Rhetoric Rant - 2nd Installment

When I wrote the first Rhetoric Rant post over a week ago, Annette suggested that I do a weekly rant discussing a different grammatical issue each time. I thought about it and wondered if anyone would really be interested enough to read such a thing. To me, grammar is about most exciting topic on earth, but I'm pretty sure not everyone shares my passion. On the other hand, if Annette wants to read about grammar, maybe she's not the only one? And if others don't want to, I guess they can just skip the "Rant" posts, right? I'm not sure I'll write one weekly; I suppose I'll just rant whenever I feel like ranting, whenever a certain issue is really, really bugging me.

Like now.

So a couple days ago, Gerald and I were eating lunch at one of my favorite Utah food establishments, Cafe Rio. As we waited in line, I happened to look up and read the various messages written on the walls. Most of the messages rave about how amazing the food is at Cafe Rio, and I must say they are absolutely right! Their food is amazing. HOWEVER, their grammar is not. One message, written in huge letters on the wall reads, "Hand-made tortillas everyday." Ugh! Seriously?

What is wrong with that sentence? "Everyday" is written as one word. So let's clear up this atrocity once and for all, okay? "Everyday" can be one word in certain situations. When used as an adjective to modify the following word, it should be written as one word. For example, "Sometimes I have occasion to get dressed up in my fanciest attire, but most of the time I just wear my everyday clothes." Here, the word "everyday" is an adjective modifying the word "clothes," and it means regular or common, not special.

Far more often, however, the words "every day" are used to describe something that happens every day of the week:

I go to school every day.
Every day, I get up and shower and dress.
I love to go for a walk every day.
Hand-made tortillas every day.

Here's an easy way to know if you should put the words together or leave them separate. If you can insert the word "single" between "every" and "day," they need to be separate. If you cannot, it should be just one word. You could say, for example, "I go to school every (single) day." But you would never say, "Sometimes I have occasion to get dressed up in my fanciest attire, but most of the time I just wear my every (single) day clothes." Make sense? Good!

For the record, it's not only Cafe Rio that makes this mistake. All seven years that we lived in Billings, my children attended Bitterroot Elementary School. For the most part, I was happy with this school; a couple of the teachers there are among my absolute favorites (Hello Mrs. Strecker and Mrs. Hankins). Sadly, though, the school's mission statement is as follows:

"Everyday is an Invitation to Learning, Laughter, and Living."

People, this is a school! This is its mission statement! And it contains a blatant grammatical error! When Seth was in first grade, every single classroom in the school had a sign with this statement on it, and other such signs were posted in various places throughout the building. They were everywhere. It was all I could do to walk down the halls and maintain my composure. I explained the error as courteously as possible to Seth's teachers year after year, but year after year, they kept those signs up. I felt a bit like Ronald Reagan (perish the thought!) when I wanted to demand: "Mr. Senitte, tear down that sign!" I just now checked the school's website, and the mission statement is grammatically correct there (whew!); however, I have no idea about the physical signs in the school itself. If you are a Bitterroot parent, please pass the torch and keep it burning. If you see a sign with this horrible error, tell someone!

End of rant. Breathe, Terrianne, breathe.

Feelin' the Love

When we started to look at Boxer puppies a couple weeks ago, I was hesitant. You see, Gerald hates dogs. Why? I'm not sure. But for some reason, he has absolutely no use whatsoever for the canine race. Mind you, the only dog we've ever owned was an absolute nightmare. She was defective from birth, poor thing, and nothing but hassle the entire time we had her. If you want that story, go here. Since Chloe has been gone, Gerald has been adamant that we would never own another dog. "No dogs!" he has proclaimed.

So when Shulamith started talking about getting a Boxer, I had a bit of anxiety to say the least. Then two days ago, she found this sweet little girl in the photo above, and from just the pictures, we were both in love. Like totally in love with this dog. We had to decide right away, though, because the breeder was ready to adopt her out, and there were others who were interested. So I told Shulamith that if we got this dog, she would have to call her dad and tell him before we actually brought her home. Because even though it is Shulamith and Mathew's puppy, she will live in our house. So as we drove to Moroni, UT to meet up with the breeder, Shulamith called Gerald.

