Kennedy says...

So a while back, I started an ongoing blog post for Shulamith's son Swen, documenting the funny things he says. I did this for Shulamith because she doesn't have time to do it, and she will want to remember all this stuff. Recently, she asked if I would do the same thing for her daughter, Kennedy, so here we go.

1. We were in Costco, and Kennedy saw a huge play structure with swings, slides, etc. way up high on a tall shelf.
     Kennedy: I want to go on that.
     Shulamith: That looks like fun, but it's way too high to reach.
     Kennedy: Maybe a forklift would help.

2. Kennedy confuses Lagoon with Jungle Playland. Last week, Matt's work offered all employees and their families an afternoon at Lagoon. When Shulamith told Kennedy about it she said,
     Kennedy: I will ride the roller coaster with Her, and Her will hold my head.
This is because every time we go to Jungle Playland, I ride the fast, bumpy roller coaster with Kennedy, and I always hold her head next to me, so it won't shake and scare her.

3. . Swen and Kennedy were playing doctor.
     Kennedy: I need some medicine.
     Swen: Okay. What kind you want? I got allergy medicine, Ibuprofin, or pills.
     Kennedy: Hmm, maybe pills. Do I have to give you money?
     Swen: No, it's free!
So proud of Swen for his inherent understanding that healthcare should be free to everyone!

4. Kennedy's little brother, Theodore, is just a week old, and Kennedy adores him. But apparently she's still figuring out what it means to have a baby brother.
     Kennedy: Mommy, why is he coming with us?
     Shulamith: Who? Theodore?
     Kennedy: Yeah, the baby.
     Shulamith: Cuz he's part of our family now, so he's going to come with us everywhere we go.
     Kennedy: What?!?!
     Shulamith: Yes, he's my child too. He's your brother.
     Kennedy: He is?
     Shulamith: Yes.
     Kennedy: Okaaaaaaaaaaay.

5. So Shulamith has been talking to 3-year-old Kennedy recently about whether she might be interested in possibly giving up diapers any time soon. For the most part, Kennedy says no, that she is just fine wearing diapers. However, Shulamith has convinced Kennedy to try wearing her new Ninja Turtle underwear tomorrow and using the bathroom like a big kid. If she does, she gets to open the new Ninja Turtle toy that is still in its package. But then a couple hours after all this was decided, Kennedy wanted to clarify one important detail:
     Kennedy: Mommy, is it okay if my Ninja Turtle underwear get wet? It is, isn't it?

6.  And continuing on the subject of Kennedy and her lack of desire to bathroom train, a while back Shulamith was getting her dressed in her princess dress for her princess dance camp.
     Shulamith: I wonder if you should think about wearing underwear instead of diapers soon. I think princesses wear big girl underwear.
     Kennedy: No they don't! They only wear crowns!

7.  So just to set context, Swen often wonders why I don't eat various different (fattening) foods. I tell him it's because I'm fat, and I'm trying to be skinny. So Kennedy apparently overhears these conversations between Swen and me, which happen nearly every day. A couple days ago, she was mad at me about something, and in frustration, shouted:
     Kennedy: You're a stupid, fat Her!
Shulamith and I couldn't contain our laughter. Bahahahahahahaha!

8. And back to #6 above:
     Kennedy: Mommy, ask me if I want to wear underwear today.
     Shulamith: (so excited!): Kennedy! Do you want to wear underwear today?
     Kennedy: Um, maybe tomorrow.

9. At breakfast this morning at McDonald's, we were trying to leave, and both Shulamith's kids were playing and not getting shoes on.
     Shulamith: Come on, Kennedy. Let's get your shoes on. 1 - 2 - 3...
     Kennedy: Mom! Stop counting at me!

10.  Kennedy: Did Heavenly Father make all of our pieces?
      Shulamith: What do you mean?
      Kennedy:  Like did he make our eyelids and our toes and our eyebrows?
      Shulamith: Yes, he did.
      Kennedy: I think Heavenly Father made us like Legos.

11. Swen does not like it when Kennedy plays with his cars and car washes, and she knows it. So she mostly only does it when he's at school. A couple days ago, she was playing with his car wash just as Swen was walking in the door after school.
      Kennedy (running away from the car wash): Whew! That was close!

