Okay, that's not quite her real name. At least not yet. I can explain. Give me a minute.
Shulamith's son, Theodore, turned 9 a week ago. As his birthday approached, his cousin also had a birthday. And would you like to know what the cousin's birthday present was?
A python.
Yep, really.
How do you think Theodore felt about that? Well it quickly became the only present he wanted. To be clear; Shulamith does not share my phobia of such creatures, no, but she's not especially fond of them either, and no, she would not have one live in her house.
(Oh the phobia. Yes. Here is some background, if you'd like to know about it.)
I have a phobia. An entirely irrational but intense fear. Of snakes. Even looking at the word right there triggers a physical response. That's the thing about phobias; they're that irrational. I remember trying to read the Harry Potter series. I told myself, "You can read these books! There are no pictures. Just black text on white pages." I tried. Really, I did. But around 80 pages in, I was literally shaking. This Rowling lady is a real good writer. I don't typically visualize scenes when I read. I'm the least visual, most auditory, person you know. That's how good of a writer she is. Those images.....eeeek!
I had to stop. I suspect I'm one of the only folks around who hasn't read any of the Harry Potter books or seen any of the movies. I don't know the plot lines or any of the references. It's kinda sad.
Back to Theodore. No, they were not gonna get him a snake. Shulamith said "absolutely not," and while my phobia is not the main reason for that, it would be challenging. We live around the corner from each other, about 100 steps apart, and I would never be able to enter her house again. When we're not traveling together, we take care of each other's dog. Wouldn't be able to do that either. It would be inconvenient, to say the least.
But what to get Theodore instead?
A couple weeks before his birthday, he had the chance to care for a friend's crested gecko. And he fell in love. So much so that he actually cried when it was time to give it back. He's tenderhearted that way.
So after considerable discussion, Theodore's parents decided that a crested gecko was the perfect birthday gift. I braved up and accompanied Shulamith to a store with a huge sign out front: "REPTILES." Can you even believe I did this? She instructed me to keep my eyes down and to go left once inside. Avoid the right side of the store entirely. We were in there way too long, as the store owner meticulously assembled the enclosure that would be the gecko's home, carefully placing each tree branch, one by one. Gosh it took a long time, and no one was happier to be out of that stupid store than me.
But I got to keep the tiny, 2-month old gecko at my house that night, so it would be a full-on surprise to Theodore on his birthday the following day. And I kinda got attached to it.
Surprisingly, several people have asked me if I'm afraid of it. Uh, no, My phobia is not of geckos. It's just not. I think sometimes people assume a phobia like mine means that you're squeamish about creeping things. Nope. I'm not squeamish. I'm the go-to person when a cute spider finds its way into the house and others are screaming and jumping. I think insects are actually very cool. But lots of people are squeamish about spiders and bugs and creeping things. It's natural to feel that way. It's not a phobia.
A phobia is different. It's not natural. It's purely irrational. It's why I can't even look at pictures of snakes, or handle toy ones. My kids couldn't even have the Beanie Baby variety because my reaction was so intense. Garden hoses are even a struggle. Amanda suggested that the reason people assume I'd be scared of geckos is because they are reptiles, just like those long, awful creatures with no arms or legs. But as I told Amanda, humans and cows are both mammals, but no, they're not the same.
And a cute little baby gecko?! Like "Peanut Butter Cookie"!? She's freakin' adorable. You should see her grippy little fingers and toes. And eyelashes!
Well, needless to say Theodore was delighted. Said it was his best birthday ever! As for the little baby's name, he started out calling her "Peanut." Cute name. But he wasn't 100% sure. Then he thought he might switch and call her "Cookie" instead. So I decided "Peanut Butter Cookie" was perfect! Don't you agree? While Theodore and his family were camping this past weekend, I got to go hang out with the little baby each day, and I called her "Peanut Butter Cookie." She seemed to like it.
We'll see what Theodore decides.
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