Swen-isms - Part IX

 

342. After enjoying a great first semester of middle school (7th grade), Swen returned for second semester to find that his five best friends are all scheduled into "A" Lunch, while Swen is in "B" Lunch.

Swen: What kind of school would do that? Take all my friends and put them in a different lunch than me. Who would ever think that's a good idea?

343. I love it when people go back and read my blog books. (I love it when they read the current posts online too!) There are now 16 books, and currently I'm writing the 17th, which will be 2025. Swen had several of them out today but was particularly interested in the oldest, 2009, when Seth was nine, three years younger than Swen is now.

344: Swen: I've been thinking about it, and I really think I want to be a police officer.

Shulamith: That's great. I think you'd be a good police officer.

Swen: But I would definitely pull you over at least once a day, probably more.

Shulamith: You'd pull me over so we could say "Hi" and I could give you a hug?

Swen: No. I'd pull over to get your money.

Shulamith: My money? Swen, police officers don't get to keep the money people pay for traffic tickets.

Swen: They don't?

Shulamith: No, that money goes to the government.

Swen: Oh, I don't want to be a police officer anymore.

345: Swen: Her, are you and Gerald getting divorced?

Me: No. 

Swen: Good. I wouldn't want that to happen. I've known Gerald all my life.

346. Shulamith is at a day-long training thing for kindergarten. Swen wants to go to the skate park. I'm getting final grading done and don't have time to take him right now, so I asked him to stop asking me over and over to go. He said he would leave and be gone the whole day.

Came back 5 minutes later and rang doorbell:

Swen: I'm just a random kid riding a scooter. Could I please have a drink of water? 

Then he came inside and continued: 

Swen: I'm living in an abandoned trailer. I think I remember living here. I remember these dirty dishes everywhere and that ugly table. And those ugly, you-tube kids. But that was before some old person kicked me out, so I’m living in a trailer. Would you mind if I took these Cheez-its because I’m very hungry. If I need a soda, I’ll go to your house.”

And thank you for the brief escape...

What do you do when you're disheartened and so sad from the continuous stream of cruel, bigoted Executive Orders coming from the President of the United States, supported by his equally cruel and ridiculously unqualified minions? You get on a plane and go to a place where you can disappear into fantasy. For ever so brief a time, you can live others' lives, make-believe, and forget the the very real and terrible circumstances that are reality.

You go to New York City and see six Broadway shows in four days.

So that is exactly what Shulamith and I did.

We've decided we are now expert New York travelers. (Well, Shulamith is an expert; I mostly just let her figure stuff out.) In our three visits, we've learned all the transportation and lodging hacks. Fly United, where seats are actually made for adult-sized people, and they still offer complimentary snacks, beverages, and headphones. Land at Newark International Airport (forget JFK), and take the Newark Express shuttle to your hotel. It's fast, reliable, and comes every 15 minutes. Stay at the Civilian Hotel in Times Square. It's new and cool looking, but most important, if you take a red-eye flight and arrive at 7:30 a.m., even though the official "check-in" time is 4:00 p.m., they will give you a room if they have one ready. We were able to sleep for four hours Thursday morning, making it possible to book a matinee that first day, in addition to the show we already had booked that night.

And speaking of shows, "Hold your hats and hallelujah, Mama's gonna show it to you." Gypsy was pure delight, start to finish. Granted, for me the appeal was largely nostalgic. When I was six, I played Baby June in a production of Gypsy at the Portland Civic Theater. Though that was decades go, I remember every line, every song, and every dance step. It felt surreal to see the show all these years later, and I'm thrilled I had the opportunity. Aside from nostalgia (which left me crying at nearly every song), the show was really so good. The amazing Audra McDonald starred as Mama Rose, and as one critic explained, "She played Rose with her whole being." I vote for Gypsy to win the Tony for "Best Musical Revival," and Audra to win "Best Leading Actress."

(Circa just a few years ago, when I was six and played Baby June...)

Gypsy was a Saturday matinee performance, and that evening we saw The Outsiders. The former has sad moments especially at the end, when the stage mother to end all stage mothers finds herself alone and running out of dreams. But most of the show is upbeat, funny, and heartwarming. Not so for Outsiders. If you read the book, you know that Hinton tells a raw and real story of the struggles of underprivileged kids in 1960s Tulsa. There's fear and violence, hurt and sadness, juxtaposed with sprinkles of hope and resilience, especially surrounding the lead character, Ponyboy Curtis, beautifully played by Brody Grant, whose voice was meant for this score. I cried at this one too.... "My friend, stay gold."

