Ich wählte eine Familie

My love affair with the German language began when I was 17. My best friend and role model was 21 and a senior at Willamette University. She was dating a foreign exchange student from Austria, whom she subsequently married. I entered Willamette, myself, the following  year, after my friend had already graduated. She married her Austrian boy and moved with him to Vienna where they lived for 10 years. And I enrolled in Elementary German at Willamette. I was an uber-achiever German student, doing everything I could think of to learn this language. I listened to tapes to perfect my pronunciation. I pasted 3 X 5 cards with German vocabulary all over my dorm room. I hung out with the new German exchange student. I lived in an international studies house, where I was supposed to speak only German. However, what I needed was immersion. I needed to live for an extended period of time in a German-speaking country if I was to truly master the language. I applied and was accepted to an exchange program, and I prepared to spend my junior year studying at the University of Munich.

Then the world turned upside down. Four months before I was to leave, my dad passed away tragically and unexpectedly. And I decided not to go to go. Looking back, this is probably my biggest regret, but at the time it seemed right. The poet tell us "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." Indeed, I would never have such an opportunity again.

Shortly after, I met Gerald and we were married. Early in our marriage, we continued to talk about travel to Germany and even looked into some long-term study opportunities there. But sooner than we expected, we learned that if you give God half a chance, he will send your children on his perfect timetable, not according to your imperfect plan. In under three years, we had our first two babies, with the other three to follow.

And the years went by.

And I chose a family.

Dreams of Germany, though still somewhere in my mind, were pushed further and further to the back burner of life, as funding for such a trip was replaced by more important needs: diapers and Disney movies, braces and ballet slippers, piano lessons and prom dresses. I learned that motherhood was my divine destiny, greater than any pull I felt toward European travel or foreign language study and far more meaningful.

And the years went by.

And I chose a family.

Now I have lived half my life, perhaps even a little more than half; I can't be sure. Today, any thought of travel to Germany is replaced by our financial focus on missions and weddings and college educations. In May when Isaiah graduates from Westminster, we will be able to say "three down and two to go"  toward our goal of supporting all five kids through their undergraduate degrees.

With half my life still ahead, I could still make it to Germany. Maybe. Someday. If I do, it will surely be a dream come true, but if I don't, that will be okay too. And though I can still speak a bit of German and understand lots, I will most probably never be fluent. And that is okay too. Because I have something greater and purer and far more worthwhile. I have something that lasts forever.

Ich wählte eine Familie. I chose a family.

I Have Seen True Love

There is much that is wrong in the world. There is war, poverty, violence, and gross social injustice. There is sickness and suffering. Everywhere we look, we see people in pain; everyone fights some battle. For certain, adversity is part of the human experience, and it must be so, if we are to recognize and appreciate the good, and grow in character toward our highest potential. But with all that is wrong, there is so much that is right. I know, because I have seen true love.

I have seen true love in a Christmas gift. Those of you who know Shulamith, know that she has a crazy aversion to all fruits and vegetables. The mere smell of fruit makes her gag. Just this evening, her toddler was eating a Frosted Strawberry Mini Wheat, and she almost had to leave the room. Yet for Christmas, she gave her husband an electric juice extractor. Why? Because he once mentioned that he wanted one. Now, every day, he goes to the store and buys all varieties of fruits and veggies and brings them home to their apartment and makes juice. Sometimes she has to come upstairs just to escape the smell, yet she is so happy because he likes her gift. I have seen true love.

I have seen true love in a dog. Yesterday our Boxer, Kitty, was sound asleep on the floor, when Baby Swen decided to run over and poke her straight in the eye, and say "eyes," demonstrating his knowledge of facial features. Kitty barely flinched. Swen has also decided that he likes to feed Kitty, except only on his terms. He sits on the couch and throws dog food to her, one morsel at a time. Could Kitty take the whole bowl of food away from him and eat like a normal dog? Of course she could. But she doesn't. I have seen true love.

I have seen true love in two nineteen-year-old missionaries. Relentlessly and joyfully, from the time their alarm sounds at 6:30 a.m. until they fall exhausted into bed at 10:30 p.m., they brave the frozen streets of Midvale, Utah on their bikes. They knock, they teach, they bear witness, they invite. They laugh, they cry, they carry on. Over and over. Day after day. They experience rejection and mocking. They do this unselfishly and without praise, all for the benefit of their fellow human beings. I have seen true love.