And what do you think he did? Did he yell at her and say mean things like "We are NOT getting a dog" or "Dogs are the biggest nuisances ever, and I don't know why any sane person would have one (like he would if I were getting the dog)"? Oh no, he did not do that. He did not yell. He did not make disparaging remarks about dog owners. After the initial gasp when he found out the breed we were getting and some comment like "Those dogs eat more than I do," he seemed perfectly fine with the whole idea. Hmmm.

We arrived in Moroni and waited not so patiently for maybe five minutes for the breeder to bring us our little puppy girl. She loved us right from the start. She is seriously the sweetest dog ever. Her disposition is calm and gentle, even though she is a puppy of only 12 weeks old. She likes to play, and she likes to cuddle, and she likes to chew. Then she likes to sleep. A lot. We're working on teaching her to love her leash and to go for walks. So far she likes to walk zigzag, so we trip on her leash, but she'll catch on. She's very smart.

My brother told me Boxers are the best dogs in the world, and he is absolutely right. We are definitely feelin' the love.

The New Ward

Moving into a new ward is always a little bit scary. Will the members be friendly? Will there be opportunities to serve? Will we get a good time block, or will we have to get up and go at 9:00? It's also exciting, though. It's like you get to start all over again with a brand new group of people. You don't know them; they don't know you. No one on either side has any history or preconceived ideas. It's the blank slate, ready to be written on with new and wonderful experiences, relationships, and testimonies.

When we moved to Montana and into the Metra Ward seven years ago, we were greeted like kings and queens. That struggling little ward needed us, and they weren't afraid to say so. I was in the Relief Society Presidency within two weeks, and our kids jumped head first into the youth and primary activities. It was as though we'd lived there all our lives. We fit in that well. Coming here to Utah, I expected something entirely different. My limited experience here was with Shulamith and Matt's former ward, which was so huge, no one even noticed you. It was like stake conference every week! They lived in the ward over a year and never had callings, never gave talks, and never made any friends. That is what I expected.

I was wrong.

We are now members of the Union Park 6th Ward, which includes some people who live in Sandy and some who live in Midvale. It's larger than the former Metra Ward for sure, but it's not nearly as big as Shulamith's old ward. It's really just a nice-sized ward with friendly, welcoming folks. The first person we met thought Shulamith and I were sisters, so of course I immediately fell in love with him (just kidding..well mostly kidding). The primary is small; there's only one other 11-year-old boy. That was a little disappointing for Seth, but he's hoping to make some friends when school starts next week. Gospel Doctrine class, on the other hand, is huge. We meet in the chapel in order to accommodate everyone. The teacher does a fantastic job trying to generate discussion, but it's difficult because people can't really hear each other. I think they need to divide the class in two, and I know a Gospel Doctrine teacher who is REALLY missing her calling and would be delighted to teach half of this group. :-) :-) :-)

So everything was going along just swimmingly in this new ward up until two nights ago when I attended an enrichment meeting (or whatever we're supposed to call it now days). Shulamith didn't go with me because it was her first day back at school. After sitting in meetings for eight hours, attending another one was about the last thing she wanted to do. So I was there alone, when the Relief Society President came over and sat down beside me. I thought she was just trying to be friendly, which she was, but she also had another agenda. She asked me if Shulamith and I would be willing to plan the entire Relief Society Christmas dinner and program this year. She said I'd have a modest budget to work with and that I could ask a couple other sisters to be on a committee to help us. Could she ask me to be a guest speaker at an upcoming Relief Society event? Could she ask me to substitute teach the lesson this Sunday? Could she ask me to do something I'm actually good at? No. She asked me to plan the Christmas party!

Help??????

