Theodore's Themes!

So I hadn't thought to make a blog post for Shulamith's youngest son, Theodore, who is 21 months old. It hadn't occurred to me because he doesn't really talk. He says some words, a few more every couple days, but no, talking isn't exactly his deal. Isaiah (who didn't talk until he was well past three) often tells Theodore that talking is overrated, and Theodore agrees.

However, last night, Theodore said his first actual sentence, so my mom felt that I needed to start his blog (since I have ongoing blogs for Shulamith's other two kids). Well, okay then...

1. We are all avid Utah Jazz fans, and last night during the game, Theodore looked at the TV:
Theodore: (clapping hands) Ball, ball, yay, yay!

2. Shulamith has two friends who had baby boys the same month as Theodore was born, so they are all now around 22 months. Toddlers aren't known for their ability to share things, nor should they be expected to. The three babies were fighting over a doll stroller, to the point of screaming and grabbing it out of each other's hands. Finally, the mom of one of them decided to put it away. Unfortunately, it happened to be in Theodore's hands when she decided to take it. She was very nice: "Theodore, all done stroller. I'm going to put it away now," as she took it away from him. After a couple of minutes, Theodore got up, found a ball, walked over to the mom who took the stroller, and hurled the ball at her. Satisfied, he turned around and walked back to Shulamith's lap. Bahahaha! Shulamith says she's never been prouder of him.

3. Number 1 (above) was sort of Theodore's first sentence; however, I was in the grocery store with him recently, when he uttered his first COMPLETE sentence, with a subject-verb group:
Theodore (pointing at the candy on the shelf): I want candy!

4. Well Theodore is now talking up a proverbial storm. Lots of subjects, verbs, and objects, though not a lot of prepositions yet. Shulamith's husband's brother's wife (follow that!) recently had a new baby girl named Margot. Can I just mention here that Margot is seriously one of my favorite names? Okay, back to Theodore. Yeah, he's not super impressed with this baby, ESPECIALLY when Shualmith dares to hold her. But Shulamith loves new babies almost as much as I do, so of course she wants to hold her lots. Every time she did...
Theodore: Baby out! All done baby! Margot out!

5. So Theodore's latest method to get food is to scroll through Shulamith's phone to find a picture of a muffin. Then, he shows her the picture and says "Hungy!"

6. Today Matt's mom took Theodore, along with his cousin Reuben, to her house to play for the morning. When they were leaving Reuben's house:
Theodore: Bye bye house Reuben.

7. So Theodore loves a TV show called Blippi. He is actually going to dress as Blippi for Halloween. If you have somehow managed to escape any knowledge of Blippi, be grateful. Be very grateful. I thought Barney was bad (and it was!), but I dare say Blippi is worse. He's a grown man who dresses in an ugly blue shirt with orange suspenders and bow tie, along with a blue orange beanie. He dances and sings songs about garbage trucks and pizza and policemen and airplanes, educating toddlers about colors and numbers. To say his YouTube videos are repetitive is perhaps the biggest understatement ever made. And he wears glasses. A few days ago we were at Einstein's, quietly eating our bagels when Theodore points to a man sitting at the next table:
Theodore: Blippi!
(And yep, the guy bore a striking resemblance to Theodore's hero.)

8. One morning last week, at 6:00, Theodore was awake, so Shulamith brought him into bed with her and went back to sleep. Not long after, she awoke to Theodore leaning over with his face next to hers:
Theodore: Hot dog.
Shulamith: What?
Theodore: Hot dog.
Shulamith: You want a hot dog now?
Theodore: Yeah.
So she got up and made him a hot dog for breakfast.

9. A realtor was showing Shulamith's house, which is on the market, so she brought Theodore here to take his nap.
Shulamith: You're going to sleep at Her's house today.
Theodore: No sleep Uck house. No like that. Stupid Mommy.

10. Theodore continues to progress in making sentences, at least the critical words. He wanted to play with my phone.
Theodore: Mine Uck phone!

11. Swen often tricks Shulamith by telling her things that aren't true, then quickly saying "Tricked you!" Theodore obviously understand this concept. There were a dozen eggs in the back of the van, and Theodore noticed them.
Theodore: Eggs broke, Mommy.
Shulamith: Oh no, the eggs broke?
Theodore: Tricked you!

12. Theodore was mad at Shulamith in the car (can't remember why).

Theodore: Mommy, when I get home, I going to hit you!

Theodore's Themes - Part VIII

167. Theodore has become obsessed with plants. He has dozens of them in his room on a stand, under grow lights, everywhere!

Theodore: I'm growing basil!

Shulamith: Basil! I love basil! Can I use some when I make spaghetti?

Theodore: Yeah, but you'll have to wait for it to be an adult.

168. Theodore loves plants more than anything and he happened to have a little money, so he of course wanted to go to the plant store. It was closed, so he settled for Smith's, where they have a few plants in their florist section. He picked out a little plant (I don't remember what kind) and noticed its soil was very dry. After we paid and were walking out, he explained...

Theodore: I'm going to water this little plant right away and put it under my lights. I will give this plant a much better home than it had at Smith's where they don't even water it.

169. Theodore joined a 4H gardening group, and yesterday was his first meeting. He was giddy with excitement.

Shulamith: There will be lots of big kids there, because this is for kids ages 8 all the way through high school. Is that okay?

Theodore: I will be the best one there!

170. Last Friday night, Shulamith was headed to Swen's friend's house to take Swen needed items so he could spend the night there, and Matt was headed to pick up Kennedy from a "late-night" with one of her friends.

Shulamith (to Theodore): Do you want to go with Dad to pick up Kennedy, or with Mom to take stuff to Swen?

Theodore: I want be with Theodore here in my house.

Shulamith: Well, I know you'd rather stay home, but it's 10:00 p.m. and dark outside, so maybe you want to come with one of us?

Theodore: Oh yeah. I'm scared. I'll go with you.

171. Theodore's love for plants hasn't subsided, but his energy for taking care of the dozens of plants he now owns might have.

Shulamith: Why aren't you taking care of all these plants, Theodore?

Theodore: I just got lazy.

172. The week before school starts is especially challenging for teacher moms like Shulamith. Teachers are under contract for a week before the kids come, and their own kids are still at home. Fortunately, Shulamith teaches halftime, so she only had to be at school in the morning, but still it was hard for her kids, especially Theodore, who is only 9.

