Lead, Kindly Light

I can't remember the first time I saw this picture, nor can I remember how long the hymn, whose name it bears, was my favorite in our church's hymnal. I don't know which came first. For a long time, I didn't even know the connection between the two; I didn't know the title of the painting I loved so much. When I found out, I was stunned. The relationship between art and poetry has been a personal passion ever since I studied the work of William Blake, in my undergrad days as a literature major. This revelation brought my love for the artwork and my passion for the hymn full circle.

May I share the lyrics by John Henry Newman, stanza by stanza:

"Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom,
lead thou me on;
the night is dark, and I am far from home;
lead thou me on.
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
the distant scene; one step enough for me."

We all experience "encircling gloom" in one way or another. Whether it be tragedy that strikes so violently and without warning or simply the day-by-day struggle to endure, we all know. And we all feel "far from home" now and then. Sometimes we feel far from our Heavenly Home and the nurture of our loving Heavenly Parents. Other times we feel isolated right here in this world, far from a figurative home, far from peace and safety, whether physical or emotional. Everyone, at one time or another, fears the future. What if _______? How comforting to be led by his "kindly light," one step at a time.

"I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
lead thou me on.
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
pride ruled my will: remember not past years."

But no, we never do it perfectly, do we? We look back on failures, when we lost our faith or at least let it slip for awhile. "Pride ruled my will,": indeed, our desire to shape our own destiny rather than follow his plan, as we "love the garish day."  Thank goodness for the marvelous gift of repentance, that puts us right back on the path toward Heaven and welcomes the light to lead.

"So long thy power hath blest me, sure it still
will lead me on,
o'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
the night is gone,
and with the morn those angel faces smile,
which I have loved long since, and lost awhile."

Always the reassurance of God's grace! He loves us, and he wants us back. And barring interfering with our agency, he'll do anything he can to guide us home, where "angel faces smile."

This painting hangs in the entryway of the clothing section of Deseret Book here in Midvale. Every time I go in, I stop for a few minutes and admire it. Since learning of its title, I stay a bit longer, pondering the words to my favorite hymn. Then I go home and tell my family that one day the picture will hang in our home.

When would that happen? I had no idea. Newly grown-up kids are way more expensive than little ones, with college, missions, weddings to pay for. I knew I'd have it one day. I didn't know when that day would be.

But Eli and Amanda decided it would be now. They gathered some financial support from Shulamith, Isaiah, and Seth and had the painting wrapped and ready for me Christmas morning. The surprise was paralyzing. I had no words, which as most of you know, is a rare occurrence. Thanks to Eli, it now hangs in the entryway of our home, the first thing you see when you walk in. You need to come over and see it in person; the picture above doesn't come close to revealing its beauty.

May it be a reminder to all who enter of the light that leads us home.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds...

Christmas, 2017 is now officially over. I still listen to Christmas music during my morning walks, right up until January 1st, but that's just me holding on as long as I can. If I'm honest with myself, I know it's over. Because we celebrated on the 27th rather than the 25th, we stole a couple extra days, and it was most definitely a Christmas to remember.

I chose the title for this post because something magical happens when your children sleep in your house Christmas Eve, even if some of those children are technically adults who live elsewhere. Our oldest, Luke, lives in Maryland so he wasn't here, but the other four were right under our roof as "visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads." It made for a tight squeeze, as Isaiah slept on the living room couch and Seth in the big rocker/recliner, but it was totally worth it! Shulamith told her son, Swen, that she actually heard the "clatter out on the lawn" when Santa came. And I think she did.

She and I woke early with her kids, so we tiptoed down the stairs, trying not to wake Isaiah or Seth, to see what Santa brought. We checked the cookie and milk plate, and sure enough, all gone. Under the tree we found the gifts from Santa, and we hurried right back up to my bedroom, to play and wait until others woke up.

Erichsen-Webster Christmas celebrations are big events, and no one describes them better than Shulamith's husband Matt, so I'll refer you to what he had to say last year. Now think "repeat in 2017," only we didn't go to church because it wasn't Sunday.

We love giving and receiving gifts, and even more, we love to watch everyone open his or hers, slowly, one at a time, so yeah, it takes a minute. Here are a few highlights:

Shulamith's daughter, Kennedy, gave her mommy a new wallet. She was so proud!

 Amanda gave Eli a personalized calendar with pictures of all their family members on their birthdays and anniversaries.

