Rona Round II

I guess January is the month for COVID.

A year ago, I woke up one morning and couldn't taste my Diet Coke. Seth had tested positive for the coronavirus, and despite our vigilant attempts to keep him quarantined in his bedroom, Gerald and I both contracted it as well. As it turned out, loss of taste and smell was my only symptom. I was never sick.

Here we are one year later, still dealing with this stupid virus and all its variants, trying to find some peace and normalcy in life while remaining safe and responsible, but failing much of the time. Hero scientists worked diligently to create an effective vaccine, and I received two doses of it early last year, along with a booster this past fall. So grateful!

Even so, at this moment, I sit here in bed, dealing with Rona Round II, most likely the notorious Omicron variant. Not sure where I picked it up this time; best guess is it came from one of my 100 new students, whom I met last week on two different college campuses, as we are now back in the classroom full time, with fewer restrictions, even though our case count is higher than ever.

The irony is that last year, I was unvaccinated, so I was far more frightened, even though I felt perfectly healthy. This time, I am fully vaccinated, so I'm not nearly as scared as I was then, but I am definitely sick this time. Meine Gute! Imagine the worst cold you've ever had, combined with a constant headache and sinus pressure, cough, and body aches. Everywhere hurts! Add to that the crazy fatigue, and you pretty much have it.

Other than feeling like crap, the most challenging part of quarantine for me is...well...quarantine. I'm holed up here in my bedroom, attempting to keep everyone else in the house safe. So far, it's working, but this is just way too much alone time for a polarized extrovert like me. I've been reading, sleeping, binging shows, all good stuff. Still, the highlight of my days are "social distanced" walks with Shulamith, where I actually get out of this house; text conversations with friends; and special deliveries!

What are those, you ask? Last night, a nice guy from our ward dropped off homemade chocolate chip cookies on my doorstep. He didn't even know I had COVID. He was just thanking me for defending him against a bully who was attacking him on our neighborhood Facebook page. Well, of course. Bullying has no place anywhere. Dude, come register for my rhetoric class where you will learn about appropriate tone in writing.

Next, Shulamith and kids dropped by a fresh fountain Diet Coke just as I woke up from my second nap of the day. So good. Then, literally the second I took the last sip, Amanda texted me to come downstairs and open the door. She and Eli brought me a brand new one, along with a slice of Amanda's birthday cake from yesterday. Yes, I missed her entire birthday. Grrrr! I was able to wave at Jane through the closed car windows; she's definitely made monumental developmental gains since I saw her four days ago. She'll likely be walking and talking before I see her again.

Rona Round II. I guess January is the month for COVID.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Gown

It began as a wedding gown. I bought it at a store in Richland, Washington. I tried on many dresses that day, but when I put on this one, it was game over. It was exactly what I was looking for. The downside to wedding dresses is we pay so much money for them, only to wear them just one day. Granted, it's an important day, but still. Regardless, I bought the dress of my dreams and wore it happily on my wedding day. Then I had it professionally cleaned and sealed, just in case a future bride might want to borrow it. 

Twenty-seven years later, one did. Shulamith had the sleeves altered to a more contemporary style, ditched the hat in favor of some white flowers in her hair, and happily wore the gown at her own wedding. Wanting to preserve the now twice-worn wedding gown, we asked my mom use its satin fabric and lace to sew baby blessing outfits. That she did, a little suit for baby boys and an elegant gown for baby girls. 

Shulamith's daughter, Kennedy, was the first to wear the gown, seven years ago on her blessing day. Then, just a week ago, Eli's daughter, Jane, wore it for her blessing. It was a joyous occasion. Eli gave Jane the most beautiful blessing, and Gerald, Seth, and Shulamith's husband Matt all participated. I hosted a light luncheon afterward for a few friends to end a perfect day.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Gown now has four members:

Terrianne Webster

Shulamith Webster

Kennedy Webster-Monson

Jane Eliza Webster

Theodore's Themes: Part 4

 

67. We were in St. George for New Year's weekend an ate at The Crepery, one of our favorite places. Theodore took some of the plastic silverware with him when we left. 

Isaiah: Did you steal that, Theodore?

Theodore: No one will ever know who took it.

68. Seth got Theodore a toy vacuum for Christmas, something he really wanted. He was telling me about it. I asked him if he could use it to vacuum my house for me.

Theodore: Yes! It cleans real.