Keep in mind that I don't throw parties. Well, I've hosted a few pity parties in my life, but other than that, no, this is not my thing. Five years ago when I was called to be Relief Society President, the very first thing I did, before I even moved from my seat in Bishop Hibbert's office, was ask Heavenly Father to send me a counselor who could plan the parties. The clear and perfect answer to that desperate prayer was Celeste. Celeste would be that counselor. And the result of that was the most fabulous enrichment counselor ever, and more importantly, the most fabulous friend. It was she who a year or so later introduced me to Lindsey when she invited her to one of our McDonald's nights. So really, without that inspired calling, I probably wouldn't have either one of my two closest friends today. Oh for heaven's sake, now I'm crying, right in the middle of this crazy digression.

Back to the story. I'm sitting there in this enrichment meeting, shocked by this sweet sister's sincere request, but nodding my head and smiling. "Yes, I can do that." Because that's what we do in our church. We say yes. We serve willingly where we are asked to serve. If everyone served where he or she wanted, I'm pretty sure there would be a ward full of Gospel Doctrine teachers but no one in the nursery, primary, or cub scouts. I then walked home thinking, "Oh, Celeste, I need you here right now to help Shulamith and me plan this event." At the same time, I had calming thoughts, as I began to cross some of the hurdles. We could use Shulamith's wedding decorations because they are black and silver, really perfect for Christmas if we just add some red. And we could ask our visiting teachers, coming the following evening, to be on our committee since we don't really know anyone else, and surely they'll want to know if there is anything they can do for us.

This Sunday will be especially wonderful. I can put an end to the question I've been asked at least once each week that we've been here, "Are you a single mom?" I'll have Gerald there to prove I'm married, even though he'll only be here that one week for now. And I'll have Eli with me, along with Isaiah and Shulamith and Seth, so most of our children. A lovely day for sure.

The new ward. I think it's going to be good.

Rhetoric Rant

Would you all indulge me in a brief rhetoric rant this evening. Please! I know, I'm just a bit over-the-top about these things, but three of my biggest pet peeves have reared their ugly heads over and over this past week, and it's making me crazy! I have to rant. I just have to.

First, there's the word "literally." People, let's be clear. "Literally" means just that. So if you say you "literally died laughing," then you must have miraculously returned from the dead because if you "literally died," then you are dead! End of story. Don't say "literally" unless you mean it.

Second, there's the word "unique." This is another one that trips people up; I hear it misused almost every day. "Unique" means one of a kind. If something is unique, there is no other like it anywhere. None. Consequently, something is either unique or it isn't. It cannot be "very unique" or "more unique" or "quite unique." Few things are unique. They might be unusual or peculiar or different. They might even be very unusual or really peculiar or extremely different. But if something is unique, it is the only one of its kind that exists, so don't add a modifier in front of it.

Lastly, there's the word "badly." The word "badly" is an adverb; it modifies verbs. She sings badly. He plays badly. Etc. It is not an adjective, and it cannot function as a predicate adjective. Excuse the English teacher talk; let's make it simple. The error is made when people wish to express their sympathetic feelings about something and say, "I feel badly about that." I heard this just last night on a preview for an upcoming "Desperate Housewives" episode. When Bree's husband shouts "You tried to kill me!" Bree (in total Bree fashion) politely and gracefully replies, "And I feel badly about that." Message to "Desperate Housewives" producers: Bree Van de Kamp NEEDS to get her grammar correct. It's positively out of character for her to make such errors.

Okay, back to the issue at hand. If we say we "feel badly," it means something is wrong with our fingers or our sense of touch, and we are unable to feel things well when we touch them. That is not what people generally mean when they say they "feel badly." Far more often, they are trying to express their sad feelings about something. In this case, "feel" is an intransitive verb, so takes no object, but instead requires the predicate adjective "bad." Even if you don't want to deal with all that grammar stuff, just remember this. If you want to express your sympathy or sad feelings about a subject, use the adjective "bad" NOT the adverb "badly." Say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I feel bad about that." Only if your fingers are seriously damaged to the point that they can't feel things should you say you "feel badly."

Whew. Glad we got all that settled. I don't feel so bad anymore. Literally.