Amanda and I gave Eli and Gerald matching robes! How cute are they?

It's a tradition that goes years into the past for the girls to have matching Christmas jammies.

Most of my sons aren't quite as into the whole Christmas jammies deal, but I knew Eli would be delighted to match Shulamith's son, Swen.

After three kids, Shulamith's diaper bag was worn and in need of replacement.

Shulamith's baby, Theodore, opening a present on his first Christmas.

Beforehand, I would have told you this would be the best surprise of the morning, a joint present for Isaiah and Seth: a Nintendo Switch console.And believe me, it was pretty awesome. We actually drew a real reaction from Isaiah, and this picture captures it well. Neither of them was expecting this gift, which is exactly the way I like it.

But no, it wasn't the best surprise of the morning. This was. Oh my goodness! I have wanted this painting for a very long time, and Eli and Amanda made it happen. But I think it's worthy of its own blog post, so I will leave it for now.

The day was full of food, fun, and festivities. You should see my house. Or maybe you shouldn't. There were 12 of us opening gifts, followed by 12 stockings. Just imagine the amount of paper, let alone the gifts themselves! But instead of cleaning up, we jumped right into some serious competition called "The Game of Things." Have you ever played it? You should. Except my family doesn't think I write good answers, when really I do. Super good ones. That make sense. They are the ones who write bad answers, including ones that use those horrible bathroom words, you know, the ones that begin with the letter "P" and are totally inappropriate. Ugh!

Then we played Jenga. Which is terrifying. 

We ended the night with Shulamith cooking potatoes in her new Instapot, which is very scary. I will definitely let her figure it all out before I get one for myself. We talked. We laughed. We dreamed of the day not too far in the future when Eli and Amanda will graduate and move down here. It was good to be together. Until next year...

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

A quiet, peaceful non-Christmas Day

Here I sit, reclined in my rocking chair, heated blanked spread across my lap. I awoke this morning at 5:00 a.m. to teach two Chinese lessons in a row. As I bid goodbye to my first student, a new kid I'd never met before, his mom came on the screen, smiled big and said to her son, "Wish your teacher a Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Teacher," the little boy tried to say.

How lovely! For the most part, they don't celebrate Christmas in China, but still they know. They may not understand its meaning or deeper significance, but still they know. They know it's an important day and that those of us teaching English to their children have sacrificed part of that special day for them.

Granted, for me, it's not a huge sacrifice. We are not celebrating Christmas today, but instead have moved our celebration two days forward. Tuesday night will be our Christmas Eve activities, and then Christmas will be all day Wednesday. It was tricky this year to find a time that worked for everyone, and we are super excited.

So while most of you, my friends, are right this second in the midst of your full-on celebrations, I sit here in my chair. After my two Chinese lessons, I slept two hours. It was that crazy good, morning sleep, the kind you can't replicate at night. Now it's amazingly quiet. And peaceful. Gerald left for work while I was teaching VIPKID. Seth, Eli, and Amanda are still fast asleep. Seth will go to work at noon. Yes, for the first time ever the Mac Shack is open Christmas Day. He offered to work, once he learned we had moved our Christmas. Of all my kids, Seth hates it the most when we need to move the day. He feels cheated when all his friends are opening their gifts and he has to wait.

But guess what??? Shhhhhhh! Don't tell him. This year, to offset that unhappiness, I got one gift for him to open this morning. It's all wrapped up, and he has no idea at all that he'll get to open something today. I'll surprise him with it just before he leaves for work at noon.

Once Eli and Amanda wake up, we will have a small celebration here, as they open their gifts to each other. And may I just say, there are a few of those. Like hundreds. Or millions. Okay, hyperbole, maybe, but remember that time before you had kids and bills and more kids and more bills, and you showered each other with Christmas gifts? I remember. Well, that's what's going on here today.

I offered to leave for awhile, to give them the house and some privacy for their own little Christmas. I could go for a walk, or find someplace open with Internet and drink Diet Coke and browse online. But sweet Amanda said no. Have I mentioned how grateful I am for her and that Eli found such a thoughtful and caring partner with whom to share eternity? She said they totally planned on me being with them while they open their gifts. Unless I don't want to. Are you kidding? Terrianne: The Christmas Mom of all time? Of course I want to watch them open their presents! I can hardly wait! In fact, I'm sitting here excited, wishing they would wake up and get started.