69. In St. George, Theodore really wanted to sleep on the top bunk of the bunk beds, but we were worried because he sometimes falls out of his own non-bunk bed at home.

Theodore: Well at home I put some glue right here (pointing to the back of his head) and right here (pointing to his back) so I stick to the wall and not fall out. Then I put some right here (pointing to his nose) for when I sleep like this (face toward the wall). 

70. Shulamith and Matt recently bought a new mattress, so Shulamith was dragging their old king mattress down her stairs, because someone was coming to pick it up.

Shulamith: Look, Theodore, I am super strong!

Theodore:  Mom, you're only strong if you lift it; you're not strong if you drag it.

71. Last week, I substituted in a seminary class. The regular teacher had COVID and since my college classes hadn't started yet, I was available all week to sub. That meant I was gone all day the whole week, which apparently troubled Theodore, who is used to hanging out with his mom and me pretty much every day. One day, Shulamith happened to put a box of stuff on the passenger's seat of her van.

Theodore: You can't put there. That's where Her sits. I want Her sitting right there!

72. Shulamith wanted Theodore to wear a plain-colored dress shirt to church, but Theodore wanted to wear his Paw Patrol T-shirt. He was very distraught over this.

Theodore (pointing to the dress shirts with his typical open hand): I will NOT look beautiful wearing these shirts.

73. Theodore and his friend Matthew were playing Hide-&-Seek today. 

Theodore: You hide, and I will count to 2.

Matthew: That's not long enough for me to hide.

Theodore: I don't like counting so many. I don't know all the numbers.

74. Theodore (to Swen): When we die and see Jesus, I'm goin to tell Jesus that I don't like you.

75. Shulamith was trying to get Theodore to do something, and he shook his head "no." 

Theodore: I wiggled my head because I don't want to do that.

76. There was this one time when I had three car accidents in the same year, two of them in the same month! Not long before I wrecked my former car, Kennedy had been sick and thrown up in the back seat. I have no idea how Theodore remembers this, but just yesterday, he brought it up.

Theodore: When Kennedy threw up in your car, you still likeded Kennedy, but you didn't like the throw up.

77. Shulamith: Theodore, you made a heart at preschool?

Theodore: Yep!

Shulamith: And what did you write on it?

Theodore: I wrote my mom and my dad and my sister.

Shulamith: Oh really? And that's all?

Theodore: Yep!

Shulamith: You didn't write Swen?

Theodore: No.

Shulamith: Why not?

Theodore: Because 'member....he's mean.

Shulamith: I'm sorry. We love Swen! You should write him on the heart.

Theodore: I didn't. 

78. After spending an hour playing on my phone:

Theodore: I only buyed 2 games, so you won't be mad.

Me: I'm not mad, but did you have to pay for those games?

Theodore: No. This one said "download," and it was already download on Mom's phone and it's the same picture, so that means not money.

78. Theodore: When I grow up, I'm gonna ride the Hoverboard on my feet and drink Mtn. Dew.

79. Me (at a restaurant): We need to wait for Swen, so he isn't scared when he comes out of the bathroom.

Theodore: Swen is not scared. Swen is brave.

80. In the morning rush, as I was getting Swen and Kennedy off to the bus, I was desperately searching for Kennedy's backpack. Finally I asked Theodore if he knew where it was, and he pointed to my back. Yep, I was wearing it! Later that day, we had this conversation:

Me: Theodore, you are the silliest boy in the whole world.

Theodore: Nope! You are the silliest Her. You walked around looking for a backpack when you were wearing it. 

81. Theodore: Can I watch "Go, Dog, Go?"

Me: Yes, just let me figure out Mom and Dad's TV. I'm not great with other people's TVs.

After I got it playing for him...

Theodore: See, I told you that you are good with other people's TVs.

82. Theodore and I go up to Sandy once a week to walk with my friend Emily, while Shulamith is in class. Last week, as we drove by Arctic Circle on 72nd and State (which we literally passed by every day when we lived in our beloved Angel House and not in the Bluffdale wilderness). 

Theodore: It's been so long since we went there (pointing at Arctic Circle).

Me: Do you remember when we used to go there for ice cream?

Theodore: Yes, it was when I was 3. But then I changed 4, and I still like ice cream.

83. For some reason, Theodore is currently mad at all his friends but one,

Theodore: Reuben is not my friend anymore. Matthew is not my friend. And I'm mad at Ellis too, Evelyn is my only friend.