I have seen true love in a neighbor. When our second child was born, we had just moved to a new town where we knew no one. I had a 17-month-old toddler, a colicky newborn, and a husband whose brand new job required long hours and allowed little time off. I felt stranded inside our tiny apartment with two needy babes. A kind soul named Jean, who didn't know me from Adam (Eve?), began to visit me. She would load up her mini-van with my two kids and me and take us to the park to play. She would bring us treats. She would hold my baby even when she cried because in her words, "If I don't hold her when she's crying, I'll never hold her." She was there for me at a time when I most needed a friend. I have seen true love.

In my life, just like everybody else, I have experienced adversity. I have felt hurt and misunderstood. I have been sad and disappointed and angry. I have felt unwelcome and alone. But despite all this, I am blessed beyond measure. Because far more often, I have seen true love. 

HE + Double Hockey Sticks

Last evening when I was out with the sister missionaries, we visited a lady who is facing incredible challenges. I won't elaborate, more than to say that her trials are testing her faith in ways I've never experienced and hope I never do. Her attitude was pretty good, considering, and she even managed to maintain a healthy sense of humor. At one point she told us it had been a "HE + Double Hockey Sticks" day. This made me laugh.

While my day was not nearly as difficult as hers had been, I related to the "HE + Double Hockey Sticks" description. It had been a crazy morning for sure. It was the first day of the new semester, and nature sent us a much-needed and beautiful snowstorm to go along with it. The snow was still pouring down at 8:00, when I left for school. I decided to take State Street all the way into downtown, rather than the freeway, because reports indicated that I-15 was terrible from Draper north. That was such a wise decision that others made the same one, so there was still major traffic although I kept moving, albeit slowly. I had rushed so when I woke up and saw the snow that I left my phone at home, so I had no means of communication, were I to be late, which made the situation even worse. I watched the clock count down, as I crept down State Street, wondering if I would make it to my class at 8:50.

Then things went from bad to worse. As you may know, I have a terrible sense of direction. Wait, let's be honest; I have no sense of direction whatsoever. Now I do know how to get to my school. From the freeway, that is. But I was not on the freeway. I was on State Street. And it was so snowy that visibility was terrible. As I reached downtown, it occurred to me that I really had no idea where I was in relationship to my school. With each passing second, my brave face melted a little more.  Fighting back tears (all I needed was smeared makeup on top of everything else), I prayed for guidance, that somehow I might find my school on one of these streets. Almost immediately on my left I came upon the Energy Solutions Arena, which is only a half a block from LDSBC. You can't even imagine my relief. I pulled into the parking lot at exactly 8:49. That meant I would not make it in time; it takes at least 5 minutes to get across the street and into the building, and another few minutes up the elevator to my classroom. I would be close but not on time.

I was wearing heels (dumb, I know, but it's the first day of the semester, and I need to look cute), and it was so slick! I scurried across the street, disoriented from the blowing snow in my face, fearing with every step that I would trip. Then the elevators were jam packed with students, so we stopped on every floor all the way up to eight. I rushed into my classroom, only to find another teacher teaching there! "Did you think this was your classroom during this hour?" she asked. She told me the classrooms were all mixed up because they switched them at the last minute to better accommodate teachers' schedules. Great. I ran into the staircase and up two flights to the 10th floor academic offices to find out where to go. I was told my class was now in 807, just one door down from where I thought it was. Back down I ran and finally made it into my classroom at 9:05, a full 15 minutes late. What a wonderful first impression for my brand new students! So good.

I was supposed to pilot a new course this hour, a two-semester long version of English 101 (including some parts of English 99). Students should have been informed that if they took this class, they were committing to summer session for the second half. So the first thing I did after apologizing for my tardiness was ask them about that. Nope, no one knew anything about it, and only three knew for sure they would be around during the summer. Yikes! I excused myself (by now they were undoubtedly convinced I'm the ditsiest teacher on the planet) and went back to the original room next door to ask Chris, our department chair, what to do. She was quite dismayed because this new "stretch 101" course was her idea, and she had jumped through all the necessary hoops, including the curriculum approval folks, to make it happen. But in the end we decided there was no way it could work this semester without completely rearranging way too many people's schedules. So I'll be teaching a traditional English 99 during that hour.

