When You Pick Up One End of the Stick....

Today, I'm feeling thankful for the blessing of friendship. Among my greatest gifts are the friends in my life. What triggered this sudden burst of appreciation? I suppose it's the outpouring of emotional support I have received lately, as my daughter's wedding comes closer and closer. We are now just 2-1/2 weeks away! Do not misunderstand: I couldn't be happier about this. I actually "called" it back in May when I first met Mathew. Shulamith thought I was a lunatic when I told her I thought they'd be married within a year, but who turned out to be right??? Yeah, that would be me. Moms just know these things. So I am thrilled in absolutely every way. And I am SO excited!

Still...

It's emotional. What can I say? She is, after all, my only daughter. And we are, after all, pretty much best friends. When I think of her upcoming marriage, I am overcome with happiness mixed in with just a little bit of fear. Happiness for the two of them, for their love which is so obvious, for the life they are beginning to plan, for how very good they are together. And then comes the tiniest twinge of fear. Fear of what? I'm not totally sure. Change, perhaps? Here's the thing. I don't "do" change very well. I like consistency, stability, predictability. However, while much of my relationship with my daughter will surely remain the same, some parts will inevitably change. And change they must, as Matt becomes the most important person in her life, her eternal partner, her best friend. Moreover, that change is right and good; it is exactly how life is supposed to progress. I wouldn't want it any other way.

But that doesn't necessarily make it easy, and that leads me to a profound appreciation for my friends. I should point out that my two closest friends have absolutely no idea how it feels to have a daughter getting married. They are both 28 and have children ages 5, 3, and 1. Nevertheless, they are there for me. Lindsey reminds me often that she is there both physically (she lives right across the street) and emotionally any time I need her. Celeste had to move to Texas, but she is always just a text message, email, or phone call away. Both are making every effort to get to Salt Lake City on February 12th, not because they know Shulamith particularly well, but because they know I need them there.

Then there are the two whom I refer to as my "email friends." Lorrie and Patty live in Vancouver, WA and Southern Utah, respectively, so I don't see them often, but our almost daily emails keep us connected in a very real way. It's like these two are supremely present in my life even though I see Lorrie maybe once a year and Patty even less often. Lately, they have offered some most welcome advice as the practical side of this wedding has weighed on my mind. Let me point out that Shulamith and Mathew have been amazing about trying to keep costs down. They have tried to make frugal decisions at every turn. Seriously, they are awesome that way. I am so grateful. Still, no matter how you slice it, hosting two receptions (one in Salt Lake City and one in Billings) and then flying people around so they can attend these receptions is expensive. It just is, and we didn't have much time to prepare. When my anxiety gets the best of me, and I go into "worry" mode, my two email friends are there.

Lorrie keeps assuring me that I won't run out of money and that everything will turn out just fine. She is truly the voice of calm. And Patty reminded me recently that "when you pick up one of a stick, you must pick up the other," thus the title for this blog post. When you begin a large endeavor, like a wedding, you can't always predict how how much will be needed, how much time, how much energy, how much money. But some things need to be done a certain way regardless, and when you pick up one end of the stick, you must pick up the other. So true.

As we come closer to the big day, I am more and more thankful for my friends, for their emotional support, for their encouragement, for their very presence in my life. I'd be lost without them.

Loose Flesh

So most of you know I've been doubly determined to effect a "total body transformation" ever since Shulamith announced her engagement. Because seriously, the "mother-of-the-bride" look is just not my style. Exercise is not new to me; I work out regularly have for a very long time. But I have significantly switched up my program in preparation for this wedding. P90X EVERY SINGLE DAY, and a walk or run as well when it's not too cold and snowy. Low-fat eating plan ever since Christmas (other than my weekend in Utah). I'm pretty determined.

Tonight when I was changing into my workout clothes, Seth began complaining:

Seth: You're doing P90X again? But that takes FOREVER.

(As a point of information, the P90X workout routines take exactly one hour, all except yoga which takes 90 minutes).

Me: Seth, it only takes an hour, and then we'll go to McDonald's before your play at school.

Seth: But an hour is FOREVER. Most moms (here comes the guilt) spend the evenings cuddling with their children, watching TV. But does my mom do that? No. My mom spends her evenings exercising, exercising, exercising. Every single day. Why? Because she wants to have a beach body by my sister's wedding.

Me: Seth, I spend lots of time with you, but I need to exercise for this one hour.

Seth: Well, just so you know, you'll never have a beach body. In fact, you look exactly the same as you always did. You don't look one bit different.