Sunday, before leaving to come home, we saw Little Shop of Horrors. This show is always hilarious, and we laughed and laughed. I only cried once when Seymore and Audrey sang "Suddenly Seymour." IYKYN. Such a silly plot, yet it always creates a fabulous show, and this was no exception. Whatever to you do, "Don't feed the plants!"

We didn't have a ton of Thursday matinee choices as we ate our Day 1 of 4 bagel breakfast before going to our hotel to sleep, so we were happy to find seats for The Great Gatsby. We sat right up front, and the sets, costumes, and dancing were glitz to the max. We loved it! "Only we know what we've both been through. If I save you, will you save me too?" Gatsby believed in The Green Light. Do we?

Thursday night we saw our first non-musical Broadway play, The Play That Goes Wrong. While we will always love musicals best, this play was funny, and the acting stellar. A group of college friends attempt to produce a murder mystery, and everything that can possibly go wrong, does! The poster for the play reads, "So wrong, it's right!" We agree.

Everyone always asks us which was our favorite show. It's hard to answer because they are all so different, but Shulamith and I both agreed in the end that our favorite was the brand new musical, Maybe Happy Ending. Ironically, it's the one we knew nothing about. We went in blind, relying solely on Isaiah's recommendation. He had hoped to join us on this trip, but he has a new position in his company and already took PTO earlier in the month, so he couldn't swing it, Still, he told us to see this show, and we did. Isaiah has never steered us wrong on anything, and we're so grateful we listened this time. I don't even know how to explain the brilliance of this production. Let's just say that YES (!) two Helper Bots can fall in love, and YES (!) their story can make you cry, and YES (!) if you're going to NYC in the near future, SEE THIS SHOW. It better win the Tony for Best Musical, and both Darrin Criss and Helen J. Shin should at least be nominated individually as well. 

The escape to NYC was just what we needed. We have socials, so we weren't entirely free from the destruction being thrown down on our poor nation because in its lunacy, it elected a lunatic. But we spent around 12 hours immersed in fantasy, captured by those so talented that they took us by the hand and led us fully and unabashedly into their characters' lives. We lived these lives alongside them during those 12 hours. To all of you, brilliant artists that you are, we thank you. For your energy, your tireless work day after day, your God-given talent, and your willingness to share it with us, thank you.

And thank you for the brief escape.

Resist. By being everything he isn't.

Today was a day off from school. It was other things as well, but because we didn't have to work, Shulamith and I took her kids out to lunch. As we left Cafe Rio, a kind, older lady stopped me. "I like your shirt," she remarked. "It's been a tough day. Stay strong out there." I waved at her and smiled. A kindred soul.

Had I been at school today, I would have worn all black to demonstrate my protest and resistance of the new administration. But since I was not in class, I wore my Harris-Walz, 2024 hoodie. It just seemed right. Had I not, it's likely I wouldn't have met, and connected ever so briefly, with this sweet lady at Cafe Rio.

Yes, I watched the entire inauguration ceremony this morning. I wanted to have a firsthand account, not retold by others (even others I respect) and not clips chosen by the media. I wanted to see for myself. 

I saw. 

It was even more vile than I imagined. The inaugural address was one that only a narcissist could have delivered. Not even a nod to President Biden, thanking him for five decades of service to our country. I watched as the felon, the rapist, one by one, promised to shred every good and worthy accomplishment President Biden had in his four years in office. I watched as he vowed to inflict pain on the immigrant, the poor, and our LGBTQ+ friends and family. Throughout, President Biden and Vice President Harris sat stoically, their hands folded, their faces somber, ensuring a peaceful, gracious transfer of power and demonstrating their commitment to democracy and to our Constitution. Thank you, President Biden and Vice President Harris for showing us what mature leadership looks like....and well, for simply showing up!

What do we do from here? I've thought a lot about what it means to resist. What can I do as just one woman to resist this tyranny? What can I do so that years from now, when a young person studies history and asks me what I did to resist this evil, I can answer with honor just as Tim Walz did during their heroic campaign: "Every damn thing I could."

I will continue to consider what the steps of resistance look like in my life, but for now, this is what I've got.

I will resist by being everything he isn't: kind, brave, smart, empathetic, caring, faithful, and loving.

Maybe that means speaking out when my values are challenged and not shrinking into compliance for the sake of popularity. 

