ITS LEGS: In search of memories

Late last night, Eli was sitting on the couch in our living room thumbing through nine years of ITS LEGS blog books. Amanda was asleep next to him; somehow she manged to stay asleep despite our animated conversation and intermittent laughter. In search of memories.

So I'm here to tell you something important: Keep records. Those of us who are LDS are counseled by both the scriptures and our church leaders to keep a record of our lives, but if that doesn't provide sufficient motivation, allow my experience with Eli last night to help you along.

Eli and I read stories about conversations I had with Seth when he was nine years old. We laughed and laughed. "Mom, do you really think P90X is a good idea. Look at the computer; that girl's leg is much higher than yours. You'll never have a beach body."  We read stories about Luke's PhD graduation, and Shulamith's engagement and wedding, and Isaiah's audition for "Mr. Skyview" his senior year in high school. We read stories of joy and frustration, excitement and disappointment, happiness and fear. The stuff of life. All the things that make us family, along with a few of my personal opinion pieces (mostly about parenting and politics) thrown in.

Of course Eli's favorite stories are the ones about him: church basketball, prom, college, mission. It seems everyone likes to read about him or herself. Even my friend Lindsey tells me she gets excited whenever she turns up in one of my posts: "One time we got a whole paragraph!"

But here's the thing. I only have a record of the past nine years. I only began blogging nine years ago, and though I'm pretty darn prolific, this is still only my 558th post. And nothing prior to 2009 is covered. When I see the joy my kids experience looking back at these stories, I grieve the fact that they go back only nine years.

So my advice? Start now! Make record keeping a priority. I get that you may not enjoy writing as much as I do, that it may not be therapy for you. But do it anyway. Your kids will thank you. You will thank you.

 ITS LEGS: In search of memories.

How do you get A's in high school? Just ask for them.

So Seth's third quarter of his junior year of high school concluded today. Hoping to get all A's (or very close to it), he's been staying after school this week and talking to teachers about how to accomplish an A in each class. Several A's were already secure, but three were not, so those were the classes of focus.

Current grade in computer programming is a B+, so he started there. Approaching the teacher, he asked, "Hey, is there anything I can do to get that grade bumped up?" Answer: "Nope."

Okay, then. Accepting the fact that the 4.0 was out of reach this time around, he moved on.

Current grade in choir was also a B+ because he apparently hadn't passed off one of his songs, so he approached the choir teacher: "Hey, I really think I sang this song pretty well." Answer: "Okay, I'll give you the 100 points for it," which brings his choir grade up to an A.

Now there's the result he was hoping for.

Next up, history, where he was sitting with an 88%. "Hey, is there anything I can do to get this grade bumped up?" Answer: "Sure. I'll just add a few points to a couple of your test scores, enough to bring it up to an A."

Excellent.

And that was that. He'll finish the quarter with all A's and one pesky B+ in programming.

Now the teacher in me has all sorts of thoughts regarding this little story, like....

• Maybe Seth should have actually, you know, done A-level work in order to get an A. Or,
• This is exactly the training that causes my students to come to me, expecting me to just GIVE them grades they didn't earn!! :-(  :-(  :-(

But we'll just leave all those thoughts on hold for now and congratulate Seth on his fabulous grades. Because what else can we do? For the record, he tells me this last quarter will the the one he finishes with a 4.0. No question about it, he says.

But if not? How do you get A's in high school? Just ask for them.

Prom, 2017: It was almost like being there - St. George Weekend, Part 3 of 3

We humans can do many things, but one thing we can't do is be in two places at once. That said, with modern technology, we can make a valiant effort.

This past weekend presented me with a dilemma, which I explained here, but the short of it is that Seth's prom fell on the same night I had already planned to be in St. George for my friend's daughter's wedding. An acquaintance once said this about me: "Terrianne is a fierce mom." Honestly, I've never felt more complimented. I do love to be present in all areas of my kids' lives, and no, I don't like missing important events, certainly not my youngest baby's junior prom. And yet. I really, really wanted to be at this wedding. I was honored to be invited to attend the sealing. It was important to me. So even after learning of the prom conflict, there wasn't any doubt I would go to St. George.

Modern technology to the rescue!

With a prom group of 16 kids, the pre-prom picture-taking session was a bit of a zoo. Gerald was there with the list of pictures I'd requested (demanded?), trying his best to get everything I wanted. He did great! Really, he did. Just look at these gorgeous pictures:

He even thought up one of his own, a picture of the back of Jodi's hair! I hope she wasn't too creeped out by Gerald asking her to turn around, so he could take the picture.

But what made my absence tolerable was Seth's FaceTime call, as they were preparing to leave for dinner. I had just finished eating when the call came, so I slipped out into the foyer of the chapel, where I got to talk to Seth and Jodi in real time. They were pretty distracted by all the activity, but I still got to say my bit:

"Ahhhhhh, you two look so beautiful! Jodie, that dress is totally adorable! Please, please be so safe driving tonight...seat belts, everyone...and have so much fun! I love you, Seth!"