Shulamith (to Theodore): I'll be gone again tomorrow morning, so Her will come hang out with you. I'm sorry I've had to leave you so much this week.

Theodore: That's okay. Dad leaves us for much, much longer every day.

[Oh Theodore! You are gonna change the world, Little Dude.]

Theodore's Themes - Part II

This is an ongoing blog post, so Shulamith can remember all the things Theodore says. If you want to see the earlier installment of this post, go here. 

11. Theodore and Swen accidentally bonked heads, making Theodore very upset.
Theodore: Mommy! My Swen. Stupid!

12. We were with Shulamith's kids in the play area of a mall, and I spilled my nearly full, 44-oz Diet Coke everywhere.
Theodore: Oh no! Uck spill Diet Coke!

13. Theodore likes to nap here for some reason. He loves the Pack 'N' Play apparently. Shulamith was trying to get him to go to sleep at their apartment.
Theodore: I sleep Uck's house. I NOT sleep Mommy's house!

14. Looking around at their new apartment:
Theodore: I like new house. Really fun new house.

15. I gave Theodore a dollar bill in a Valentine card last week. He used it to buy new pacifiers because he loves them.
Theodore: I buy new bink! Uck give me present money.

16. The Jazz have come back from All-Star break and totally sucked, losing their first two games. Shulamith was screaming at them.
Theodore: Mommy, what Jazz doing?
Shulamith: They're losing really bad.
Theodore: Go away, Jazz, you stupid!

17. Theodore (playing with Waffles): Waffles is very nice and cute.
Me: Theodore is very nice and cute.
Theodore: Huck (formerly Uck) is very nice and cute.

18. Recently there was a noticeable earthquake here in the valley, followed by several aftershocks in the next couple of weeks.
Theodore: Mom! Shaking house so fun!

19. Swen is obsessed with tornados these days and plans on being a tornado chaser when he grows up. So of course Theodore hears lots of "tornado" talk. 

Theodore: "I will hiya tornados!" ("Hiya" means to attack something with a sword or some other long weapon.)

19. Theodore was asking for pepperoni. Shulamith often gives the kids little pepperonis in a cup, so she did that for Theodore.
Theodore: (noticeably unhappy): I don't want this! I want pepperoni (showing her a can of Dr. Pepper in the fridge)!

20. It's already been established that Theodore is the sweetest kid on the planet. I've had five children of my own, and I've never met such a docile, easygoing toddler. He basically bathroom trained himself at age 2.5, with zero stress. Lately, Shulamith has noticed his teeth (overbite) getting worse, likely the result of his pacifier (which he loves and calls a "bink"). Shulamith is a kind, respectful mother; she would never just take it away from him, but she also doesn't want his teeth to get worse. So she and Matt decided to sort of distract him from it during the day, and then see if he might be willing to go to sleep without it, knowing they would give it to him if he needed it. So when they were putting him to bed, Theodore said "Where's my bink?" to which they replied, "I don't know. I can't find it right now. Do you think you can maybe go to sleep without it (never thinking he would). But of course, Theodore lay right down and went to sleep. They left the pacifier on the floor by his crib, expecting he would wake up and need it in the night. He didn't. Slept all night. In the morning, when he woke up, he saw the pacifier on the floor.
Theodore: Hey Mommy, there's my bink. It's right there on the floor.

21. Theodore is the easiest baby/toddler ever, but like all kids, he often objects to going to bed.
Theodore: Night night is an idiot!

22. It's birthday season in the Webster-Monson home, with Shulamith's birthday in April, Matt's and Swen's birthdays in May, and Kennedy's and Theodore's birthdays in July. So Theodore has been hearing a lot about birthday presents arriving in the mail, mostly from Amazon. But he also hears a lot about junk mail each day, and it seems he's a bit confused.
Theodore: Mommy, my birthday present is in the junk mail!

23. It's been so sunny lately, and sometimes the sun shines right in Theodore's eyes as he rides in his car seat.
Theodore: Mommy! My eyeballs are crying!

24. So a few days ago, Theodore was mad about something, and Shulamith can't even remember now what it was, but...
Theodore: Mommy, I so mad I kick you in the face!

25. Shulamith tries to get Theodore to wear a swim top (rash guard) because he has such paper-white skin (more over, Joe Ingles), but Theodore doesn't want to wear it.
Theodore: If I wear it, my swim suit top will melt.

26. Theodore turned three on July 15th. He wanted to make sure everyone knew. All the next day:

Theodore: My birthday was so fun. I three now!

27. Theodore is obsessed with bugs. He loves them!

Theodore (showing me a bug on he ground): Hey, Her! Look at that bug!

Me: I see it. Is it alive or dead?

Theodore: I think dead. I think not walking.

28. One time Swen was with me, and Shulamith was out driving in her car with her other two kids.

Theodore: Oh Mommy! I think we can't find Swen!

29. Theodore loves to "read" stories (meaning, he looks at the pictures and makes stuff up about them). One time, he was leafing through a non-picture book.

Theodore: Oh no! This is NOT a story.

30. Theodore was eating the very last package of two Swiss Rolls. Shulamith told him to save one for Kennedy.
Theodore (holding up the tiniest crumb of Swiss Roll): I saved this for Kennedy!

31. Recently, Theodore was invited to an outdoor (social distanced - as much as is possible with 3-year-olds) birthday party for his friend, Ellis.

Theodore: I'm going to get a very special car.

Shulamith: You're going to get a special car as a birthday present for Ellis?

Theodore: No. I think for me. I'm going to hide it from Ellis.

Theodore's Themes - Part VII

 

158. Shulamith: Theodore, Her told me that when you slept at her house, all she gave you for breakfast was mints and Diet Coke.

Theodore: Yes! Her asked me what I wanted for breakfast, and I told her mints and Diet Coke, so that's what she gave me.

159. Theodore and Kennedy stayed overnight here last week. Swen was at diabetes camp, and Shulamith and Matt were celebrating their anniversary. The two of them have never spent the night here together, only separately. Kennedy was very concerned that Theodore would keep her awake all night because the tends to roll around in his sleep.

Kennedy: You are not sleeping in the middle between Her and me. You can sleep in the floor.

Theodore: I'm gonna sleep in the middle and roll back and forth from one side to the other.

