In one of my recent trips out of Utah, I was in four restaurants in two days. Same conversation with each new server:
Server: Can I get you started with something to drink?
Me: Diet Coke, please!
Server: Diet Pepsi, okay?
Me (in my head): No, you lunatic! How could you even suggest such a thing?
Me (aloud): Oh, no thank you, I'll just stick with water.
Oh my goodness! Why would any self-respecting restaurant serve Pepsi products, when everyone knows Diet Pepsi is grossly inferior to Diet Coke in every possible way? Do people outside of Utah not understand soda?
In case anyone is confused, here is the hierarchy of diet cola:
First Place, above all the rest: A Stanley filled with ice-cold Diet Coke from a fountain, over crushed or pebble ice.
- Holiday or Maverik are usually solid; 7-11 is sus, sometimes okay, other times not, but never great.
- Fast food restaurants are typically good; McDonald's Diet Coke gets the most fanfare though I've never thought it was much better than say Wendy's or Chick-fil-A.
- The places that do soda as their main gig (Swig, Quench It, Splash, Sodalicious) are almost always good, but better to go to the ones who actually pour it into your Stanley, so you don't have to transfer it (Yay, Quench It!). You pay a little more, but we're talking Diet Coke here, so.
WARNING! At Holiday, the pebble ice is on the right side of the fountain, and the larger cubed ice (blah) is on the left side. At Maverik, it's the opposite. Make sure to take note, so you go to the correct side to get your pebble ice.
WARNING! A few otherwise decent restaurants don't even serve Diet Coke, so you need to stop by a gas station (see above) to fill your Stanley before you go: Aubergine, Hot Texas Chicken, Panera, Buffalo Wild Wings, IHOP, Jersey Mike's, Taco Bell, just to name a few.
- Finally, here is a splendid bit of news to offset the bullet warning just above: This past July, Costco, an otherwise brilliant company, added to its brilliance by switching from Pepsi to Coke products. I may have cried.
Second Place (far, far, below first place): A 44-oz. styrofoam cup filled with Diet Coke from a fountain, over crushed or pebble ice. (See above for specific location guidelines.)
Third Place: A 32-oz. plastic cup filled with Diet Coke from a fountain, over crushed or pebble ice. Sadly, the soda will be diluted long before you finish; hence, no point getting the 44-oz cup. (See above for specific location guidelines.)
Fourth Place: An ice-cold can of Diet Coke. Be sure to set your refrigerator to the coldest setting that doesn't freeze everything.
Fifth Place: (Seriously, guys, this is only if you're desperate): A 20-oz. bottle of ice-cold Diet Coke.
You're better off just being thirsty: Diet Coke from a 2-liter bottle poured over ice. Ick!
Lastly: Get a grip! Under no circumstances is Diet Pepsi comparable to Diet Coke.
