk to him.

Jane: No! I cut your hair a messy!

58. Jane was mad at Amanda for who knows why (?), so she pretended to be on the phone.

Jane: I call a police a you, Mommy!

(That must not have worked, so then...

Jane: I call a Daddy! Tell him come home now!

59. Amanda was out of town last week, so Eli and Jane stayed over night here for a couple days. The first night, she slept with me, and the second night, she slept with Eli. Both nights she slept later in the morning than we did, so we snuck out quietly. When she woke up, she was not happy to be alone.

Jane: I don't like to sleep by my lone!

60. When Jane opened her first present Christmas morning:

Jane: Santa loves me very much!

Theodore's Themes - Part 6

 

139. Theodore had a sub in his primary class Sunday. We happened to see her tonight, and she told us they were talking about being strong.

Theodore: I'm so strong. I beated up a 9-year-old, and I beated up an 11-year-old. [Uh, I find it interesting that Kennedy is 9 and Swen is 11. Also, Theodore is the sweetest child ever born, so I can't imagine him beating up anyone.]

140. Theodore: I'm never going to get married.

Shulamith: Why not?

Theodore: Because I want to live here with you forever. Do some people never get married and stay home forever?

Shulamith: Yes, I think some people do that.

Theodore: Well, I'm going to do that.

141. I forgot to refasten my seatbelt after grabbing our mail from the mailboxes, so everyone was yelling at me about it (because I am very strict about seatbelts. Shulamith lets them unbuckle in the neighborhood, but I definitely do not! So when they saw me riding unbuckled, they were excited to mock me about it.

Theodore: Terrianne Her Monson!!!!! (Haha, he's only just slightly confused with all the names in our family.)

142. Shulamith and took her kids to McDonald's for dinner a couple days ago. As we were walking in, a group of Latino men were speaking in Spanish. Theodore, who is in his first year of dual immersion Spanish, looked up a them and said:

Theodore: Hola!

(It was the cutest, and I think they all thought so too.)

143. Theodore is an expert at Lego. In Swen's words, "He's a Lego God." Seriously, with enough time, he can build most anything. He's here with me tonight, and he brought a Lego airplane he made.

Me: Wow, that's amazing. You are so good at building Lego projects.

Theodore: I'm actually thinking of working in a Lego factory. 

144. Shulamith (knowing Theodore had a sub at school): How was the sub? Were you guys nice to her?

Theodore: No, not really.

Shulamith: Why not?

Theodore: Well, we don't really like subs. We only like Ms. Ray. So we aren't very nice to subs.

145. Me (the day after Easter): Didn't we have a fun Easter? We got to go to church, and then hunt for eggs and eat yummy food.

Theodore: I do NOT like church. I do not like church at all. It is so boring.

Me: Yeah, sometimes it is boring for me too, but sometimes I like it. But Jesus and our Heavenly Parents want us to go to church.

Theodore: It is always boring for me. That's why I do not like it.

146. Theodore came over last evening to spend the night. As we gathered snacks and headed upstairs, he was telling me about his life and his friends.

Theodore: I like playing with friends. But I have two friends who don't listen when I tell them not to do stuff. One of them is named Ellis, and the other one is named Winston.

147. Today, as I drove Theodore and one of his teammates to soccer practice, I eavesdropped on their conversation, as each tried to outdo the other with a higher number.

Jonah: I can score a million goals.

Theodore: I score a trillion goals.

Jonah: I can score infinity goals!

Theodore; "Infinity" is not a real number; it's an abstract concept. A trillion is a real number. 

148. Kennedy: The boys in my class are so dumb!

Shulamith: Really? How are they dumb?

Kennedy: They're just super annoying?

Shulamith: Yeah, I don't know what to tell you; boys are just annoying.

Theodore (overhearing): That makes me very sad.

149. SCP, which stands for "Secure, Contain, Protect" are these very creepy-looking monsters on the video-game platform, Roblox. 

Theodore (when Shulamith was tucking him into bed): Mom, I'll probably come in your room tonight and wake you up.

Shulamith: Why?

Theodore: Because Swen says there are SCP under my bed, and I'll have nightmares about them.

150. Recently Swen was climbing way too high on something, thanks to his father, who teaches all their kids to climb everything in their paths. Shulamith and I were feeling anxious enough to calmly encourage him to come down.

Theodore: I don't like him, but I don't want him to fall.

151. Theodore is in the DLI (dual language immersion) at his school, which means half of his school days are taught in English and the other half in Spanish. What an incredible opportunity! Tonight was the 1st grade DLI program, and Shulamith was asking him some questions ahead of time.

Shulamith: How many song are you singing in your program tonight?

Theodore: 61.

Shulamith: 61 songs? Are you sure you don't mean the program is 61 minutes?

Theodore: No! 61 songs.

(It could be a very long evening. Stay tuned!)

152. Theodore (looking at a sticker I put on my Stanley): Where did you get that?

Me: At Harmon's.

Theodore: Was it free?

Me: No.

Theodore: How much did it cost?

Me: $3.00.

Theodore: Oh my gosh! $3.00 for one sticker. It should have been free or cost $.50.

153. Shulamith: Theodore, you are getting so dark already this summer from being in the sun. 

Theodore: Is that what makes people's skin dark? The sun?

Shulamith: Yes,..,,,,

Matt (interrupting): NOOOOOOO!

At that point Shulamith realized that she and Theodore were definitely not on the same page. While she meant that the sun can make our skin darker in the summer, Theodore was thinking it must be the sun that makes all people of color have dark skin.

Shulamith: Oh, wait, No! That's just how our Heavenly Parents made them! They create people with all different colors of skin.

154. Theodore was planning to sleep here at my house one day last week. Around 4:00, he had this conversation with Shulamith.

Theodore: Can I still sleep at Her's house?

Shulamith: Yep.

Theodore: You should text her now to make sure she's still awake.

Shulamith: It's 4:00 in the afternoon. Of course she's still awake.

Theodore: You should text her to make sure. She goes to sleep really early.

155. Theodore wanted some ice cream at Costco, so Shulamith ordered him some.

Shulamith: Theodore, listen for number 62. That's our number for your ice cream.

Theodore: You're the mom. You're supposed to do that.

156. The ONLY thing Theodore wants for Christmas is a $150 box of Pokemon cards that includes 17 individual packs. He won't stop talking about it, trying to get Shulamith to agree to get it.

Shulamith: I'm not going to promise you this present; then Christmas wouldn't be a surprise. 

Theodore: I will forget it.

Shulamith: I know your brain. You won't forget it. You should make a list of several things you want for Christmas.

Theodore: You mean I should write this box down on paper, then erase it off my brain?

157. Theodore's 2nd grade teacher called Shulamith yesterday to tell her a funny story that happened in class. The teacher was typing a message from the "Elf" to the class, and Theodore happened to walk by and saw it.

Theodore (to teacher): Why are YOU writing a message from the Elf?

Teacher (thinking on her feet): Well, the Elf doesn't have a printer, so I needed to type up the message for him and print it out.

Theodore: Why doesn't Santa just buy the Elf a printer?