12. Kennedy loves to pretend she's a doctor (like Doc McStuffins), and poor Theodore is always the patient. She has a liquid medicine syringe, which she pretends is a shot, and she gives him dozens of shots each day:
      Kennedy (as she gives him another shot):  Here, Theodore, this will fix you in no time!

13. Kennedy was sitting on the floor in the living room eating some candy corn. I walked past and grabbed a couple pieces and ate them.
      Kennedy: I do NOT like it when big people eat my candy!!!

14. Like many new moms, Shulamith is still working to lose all the baby weight she gained while carrying Theodore. She's doing great, but still has a little left to lose. She was standing in a particularly unflattering position, when the following conversation between Swen and Kennedy occurred:
     Swen: Mommy, do you have another baby in your tummy?
     Kennedy: No, she doesn't. She just has fat.

"Halfway Christmas": It's a thing

Last month, Utah had its final snowstorm of the year. Okay, no, that's not right. It will undoubtedly snow again before the end of 2017. I guess more accurately, I should say the last snowstorm of the 2016-2017 winter season. There we go. Regardless, it confused Shulamith's 3-year-old daughter, Kennedy. She said, "It's snowing! That means it's Christmas and Santa's coming!"

And that's how it all began.

Halfway Christmas, I mean.

Shulamith posted Kennedy's comment on our group family text chat, and the ideas started churning. It could be Christmas. Sort of. What if we had a miniature Christmas celebration? What if we did it next month on June 25th, exactly halfway to Christmas? The more we talked, the more excited we were. Hardly anyone loves Christmas as much as I do, but Shulamith, Eli, and Amanda aren't far behind me.

It was set. On June 25th, Eli and Amanda would drive here from Rexburg to celebrate Halfway Christmas. We would draw names, so everyone would have one gift, something small, under $15. No need to break the bank. We would listen to Christmas music, eat some of our traditional Christmas food (egg casserole and chocolate fondue), and watch a Christmas movie.

I'm happy to report that this event was a screaming success. In every single way. Not only did Amanda and Eli come, but also Amanda's brother Alex, and Eli's friend Ben, and Ben's friend Brianne. Isaiah is in Vegas this week, so it was nice to have all these others here to fill in.

Here are some photos of the details:

Amanda, just before opening Seth's gift of a collar and leash for their cat, Ramsay.

Shulamith, just after opening my gift of a little bathrobe for her baby boy, who will be born next month.

Gerald, just after opening Shulamith's gift of all his favorite soda and candy products and also that new blue thermos right there.

Bad lighting, but me, opening Eli's gift, my new "EAT" sign for my kitchen, which I know went $5 over the $15 limit because I've been eyeing it for the last week. Isn't it adorable? Maybe it will motivate us to eat at home more often? Okay, no. But I still love it.

Eli, opening Amanda's gift of seven or eight t-shirts. The store Rue 21 was closing in Rexburg, and Amanda got all these shirts for $1.00 each. Score!

Seth, after opening Gerald's gift of red vines, peach rings, Reese's Pieces. Definitely a good supply of candy to last at least a week.

Shulamith's kids, after opening a doctor kit for Kennedy and a car for Swen.

If you're noticing one person in particular missing from this post and wondering, "Where's Matt?" let me remind you that Matt hates the real Christmas. Trust me, he had zero interest in participating in this amazing event.

In this respect, I am the antithesis of Matt. If you love Christmas as much as I do, and waiting a full 12 months between celebrations is so hard, I highly recommend this. As I shopped for my gift, it felt so real, glimpses of the feeling I have through the entire months of November and December. As the Christmas music played yesterday, as we opened our one gift each, as we watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," it was exactly what I needed to get me through until November. My Christmas fix!

Halfway Christmas. It's a thing.

Looking for Neil; found Tilian instead

What's your dream?

This is a question I'm asked regularly by Shulamith's five-year-old son, Swen. My answer has to be just right. If I tell him something that has actually happened, he says "That's not a dream, Her. That's a 'real.'" If I can't remember a legit dream, he doesn't like that either, so often, I have to make stuff up.When I ask Swen about his dream, he usually talks about things he wants to happen, his hopes for the day.

So what about those kinds of dreams: our hopes, our goals, our wishes for the future, either near or distant. We all have them. I sure do. For example,

1. I dream of going to Europe, especially Germany and Austria.
2. I dream of taking a road trip across the U.S., visiting church historical sites along the way and culminating in the South, visiting Eli's mission.
3. I dream of serving a full-time mission for my church, hopefully somewhere foreign, an opportunity neither Gerald nor I had when we were younger because we weren't yet members.