160. I dropped Theodore off at school late one morning last week.

Me: Okay, just go into the office. They'll say "Hi, Theodore!" and they'll check you in and tell you to do to your class.

Theodore: They wont't say "Hi Theodore." There are 800 kids at my school, so they don't know my name. 

161. When a picture speaks a thousand words:

162. Theodore: Can I sleep at Her's house tonight?

Shulamith: Yep, as long as you take church clothes so you can ride to church with Her.

Theodore: Never mind. I want to go to church late.

(I always go to church on time. The Webster-Monsons? Not so much.)

163. Theodore recently got Phase 1 braces to help prepare his teeth for Phase 2 when all his permanent teeth are in. The expander in his mouth has been challenging for him to adjust to; food routinely gets caught up underneath, making Theodore panic. Poor little guy. He's only 8. He and Shulamith have been praying nightly that Theodore will adjust to his braces (especially the expander) and be able to eat normally. This past week, on out Alaska cruise, Theodore and Seth were comparing each other's pain, as Seth also had an expander back when he had braces. He said he lost 5 lbs. the first week he had it because it was too hard to eat. Later that night, he talked about it with Shulamith.

Shulamith: Theodore, you're going way better than Seth did. He lost 5 lbs. because didn't eat much for a whole week. You were doing pretty well eating after only a couple days.

Theodore: I think that's because Seth didn't remember to pray about it.

164. Me (in Target): Let's go look at clothes for school.

Theodore (heading to the toy aisle): I don't want to look at clothes.

Me: But you need clothes to cover your body.

Theodore: I have on clothes that cover my body.

165. Apparently, though none of us remember anything about this, Theodore found himself lost on the ship at some point during our recent Alaska cruise.

Theodore: Mom, we were in a store, and you all left me, but then I walked out and saw Seth. Seth saved my life!

166. Jane and Theodore were in a discussion about human growth and how Jane will become 4.

Jane: I will eat lots of healthy food, and then I will turn into 4.

Theodore: No. The days will go by for a year, and then you will just turn into 4. That's how it works.

Theodore's Themes - Part 6

 

139. Theodore had a sub in his primary class Sunday. We happened to see her tonight, and she told us they were talking about being strong.

Theodore: I'm so strong. I beated up a 9-year-old, and I beated up an 11-year-old. [Uh, I find it interesting that Kennedy is 9 and Swen is 11. Also, Theodore is the sweetest child ever born, so I can't imagine him beating up anyone.]

140. Theodore: I'm never going to get married.

Shulamith: Why not?

Theodore: Because I want to live here with you forever. Do some people never get married and stay home forever?

Shulamith: Yes, I think some people do that.

Theodore: Well, I'm going to do that.

141. I forgot to refasten my seatbelt after grabbing our mail from the mailboxes, so everyone was yelling at me about it (because I am very strict about seatbelts. Shulamith lets them unbuckle in the neighborhood, but I definitely do not! So when they saw me riding unbuckled, they were excited to mock me about it.

Theodore: Terrianne Her Monson!!!!! (Haha, he's only just slightly confused with all the names in our family.)

142. Shulamith and took her kids to McDonald's for dinner a couple days ago. As we were walking in, a group of Latino men were speaking in Spanish. Theodore, who is in his first year of dual immersion Spanish, looked up a them and said:

Theodore: Hola!

(It was the cutest, and I think they all thought so too.)

143. Theodore is an expert at Lego. In Swen's words, "He's a Lego God." Seriously, with enough time, he can build most anything. He's here with me tonight, and he brought a Lego airplane he made.

Me: Wow, that's amazing. You are so good at building Lego projects.

Theodore: I'm actually thinking of working in a Lego factory. 

144. Shulamith (knowing Theodore had a sub at school): How was the sub? Were you guys nice to her?

Theodore: No, not really.

Shulamith: Why not?

Theodore: Well, we don't really like subs. We only like Ms. Ray. So we aren't very nice to subs.

145. Me (the day after Easter): Didn't we have a fun Easter? We got to go to church, and then hunt for eggs and eat yummy food.

Theodore: I do NOT like church. I do not like church at all. It is so boring.

Me: Yeah, sometimes it is boring for me too, but sometimes I like it. But Jesus and our Heavenly Parents want us to go to church.

Theodore: It is always boring for me. That's why I do not like it.

146. Theodore came over last evening to spend the night. As we gathered snacks and headed upstairs, he was telling me about his life and his friends.

Theodore: I like playing with friends. But I have two friends who don't listen when I tell them not to do stuff. One of them is named Ellis, and the other one is named Winston.

147. Today, as I drove Theodore and one of his teammates to soccer practice, I eavesdropped on their conversation, as each tried to outdo the other with a higher number.

Jonah: I can score a million goals.

Theodore: I score a trillion goals.

Jonah: I can score infinity goals!

Theodore; "Infinity" is not a real number; it's an abstract concept. A trillion is a real number. 

148. Kennedy: The boys in my class are so dumb!

Shulamith: Really? How are they dumb?

Kennedy: They're just super annoying?

Shulamith: Yeah, I don't know what to tell you; boys are just annoying.

Theodore (overhearing): That makes me very sad.

149. SCP, which stands for "Secure, Contain, Protect" are these very creepy-looking monsters on the video-game platform, Roblox. 

Theodore (when Shulamith was tucking him into bed): Mom, I'll probably come in your room tonight and wake you up.

Shulamith: Why?

Theodore: Because Swen says there are SCP under my bed, and I'll have nightmares about them.

150. Recently Swen was climbing way too high on something, thanks to his father, who teaches all their kids to climb everything in their paths. Shulamith and I were feeling anxious enough to calmly encourage him to come down.

Theodore: I don't like him, but I don't want him to fall.

151. Theodore is in the DLI (dual language immersion) at his school, which means half of his school days are taught in English and the other half in Spanish. What an incredible opportunity! Tonight was the 1st grade DLI program, and Shulamith was asking him some questions ahead of time.

Shulamith: How many song are you singing in your program tonight?

Theodore: 61.

Shulamith: 61 songs? Are you sure you don't mean the program is 61 minutes?

Theodore: No! 61 songs.

(It could be a very long evening. Stay tuned!)

152. Theodore (looking at a sticker I put on my Stanley): Where did you get that?

Me: At Harmon's.

Theodore: Was it free?

Me: No.

Theodore: How much did it cost?

Me: $3.00.