Maybe it means defending the defenseless, protecting the vulnerable, and being more intentional in my efforts to welcome the marginalized. 

Maybe it means smiling at a lady in Cafe Rio, so she knows she is seen.

Maybe it means offering a meal or some money to a homeless person.

Maybe it means pausing to allow another car to go ahead of me in heavy traffic.

Maybe it means shopping responsibly and not patronizing businesses that donated to the felon's campaign. I can choose Target and Costco over Walmart, Lowe's over Home Depot, Michael's over Hobby Lobby, and Raising Canes over Chick-fil-A. 

Maybe it means holding fast to my faith, while extending grace and acceptance to others whose faith looks different from mine.

Maybe it means being clear and open as a safe space for any LGBTQ+ youth who need acceptance.

Maybe it means donating my time and money to elect progressive candidates in the midterm elections two years from now.

Maybe it means refusing to remain complacent and accepting of what is about to happen. 

Maybe it means hugging my five children tight and expressing how very sorry I am that this happened in their lifetime.

Today in our home, we celebrated Martin Luther King, Jr. We did not celebrate our country. Because in our home, we do not celebrate rapists. We will not celebrate this rapist.

Instead, we will resist, by being everything he isn't. 

2024 Favorites!

First, how can 2024 be over? Like really.

Second, it passed so quickly I hardly remember anything I did.

Third, here's my best effort to remember the year and share a few of my personal favorites:

Favorite Movie

Here, the story of multiple families that live in the same house over the course of half a century. Loved every second! You will too.

Runner up: Wicked. You already know all about that one! It doesn't compare to the live production on the Broadway stage, but as movies go, it is fabulous!

Favorite Book

11-23-63, by Stephen King. Yes, you read that right. My first Stephen King novel. I don't read horror. I need to sleep at night. But this one is not his typical horror story, but rather drama, a love story of the highest caliber, set within a cool fantasy (time travel). That's all I'm gonna tell you, other than that Stephen King is a brilliant writer, whose voice captivates from Page 1. Read this book.

Runner up: The Outlaw Noble Salt, by Amy Harmon. Again, not the type of book I'm typically drawn to, this fictionalized account of Butch Cassidy had me gripped in its palm start to finish. A slow-burn romance (the best kind), it made me hope, wish, believe (?) that it was all true, that maybe Robert LeRoy Parker (aka Butch Cassidy) was good at his core after all, and maybe, just maybe, he found his Jane again in the end. Read it, and let me know what you think. 

Favorite Trip

New York City in February (shocking, I know, considering we're headed back in just four days). We saw Hamilton, The Notebook, Sweeny Todd, &Juliet, and Book of Mormon, and they were all amazing! Counting down the hours till we board our red-eye flight just after midnight in the wee hours of this coming Thursday morning! Be jealous. 

Runner up: My visit home to Washington and Oregon in May. Gerald and I were supposed to be in Israel, but the tragedy of war forced us to postpone. The time in the Northwest was delightful, mostly because it rained nearly every day, but also because I got to see so many lovely people: Gerald's family; my cousin, Diana; Tom, Yvonne, and my mom; my niece, Leslie and her family; my niece, Carley; and my best friend, Lorrie.

Favorite TV Show

Nobody Wants This. Possibly the cutest little rom-com ever, as a Jewish Rabbi and an agnostic podcaster fall in love. And they are adorable. 

Runner up: High Potential. The plot of this one sounds so ridiculous, I can't even write it. And yet...you should probably just watch it and see.

Favorite Party

My ninth annual Christmas cookie exchange, with my best friends from the former Union Park 6th Ward in Sandy. Our ward was obliterated in 2018, and two friends from our group have since moved out of the state (Hi, Katie and Kara!), but even all that can't break apart friendship his solid. This year, nearly everyone who still lives here in the valley was able to come, and it was the best evening. The years melted!

Runner up: My book group's holiday party and "favorite things" gift exchange. This year our leader decided we should dress in formal wear! I was so excited, I dug out the dress I wore to Shulamith's wedding, the picture at the bottom of this post.

Favorite Blog Posts

...from my personal blog itslegs.blogspot.com: "The worst part was seeing my kids so sad." It surely wasn't the most joyful post, but it was the one that generated the most page views (over double any of the others), so I know it resonated with many.

...from my church blog thereisroomforyou.blogspot.com: "You don't have to be Nephi." The title tells the story.