It was great. I don't feel like I missed anything at all. Thank you so much, amazing technology. Such a thing would not have been possible when I went to prom.

Prom, 2017: It was almost like being there.

It's really all about the food: St. George Weekend, Part 2 of 3

About two seconds after Patty texted me the date and time of Lindsey's sealing and reception, Shulamith and I looked at each other and said, "Girls' Weekend in St. George?" About two seconds later, we began to plan out our food. We have some favorite eating establishments in St. George, and it took some careful planning to fit them all into our 2.5 days there, especially since we knew that delicious food and dessert would be provided at the wedding dinner and reception Saturday evening.

But don't you worry. We are Websters. We wouldn't let a little thing like a tight schedule cause us to miss even one of our fabulous food frenzies. Careful planning is all we needed. Upon arriving in St. George Friday around 1:00, we headed straight for our favorite Mexican place, El Coyote Charro. There we feasted on steak and chicken tacos with chips and salsa on the side. This place makes such yummy and (mostly) authentic Mexican food; its only downside is that it serves Pepsi products (ugh). We drank water and looked forward to popcorn and Diet Coke at the movie that afternoon.

I was especially excited to see the movie Hidden Figures because my friend John (who happens to be yet another 3-decade-long friendship) always sees all the Oscar-nominated films and then ranks them for me, based on what he thinks I'll like. Thirty years is a long time to know someone; his predictions are always spot on. He thought this one would be my favorite, and yes indeed, it was. The other super fun part of going to the movies was that my brother Tom met us at the theater and went with us. He just happened to be in southern Utah last weekend, so the timing was perfect.

But wait....was it time to eat again? I think it was. We weren't sure where to go because we were "kid free," and we generally don't go to sit-down restaurants when we have Shulamith's kids (choosing not to be whined and dined). All three of us thought some down-home, comfort food sounded good, so we went to Cracker Barrel, where we enjoyed a delicious meal and fun visit with Tom.

We said goodbye to him and headed for our motel, but not before stopping at 25 Main to get cupcakes, raspberry and lemon (me), cinnamon and vanilla (Shulamith). We were way too full by this point to take more than a bite, but we knew they'd make a perfect breakfast appetizer the following morning.

I say "appetizer" because breakfast in St. George means one thing and one thing only to me: The Crepery. As the title indicates, this place specializes in fluffy, French-style crepes, properly pronounced with a short /e/, not a long /a/. (Thanks for getting that right; my family never does). They serve both sweet and savory crepes, so it's nearly impossible to decide. Ultimately, I went "sweet," with the custard, banana, and chocolate sauce crepe. Shulamith went "savory," with the egg, cheese, and sausage crepe. Both were amazing. Next time, though, I'm branching out and trying the savory one with honey cured ham, cheddar cheese and a dill cream cheese sauce. Go ahead. Get into your car right now and drive the 3.5 hours to St. George. This place is worth it.

After breakfast, we browsed the outlet stores, including the Down East warehouse sale, but surprisingly, walked away empty handed. Soon it was time to go back to the motel to change clothes for the wedding. We stopped on the way at Riggatti's to get Shulamith's favorite pizza, which we ate in the parking lot of the temple. I don't love pizza quite as much as she does, but this place makes one truly excellent pizza.

The wedding was lovely, as weddings always are. Two adorable kids in love, walking out those beautiful temple doors, their faces aglow....you can't help but feel hope for the future. That afternoon and evening, we ate yummy barbecue, hosted by the groom's parents, followed by a variety of finger desserts, including banana bread, blueberry muffins, strawberry mini cakes, cream puffs, and lemon bars. If you know Shulamith well and are wondering how she dealt with all this fruit, no worries; she just ate lots and lots of cream puffs. I, on the other hand, enjoyed one of everything.

On our way out of town Sunday morning, we ate french toast, Belgian waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns at some restaurant that I can't remember, but it was good.

And five pounds later, a supremely successful girls' weekend in St. George is history.

"Thanks for the cookies. They were good." - St. George Weekend, Part 1 of 3

This is one of my favorite quotes from this past weekend, when Shulamith and I traveled to St. George to attend the wedding and celebrate the marriage of my friend Patty's daughter, Lindsey. There were other great lines as well. This one came from Patty's brother James, whom I met for the first time at the reception Saturday night.

Backstory: Patty and I only lived together for one brief semester during our junior year in college, but somehow (and it's rather remarkable, really), our friendship has endured the test of both time (three decades) and distance. I wrote about that here, so I won't repeat, but suffice it to say that one of the coolest parts of this past weekend was putting faces to names of the many people in her life, whom I've come to "know" though never actually met.

Her brother James is one of those people. The closest I came to meeting him was during the semester Patty and I were roommates, when I helped her bake cookies for him. So Saturday night I introduced myself like this: "Hi, I'm Terrianne, and once upon time during college days, I helped your sister bake cookies for you." As I was leaving the reception, he said, "Well thanks for the cookies. They were good."