Theodore: Oh my gosh! $3.00 for one sticker. It should have been free or cost $.50.

153. Shulamith: Theodore, you are getting so dark already this summer from being in the sun. 

Theodore: Is that what makes people's skin dark? The sun?

Shulamith: Yes,..,,,,

Matt (interrupting): NOOOOOOO!

At that point Shulamith realized that she and Theodore were definitely not on the same page. While she meant that the sun can make our skin darker in the summer, Theodore was thinking it must be the sun that makes all people of color have dark skin.

Shulamith: Oh, wait, No! That's just how our Heavenly Parents made them! They create people with all different colors of skin.

154. Theodore was planning to sleep here at my house one day last week. Around 4:00, he had this conversation with Shulamith.

Theodore: Can I still sleep at Her's house?

Shulamith: Yep.

Theodore: You should text her now to make sure she's still awake.

Shulamith: It's 4:00 in the afternoon. Of course she's still awake.

Theodore: You should text her to make sure. She goes to sleep really early.

155. Theodore wanted some ice cream at Costco, so Shulamith ordered him some.

Shulamith: Theodore, listen for number 62. That's our number for your ice cream.

Theodore: You're the mom. You're supposed to do that.

156. The ONLY thing Theodore wants for Christmas is a $150 box of Pokemon cards that includes 17 individual packs. He won't stop talking about it, trying to get Shulamith to agree to get it.

Shulamith: I'm not going to promise you this present; then Christmas wouldn't be a surprise. 

Theodore: I will forget it.

Shulamith: I know your brain. You won't forget it. You should make a list of several things you want for Christmas.

Theodore: You mean I should write this box down on paper, then erase it off my brain?

157. Theodore's 2nd grade teacher called Shulamith yesterday to tell her a funny story that happened in class. The teacher was typing a message from the "Elf" to the class, and Theodore happened to walk by and saw it.

Theodore (to teacher): Why are YOU writing a message from the Elf?

Teacher (thinking on her feet): Well, the Elf doesn't have a printer, so I needed to type up the message for him and print it out.

Theodore: Why doesn't Santa just buy the Elf a printer?

Theodore's Themes - Part III

 

32. Theodore was mad at Shulamith for some reason when they were driving in the car.

Theodore: Mommy, when I get home, I going to hit you. (And about an hour after they got home, he walked right up to her and did exactly that.)

33. Shulamith was cracking open a can of Diet Coke.

Theodore: Mommy, hold that Diet Coke with two hands!

34. Oftentimes Shulamith drives out to Bluffdale after dropping of her two big kids at school.

Theodore: Mom, are we going to Her's house now?

Shulamith: No, we are going to the store, then home.

Theodore: But Mom, Her is going to be so sad.

35. Theodore put his Build-a-Bear in Kennedy's car seat for their drive here to Bluffdale this morning.

Shulamith: Oh look, your bear is so happy in the car seat! He's even smiling.

Theodore: Actually, he is not smiling. He is just a stuffy.

36. Theodore wants to buy a car, every time we go to Target. They only cost a dollar, so Shulamith often lets him get one, but not always, and when she doesn't:

Theodore: See, it doesn't cost $100.

37. Theodore likes to go through the entire house and turn on every single light.

Shulamith: Theodore, you don't need to turn on all the lights.

Theodore: But Mommy, we need to see.

38. Theodore often has to ride in a stroller while Shulamith and I walk, and we often say we need to get out steps in (we both try to walk at least 10,000 steps every day).

Shulamith: Let's get ready to go for a walk.

Theodore: No, I don't want to do any steps today.

39. Shulamith was joking about how she killed their first dog, Kitty. She didn't. Kitty had a heart attack, all too common in Boxers. However, she was outside in the snow when it happened, so Shulamith worries that maybe the cold weather triggered her heart attack. We'll never know.

Shulamith: That was the year I killed Kitty.

Theodore: Oh no, Mommy! Don't kill her.

40. Theodore sometimes gets confused on the order of syllables, for example in the word "forgot."

Theodore: Mommy, you "gotfor" to read me a story.

41. Both Kennedy and Theodore have their soccer practices at the same time, but at totally different places, and Matt isn't off work yet, so Shulamith and I have been taking turns. This past week, Shulamith took Kennedy, and I was supposed to take Theodore, but before we could leave, Shulamith texted me that Theodore's coach emailed to say he was sick and canceling practice.

Me: Theodore, your coach is sick, so there is no soccer practice tonight. I'm sorry.

Theodore: (no response)

....later, when he was in the car with Shulamith...

Theodore: Mommy, Her is very mean. She didn't take me to my soccer game.

42. Shulamith and I were about to walk a loop around the block in our neighborhood.

Shulamith: Her and I are going for a quick walk. Swen, be sure to watch Theodore.

Theodore: And I will be sure to watch Swen.

43. Theodore really doesn't like spiders, and he thinks ants are also spiders. He was stomping an ant yesterday, over and over, but it was slow to die.

Theodore: It's not dead yet.

...stomp stomp stomp...

Still not dead.

...stomp stomp stomp...

There we go.

Now it died.

It not waking up.

44. Theodore woke up very, very early this morning. When Matt heard him, he got up to investigate and found Theodore crawling out of his room. Upon seeing Matt, he waved...

Theodore: I slept really fast.

45. Our pool opened last week, and Thursday it was 80 degrees, so we decided to swim. We all had our swimsuits on.

Theodore (looking at his stomach): I don't have a big tummy. (Looking at Shulamith): Mommy doesn't have a big tummy.

Shulamith: Who has a big tummy?

Theodore: Grandpa has a big tummy!

46. This morning Sbulamith gave Theodore a vitamin that happened to be red.

Theodore: Mommy, did you know that red is Her favorite color too?

47. I overheard Theodore having a full-on conversation with Siri. Couldn't hear Siri's responses, but Theodore was hilarious:

Theodore: Hi Siri! Can you hear me?

Siri: ______________.

Theodore: Can you play with me Siri?

Siri: ______________.

Theodore: Siri, would you be my friend?

Siri: ______________.

Theodore: I love you very, very much, Siri.

48. Me: Is that Woofie's new bone?

Theodore: Yeah.

Me: He seems to like it a lot! I should get one for Waffles.

Theodore: I can get a bone for my birthday and give it to you, so you can give it to Waffles.