So that is about it for our non-Christmas day. I'll tag back with ya later this week to report the details of Tuesday night and Wednesday. There are some dang good surprises to come. Meanwhile, may I include some photos of my Christmas house before it's all torn apart (somewhat literally) tomorrow night and Wednesday? Just for the blog record. Thanks!

So it's been a bit of a troublesome tree this year; nevertheless, it's beautiful!

Our Charlie Brown tree. "'And on earth, peace." That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.'

The stockings were hung by the [staircase] with care...

My children's photos with Santa through the years

December is the only month I love to get the mail. Greetings, updates, and well wishes from friends, near and far.

My favorite of all! 

I wrote in more detail about it here, but this nativity is a gift from four people, who piece by piece, made it the beauty it is. Thank you, Mom, Amanda, Desiree, and Lacey.

Sickness, Scams, and Snakes.......suck!

....seriously.

And if you think that is perfectly awful alliteration, you are right. Each on its own, these are terrible enough, but together in the same week? And the week just before the most wonderful holiday of the year? I'd say we've done pretty well not to let all this get us down.

Sickness
About 10 days ago, Shulamith woke in the middle of the night, not because Theodore needed milk, not because Swen needed a drink of water, not because Kennedy....wait, no, Kennedy never wakes in the night. But not for any of those reasons. Instead, Shulamith awoke to a nasty case of stomach flu. We'll leave out the details, but you get the idea. Blah.

From my experience, stomach bugs are usually short lived; 24 hours is not uncommon. But this was in Shulamith's words a "brutal virus." No lie. She was way sick for four days, pretty much too sick to eat, then weak from not eating.. On Day 5, she began to feel better (other than a weird sore throat that cropped up), but it wasn't until Day 6 that she felt normal.

Throughout those five days, she would ask me now and then, "Do you still feel okay?"

"Yes, yes, I'm just fine. I don't get sick. Too many kids coughing and puking all over me all these years. My immune system is rock solid."

Pride goeth before the fall. On her Day 6, I awoke to the same terrible symptoms. "I think I have what you had," I texted her first thing in the morning. She was graciously sympathetic, knowing what was ahead for me. My illness path paralleled hers almost exactly, including the piercing sore throat on Day 5 that disappeared by Day 6. Regardless of how I feel about you, I can say this with complete certainty: May you never, ever, contract this virus.

Today is my Day 6, and yes, I feel just about normal. Just before Christmas and Disneyland. Whew.

Scams
Also this week I was attempting to sell my iPhone 6, after upgrading to an 8 about a month ago. Gerald listed it on KSL, and immediately texts started flooding in. Apparently lots of people are in the market for a phone like this. One guy in particular said he was in Texas on business, but he was interested and would I send him another couple pictures. That I did. He then said he would definitely buy the phone, and I should consider it sold, and he would give me an extra $50 for the hassle of holding it for a few days while he arranged payment.

He told me he would send me a cashier's check in the mail. Once I cashed the check, he would send someone over to pick up payment and get the phone. Gerald was skeptical right from the start, but I'm naturally trusting, so I said okay. And I waited for the check to arrive. Meanwhile, Gerald looked up some info on these types of scams, and several of the criteria mentioned fit my situation: 1) If they want to pay with a cashier's check, it's likely a scam. 2) If they offer to pay you extra  for your trouble, it's likely a scam. 3) If they send you a check in an amount lots higher than the price of the item, it's likely a scam.

Yes. Yes. Yes. When the cashier's check arrived, it was in the amount of $1,700! My phone is great and in excellent condition, but I was hoping to get maybe $215 at most. The instant it arrived, the guy started texting me over and over: "Did you get the check? Go right away and deposit at an ATM. Have you deposited it yet? Terrianne, are you there?" When I mentioned that it was for $1,700 and there was no way in h### I'd be depositing it into my personal checking account, he finally backed off.

There is a good ending to this story; Gerald listed my phone again today, and within an hour it was sold to a nice, honest lady and her son, who brought me $215 cash.

Snakes 
A while back I wrote about a little supplemental job I have teaching English to Chinese students online through a company called VIPKID. While the early hours are kicking my trash, I keep doing it for two reasons; it's the easiest teaching job on the planet (think no planning and no grading), and the kids are just adorable. Really.