Utah Summer Days

Back in May, I wrote a post titled "All Things Work Together for Good." At that point our Montana home was under contract, I was packing like a mad woman, and we were praying the closing would go through smoothly and without incident.

That was just about three months ago.

Here we are now on August 12th. Many things have worked together to bring us to this point. The closing on our home in Billings did indeed happen, not exactly without incident, but it did go through. In June, we found the ideal Utah home, and within about six weeks, we were able to move in. Those six weeks were stressful beyond belief, but nevertheless, we are here.

Well, some of us are here, that is. I am here. Seth is here. Isaiah is here. Shulamith and Mathew are here, almost. They haven't moved in yet because the lease on their apartment goes through September. Gerald and Eli are still in Billings. They will come here a week from tomorrow, and Eli will stay three weeks until it's time to head off to college in Rexburg. But Gerald only gets to stay a week before going back to his job in Billings. That's the one part of the puzzle that hasn't quite worked out yet. He needs a job here in Salt Lake City, and he can't move here with us until he has one. That's a little scary! We know a family from Billings (Hi Leanne!) who lived apart for TWO YEARS, waiting for things to work out so they could be together. We really don't want to be them. In their case, the distance between them was only four hours rather than nine. It makes a difference. Seth misses his dad.

One of my favorite TV series was a show called Prison Break. It's over now, but I still think about the characters. I suppose that speaks to the quality of the show. When times were tough, and times were always tough on that show, either Michael or Lincoln would say to the other, "Have a little faith." We're trying to remember to do that now, to have faith. Everything has worked out up to this point, against many odds. Gerald will find a good job here. It will happen.

As for me, I love being here for so many reasons. I love living in a larger city, with more than one mall and more than one grocery store. Speaking of grocery stores, there's one right around the corner called Harmon's, and it's very similar to Haggen, my favorite grocery store in Mt. Vernon. It's a pleasure to shop there. I have missed Haggen terribly the past seven years. Another simple joy here is curbside recycling, something else I have missed since leaving Washington. I love living in the valley, surrounded by the beautiful mountains; I'm excited for when they are covered in snow. And while it doesn't rain here as much as I would like, apparently I will get two additional inches of rain each year than we had in Billings. Also, compared to Montana, Utah is positively sweltering in the winter. Shulamith thinks it's cold when it's 10 degrees (POSITIVE). Ha! Try -18. Believe me, anything above zero is warm. So yeah, the weather here is definitely more to my liking.

So what is the downside? Because there's always a downside, right? The biggest one, already mentioned above, is that we don't yet have all of us here. Additionally, I really don't know anyone here. Social creature that I am, I desperately need friends, but I don't have any yet, except Shulamith. It is beyond amazing getting to see her so often and spend so much time with her; it's better than I ever expected. Still, I need other friends too. I need a girls' night out or a moms & kids McDonald's evening. Even free lunch in the park would be great. Seth and I need social lives. I know that will happen. It just takes time, and I'm not very patient.

Meanwhile, Seth and I spend our Utah summer days sleeping late, going for long walks (well, I walk, and he rides his scooter or bike), roaming the malls, and eating good food. It's not so bad. We are content for the most part.

Comfort Zones

Occasionally, it's good to do something outside our comfort zones. That's what they say, anyway, whoever "they" is. I don't know if I agree, but I will admit that, generally, I don't stretch myself too far. The learning curve is so steep for me in so many areas of life. It's easier to stick with the few things I can actually do well.

Today was an exception. I spent most of the afternoon making bulletin boards in Shulamith's kindergarten classroom. For those of you who are laughing out loud at the mere thought of that, let me assure you that this is not a joke. I really did it. I made not one, not two, but three big bulletin boards! Why would I subject myself to such torture? Because I would do just about anything to help my daughter. Even make kindergarten bulletin boards.