49. Theodore: I hided your phone.

Shulamith: Why?

Theodore: Because I don't like the games on it.

50. Swen and Theodore have been fighting mercilessly lately. 

Theodore: I don't like Swen. I want him to go away.

Shulamith: Well, there are only five weeks left of summer, and then Swen and Kennedy will both go back to school. Then it will be just you and I during the day again.

Theodore: I want you to leave Swen at school forever.

Shulamith: Oh, I think you would miss him if we did that.

Theodore: I would NOT miss him. I want you to leave him there.

51. Shulamith ordered Swen some shoes for his baptism, using our Backcountry discount. They arrived today (too late for the baptism), and I brought them out to her car. As they drove away, Theodore was very quiet, until...

Theodore: Mommy, I really, really hate you and Her for getting shoes for Swen, and not for me.

52. Theodore: Why do you only buy stuff for Kennedy?

Shulamith (pushing a shopping cart containing a new leotard, tights, a pair of shorts, and a tank top, all for Kennedy): I don't just buy stuff for Kennedy.

Theodore (his hand palm up, moving from left to right to show all the things in the cart): Who are all these things for then?

Shulamith: Well, these are for Kennedy.

Theodore: See.

53, Theodore started preschool for the first time this month. We really thought he'd like it because he had been so excited to go, but he doesn't seem too impressed.

Theodore: I don't want to go to school today. I think it's kind of super boring.

54. Theodore got a new "big boy bed" when they moved into their new house back in February. His crib is being stored down in their basement, in case there is a Webster-Monson Baby #4 one day. 

Theodore (looking at his crib): I don't like my night night crib.

Shulamith: Why?

Theodore: Because I can't bet out of it. 

Shulamith: But we always got you out right when you woke up.

Theodore: But I like to get up by myself.

55. Theodore's preschool teacher thinks he has the cutest face.

Teacher: Theodore, you have the cutest face! Where did you get that face? Did you get it from your mommy?

Theodore: No.

Teacher: Did you get it from your daddy?

Theodore: No.

Teacher: Then where did you get it?

Theodore: I got my face from Jesus.

56. Theodore love to watch Shulamith's phone, but she doesn't want him staring at a screen 24/7. so she tries to find other things for him to do as well. As we were driving to a restaurant for lunch:

Theodore: Mommy, can I watch your phone?

Shulamith: Yes, but if you watch it in the car, you're gonna be "all done phone" when we're in the restaurant, okay?

Theodore: Okay.

We drove until the restaurant was in sight.

Theodore: Okay, I'm all done phone until we get inside the restaurant.

57. We were shopping for General Conference snacks!

Theodore: You need a cookie striped snack.

58. Theodore has a cousin in Matt's family who is just his age, and they are great friends. Last weekend they were at their grandparents' house and apparently trashed the basement with all their toys. Their grandpa asked them when they were going to clean up their mess in the basement. Theodore walked right over to Reuben, took both his hands, and looked straight into his eyes:

Theodore: Reuben, we do not want to clean up the basement.

59. Shulamith: Theodore, you need to eat breakfast.

Theodore: Why?

Shulamith: So you won't be hungry.

Theodore: Aren't we going to a food place after preschool?

(He obviously knows us well.)

60. So I picked Theodore up from preschool, and he had this toy metal airplane hidden in his shirt.

Me: What do you have in there, Theodore?

Theodore: An airplane.

Me: Were you supposed to take that home?

Theodore: Don't talk to me about that. My teacher will get mad at me.

Later...

Shulamith: Where did you get that airplane, Theodore?

Theodore: I hided it in my shirt, so no one could see it.

Later....

Shulamith: Where is that airplane, Theodore? We need to take it back to preschool.

Theodore: I put it in the bathtub and it went down the drain.

61. Theodore suddenly umped into Shulamith's unprepared arms, and she nearly dropped him.

Theodore: I didn't drip and die.

62. Today Theodore wanted a certain kind of granola bar, but they were out of them at Smith's.

Shulamith: Sorry, but they are out of those bars.

Theodore: That's why this is NOT the right store.

63. Me: Careful Theodore. I don't want Woofie to knock over my Diet Coke.

Theodore: But if he knocks it over, I will get you another one.

64. Theodore (when he heard my Ring Doorbell alert on my phone): Who is that? Did your grandma come to see you?

Me: No, my Grandma is dead.

Theodore: Who killeded her?

Me: No one killed her. When people get very old, they die and go live with Heavenly Father, and my grandma got very old.

Theodore: Yeah, and they also live with Jesus because Jesus loves everyone.

Me: That's right.

Theodore: I love Jesus!

65. Theodore and I are at his house waiting for Kennedy to get home from school, while Shulamith is at a doctor appointment with Swen. I'm sitting at Shulamith's desk in the flex room, so I'll see Kennedy right when she gets here.

Theodore: You can sit at Mommy's desk because she likes you.

66. Theodore: Ms. Dominica has her very own house, and she lives there. And she has a dog and a cat. At the same time.

Shulamith: At the same time?

Theodore: Yes, both.

67. Theodore and his friend Matthew like to play with foam swords and shields, which is all well and good until it turns violent.

Theodore (chasing Matthew): I will kill you. I will kill your husband and your wife and all your friends.

68. We were at McDonald's last week, and Theodore was in the play area chatting with some other kids.

Theodore: I have a brother. He's 10. He almost gets to drive a car!

Theodore's Themes: Part 4

 

67. We were in St. George for New Year's weekend an ate at The Crepery, one of our favorite places. Theodore took some of the plastic silverware with him when we left. 

Isaiah: Did you steal that, Theodore?

Theodore: No one will ever know who took it.

68. Seth got Theodore a toy vacuum for Christmas, something he really wanted. He was telling me about it. I asked him if he could use it to vacuum my house for me.

Theodore: Yes! It cleans real.

69. In St. George, Theodore really wanted to sleep on the top bunk of the bunk beds, but we were worried because he sometimes falls out of his own non-bunk bed at home.

Theodore: Well at home I put some glue right here (pointing to the back of his head) and right here (pointing to his back) so I stick to the wall and not fall out. Then I put some right here (pointing to his nose) for when I sleep like this (face toward the wall). 

70. Shulamith and Matt recently bought a new mattress, so Shulamith was dragging their old king mattress down her stairs, because someone was coming to pick it up.

Shulamith: Look, Theodore, I am super strong!

