It's All About the Dress

Last weekend was Skyview High School's senior prom, and pictured here is Eli with his date, Carson. The fall formal dance, TWIRP (The Woman Is Required to Pay), came and went, and somehow I missed recording it in this blog. And Eli has never let me forget it. In an effort to make sure that doesn't happen again, here is the post about prom.

The problem is, when your kid is the guy, it's a bit hard to know what to write about. Let's face it, when it comes to prom, it's really all about the dress. I remember my senior prom...sort of. If I think hard, I can remember the name of the guy I went with. If I think harder, I can remember the names of the couple who accompanied us. If I think even harder, I can remember where we ate dinner, but that really takes way too much thought. On the other hand, I can tell you with perfect clarity the details of my dress. It's forever stamped in my mind. It was a light pink heavy cotton, halter style, empire waist, with ruffles going up both sides of the neck and another ruffle around the bottom. Ruffles were big back then! I loved my dress.

Then there was Shulamith's senior prom just seven years ago. Do I remember the name of her date? Nope. Do I remember where they had dinner? Nope. But let me tell you about her dress. It was jet black satin, fitted through the waist and fuller at the bottom, accented with a hot pink ruffle cascading down from the top of the dress to the floor. The price was far beyond what I had budgeted, but when she walked out of the dressing room, well let's just say that the only thing to do was "say yes to the dress." She looked stunning. I should point out that six years later, she more than made up for the excess expense of this dress by opting to wear my wedding gown rather than buying a new one, a choice which surely saved us hundreds of dollars.

So here you see Eli, looking dashing in his black tux and purple vest. Definitely handsome, yes? Still, if we're honest, the focus is on Carson and her lovely dress, a V-necked, flowered mini in multiple shades of purple and pink, a perfect choice to accuntuate her long dark hair. Radiant!

I love you, Eli, and watching you get ready for prom was pure delight for this mom. Nevertheless, you have to admit, when it comes to prom, it's really all about the dress.

"Do you wanna go to Prom?" The networking of today's dating scene

I went to many dances throughout my high school years, and I don't remember all the details, but I do remember my senior prom. Most importantly, I remember my dress, because as I explained in this other blog post from only a few years ago, when it comes to prom, it's all about the dress. I also have a vague memory of how I was asked to my senior prom, and I'm pretty sure it went something like this:

Him: Hey, do you wanna go to prom?
Me: Sure!

Yeah, that was about the extent of it.

It is not like that anymore. I don't know if it's just being here in Utah (Utah has a culture all its own with some rather unusual traditions) or if it's true everywhere, but just asking someone to one of these high school dances is a giant ordeal. It involves all sorts of careful planning and networking and creativity. Just the "asking" part is a thing.

How do I know all this? Well you see, my baby is under the illusion that he is 16 and old enough to participate in such things as dates and dances. Which is beyond ridiculous because only just the other day, I was walking him up 450 E. each morning to Midvalley Elementary, our first year living here in Utah, when he was in 6th grade.

And now he is scheduled to attend not just one, but two (!) dances in the next two months. How'd that happen? As I said, it's complicated.

Hillcrest's Sweetheart's Ball is next weekend. It is a "girl-ask-guy" format, and a few weeks ago, Seth found a large poster outside on our doorstep, along with several candy bars. Glued to the poster was a combination lock. Lots of different girls' names were written on the poster, paired with different combinations. Seth had to try the different combinations until he found the one that opened the lock, which was next to the name of the girl who was asking him to the dance. How confused are you? Me too.

It didn't end there. "Will you text her and say you'll go?" I asked. Oh no, that would be way too simple. He had to do a thing. So he bought donuts and made a sign. The following night he coordinated with her friends to make sure she would be at home when he got off work, and then he doorbell ditched the donuts and sign on her doorstep. Okay, this is my Seth. Seth Webster Erichsen. Running around at night, leaving donuts on girls' doorsteps. What has happened to my sane world?

It didn't end there.

Just about the time he was all set to go to this dance, talk of prom began. Apparently there was a special day (D-day) when guys were supposed to ask girls to prom, but he totally missed that, so the girl he was supposed to ask (a different one from his date for next week's Sweetheart's Ball) was left waiting, the only one of this group of friends without a prom date. So last night he took care of that. She likes Hunger Games, so he made three large signs. Then he networked with her friends to make sure she would be home last night and left them by her door, along with candy and a Mockingjay pin.

Now, I guess, he waits for her to accept. "How do you know she got the stuff?" I asked. "She got it. Her friend just texted me."

Networking.

"Do you wanna go to prom?"
 "Sure!"