Favorite Meal

Just before Christmas, I went to Portland for four days to visit my family and crash their extended family party. The dinner? Truly the stuff dreams are made of. They smoked three meats: turkey, roast beef and pork, and augmented them with sides of mashed potatoes, stuffing, mac & cheese, and buttery garlic green beans. Dessert included my absolute favorite: pecan pie (!) which I don't get often enough because no one in my Utah family really likes it except me. I ate one piece each day the whole four days I was there.

Favorite New (to me) Restaurant

Lucky Thai, a tiny family-owned place up by Smith's in Herriman. I believe it's the best Thai food I've ever eaten. You should head there right now, and order the yellow curry!

Favorite Purchase

My 15 and 20-lb. weights, because they remind me that, although I'm still the weakest person in the gym and probably always will be, I'm getting stronger every day thorough focused, consistent training.

And that concludes my favorites from 2024. What are yours?

Jane Explains - Part 4

She was sad to leave nursery, but she couldn't say no to Jesus. He wants her for a Sunbeam!

 

61. Jane (to Amanda): Well, I'm gonna turn you into a frog if you not going to play with me! It's going to be not nice!

62. Jane was pretending she was talking to my on her toy phone (note: the one that's been around for decades and has a dial!). After a full conversation with me, she hung up, made a ringing sound, and said...

Jane: Oh, Her Her is calling me again.

63. Amanda was caulking the bathtub, and Jane asked what she was doing.

Amanda: I'm caulking between the tub and the floor, so our house doesn't get an ouchy again. Remember when we had to live with Her Her because our house had an ouchy?

Jane: I'm want to break our house.

Amanda: What?? Why?

Jane: Because I want to live with Her Her.

64. Jane was having a dysregulated moment (typical for 3-year-olds) but then settled down.

Jane: Mom, I calm down now. I hit the Meow Meow and it was so funny it made me feel better!

65. Last night, as I was proofreading my post on the inauguration prior to publishing it, I was looking for a picture to include.

Jane: What are you doing?

Me: Looking for a picture to put on my blog post?

Jane: I like the Jane one.

66. Jane was unhappy about going to bed, and Amanda was trying to convince her.

Jane: I'm gonna put you in the trash. You're not gonna be in the family right now! Go on the couch!

67. Jane thinks the four of us (Amanda, Eli, Jane, and I) are a family. They were going to do something together, but Jane corrected them.

Jane: No, but we're not a family yet. We're still waiting for Her Her to get here.

68. Jane made a "family" out of hangers. Then she pointed at one:

Jane: That's Matt! Cause I like him...he's a little bit scary sometimes....but I like him.

69. I went over to visit Jane and Amanda after my four days in NYC. Jane was happy to see me, but still not fully satisfied.

Jane: We don't have our family yet. We're still missing Daddy.

70: We were having some sort of conversation (I don't remember the context), and someone said "I love Smith's."

Jane: I love Smith's and Jesus!

71. Jane: I had a dream last night.

Amanda: What was your dream?

Jane: I went a market with Mommy and Her Her after my dance and Her Her's school.

72. Jane (to Amanda): You're gonna be married a me! And Daddy's not gonna be married a you. He's gonna be married a Swen. You gonna be married a me!

73. Jane walked into the living room with her toy phone.

Jane: Hey Mom, I'm going to Her Her's house.

Amanda: Oh, you are?

Jane: Yeah, she call me on my phone and say, "Please come to my house."

74. Amanda did something that upset Jane. 

Amanda: I'm sorry, Jane. Will you forgive me?

Jane: I forgive you. But do it again, and I be mad!

75. Jane: Once upon a time there was a princess named Jane. And the Holy Ghost come and was scary. And the Spirit protect me and threw the Holy Ghost out, and Daddy turned into a handsome prince The End. 

(We think this story is the result of Jane learning about the Spirit in Primary and how it protects her. But then she sees Eli's Scream t-shirt that has a ghost on it, so she's having a bit of confusion trying to sort this all out.)

76. Jane: Who are you texting?

Me: Your daddy!

Jane: Yeah, he's my greatest daddy! I love him so much.

77. I stayed with Jane last week while Eli and Amanda went out to dinner to celebrate their 9th anniversary. When they got back, Amanda was telling Jane how much she missed her,

Amanda: I missed you so much! Babies should always be with their mommies.

Jane: Yes, and with Her Her.

78. In our family, on both Christmas and Easter, we get presents/baskets in order of age, youngest to oldest. So that means Jane goes first. I went upstairs to get her basket.