Theodore:  Mom, you're only strong if you lift it; you're not strong if you drag it.

71. Last week, I substituted in a seminary class. The regular teacher had COVID and since my college classes hadn't started yet, I was available all week to sub. That meant I was gone all day the whole week, which apparently troubled Theodore, who is used to hanging out with his mom and me pretty much every day. One day, Shulamith happened to put a box of stuff on the passenger's seat of her van.

Theodore: You can't put there. That's where Her sits. I want Her sitting right there!

72. Shulamith wanted Theodore to wear a plain-colored dress shirt to church, but Theodore wanted to wear his Paw Patrol T-shirt. He was very distraught over this.

Theodore (pointing to the dress shirts with his typical open hand): I will NOT look beautiful wearing these shirts.

73. Theodore and his friend Matthew were playing Hide-&-Seek today. 

Theodore: You hide, and I will count to 2.

Matthew: That's not long enough for me to hide.

Theodore: I don't like counting so many. I don't know all the numbers.

74. Theodore (to Swen): When we die and see Jesus, I'm goin to tell Jesus that I don't like you.

75. Shulamith was trying to get Theodore to do something, and he shook his head "no." 

Theodore: I wiggled my head because I don't want to do that.

76. There was this one time when I had three car accidents in the same year, two of them in the same month! Not long before I wrecked my former car, Kennedy had been sick and thrown up in the back seat. I have no idea how Theodore remembers this, but just yesterday, he brought it up.

Theodore: When Kennedy threw up in your car, you still likeded Kennedy, but you didn't like the throw up.

77. Shulamith: Theodore, you made a heart at preschool?

Theodore: Yep!

Shulamith: And what did you write on it?

Theodore: I wrote my mom and my dad and my sister.

Shulamith: Oh really? And that's all?

Theodore: Yep!

Shulamith: You didn't write Swen?

Theodore: No.

Shulamith: Why not?

Theodore: Because 'member....he's mean.

Shulamith: I'm sorry. We love Swen! You should write him on the heart.

Theodore: I didn't. 

78. After spending an hour playing on my phone:

Theodore: I only buyed 2 games, so you won't be mad.

Me: I'm not mad, but did you have to pay for those games?

Theodore: No. This one said "download," and it was already download on Mom's phone and it's the same picture, so that means not money.

78. Theodore: When I grow up, I'm gonna ride the Hoverboard on my feet and drink Mtn. Dew.

79. Me (at a restaurant): We need to wait for Swen, so he isn't scared when he comes out of the bathroom.

Theodore: Swen is not scared. Swen is brave.

80. In the morning rush, as I was getting Swen and Kennedy off to the bus, I was desperately searching for Kennedy's backpack. Finally I asked Theodore if he knew where it was, and he pointed to my back. Yep, I was wearing it! Later that day, we had this conversation:

Me: Theodore, you are the silliest boy in the whole world.

Theodore: Nope! You are the silliest Her. You walked around looking for a backpack when you were wearing it. 

81. Theodore: Can I watch "Go, Dog, Go?"

Me: Yes, just let me figure out Mom and Dad's TV. I'm not great with other people's TVs.

After I got it playing for him...

Theodore: See, I told you that you are good with other people's TVs.

82. Theodore and I go up to Sandy once a week to walk with my friend Emily, while Shulamith is in class. Last week, as we drove by Arctic Circle on 72nd and State (which we literally passed by every day when we lived in our beloved Angel House and not in the Bluffdale wilderness). 

Theodore: It's been so long since we went there (pointing at Arctic Circle).

Me: Do you remember when we used to go there for ice cream?

Theodore: Yes, it was when I was 3. But then I changed 4, and I still like ice cream.

83. For some reason, Theodore is currently mad at all his friends but one,

Theodore: Reuben is not my friend anymore. Matthew is not my friend. And I'm mad at Ellis too, Evelyn is my only friend.

84. Theodore wasn't thrilled with soccer in the fall, but his mom convinced him to give it another try this spring. He LOVES it! Today, at his second game of the season, he made six goals!

Theodore: Mom! My team is winning because of me!

85. Theodore: I'm gonna save my money till I have $1,000. Then I could buy everything I want!

86. Shulamith pays her kids $5.00/week for cleaning their rooms. Yesterday she went into Theodore's room and found him taking toys out of his basket, one at a time, and throwing them on the floor. 

Shulamith: What are you doing?

Theodore: I'm making my room really messy so then you have to pay me $6.00 to clean it.

87. Last week, Shulamith and I were at the park with Theodore. I left them there to drive to a soda shop and grab us some Diet Cokes. While I was gone, Theodore came over to Shulamith and said:

Theodore: Oh, you're still here. I saw the van drive away, and I thought you guys had left.

Shulamith: Did you think we would leave you here all by yourself?

Theodore: I knew you'd come back and get me.

88. Recently, Shulamith, Mathew, and their kids had family pictures taken in the mountains with Matt's extended family. Later, Theodore remarked:

Theodore: Mom, Her forgot to come to the mountains and take pictures with us! (Haha, I don't think I was invited.)

89. We were at Chick-fil-A this week, in separate cars because I had to go back to school. When we left, I couldn't find my car because I can never find my car. This is nothing new; I spend hours roaming around parking lots searching for my car. It's fine. I'm getting steps. As Shulamith circled the parking lot to pull away, Theodore saw me wandering around:

Theodore: Mom, you should have driven Her to find her car, so she didn't get lost. Or Her should take a picture of where her car is.

90. Theodore: Her, would you be happier if you had kids.

Me: Well I do have kids. They're just older than you.

Theodore: No, I mean if you had REAL kids like in your house?

(Well, actually, Theodore, I would be, Theodore.)

91. Theodore: This is where I roll myself! (as he log rolled down every ramp in every Las Vegas casino). 

92. Theodore's first day of kindergarten was today. When he woke up, he wasn't sure he would go.

Theodore: I don't think I'll go to school today.

Shulamith: Oh I think you will. You will have lots of fun there, and Kennedy will take good care of you on the bus.

Theodore (to Kennedy): Will you take good care of me?

Kennedy: Of course I will.

93. Me: Theodore, what are you gonna be for Halloween?

Theodore: It's a wolf. It can scare one-year-olds or zero. So we can't let Jane see it.