He then proceeded to come up to me and squeeze the flesh on my forearm and continue on...

Seth: See. Look at all that loose flesh. Nope, you'll never have a beach body.

Lovely, Seth. Just lovely.

A Step Back

Imagine stepping back in time thirty, maybe even forty years. Shulamith and I had such an experience this past Saturday, as we entered a flower shop to order flowers for the Utah reception. This shop was recommended to Shulamith by a friend who recently got married; it is apparently well known all over the Salt Lake Valley for its lovely flowers and incredibly low prices. Indeed!

We entered and were greeted by a sweet older lady, slow-moving and methodical, who informed us that "Sandra" was still with her 10:30 appointment (our appointment was at 11:00). We said we were happy to wait. During the five minutes we waited, we noticed a sign: "Cash or checks only. No debit/credit cards." Unusual? Yes. Unheard of in 2010? No. But then we noticed something that is unheard of today: the sound of a typewriter. Yes, that is correct. I did not say the sound of a keyboard; I said the sound of a typewriter. In a corner of the shop sat another older lady, busily typing what looked like invoice statements. . . on a typewriter!

We were then informed by the first lady that Sandra was ready, and we were led back to a table with three chairs, one of them gold. These chairs resembled ones I remember from dentists offices in the 1970's, you know...the ones with plastic covers. We were told that the bride gets to sit in the "gold chair." That she did, and I sat next to her. On the other side of the table sat Sandra, a lovely octogenarian with pure white hair and over-worked, arthritic fingers. It was down to business from there. Sandra began taking down essential information. She hand-recorded this using a ballpoint pen on a piece of plain white paper.

We would need...

One bridal bouquet made of white roses, white Calla Lilies, and one other white flower - ack, why can't I remember its name?! Starts with an "F."

Two mothers' corsages (wrist ones because the pin-on kind look totally old)

Two grandmothers' corsages (pin-on)

Nine boutonnieres (groom, 2 dads, 1 grandpa, 5 brothers)

One buffet table arrangement

Two smaller arrangements for guest book and gift tables

It took Sandra about ten minutes to figure all this out, writing furiously by hand. Occasionally, if we weren't familiar with a particular flower, she would politely request that one of her employees bring over an example. Sandra then began to price the order for us, also by hand, doing the math on paper with no calculator. This took about two minutes. She repeated the order, including prices, and announced the grand total: $199.48. Would I like to pay the entire amount or make a deposit and pay the balance when we pick up the flowers? I paid the full amount.

Next, Sandra instructed us to bring a cooler with an inch of ice in the bottom covered with a towel for the flowers going to the temple. The others should be refrigerated immediately after they are picked up. Got it. Next, she graciously asked for our forgiveness, but she needed to get to her next appointment. "You understand, don't you? Saturdays are so very busy. I have appointments all day." We told her we understood completely, and we left.

Not a computer to be found in the entire shop. Not so much as a simple calculator or credit card machine. Nevertheless, gorgeous floral displays everywhere, all thanks to a charming lady named Sandra, who told us she has been in the business for 60 years.

Schmooze

The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition defines the word "schmooze" as follows: To chat informally, especially to gain favor.

Generally speaking, I would say that I'm not very good at this. I tend to be pretty direct, not especially good at hinting, manipulating, managing people or situations, and certainly not very good at "schmoozing." However, as with just about everything, if my children are involved, especially regarding something as important as my only daughter's wedding, then "schmooze" I will!

Here's the story.

Shulamith and Matt decided to register with Target's wedding gift registry, Club Wed. I encouraged this. Target is a great store; it offers high quality items at reasonable prices, a much better choice than some higher end stores whose merchandise no one can afford. Furthermore, Target carries just about everything a new couple needs! What could be better? So Shulamith and Matt spent nearly three hours wandering through Target scanning items to create their own personal gift registry. When they finished, they were given a book which includes four pages of gift enclosure cards, eight cards to a page. Total: 32 cards.

Here's the thing. Thirty-two cards is not enough. Not even close. They're sending out over 200 announcements; thirty-two cards won't begin to cover it. Hence, my quest began to find more cards. I started by calling the information line for Target's Club Wed. When I explained my dilemma, the customer service representative told me I could log onto a website and print out as many cards as I wanted. Hmmm. That sounds easy, but think about it. I'd also have to buy card stock on which to print the cards (unless we want to use flimsy paper copies, which we don't) and then buy color ink cartridges with which to print them. Then, unless we could find perforated card stock, we'd have to (ever so carefully) cut out each card. None of this sounded very fun.