84. Theodore wasn't thrilled with soccer in the fall, but his mom convinced him to give it another try this spring. He LOVES it! Today, at his second game of the season, he made six goals!

Theodore: Mom! My team is winning because of me!

85. Theodore: I'm gonna save my money till I have $1,000. Then I could buy everything I want!

86. Shulamith pays her kids $5.00/week for cleaning their rooms. Yesterday she went into Theodore's room and found him taking toys out of his basket, one at a time, and throwing them on the floor. 

Shulamith: What are you doing?

Theodore: I'm making my room really messy so then you have to pay me $6.00 to clean it.

87. Last week, Shulamith and I were at the park with Theodore. I left them there to drive to a soda shop and grab us some Diet Cokes. While I was gone, Theodore came over to Shulamith and said:

Theodore: Oh, you're still here. I saw the van drive away, and I thought you guys had left.

Shulamith: Did you think we would leave you here all by yourself?

Theodore: I knew you'd come back and get me.

88. Recently, Shulamith, Mathew, and their kids had family pictures taken in the mountains with Matt's extended family. Later, Theodore remarked:

Theodore: Mom, Her forgot to come to the mountains and take pictures with us! (Haha, I don't think I was invited.)

89. We were at Chick-fil-A this week, in separate cars because I had to go back to school. When we left, I couldn't find my car because I can never find my car. This is nothing new; I spend hours roaming around parking lots searching for my car. It's fine. I'm getting steps. As Shulamith circled the parking lot to pull away, Theodore saw me wandering around:

Theodore: Mom, you should have driven Her to find her car, so she didn't get lost. Or Her should take a picture of where her car is.

90. Theodore: Her, would you be happier if you had kids.

Me: Well I do have kids. They're just older than you.

Theodore: No, I mean if you had REAL kids like in your house?

(Well, actually, Theodore, I would be, Theodore.)

91. Theodore: This is where I roll myself! (as he log rolled down every ramp in every Las Vegas casino). 

92. Theodore's first day of kindergarten was today. When he woke up, he wasn't sure he would go.

Theodore: I don't think I'll go to school today.

Shulamith: Oh I think you will. You will have lots of fun there, and Kennedy will take good care of you on the bus.

Theodore (to Kennedy): Will you take good care of me?

Kennedy: Of course I will.

93. Me: Theodore, what are you gonna be for Halloween?

Theodore: It's a wolf. It can scare one-year-olds or zero. So we can't let Jane see it.

94. Shulamith and Matt are out tonight on a much-deserved date night. 

Theodore: I'm so happy that Her gets to be here with us today.

95. Theodore is playing soccer this year, and he's doing really well. After making a goal, the coach took him out to rotate other players into the game.

Theodore: I think the reason the coach took me out is that I'm so good, so he wants to let other kids play so they can get good too. (He's not wrong.)

96. Out of the blue the other day, Theodore was talking to Shulamith.

Theodore: Mom, I love Her almost as much as I love you.

Shulamith: Oh, that is so nice.

Theodore: I just really love her. 

97. Theodore (to Shulamith): You are nice because you let me be unbuckled. Her is nice because she lets me have lots of candy. 

(For the record, Shulamith lets her kids unbuckle and move freely around the car, as soon as they have turned into our neighborhood housing development. I wouldn't do that with my kids or anyone's kids. They're in a moving vehicle, they're buckled. )

98. Swen was sleeping at my house one night last week.

Theodore: Is Her keeping Swen?

Shulamith: Until tomorrow, yes.

Theodore: Yes!!

99. I just got Theodore from the bus stop after his half day in kindergarten.

Me: Theodore, where did get that full-size Hershey's bar?!

Theodore: I got it for being really good. There were three girls and one boy.

100. 99. Theodore (after a day of kindergarten): I made another friend today at school. Now I have 55.

101. I took Theodore to Mod Pizza. When Shulamith is there with us, she shares a pizza with Theodore, but I prefer white sauce and many toppings, so I just got Theodore his own mini.

Theodore (to Shulamith later): Her got me my very own pizza. Not a big one. Just the right size for me. Half pepperoni and half sausage. 

102. Theodore (in the bathtub): Mom, my penis got very small from the water.

102. Theodore: Mom, Aaron always falls asleep on the bus coming home. It's because he's Spanish.

Shulamith: No, I don't think it's because he's Spanish; I think it's probably because he's tired.