Some of my life dreams have already been realized, including watching Broadway shows in NYC, and seeing Neil Diamond in concert (that one's happened three times!), and being the mom to five amazing kids.

Today, Eli fulfilled a decade-long dream: attending Vans Warped Tour! Since he was 14 and a freshman in high school, he's dreamed of going to this event, but apparently Billings isn't cool enough to host Warped Tour, so he never could. Today, he and Amanda just happened to be here in Salt Lake the very day Warped Tour was here. How could he pass that up? He couldn't.

Not a super fan of post-hardcore rock, I debated whether to go with them, but ultimately, there's not much I wouldn't do to hang out with my kids. Visit a snake farm? Probably not that. But just about anything else.

It was quite an event. Seven different stages graced the Utah State Fairpark, along with tents for each band, selling t-shirts and other swag. Eli bought a Warped Tour shirt, along with (count them!) three "Dance Gavin Dance" t-shirts.

I looked for my guy, Neil Diamond, but instead found a beautiful young man with solid dance moves named Tilian Pearson, mononymously, Tilian! Lead singer (clean vocals) for Eli's favorite band, Dance Gavin Dance, Tilian is seriously talented. The only problem is, it's so hard to hear him. Most of the time, he is efficiently drowned out by blasting-loud music and other band members screaming. But every now and then and not often enough...sometimes at the start of a song, sometimes at the end or even in the middle, all that loud music and screaming subsides. And you hear Tilian sing. That part. That part is lovely.

Even lovelier for me was watching the pure joy on Eli's face when this band played. Just like Shulamith and me at a Neil Diamond concert, Eli knows every word to every song.

It was hot and crowded, and I had mild claustrophobia, fearing I might die in the mosh pit, but nothing could keep me away from Eli and watching his utter euphoria! Indeed, we moms are happy when our kids are happy. Eli and I were happy today!

We watched a couple other bands he likes. I was excited to actually recognize one song: American Authors' "Best Day of my Life." We danced and clapped and sang along. We ate good food, applied and reapplied sunscreen, and drank copious amounts of water to stay hydrated.

What's your dream?

Eli realized one of his today.

I looked for Neil, but found Tilian instead.

And it was good.

Irony and parallel lives

I never set out to be a teacher. Neither did Shulamith. At age 17, I left for college, dreaming of four years of perfect bliss, reading the poetry of Ben Jonson and John Donne, William Blake and John Keats, and discussing it with brilliant professors, whose insights would forever change me. And that's exactly what I did. And it was lovely. But midway though my junior year, it hit me that even lovely things eventually come to an end, and at some point I would graduate and need a job. So I grabbed enough classes on the side to secure a teaching credential.

Shulamith began college as a nursing major, but somewhere in the middle of her first year discovered her violently adversarial relationship with chemistry and anatomy, and switched to education. Both of us came at teaching through the backdoor, never as a real goal. I only taught in the K-12 system for one year before getting married and starting my family. Shulamith taught four years, but both of us quit when our first babies were born.

We love being stay-at-home moms; that career suits us perfectly. That said, we both also need a bit of cash to supplement our husbands' incomes. For me, the answer was to get my Master's degree, opening up the world of adjunct college teaching. With that degree, I could teach just a tiny bit (one night class each semester), still stay home with my kids, and bring home a decent amount of money. And such has been my story for three decades.

Shulamith began serving at Macaroni Grill a couple evenings a week when Matt was home with their kids, until she happened to see an ad for developmental reading and writing teachers at Salt Lake Community College. For developmental (non-college level) classes, a Master's is not required, only a bachelor's with ESL endorsement, which she has. Score! Except she had never taught anyone older than five. It was mildly terrifying.

That was nearly two years ago. Recently, she's added another part-time job, teaching English to Chinese children online through a company called VIPKID. At first, I wasn't going to join her in this endeavor because, truly, I have plenty to do with my three classes at LDS Business College. But she was having so much fun that I became sufficiently intrigued to submit my application and start the process. I was hired. Yay! Except I had never taught anyone younger than 18. It was mildly terrifying.