My mission: find more cards. My tactic: schmoozing.

I first went to the West End (Billings) Target store. To my good fortune, the person working behind the customer service desk was a former student. Now, I don't typically use my status as someone's former college instructor to my advantage; truly, I don't. But this time, I have to admit that's exactly what I did. I said, "Alicia, I REALLY need more of these books." She told me they're only allowed to give out one book to each bride who registers. I continued. "Alicia, I just can't go through all the hassle of printing out my own cards. I REALLY need more of these books. Is there any way you could get me more?" She said she'd try and promptly went into a back room and brought back four more books. Four books equals 128 more cards! Score.

Then I went up to the Heights Target to try to get more. To my good fortune, a woman from our stake was working at the customer service desk. I went through my same sad story. She said she'd need to get permission from her supervisor in order to give me more books. The supervisor wasn't excited to help me; she emphasized Target's policy: only one book per bride. Schmooze, Terrianne, schmooze. You know you can do it. I told her my daughter was considering switching her registry to Bed, Bath, and Beyond (which was the truth) because they give brides unlimited enclosure cards. And I explained how much I didn't want her to do that. Target has lower prices, better value, etc. Perhaps it was just the only way she could think of to get rid of me, but she offered to give me two additional books. I thanked her sincerely and left. Two more books equals 64 more cards.

This would likely have been enough, but I wanted to be sure, so I asked my mother (who is really the queen of schmoozing) to check out the Target stores near her. She was able to round up three more books. Three books equals 96 more cards. Yes!

We now have 320 cards! That should be plenty. All thanks to my new found ability to schmooze.

Welcome 2010!

I recently heard a somewhat heated debate over what we should call this new year. Should we say "two thousand ten" or should we say "twenty ten"? My initial response was, "Who cares?!?" If you want to say "two thousand ten," say it. If you want to say "twenty ten," say it. Really, aren't there more important issues over which to argue? However, as I began to type the title to this blog post, the voice in my head said, "Welcome......." and I wasn't sure how to proceed. In the end, I wrote "2010" and pronounced it "two thousand ten." So there's my decision in case you too were debating this monumental issue. I have now solved this problem for you and for the world.

New Year's Eve was quiet here. It usually is. To be truthful, it's not the best holiday for me. I generally feel isolated, lonely, and anxious. It's like time is getting away from me, and I can't control it. I tend to think unproductive thoughts like, "What if the best of life is already behind me?" or "Is there really anything to look forward to in a new year?" Stuff like that. This year was no different, so around 10:30 p.m., I decided to surrender to sleep, putting all the sad thoughts to rest. I'm sure the ball dropped in Times Square precisely at midnight, but I was not awake to witness that personally.

New Year's Day, however, was much better. Gerald and I went to Red Lodge, a small resort ski town about an hour west (well, I think it's west, but then I am directionally-challenged, so I can't be certain) of Billings. We were there back in May, and I wrote a more detailed blog post then. If you'd like to read it, go back to the May 2009 post entitled "Imagine." This weekend was much the same except we replaced hiking with cross-country skiing. Now, I should tell you that I'm not a huge fan of cross-country skiing. I even find it a bit deceptive to use the word "skiing" to describe it. It's really just walking with skis on. Seriously, all you do is put skis on your feet and walk on snow. It doesn't in a million years compare to the incredible rush, the speed, or the thrill of downhill. Still, this past Saturday was about the perfect day to cross country ski. It was warm, sunny, and beautiful. Gerald said it was around 34 degrees, which is very warm for Montana in January, and it felt like 70. I kept removing layers of clothing until I had on only a light jacket, with no hat or gloves even! There were several prepared trails on which to ski, and we spent about two hours exploring them. It was quite lovely, actually, and a good workout as well. I felt justified in forgoing P90X for the day.

Before returning to reality, we spent part of Saturday evening back in Billings looking at possible dresses for me to wear to Shulamith's wedding. Before she left the week prior, she and I had looked at probably 50 different black dresses, most of which I tried on, so I had several options to show Gerald. And yet, I'm still not sure. I don't think I've found the perfect dress. My friend Tom (not to be confused with my brother Tom, even though both their last names begin with "W") suggested that I find a "hot, little black dress." YES! That's exactly what I need. Only which one? There are so many. I keep telling myself that when I find it, I will know. It will scream out to me, "THIS IS THE DRESS!" Until then, I will keep looking. After all, I still have 38 days.

Happy 2010 (two thousand ten) to all!