Theodore: No, Mom. Really. It's because he's Spanish.

103. Shulamith and I were in the mall with Theodore the other day. Shulamith asked him if he wanted to say hi to Santa.

Theodore: No, but can you go tell him your kid wants an RC car?

Kennedy Says: Part 6

 

89. Kennedy's letter to Santa: "I have been really good this year, and I want a dragon Nerf gun to shoot Swen and Theodore."

90. We were in St. George over New Year's, and our first morning there we were too late to get McDonald's breakfast, so we had to get lunch. Kennedy loves the sausage muffin and was disappointed, so we promised the next day we would leave soon enough to get there by 10:30 for breakfast. The next day, I was running late, and the kids were waiting for me in the car with Shulamith.

Kennedy: We're going to have to eat nuggets again all because of Her! 

91. Kennedy's dance recital is today. Last night she was warning Matt.

Kennedy: At the first part, I'm going to start out like this (her face in her hands) because I'm supposed to be crying, but don't worry! I'm not really crying.

92. There is a recess duty lady at Kennedy and Swen's school who is very mean, they say.

Kennedy: When she looks at me, I just shake because I'm so scared.

93. Shulamith is volunteering in Kennedy's 2nd grade class today, helping with an art project.

Shulamith: I'm excited to come teach art to your class today!

Kennedy: You're going to change and like get ready first, right? You're not gonna go looking like that? Because that would be really embarrassing.

94. Kennedy's dance company recital is coming up. It's a Disney theme, and Kennedy was chosen to be Pinocchio, while the other girls in her group are fairies. While she's happy about this, she was less impressed with the costume. 

Shulamith: Did you get to try on your costume today?

Kennedy: Yeah. Everyone else gets to wear pink, fluffy tutus, and I'm in shorts.

95. Kennedy is in many ways an introvert, like her dad. She doesn't like being the center of attention, and (unlike her dad) worries incessantly about what people think and gets embarrassed easily if she thinks she's done something wrong. Two days ago she went to the hospital to get her tonsils out. Because they knew it was almost her 8th birthday, the nurses asked if they could all sing her "Happy Birthday" as the anesthetist was putting her to sleep.

Kennedy: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

So they just told her "goodnight" and she was out.

96. Kennedy is dancing five days a week to prepare for her studio's production of The Nutcracker. It's a lot of dancing for an 8-year-old, but she chose to be part of three extra dances beyond her regular "company" number.

Shulamith: Kennedy, do you think maybe choosing to be in three extra dances was too much?

Kennedy: No!!! Of course not. How could you think that?

Shulamith: Because you're at dance class 15 hours a week. Aren't you tired?

Kennedy: Well, yes, I'm a little tired. But I am SO excited and happy. I want to be in all of these dances!

97. Kennedy: Mom, which style of dance was your favorite when you were a kid?

Shulamith: I think I liked jazz best. Which is your favorite?

Kennedy: Ballet! Because it's so beautiful. 

Shulamith: Do you like the barre better or the floor?

Kennedy: Oh, definitely the floor. But the barre is important because it helps me work on my technique.

98. Swen: Why do we have to go to church and stay there two hours if the only important part is taking the Sacrament?

Shulamith: Because we are supposed to learn about Jesus after we take the Sacrament; that's why you go to Primary.

Swen: Mom, why do you have to be such a "church girl"?

Kennedy: No, Mom isn't the "church girl"; (pointing to me) "Her is the church girl."

99. Shulamith: I wish I had a maid to do all my work.

Kennedy: I AM your maid!

Swen-isms, Part VI

 

239. Swen's letter to Santa: "Dear Santa, I have been medium good this year."

240. When we finally got some snow, all three of Shulamith's kids enjoyed sledding down the hill by our houses. At one point Shulamith was trying (and failing) to throw Swen's sled back up the hill to him. (Shulamith has always taught her kids that women are strong and capable, etc.)

Swen: Mom, women are really strong and good at a lot of things, but they aren't good at throwing sleds.

241. Swen: Her, if I move to Oklahoma, will you go with me to chase tornados? 

242. Swen likes to have his own drink from restaurants, rather than sharing. Shulamith often gives him a water cup and then tells him he can share our Diet Coke. So Swen takes the water cup and fills it up with soda.