The rest of my day was less dramatic though the first day of the semester is always a whirlwind. Oh those poor souls who teach full time and had to go back again today. It's still snowing, by the way. It's beautiful from inside my house, wrapped in a blanket, happily blogging. No "HE + Double Hockey Sticks" day today.

Resolved!

Here we are once again at the start of a brand new year, fresh with opportunity! I see evidence of it all over the Internet: new diet and exercise plans, programs for home organization and food storage, recipes for healthier cooking, even a schedule for saving $1,000 by Christmas! And it all looks so promising. I want to do everything! How great would it be to lose the five pounds I gained over the holidays, increase my exercise routine, organize my home, add to my food storage, cook healthier (cook at all?), and save an extra $1,000 for Black Friday shopping?

But then there's reality.

Truth is I probably won't do all this, at least not all at once. Perhaps just one or two things? Last year, Seth and I set a goal to read the Book of Mormon in 2013. We used a chart that divided the book into 365 equal sections, making each day's reading fairly short. As a result, we had enough time to talk about what we read and even reflect a bit on how it might apply to our lives. Did we miss a day here and there and have to read double the next day? Yes. Did we ever get seriously far behind and have to read for hours to catch up? No. I credit Seth. He was extremely dedicated, more so than I ever expected. It wasn't always what he felt like doing in the evening when he was fully involved in an online video-game with friends, but he always came. And on December 31st, when he finished reading Moroni 10 and proudly announced "The End," his sense of accomplishment was obvious. This year we are tackling the New Testament. Onward. Resolved.

Another project I will take on this year is cleaning and organizing our storage area. Eight people live in this house, six full time and two part time. By way of explanation, Isaiah has technically moved out into his own apartment, but the majority of his stuff is still here, and he stays here 1-2 nights a week, so yeah, part time. And Eli is currently on his mission in Tennessee, but all his stuff is also still here, and he'll be home in 79 days (who's counting?). All eight of us have stuff. Lots of it. And where is all this stuff? Most of it is "stuffed" into our storage area under the house. It's a large area, really large, but not very tall, maybe 3 feet from bottom to top, making it a nightmare for folks with claustrophobia. Now I wouldn't say I have terrible claustrophobia. I have other terrible anxiety issues but not so much claustrophobia. Still I don't love small spaces with no windows where I can't stand up.

Regardless, something must be done about this. Remember those other seven people who live here? Yeah, not one of them is losing a second of sleep over the condition of our storage area. Who is losing sleep over it? I am! Wait, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that's what keeps poor Baby Swen awake at night. Maybe Swen hates clutter as much as I do. And I do hate it. Passionately. So the thought of all this stuff just crammed into a storage space in MY HOUSE makes me crazy! I have to do something. No one else will. Mild claustrophobia or not, I'm going to clean and organize this mess. I was down there gathering Christmas decorations, and I can already visualize an organizational plan. Onward. Resolved.

As always at the start of a new year, I have holiday weight to lose. No matter how hard I try to stay focused, my entire weight control plan unravels during the holidays. It happens every year. As I went through my regular Sunday clothes crisis this morning, stripping off one outfit after another, it became clear that the time is now. Tomorrow begins my focused diet and exercise plan, but it will need to be slightly different this year because of the stupid inversion. Walking has always been a key component of exercise for me. My favorite is to walk outside with a friend to talk to, but since I have no friends here (sigh!), I settle for walking with my Pandora station playing all my favorite songs. Right now, though, the inversion makes that a very bad idea. Those of us who react negatively to the poor air quality are encouraged to stay indoors. Well, no, I can't exactly do that. I'm a busy mom with a part-time job and a home to manage. I have to go out. But exercising outside during the inversion would be asinine. I will need to stay inside, lift weights, do the Daily HIIT, and wait for the smog to clear out.  Onward. Resolved.

Scripture study with Seth. Organization of storage area. Return to diet and exercise. That sounds like enough, ya think? Whatever your goals for 2014, may the year bring you joy and laughter as you press onward, resolved.