Now we find ourselves with the exact same two part-time jobs: adjunct instructors of college classes, and ESL teachers of Chinese children. Parallel lives. We spend most of our days together, and much of that time is now spent mentoring each other. What comes as naturally as breathing to me is often foreign to her, and vice versa. She teaches me about synthetic phonics and TPR (Total Physical Response) and various ESL tools. I teach her about sentence analysis and rhetorical strategies and motivating adult students who think they already know how to write.

Don't get me wrong. Shulamith and I are very different people. Though both extroverts, our personalities have many contrasts. I am "Anxiety Girl," able to jump to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound, while Shulmith has never had an anxious day in her life. Right up there with Sponge Bob and President Hinckley, she is one of the most optimistic people I know. She helps me chill when no one else can, and I hope I offer at least something to her in return, if only the security that I do all the worrying for the both of us. Imagine. Before she ever even considers worrying about something, I already have it covered!

They say when God gives you a daughter, he gives you a best friend for life. I know it doesn't always work out that way, but I'm grateful it did for us. But if you'd told me we'd wind up doing the exact same jobs at the exact same time, side by side, I wouldn't have believed you.

Irony and parallel lives.

Days of birth, days of fathers, forgotten Caesar, and successful gifts!

'Tis the season! Not the Christmas season, but the season of birthdays. Of the seven in my own family, only Luke and I were born in the fall. Everyone else has a spring/summer birthday. We begin with Eli in March, then Isaiah and Shulamith is April, Seth in June, and Gerald in July. In Shulamith's family, her husband, Matt, and son, Swen, were born in May, and her daughter, Kennedy, in July. And in just 24 days (!), she will deliver yet another July baby!

Then you add Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day to the mix, and pretty much every time I turn around this time of year, we're planning some sort of celebration. Yesterday was no different. We celebrated both Father's day and Seth's birthday, which was last Wednesday.

Seth requested stroganoff for dinner. I offered takeout of his choice, but no. He wanted stroganoff. Okay! And he wanted peanut butter cookies, not cake, for dessert. By Saturday night, I was way too tired to bake those cookies, so off to the store I went, where I bought two types of break & bake cookies. They were super yummy, by the way, so if you ever feel as lazy as I did, this is a great option.

Seth is in the middle of a 10-days-in-a-row work schedule, eight of those days double shifts. I guess this is to be expected when, at the start of summer, he gave his manager the three weekends he needs off (youth conference, pretend scout camp, and choir retreat) and said he could work any other time. They believed him. So yesterday we had  Stake Conference from 10:00-noon, leaving us just 2.5 hours to celebrate before Seth had to to go work at 2:30. We ate stroganoff. We were supposed to eat Caesar salad except I forgot to serve it. Then we put a candle in a peanut butter cookie and sang to Seth.

There was just enough time for gifts. I had given Seth and Isaiah tickets to a Jazz game back in April, which were to count for both of their birthdays. But I couldn't just let his celebration pass with no present at all. So I got him this tie:

But it's no ordinary tie. On the back is this photo of Seth's home girl, Taylor Swift:

I didn't know for sure if he'd like it, but he put it right on and wore it to his host shift at Mac. Grill. I worry incessantly about my kids not liking their gifts, so this made me a happy mama.

Then for Matt, this t-shirt I found a few months ago and have been saving:

 

Again, I had no idea if he'd like it, but I thought at the very least, he'd wear it to the gym or when he's out climbing rocks. But he put it right on and wore it to his parents' house. Yay!

Later in the afternoon, Gerald and I went to Mac Grill, where we shared a pizza, fried mozzarella bites, and a lemon passion dessert. More importantly, I got to spend a couple hours watching Seth work. I love to watch my kids do anything at all, even work. So many memories haunt Mac Grill. As I sat there, I remembered the first time I ate there. Shulamith was 19 and had just been hired as a hostess. I was there for a weekend visit, and I sat alone at a table in the back and watched her seat people. I was so proud.

Back then, I didn't know anyone else who worked there. Now, we feel like royalty. We always have several people stopping by our table to say hi, and we pay hardly anything for our food. It's nice. I remember the first time I watched Isaiah carry a big, round tray filled with plates of hot food over his head. I wanted to shout out for everyone to hear, "Look at him carry that big tray! That's my baby right there!" I didn't shout. But I wanted to. Or when I watched Eli greet customers at a newly-seated table, so polite and friendly and professional.