Shulamith: You can't do that, Swen. That's stealing.

Swen: That's called being successful in life.

243. Swen recently got an insulin pump, so he no longer has to have MDI (multiple daily injection). No more shots! He also got a new phone because Shulamith needs to be able to monitor his glucose levels at all times, even when he's not connected to WiFi.

Swen: I got a brand new phone AND a pump! I love diabetes.

244. Swen's Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM) is called a Dexcom, and it has to be replaced every 10 days. When Shulamith was doing it a few days ago, Swen had this to say:

Swen: Will my wife have to change my Dexcom, or do you think I'll learn to do it myself? And that's if I ever get married, which I don't know if I will.

Shulmaith: Of course you'll get married; why don't you think you'll get married?

Swen: I might just be really unlucky like Seth.

(Note: Seth has had several different girlfriends since returning from his mission nearly two years ago. That must be what prompted this?)

245. It's spring break for Shulamith's kids this week, but not for Shulamith and me, so I'm here with all three kids while she teaches her classes.

Swen: Are you going to tell us all to get off our phones? Or are you just a bad babysitter?

Me: Definitely a bad babysitter.

246. Me: Did you have a good day at the baptism and Theodore's soccer game?

Swen: No!!! Well the baptism was okay, but the soccer game, oh Her......awful!

247. Swen slept at my house the other night. It was around 10:30, and he was awake watching TV in bed. I was exhausted and obviously showing it. 

Swen: Are you tired, Her? You can go to sleep if you want to. This is your house. You get to choose.

248. Swen is doing a one-month trial at a program called KidStrong, a program whose goal is to help kids build confidence, along with both physical and emotional strength. Swen says he doesn't like it. Regardless, we picked him up from there today and asked what he did. Apparently, they had to push a 25 lb. object across the floor.

Swen: What kind of psychopath would make a 10-year-old kid push 25 lbs. clear across the floor?? 

249. Swen isn't super fond of math, especially word problems. Recently, he had to solve one that asked, "If your have five kids but only four glasses of milk, you will you divide it so everyone gets some?"

Swen (writing on his math paper): Send one of the kids home to get his own glass of milk.

250. Kennedy won the part of the black sheep in her ballet studio's upcoming performance of The Nutcracker. All the other kids are white sheep, so she is terribly excited about this, and it's basically all she talks about.

Swen: If I hear her talking about that stupid black sheep dance one more time.....

251. Swen is a super smart kid but struggles a little with math.

Shulamith: I could pay someone to help you with math, Swen, a tutor.

Swen: Why would you ever do that?

Shulamith: Well, because you say that you don't always understand your math.

Swen: I would NOT want that. I don't know how you could ever think that would be a good idea.

252. Last weekend was General Conference. Swen slept at my house Friday night, and Saturday morning we went to get some treats to eat during the sessions. I bought some donuts for Swen to take home to Shulamith and Kennedy and Theodore. I didn't think about getting one for Matt because I don't really know what he likes. 

Swen (when he gave the donuts to Shulamith): Oh, we didn't get one for Dad. Her doesn't really love him.

253. As we sat in Relief Society last Sunday, Shulamith received a text message from Swen's substitute primary teacher. Apparently she was announcing the upcoming Activity Days meeting (program for girls ages 8-11). According to Shannon, the discussion in class went something like this:

Shannon: Don't forget Activity Days this week!

Swen: Oh, that's just for dumb girls.

Shannon: Girls aren't dumb!

Swen: Oh yeah, only girls that are "Karens" are dumb.

254. Shulamith and both have these mini purses that go over our shoulders, rather than larger bags, and we actually love them. Swen....not so much.

Swen: Her, do you still have that portable phone charger in your purse. My phone is at 3%.

Me: No, now that I have this smaller purse, I can't fit it.

Swen: Ugh, Her! These little purses are killing me.

255. Swen: I think Santa Claus is kinds sus, Mom.

256. Swen was packing Hot Wheels cars in his backpack to take to school. 

Shulamith: Are you sure it's okay for you to take those cars to school.

Swen: Of course! Ms. Monson doesn't care. I always keep a police car on my desk. It protects my desk.

257. Swen (while watching Matt play a violent video game): That was such a clean kill!

258. Swen was looking at my phone, when an ad for a new kind of pierced earring backs popped up. 

Swen: That isn't really a big deal for us boys. But for those girls, they look pretty happy.