94. Shulamith and Matt are out tonight on a much-deserved date night. 

Theodore: I'm so happy that Her gets to be here with us today.

95. Theodore is playing soccer this year, and he's doing really well. After making a goal, the coach took him out to rotate other players into the game.

Theodore: I think the reason the coach took me out is that I'm so good, so he wants to let other kids play so they can get good too. (He's not wrong.)

96. Out of the blue the other day, Theodore was talking to Shulamith.

Theodore: Mom, I love Her almost as much as I love you.

Shulamith: Oh, that is so nice.

Theodore: I just really love her. 

97. Theodore (to Shulamith): You are nice because you let me be unbuckled. Her is nice because she lets me have lots of candy. 

(For the record, Shulamith lets her kids unbuckle and move freely around the car, as soon as they have turned into our neighborhood housing development. I wouldn't do that with my kids or anyone's kids. They're in a moving vehicle, they're buckled. )

98. Swen was sleeping at my house one night last week.

Theodore: Is Her keeping Swen?

Shulamith: Until tomorrow, yes.

Theodore: Yes!!

99. I just got Theodore from the bus stop after his half day in kindergarten.

Me: Theodore, where did get that full-size Hershey's bar?!

Theodore: I got it for being really good. There were three girls and one boy.

100. 99. Theodore (after a day of kindergarten): I made another friend today at school. Now I have 55.

101. I took Theodore to Mod Pizza. When Shulamith is there with us, she shares a pizza with Theodore, but I prefer white sauce and many toppings, so I just got Theodore his own mini.

Theodore (to Shulamith later): Her got me my very own pizza. Not a big one. Just the right size for me. Half pepperoni and half sausage. 

102. Theodore (in the bathtub): Mom, my penis got very small from the water.

102. Theodore: Mom, Aaron always falls asleep on the bus coming home. It's because he's Spanish.

Shulamith: No, I don't think it's because he's Spanish; I think it's probably because he's tired.

Theodore: No, Mom. Really. It's because he's Spanish.

103. Shulamith and I were in the mall with Theodore the other day. Shulamith asked him if he wanted to say hi to Santa.

Theodore: No, but can you go tell him your kid wants an RC car?

Theodore's Themes, Part V

104. Theodore (while showing me a silly face he made for a picture): Her, I only have that crazy face to take a picture. I don't look that way all the time.

105. Theodore has learned from who knows where (?) that it's bad to hold up his middle finger though he has no idea why. So he was doing it.

Shulamith: You shouldn't do that, Theodore because it means something that is not nice.

Swen: If you do that at school, you'll have to go to the office.

Theodore: I did it at school, and I did not go to the office. Just kidding, I did it on the bus.

106. I was waiting in the car with Theodore, parked in front of their elementary school, while Shulamith ran inside to check Swen out for his endocrinologist appointment. Theodore attends AM kinder, so he was already done with school for the day.

Theodore: My teacher sleeps in the school.

Me: Really? Every night?

Theodore: Yep!

Me: How do you know that?

Theodore: Because her yellow car over there is in the same spot every day. (He pointed at a yellow, VW bug in the faculty parking lot.) That’s why she sleeps at school.

Me: Is there a bed in your classroom?

Theodore: Yep! But it’s a very small one. Because she turnded 47.

Me: She turnded 47, so that’s why she has a small bed?

Theodore: Yep!

107. Shulamith was trying to feed Theodore bites of her Cafe Rio burrito, while Theodore was involved in his car racing game on my phone.

Shulamith: Here Theodore, take another bite. You need to eat lunch.

Theodore: Mom, don't distract me from my race!

108. My car was totaled recently (another story), so now, I'm in a big hurry to find a car before my rental expires. So Shulamith's sons have been helping with that project. Swen found me a red Mustang convertible; at least he got the color right. And apparently Theodore found me a car today:

Theodore (to Shulamith): Mom, I found Her the best car! It fits zero kids and two moms.

109. Gerald sat in a primary class this morning because the second teacher was ill, and in primary there must be two adults in each class. When he told me the children were 4 and 5-year-olds, I asked him if Theodore was in the class, and he told me no. Later, Shulamith asked Theodore.

Shulamith: Was Gerald a teacher in your primary class today?

Theodore: No.

Shulamith: Gerald wasn't there?

Theodore: He was there, but. he was not the teacher. He just sat in a chair.

110. Shulamith and I were two minutes late picking up Theodore from school Friday, so had to wait those two minutes in the office. He was so mad. And Sad. And Shulamith was sad too. Way too much sadness all around.

Theodore: You did not come get me on time. You were just home resting and watching TV.

111. Theodore is here with me overnight because Kennedy has three friends spending the night and Swen has one friend spending the night, so Theodore was lonely. He also lost his first tooth today, so before she left him here, Shulamith told him to text her in the morning to let her know if the tooth fairy found him here.

Theodore: Her, Mom said to text her tomorrow, but I don't know how to text.

Me: Oh, well maybe we can take a picture and send it to her.

Theodore: Yeah, I know how to take pictures.

And he just moved his pillow over right next to mine and put his tooth underneath.

Theodore: Her, I really like sleeping here with you because I really really love you.

112. Theodore was in a bit of a mood yesterday, which is so unusual for him that we're always surprised when it happens. He wanted to stop at the gas station to pick out some candy, but we were already in Lee's getting groceries, so Shulamith told him he needed to pick out a treat there because we would not be stopping at Maverik. He was so mad!

Theodore: You just want to be dumb and act like a stupid mom!

113. Theodore was talking to his friend, Matthew.

Theodore: Let's go try to sell something, so we can get money.

Matthew (looking at me): But family is more important than money, right?

Me: Oh yes, for sure!

Theodore: Nope, I like money better than family.

Me: Theodore! You love your mom and dad way more than money!

Theodore: Yeah, I love my mom and dad.

Me: And your brother and sister.

Theodore: Nope, I'd rather buy a car.

114. Shulamith and I just returned from a 10-day trip to Europe. It was the longest Shulamith has ever been away from her children, and Theodore missed her very much. 

Theodore (in a FaceTime with Shulamith from our cruise ship): How many more sleeps until you come home?

Shulamith: Just four more sleeps!

Theodore: Good. That's what I told Melissa. Just four more sleeps till my mom comes home.

115. A half hour ago, Shulamith texted me to say that Theodore asked if he could come sleep at my house. "Of course he can," I told her. So she went upstairs to where Theodore was in the bathtub to tell him.