The other day I had the VIPKID app open on my phone to check updates on recently booked  or cancelled classes, and Shulamith happened to see one of my upcoming lessons:

"Oh no! That one there called "How Animals Move" has a couple snakes in it. Even worse, soon after that lesson comes a whole unit on reptiles and fish with tons of snakes, over and over."

Well, great. My easy, stress-free supplemental job just became a giant hassle. In case you don't remember, I've written about my intense phobia a few times, here, and here, and here.

How the freak am I going to teach these lessons that contain pictures of those awful creatures right in front of my face on the screen? No, I can't look at them. And yes, I know a picture can't hurt me (some stupid person on my VIPKID Facebook group actually told me this). I am phobic. It's not rational. I can't look at the things. End of story.

Shulamith and another sweet friend and fellow VIPKID teacher (Hi Kara!) both graciously offered to preview all the slides for every one of these lessons and then tape black construction paper over my computer screen, so I can teach without looking. Then I would need Shulamith or Kara to read me the words on each slide, so I could take notes and know what to ask the student to do. If this sounds like a giant hassle, it is! Like ridiculously hard. So far, I haven't had a student reach this "Rated S" level, but my cute little Jessica, my very favorite regular, who books me twice weekly, is just about there. Help!!!

Summary
My awful sickness finally got better. My scam was thwarted and my phone sold legitimately. But this last one. No, I don't know what to do.


Suggestions?

Christmas is creepy

So it feels like just yesterday people were telling me it's way too early to listen to Christmas music. "What are you thinking? It's barely November. Wait at least until Thanksgiving." Blah, blah blah.

But Christmas is creepy. It creeps up. Fast.

It's been sorta hard this year with all that's happened recently. I keep thinking of Dolly Parton's song "Hard Candy Christmas."

Maybe I'll dye my hair

Maybe I'll move somewhere.

Maybe I'll sleep real late

Maybe I'll lose some weight.

Maybe I'll learn to sew

Maybe I'll just lie low.

Okay, that sewing one, never in a million years. But the others? Maybe.

Regardless, my motto has been "fake it till you make it" because this is potentially Seth's last Christmas with us for two years, so despite my melancholy, it dang well better be merry! 

It's creepy, though. How can it be Dec.10th already? I feel like I'm walking through water; everything feels hard and slow, and the days keep creeping by. 

And then there's my possessed Christmas tree. Two weeks ago, Eli and Amanda were here, and they, along with Shulamith and Seth, set it up, decorated it, and got out all my other beautiful decorations. I mostly just watched. That night, we noticed one of the branches was loose and lying on top of the one underneath. What?? Shulamith carefully tied it to the tree trunk. Problem solved, we thought. Then the next day, another branch, same story. She tied that one up as well. Then next day, another. So now I have three branches tied up. I'm not even kidding.

Then all the lights went out on the top half of the tree. Then they came back on a day later. Then out again. Amanda discovered it had something to do with the electrical outlets, and all the lights are on now. Whew!

A week ago, one of my favorite events of the season happened, The First Presidency's Christmas Devotional. If you didn't get to watch, here is the link to President Uchtdorf's talk. Stop now, whatever you are doing, and watch this talk. Wait....you're reading my blog. Yes, stop reading, and watch this talk. Then finish my blog.

You're welcome.

Thursday night, another of my favorite events happened, my Christmas cookie exchange, the third annual. It's really the only social event I host in the entire year, and it's pretty fun. Stats: My tree stayed lit. Check. My lemon bars failed. Replaced with store-bought orange sticks. Eleven fun women came. So great! But then, then... I forgot to get cookies. The way this whole thing works is everyone brings a couple dozen of her favorite cookies to share. We eat some that night, and before everyone leaves, she puts together a heaping plate filled with samples of all the different cookies to take home. Except I was so busy hostessing that I forgot to make a plate for myself. When everyone was gone, I said to Shulamith, "Where are all the cookies?" 

"Did you not make a plate for yourself?" she replied.

Hard candy Christmas.

And creepy.

I am so far behind with everything. I only have maybe 1/3 of my shopping done; our tree looks awfully empty. Usually my cards are delivered way before now, but I'm still struggling with my holiday letter. I think I just about have it, so cards going out soon, hopefully.

The other thing I've been doing is watching Seth sing all over the place with his performing choir, vocal ensemble. That is pure delight.

I have a feeling the next ten days are going to creep past even faster and less obtrusively. I may not even notice. 

Because Christmas is creepy.