Have I mentioned that there is a good reason why I teach college classes rather than elementary school? There are lots of reasons, actually, but certainly high on the list would be the fact that in college classrooms, I don't have to make bulletin boards. Nope. Never. In fact, I don't have to do a single thing to decorate the classrooms. Which is a very good thing, considering how utterly inept I am at making things look good. So you should have seen me today, scissors and stapler in hand, struggling to pull just the right amount of butcher paper off those big rolls on the cart. Then I had to get it to fit just right on each board. As I tried to trim off the edges and was defeated by the many rips, Shulamith reassured me with the comforting words, "Don't worry, Mom, we'll put a border around the edge." Whew, thank heaven for borders.

Comfort zones. It's good to step outside those occasionally, especially when in doing so, you can help your daughter prepare for a brand new group of 5-year-olds who will be showing up in about two weeks.. My next "outside comfort zone" experience? Figuring out new and different ways to prepare the 100 lbs. of fish Mathew just brought back from Alaska. Cooking? Yeah, also outside the comfort zone. Wish me luck.

What Happens in Vegas...

...stays in Vegas? But why? Why wouldn't we want to share all the fun we had last week on our 4-day getaway? No reason that I can think of. But first, let me backtrack to a time three years ago. When Shulamith was in college, I always told her that if she finished her undergrad degree still single, she and I would take a trip together. She did, and we did! We took a week-long cruise to the Western Caribbean, visiting ports in Cozumel, Jamaica, and the Grand Cayman Islands. It was the most wonderful vacation ever, and at one point, we had the following conversation:

Me: We really need to make the most of this trip. You know, this could maybe be the last time we get a vacation all by ourselves.

Shulamith: Why would you say that?

Me: Well, you're 22. I expect that at some point in the next few years you'll be getting married, and maybe your husband won't want you running off with your mom.

Shulamith: What? I can't believe you'd say that. There's NO WAY I'd marry anyone who wouldn't want me to go on vacation with my mom.

Hmmm. Okay, I thought. We'll just have to see how that works as times goes on, but I was skeptical. I guess she knew her own mind, as she always has. Here we are three years later, and she's blissfully married to one of the sweetest people I know, a guy who not only encouraged her and me to take this trip together but who even offered to help Isaiah take care of Seth while I was away. Have I mentioned how fond I am of Mathew?

So we were off to Vegas for four days of sunshine, swimming, good food, relaxation, and most exciting: Celine Dion. That's right! We had tickets for Celine Dion live at Caesar's Palace. And she was unbelievable. We knew she would be great, but nothing prepared us for how wonderful this performance actually was. We both would have gladly gone out and purchased tickets to see her again the very next day had the show not been sold out. We were immediately plotting how and when we might be able to get back to Vegas just to see her again.

That was definitely the highlight (way high!) of our trip, but we also enjoyed a fun Beatles review, ate some delicious food, hung out by a lovely pool, and yes....even did a tiny bit of gambling. I am definitely NOT a gambler. Not at all. I'm not a risk-taker; I don't like surprises. If I have money, regardless of how much, I'm sure not going to risk losing it when I could go buy clothes or shoes and have something sure. However, my daughter insisted that I try the penny slots, risking just $1.00, a penny at a time. Now $1.00 might not sound like that much, but well, think about it. It buys a large Diet Coke at McDonald's. Or two packages of peanut butter M&Ms (if you can find a good sale). Or a loaf of freshly baked french bread. So it's kind of a lot, don't you think?

Nevertheless, I caved under pressure and donated my $1.00 bill to the penny slot machine and began to play, one penny at a time. I'm not sure how far into the $1.00 I was when everything changed, but all of a sudden bells started ringing, lights blinking, and Shulamith cheering! "Hooray, hooray, you won, you won, you won!" She made such a big scene that people around began asking how much I won.

Forty-nine cents! A whole forty-nine cents! Wow! Lots of people lose money in Vegas, but not me. I won forty-nine cents. I am a winner! Now the dilemma is what to spend it on. What should I do with all my winnings? If you have any good ideas, feel free to post them.

Meanwhile, let me close by saying if you're looking for a great little getaway, I highly recommend Las Vegas. It's relatively cheap to get there, and hotels and food are inexpensive too. Besides that, Celine Dion is worth every cent you spend.

And for the record, what happens in Vegas does NOT need to stay in Vegas. No way!