Someone (I can't remember who): Why do you get your Easter basket first, Jane?

Jane: Because I'm the cutest!

79. Primary chorister: Who's glad when their daddy comes home from work?

Jane (hand shooting into the air): Me! Me!

80. Jane: Mom, can we take the cat for a walk someday?

Amanda: No, cats don't usually go on walks.

Jane: Then can we get a dog someday?

Amanda: Ummmmm.....no.

Jane: But WHY?! Her Her said we could!

81. Jane: The fishy place has been closed a lot. Also, Chick-a-flay. (Pretty sus if you ask me.)

82. I was about to leave Eli and Amanda's house last night, but then Amanda remembered something she wanted to tell both Eli and me, so I stood by the door to listen. It took a few minutes.

Jane: Mom, Her Her needs to go to her home so she can sleep in her bed. She needs to get rest and not stand here talking to you.

83. Jane has become an expert at making threats if people (her parents) don't do what she wants. A couple days ago, when they were all here at my house, Jane wanted Amanda to do something, and Amanda wasn't complying.

Jane: If you don't do that, I'm gonna sleep at Her Her's house tonight! (She definitely did not do that.)

Then the next day, Eli wasn't getting her out of her carseat quickly enough.

Jane: If you don't hurry up, I'm going to throw our family bed in the trash! (Pretty sure she didn't do that one either.)

84: Jane has decided she likes to eat bread and mayonnaise sandwiches. Only bread and mayo. Amanda is trying to get her to add something with protein. Jane asked for bread and mayo, so Amanda told her she could have some later. A few minutes later, Amanda found her on the couch:

Independent, resourceful Jane!

85. I spend a lot of evenings at Eli and Amanda's house, eating their good food, watching Jeopardy or Big Bang Theory, and just hanging out. Tonight, however, I'm not at their house, but rather in Portland with Isaiah to attend my niece's wedding tomorrow. Amanda was trying to get Jane to share the couch with her.

Amanda: Jane, there is plenty of room on the couch, so you should share.

Jane: But then there's no room for Her Her. 

86. When I'm at Jane's house eating dinner 2-3 nights a week, Amanda and Eli and I like to watch shows together before I go home. We used to watch "Jeopardy" and sometimes still do, but lately we've been watching "Big Bang Theory." They've both already watched it, but I haven't, and after watching "Young Sheldon" and LOVING it, I wanted to see "Grown-up Sheldon." But Jane isn't ever very happy to have us all watch a show together, if it isn't one of her shows, which are all terrible (I really hate kids' TV). After one episode of "Big Bang Theory," Amanda often says either English or Spanish: "Another one?"

Jane: You can't watch another. one because it's late for you guys and you need to sleep.

87. Jane and Theodore were in a discussion about human growth and how Jane will become 4.

Jane: I will eat lots of healthy food, and then I will turn into 4.

Theodore: No. The days will go by for a year, and then you will just turn into 4. That's how it works.

88. Amanda: Mommy is not going to play pat-a-cake right now because I am taking a "Jane break."

Jane: No! You can't do pat-a-cake because you're bad at it, and I don't love you anymore.

126. As our Alaska cruise was nearing the end, Jane sensed it. She began to realize that pretty soon, we wouldn't all be together every day. So. she began plotting.

Jane: Her her, when we go home, do you want to come to my house and eat food and sit on my couch and watch TV? [This is something I do regularly, haha.]

127. We drove through McDonald's on the way home and Jane wanted a Happy Meal, but it was 8:00 a.m., so they weren't serving lunch yet. Amanda explained this to Jane, to no avail.

Jane (as approached the window to order): Tell them, "Jane would like to have a Happy Meal."

128. Kennedy: Jane made me eat fries on the cruise, even though I don't like them. 

Shulamith: Why did you do it? You don't have to do everything Jane tells you to do.

Kennedy: She told me she wouldn't love me anymore if I didn't eat them. She was serious. She wouldn't have loved me but only loved Theodore.

When Amanda asked Jane about this, Jane said...

Jane: No, she would be sad. Cuz they made out of oh-tay-toes. And Kennedy don't like oh-tay-toes. But I like fries, but Kennedy doesn't.

129. Shulamith and I took Jane out to lunch with us last week.

Shulamith: Jane, I'm so glad you're with us today!

Jane: You're welcome.

130. Jane started preschool this year. This was her report from her second day:

Jane: I'm gonna do my homework, I gotta throw away the trash. Yeah, gotta clean the earth.