It is rare for me to be at a loss for words. But it happened.
In fact, so speechless was I that it's been a few days since this incident occurred, and I'm only now putting words to it.
I sat at my desk in my home office, feeling great after grading the last of 62 annotated bibliographies. I should have just walked downstairs and cracked open a fresh can of Diet Coke. Or wandered down the hall to my bedroom and climbed in bed to watch a show. Or picked up my Kindle and continued reading about Phil Knight, the creator or Nike, in his memoir, Shoe Dog.
I should have done anything but what I did: open Outlook for my three schools. As I scrolled through a dozen emails, one stood out because I didn't recognize the student's name. Then I noticed that it came from a student in my hybrid class, which meets on Mondays only. Because of all the Monday holidays this semester, this class has only met nine times. Maybe that's why I didn't recognize the student's name?
I clicked on the email. It was pure ChatCPT start to finish. Eight paragraphs of annoyingly bland sentences, pablum really, with that nauseating cadence unique to robotic writing. Blah. And what did these eight paragraphs say, you may be wondering? An apology for the student's "recent lack of participation" and an understanding that "consistent attendance and engagement are essential components of a successful academic experience." Next, it explains that the student has been facing significant challenges due to a "heavy workload from other classes." After eight paragraphs of this, the robot email concludes by expressing gratitude for my "understanding and patience" and that my "support and guidance are greatly appreciated."
After throwing up (okay, not really, but almost), I flipped over to Canvas to check this student's progress and grades. Turns out the student has never, even once, attended class. The attendance record shows Present, 0 days; Tardy, 0 days; Absent, 9 days. No wonder I didn't recognize the name; I've never met this person! Then I checked grades. The student currently has 0%, having submitted not a single assignment. Then I checked email history. No prior emails. So in Week #11 of a 15-week semester, this student contacts me for the first time ever, asking for help. And the worst part of all?????
They do it using that awful ChatGPT!
Zero genuine voice. Zero captivating tone. Zero rhetorical style. This, along with zero attendance and zero grade percentage left me with....uh....
Zero words. Speechless. (And sad. Also sad. Because I really do want all my students to succeed.)