Shulamith: Her said yes, you can sleep at her house.

Theodore: Mom, hurry and wash me really fast so I get there before Her falls asleep.

116. We took Shulamith's kids to McDonald's for lunch on the first day of summer break. As we pulled up, Theodore read the sign (as he always does now that he can read):

Theodore: He pronounced the first two letters "M" "C" and then read "Donald's. 

Kennedy: No, it's "McDonald's," not "M" "C" Donald's."

Theodore: Nope. It would need an "i" for that: MicDonald's. 

117. Theodore is sleeping at my house tonight, and when Shulamith dropped him off, she told him to just go in.

Shulamith: Just go upstairs., I think Her will be in her room

Theodore: Mom, I know she'll be in her bed. She's always in her bed.

118. Theodore really wants a phone. He sees them on sale for $29.99 and thinks I should buy him one for his upcoming birthday. He does NOT understand that in order to use a phone, he needs a phone plan with a monthly fee. He doesn't get it.

Me: Theodore, you are only 5. I don't think you need a phone. 

Theodore: Her! I do need one. All the other kids in my class have cool watches, and all I have is this crappy iPad, and I can't buy anything on it. 

[I assume he means they have GAB watches, which are kinda cool, actually.]

119. Theodore was following Swen's example and picking on Kennedy.

Me: Theodore, be nice to Kennedy!

Theodore: You're not my mom!

120. Walking past Gerald's car earlier today.

Theodore: Gerald should probably get a new car. 

121. Theodore and I were going to meet my friend Emily and her three little kids to play at a park. Her oldest is 7, and Theodore very much wants to be as old as her.

Me: Evelyn is 7. You are 5, but you are almost 6!

Theodore: And when I'm 6, I'll be almost 7.

122. I was prepping my Gospel Doctrine lesson the other night, and Theodore was sleeping here. 

Theodore (looking at my quad set of scriptures): How much did that cost?

Me: About $80.

Theodore: They need to lower their prices!

123. Shulamith was trying to put bites of her enchilada into Theodore's mouth while he played a game on her phone. 

Shulamith: Take another bite, Theodore. I don't want you to be hungry later.

Theodore: Sorry, Mom I don't have time to eat a bite. 

124. Theodore is sleeping here at my house tonight. He brought the Lego car he put together today.

Me: Wow, did you build that by yourself today?

Theodore: Well, it's not exactly the way it's supposed to be. I customizeded it.

125. Theodore loves Lego! And he's so good at it. He spends literally hours in his room building Lego cars, and he saw an ad for a huge Lego city, shortly before his 6th birthday.

Theodore: Mom, this would be all of my dreams coming true! 

(So, of course, Shulamith and I made those dreams come true by getting him this for his birthday.

126. Shulamith, Amanda, Eli, Seth, and I all play the daily Wordle game and post our results to a group text thread. Sometimes, we post clues for the ones who haven't done it yet, though I don't do this often because I usually post earlier in the day, and I like to WIN, so giving everyone else clues is counterproductive. However, today, I gave the following clue: "One of my favorite things." When Shulamith was playing, Theodore was helping her.

Shulamith: It's one of Her's favorite things.

Theodore: Um....ME!

127. Shulamith was being a cool mom by dancing in a parking lot.

Theodore: That's all wrong. No one dances like that. Literally no one.

128. Shulamith's two older kids, Swen and Kennedy, were at diabetes camp all last week.

Me: Are you missing Swen and Kennedy?

Theodore: I miss Kennedy. But not Swen.

129. Shulamith asked all three of her kids what the best part of their first day of school was. 

Theodore: My favorite part of the day was Spanish [he's in Spanish dual immersion], because we were all laughing at the teacher because we didn't understand anything she was saying.

130. Yesterday, Theodore asked Shulamith how many days until he gets a break from school.

Shulamith: There are still two days before the weekend. But you like 1st grade, right?

Theodore: Yes, but I just really need to sleep at Her's house.

131. So lsat night, it was technically Theodore's turn to sleep at my house, but Kennedy really needed a break and asked me, and I said yes. But then Theodore asked, so I promised him the next night (tonight). But then tonight I was with Eli and Amanda, and our task took much longer than we anticipated, so it was already 10:00 PM by the time I was headed home. Shulamith told Theodore we would need to wait one more night. He was not happy.

Theodore: But Her trusted me that I could stay there tonight.

132. All Shulamith's kids love it that she is teaching mornings at their school, but Theodore especially likes it.

Theodore: I just wish you taught kindergarden last year when I was there.

Shulamith: I know. That would have been so much fun to have you in my class.

Theodore: Would you ever like to teach 1st grade?

133. We went to Lagoon Saturday night for fun and Frightmares. We got there around 6:00 and stayed all the way till close at 11:00. But Theodore was still running around, bouncing off things, even as we were leaving the park.

Me: Aren't you tired this late at night?

Theodore: I was literally made for the night.

134. Shulamith: Theodore, do you like your teachers? (He has two because he's in dual language immersion, so he has one English teacher and one Spanish teacher.)

Theodore: Yes! Really much.

Shulamith: Why do you like them so much?

Theodore: They never yell at us. 

135. Theodore slept at my house last night. Shulamith dropped him off around 8:00, and he ran upstairs and jumped up on the bed. Immediately, he put his feed and legs into a pillow case.

Theodore: I don't have any feet. I'm just a body.

136. Later, he said he wanted animal cookies, so I ran downstairs to get him some, while he stayed up in be watching Gumball. A few minutes after I returned and gave them to him, he said he wanted Diet Coke in his own can. I got up to get it and told him I'd hurry fast.

Theodore: You don't have to go fast. It's okay if I'm here alone for a long time.

137. Shulamith loves to tell everyone how I kept all my sons' school-made Christmas ornaments but threw hers away. So tonight we were decorating my house, and she was telling all her kids about this, and Theodore felt so sad for her. He's a very sensitive child. Now they're him (all except Kennedy who is sleeping here), and as Shulamith was putting Theodore to bed...

Theodore: Mom I’m still sorry Her threw away your ornaments.” 

138. Me: What do you want most for Christmas?

Theodore: Furniture.

Me: For your room? What kind of furniture do you want?

Theodore: An alarm clock, one that I can understand. [I think he means digital, not analog.] And a rocking cbair.