What a phobia is. And what it isn't. Meet "Peanut Butter Cookie"!

 

Okay, that's not quite her real name. At least not yet. I can explain. Give me a minute.

Shulamith's son, Theodore, turned 9 a week ago. As his birthday approached, his cousin also had a birthday. And would you like to know what the cousin's birthday present was? 

A python.

Yep, really.

How do you think Theodore felt about that? Well it quickly became the only present he wanted. To be clear; Shulamith does not share my phobia of such creatures, no, but she's not especially fond of them either, and no, she would not have one live in her house.

(Oh the phobia. Yes. Here is some background, if you'd like to know about it.)

I have a phobia. An entirely irrational but intense fear. Of snakes. Even looking at the word right there triggers a physical response. That's the thing about phobias; they're that irrational. I remember trying to read the Harry Potter series. I told myself, "You can read these books! There are no pictures. Just black text on white pages." I tried. Really, I did. But around 80 pages in, I was literally shaking. This Rowling lady is a real good writer. I don't typically visualize scenes when I read. I'm the least visual, most auditory, person you know. That's how good of a writer she is. Those images.....eeeek!

I had to stop. I suspect I'm one of the only folks around who hasn't read any of the Harry Potter books or seen any of the movies. I don't know the plot lines or any of the references. It's kinda sad.

Back to Theodore. No, they were not gonna get him a snake. Shulamith said "absolutely not," and while my phobia is not the main reason for that, it would be challenging. We live around the corner from each other, about 100 steps apart, and I would never be able to enter her house again. When we're not traveling together, we take care of each other's dog. Wouldn't be able to do that either. It would be inconvenient, to say the least.

But what to get Theodore instead?

A couple weeks before his birthday, he had the chance to care for a friend's crested gecko. And he fell in love. So much so that he actually cried when it was time to give it back. He's tenderhearted that way. 

So after considerable discussion, Theodore's parents decided that a crested gecko was the perfect birthday gift. I braved up and accompanied Shulamith to a store with a huge sign out front: "REPTILES." Can you even believe I did this? She instructed me to keep my eyes down and to go left once inside. Avoid the right side of the store entirely. We were in there way too long, as the store owner meticulously assembled the enclosure that would be the gecko's home, carefully placing each tree branch, one by one. Gosh it took a long time, and no one was happier to be out of that stupid store than me. 

But I got to keep the tiny, 2-month old gecko at my house that night, so it would be a full-on surprise to Theodore on his birthday the following day. And I kinda got attached to it.

Surprisingly, several people have asked me if I'm afraid of it. Uh, no, My phobia is not of geckos. It's just not. I think sometimes people assume a phobia like mine means that you're squeamish about creeping things. Nope. I'm not squeamish. I'm the go-to person when a cute spider finds its way into the house and others are screaming and jumping. I think insects are actually very cool. But lots of people are squeamish about spiders and bugs and creeping things. It's natural to feel that way. It's not a phobia.

A phobia is different. It's not natural. It's purely irrational. It's why I can't even look at pictures of snakes, or handle toy ones. My kids couldn't even have the Beanie Baby variety because my reaction was so intense. Garden hoses are even a struggle. Amanda suggested that the reason people assume I'd be scared of geckos is because they are reptiles, just like those long, awful creatures with no arms or legs. But as I told Amanda, humans and cows are both mammals, but no, they're not the same.

And a cute little baby gecko?! Like "Peanut Butter Cookie"!? She's freakin' adorable. You should see her grippy little fingers and toes. And eyelashes!

Well, needless to say Theodore was delighted. Said it was his best birthday ever! As for the little baby's name, he started out calling her "Peanut." Cute name. But he wasn't 100% sure. Then he thought he might switch and call her "Cookie" instead. So I decided "Peanut Butter Cookie" was perfect! Don't you agree? While Theodore and his family were camping this past weekend, I got to go hang out with the little baby each day, and I called her "Peanut Butter Cookie." She seemed to like it. 

We'll see what Theodore decides.

"You're the one with the phobia," and other Halfway Christmas events!

Charlie Brown Christmas Tree with all the Halfway Christmas Gifts!

Last Sunday evening, I was loading the dishwasher and wiping down counters, as everyone made their way to the door, headed home after our annual Halfway Christmas celebration. I heard my phone alert a text message from Shulamith, who had left just a couple minutes earlier. When I clicked on the message, the first thing I noticed was the all CAPS font:

DO NOT GO OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. 

STAY INSIDE YOUR HOUSE.

DON'T EVEN OPEN THE DOOR.

It took not even a hot second for my brain to compute what was happening. Outside my house, at that very moment, was my worst phobia: one of those long creatures with no arms or legs. You see, I have what is not-so-commonly known as ophidiophobia. Be careful if you look it up. Cuz there might be a picture of one! You can read more about my lifelong journey with this phobia here, or here.

Suffice it to say that knowing one of those things was right outside my house was terrifying. What if I had gone outside first? What then?? My heart is racing just imagining it. Shulamith informed me that this "pet" belongs to a girl in the neighborhood, who lives on my street! Well great. Apparently, she likes to take it out for "walks" in the evening, when it begins to cool down but isn't too cold (because these reptilian creatures can't seem to regulate their own body temperatures). Notes to self: #1 Do not leave your house in the early evening. #2 Possibly add a second phobia to your repertoire: agoraphobia! 

And if that wasn't enough, just two days ago, again in the early evening, I was getting ready to go to Eli and Amanda's house, when Shulamith sends me another frantic message:

"Other random people walking a massive sna** up your street. They were by the pool, but maybe wait a minute. I don't know which way they were going."

Are you freakin' kidding me???? Two in the same week?!

What was I to do? I was scared (to the point or panic) to go outside, but I needed to take Seth's dog out to go to the bathroom before going to Eli's. Was that thing still out there?! After much deliberation, I opted to take Waffles outside in our tiny, fully-fenced backyard area and try to convince him to go to the bathroom there. He was quite confused; we always go out front and walk around the neighborhood, but after about 20 minutes, he finally complied.

In my whole life, I had never met anyone else with this phobia, at least not as severe as mine. My brother has it, but not nearly this severe. However, I've recently learned that  a kindergarten teacher on Shulamith's team has it, AND a girl in our neighborhood book group does also! Soulmates. I don't use people's names in this very public blog unless I know them well or have their permission, so I won't say the name of the girl in our book group, but if you happen to read this, my fellow ophidiophobe, be aware. Keep watch on your surroundings, especially if you're outside in the early evening. Two of these creatures live in our midst, so awareness is crucial. 

I should add that I have nothing against the owners of these pets. They are well within their legal rights to keep these things and even take them outside for "walks." As Shulamith kindly pointed out: "You are the one with the phobia." Yes, indeed I am.

Oh yeah. Halfway Christmas. It happened. It was low-key. We ate turkey and stuffing. And ice cream. And opened one present each. Here are some pics:

Seth forgot to wear his Christmas jammies!

Swen with his new balance ball

Kennedy opening her new nail kit

Theodore with his new Iron Beads kit

Jane with her new stuffy

Didn't get a whole group shot, but here are a few of us.

Merry Halfway Christmas to all! 

(And may you never encounter a long reptile creature out for a walk in your neighborhood. Because I love all of you and wouldn't want you to die.)