Yep, I've spent hours sitting at that restaurant watching my kids work. Is that creepy? I don't care.

It made for a happy end to an exhausting, but super fun weekend.

Days of birth, days of fathers, forgotten Caesar, and successful gifts!

How do you draw an ice cream cone?

I obviously have no idea.

Here's the thing. I'm not visual. I'm just not. On the Barsch Learning Styles Inventory, I score super high on auditory, medium on kinesthetic, and about as low as humanly possible on visual. I honestly don't notice what things look like. That, combined with my non-existent artistic ability, means I can't draw stuff.

At all.

So usually I don't try.

But recently I've begun teaching for VIPKID, an online program that teaches English to children in China. It's super fun; I had no idea I'd enjoy it this much. But occasionally, the teacher has to draw something to show to the student, who often speaks very little English. Tonight, I was teaching a 9-year-old boy, and I needed to show him an ice cream cone. So I got out my cute little white board, and drew this:

You can stop laughing now.

I tried my very best.

The poor kid probably still has no idea what I was trying to show him. When Shulamith saw this, she said, "How is that ice cream??" Then she proceeded to draw an ice cream cone, with round scoops, one on top of the other. When I saw her drawing, I thought, "Yes! That's what an ice cream cone looks like." But I would never have thought of it myself.

Being an auditory learner has its advantages, though. We remember the words to nearly every song we've ever heard. We can memorize lines in plays with ease, and we're really good at learning foreign languages.

But drawing ice cream cones?

Not so much.

Walk of Hell

So here's a glimpse of this evening's chaos at the Erichsen-Webster home.

First, I was banished to my bedroom. Why? The Cleveland Cavaliers were finally holding their own in Game #3 of the NBA finals against the "golden" team, the Golden State Warriors. Isaiah would like to see the mighty Labron James crush Golden State right into the ground, so he was feeling happy about how this game was progressing.

That is until I sat down to watch with him. Every time I started to watch, the Cavs would go downhill fast. Like seriously every, single, time. Isaiah decided it was all my fault, that I was some sort of curse, so he told me to go in my bedroom and not come out. Okay, fine. I had plenty of school work to do, and I really only like to watch basketball when my Jazz boys are playing.

At some point I glanced at my Fitbit to discover I had only 5,157 of my steps, barely over half of what I needed, and OCD people like me do not go to bed until they have their 10,000 daily steps. The grueling sun had made it too hot to walk earlier, but now at 9:30, dusk had cooled the temperature enough. I slipped past Isaiah, but not without seeing the score of the game; the Cavs were up by seven in the fourth quarter. Hopefully, they would win this thing before I returned.

As I rounded the first curve of my walk, Shulamith texted: "What's going on up there?!?" She had obviously heard Isaiah screaming at the TV. She turned on the game and kept me updated for the remainder of my walk...

...which had become a bit of a nightmare. The sun had set, but there was just enough light to expose those dang garden hoses. They were everywhere, lying in disconcerting patterns in the grass all over the place, a variety of different, disturbing colors. A couple of them even crossed the sidewalk where I was walking, and I had to step (well leap) over them! Ugh. It took every ounce of concentration to maintain my composure, and I didn't always, so I'm sure anyone watching out a window was baffled by this crazed woman screaming and jumping over things.

About that time, Shulamith texted that Golden State won in a nail-biter ending. Nooooo! The Cavs lost even without me watching. I'm not a curse. I'm not.

Finally, I made it to the final leg of my regular circle, the cottages, where there is a UGS system and NO DUMB HOSES. But just as I was beginning to relax, my Spotify radio station played Garth Brooks's "Mom," one of my favorite songs ever, but also one that always makes me cry, even when I haven't spent the last hour running from garden hoses.

It was all over. The tears flowed. "An angel, tender, tough, and strong," the lyrics go. I sure didn't feel very tough or very strong. I cried for my lack of strength and for how much I hurt when my kids hurt. And for how I wish I could shield them from every disappointment, from all danger and pain and injustice and mean people. What brought all this on? No idea.

Just then my Fitbit buzzed as I reached 10,000 steps. I was nearly home.

It was not the best walk.

That's okay.

For now, I will say my prayers and go to sleep, with the promise of a new day tomorrow. Even though it won't be any cooler, the forecast says Monday will  bring cool temps and glorious rain. And maybe by then, even a win for the Cavs.