Then there's Patty's niece, Clarissa. As Shulamith and I sat in the waiting room of the temple prior to the sealing, I tried to figure out which one she was. I'd seen pictures on Facebook, but it was still hard to be sure. There were two cute, blond girls, and I figured one of them had to be she. I was right! I confirmed with Patty's sister Claire after the sealing and then introduced myself to Clarissa: "Hi, I'm Terrianne. I've "watched" you grow up (virtually) for most of your life," to which she replied, "Well that's scary!"

Finally, the very best line of the evening...no, the entire weekend...came out of a dinner conversation with Patty's sons, Tyler and Jacob. I had actually met Tyler once before when he and Eli were seven months old, and Eli and I visited St. George. Tyler and Eli crawled around the living room, while Patty and I reminisced  about college days and chatted about marriage and motherhood. Twenty-four-year-old Tyler didn't remember that day at all. In fact, he had no idea who I was or how I knew his and Jacob's names.

He may not remember, but I feel like I've known both these amazing young men all their lives. At one point, Shulamith asked both brothers how they feel about their sister's new husband. Jacob said they like him just fine, though they don't really know him that well yet.

Then Tyler chimed in:

"But I'm sure my mom knows him very well. I'm sure she's been interrogating him nonstop since the first day she met him, just like she does us. Question after question after question, until finally you just give up answers, anything to make it stop: "Please, Mom, I need to go to the bathroom!"

Two things: Tyler could be a stand-up comic, and Patty is a mother after my own heart.

"Thanks for the cookies. They were good"

Showing up. Even when the timing isn't perfect

They say "Timing is everything." I've never figured out who "they" refers to, but in this case, "they" have a pretty good point. So much depends on timing. And sometimes, no matter how badly we want it to to be perfect, it just isn't.

For example, that one time when Shulamith's senior year homecoming dance was the same day as Parents' Weekend at Luke's college, his freshman year. What's a mom to do? We went to Parents' Weekend for Luke, but I sure hated missing one of her special nights.

Then there was this other time when I missed her 8th grade graduation ceremony and dance because I was in the hospital delivering Seth. Probably got a bye on that one, but still.

This coming weekend presents another timing dilemma, where there is no perfect solution, and let's be very clear: I prefer perfection.You see, a very close friend of mine will marry off her only daughter this Saturday in St. George. This friend and I were college roommates for only one semester and we've never lived in the same town, but somehow, we've stayed close all this time. In pre-Internet days, we actually wrote each other genuine, snail-mail letters. That's right; we'd hand write letters on actual paper. Then we'd fold the paper to fit neatly into a small envelope (in fact, this friend taught me the perfect way to do just that), add a stamp, and deposit the envelop in a mailbox. No, we didn't do this daily or even weekly, but many times a year, we'd send letters back and forth.

The advent of the Internet was a huge boon to our friendship as suddenly, we could throw emails back and forth almost daily. One of her sons once asked his mom, "Are you doing something important, or are you just blah, blah, blahing with Terrianne?" Let me just say that all that "blah, blah, blahing is very important to me. It has been a source of tremendous joy. I am grateful, more than I can express, for this close, albeit long-distance, friendship all these years.

Another thing about this particular friend is that she shows up! Sometimes she brings along her husband or her sister or her daughter, but she always shows up. She shows up for the major events in my kids' lives. In 2006, she drove all the way from St. George to Billings, Montana for Luke's mission farewell. Once we moved here, showing up became easier, but it still requires a 4-hour drive each way. Yet she still shows up. She showed up for Eli's mission farewell and homecoming. She showed up for both Shulamith's and Eli's weddings.

Her kids are younger than mine, so only now are they beginning to reach these huge milestones, and I've been so excited to show up for her. When she first texted me the date of her daughter's wedding, I immediately marked my calendar. Shulamith and I had already been talking about a girls' weekend before Monster (Monson-Webster) Baby #3 arrives in July, and this presented the perfect opportunity. We booked a motel and began planning food at our favorite restaurants in St. George (because everything is always about food). Woo!

That plan is still in force, and we are super excited; however, there's one timing glitch. Two weeks ago, Seth asked a girl to prom. "When's prom?" I asked. He wasn't sure, but he thought sometime in March. "Well, as long as it isn't March 11th," I declared. You guessed it. The following day I received a text from him: "Sorry, Mom. Prom is March 11th.

Noooooooooooooo! No! No! No! No! No! Any other day than that day, and besides, March is a dumb time to have prom. Aren't proms supposed to be in May? Yes, yes they are! This must be some weird Utah thing. Grrrr.

I never really thought about changing my plans. I am so excited to attend my friend's daughter's wedding; I never seriously considered not going. And as Seth has said all along, "Mom, parents don't actually go to prom, so what is the big deal? You were here for Sweetheart Ball last month, and I'm only a junior so they'll be lots more dances next year, but a wedding happens only once. And Dad can even face time you during our pictures Saturday evening, which is the only part parents are involved in anyway."

All true. It will be a lovely weekend, no doubt.

Showing up. Even when the timing isn't perfect.