It's not so simple anymore.

Kennedy says - Part II

A while back, I began an ongoing blog, listing the funny things Shulamith's daughter Kennedy says. Shulamith will want to remember these gems of wisdom, but she's too busy with three littles to blog. So I'm doing it for her. Now that it's 2018, I'm starting a new post, so these all get recorded in the blog books I publish each year.

15. Kennedy woke up one morning recently, and out of the blue, with no provocation or prior discussion, said:
     Kennedy: Jesus did a really good job making our bodies.
Ha, ha, yes, Kennedy. He sure did!

16. Kennedy: I really want to be a princess. Except princesses never save the day; they just hang out in castles.

17. After Shulamith dropped Swen off at school:
     Kennedy: Swen is always mean to me on this earth.

18. Apparently, Kennedy has been learning about the Holy Ghost in her Primary class.
     Kennedy: Mom, do your remember when my cheeks go itchy? There were bumps on my cheeks.
     Shulamith: Yeah, I remember that.
     Kennedy: Remember when we learned about the Holy Ghost?
     Shulamith: No, what did you learn about the Holy Ghost?
     Kennedy: He gives us bumps. I think the Holy Ghost put bumps on my cheeks?
     Shulamith: Yeah, he does give us goose bumps sometimes.
     Kennedy: At church they were saying the silliest things!
     Shulamith: What were they saying?
     Kennedy: They said the Holy Ghost is inside of us! (Then she started cracking up.)

19. When we go places each day, I leave home and go for a walk, and Shulamith picks me up by the side of the road somewhere. Later, she drops me off by the side of the road. The is just easier emotionally than if she were to show up at my house or drop me off here and drive off, as if she didn't live here. That would be too hard. So today after we were out for lunch and grocery shopping, we headed off to drop me somewhere:
     Kennedy: I want to go in Her's house.
     Shulamith: No, I need to get home to Theodore.
     Kennedy: Where are you going to put Her at?

20. Kennedy does her job of being a 3-year-old perfectly, fits and all. She's so good at it! Today, while they were driving in the car, she was screaming.
     Shulamith: Sweetheart, what is wrong? How can I help you?
     Kennedy: I WANT A TOY!
     Shulamith: But I can't buy you a toy every day. I don't have enough money.
     Kennedy (louder screaming): I NEED A TOY BECAUSE I WANT A TOY!

21. My mom sent Kennedy a "Anna" princess dress, which she has tried to wear every single day since she received it.
     Kennedy: Look, Her! I have a princess dress like Anna. And look, my hair is in braids like Anna, so I'm a real one. There are two Annas.

  21. Kennedy: Mommy, I don't have any babies yet.
        Shulamith: I know, honey. Once you grow up and get married, a long time from now, then you can have your own babies.
        Kennedy: Yes, and I will have a girl, so we will have another girl baby.
        Shulamith: Yay! Another girl!
        Kennedy: And I will be big and I can wear your clothes.

22. Kennedy: I have this "ouch" here. I got it from doing Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes too fast.

23. Kennedy: Mommy, why did you ruin my tattoo?
      Shulamith: I didn't ruin your tattoo.
      Kennedy: You letted me ruin my tattoo!!

24. Kennedy is staying upstairs with me overnight tonight.
      Shulamith: Will you miss me?
      Kennedy: No. Because I love Her also.

25.  So we were at Kneader's today for lunch before I went to school, and we bought Swen and Kennedy each a small pinwheel. Just now, out of the blue, Kennedy says to Shulamith:
      Kennedy: Mommy, if you don't talk to me fast enough, I'm going to poke you with my windmill real hard.
      Shulamith: Kennedy, I don't like it when you threaten me.
      Kennedy: For you never listen to me fast enough.

26. So we get in the car to go somewhere, and Kennedy has a few toys with her (not sure what), and she beings to yell at us because it's apparently too bright for her toys to go to sleep:
      Kennedy: Mommy!! It needs to be dark for my toys can go to sleep. It's too bright.
      Shulamith: Well, since it's the middle of the day, the sun is out and it's bright.
      Kennedy (yelling louder): MOMMY! It is too bright, and you need to make it dark for my toys. And they also need a blanket.

27. Kennedy (holding finger straight out and yelling at Shulamith): Mom!! I hurt my finger, and now I'm going to have to hold it straight out like this forever and ever and ever and ever!

28. Kennedy is the quintessential 3-year-old. She is mad much of the time, and often we don't have the slightest idea why. How great that she's doing such a wonderful job of being three! Often, she's yelling at Shulamith, even before she gets out of bed, before the two of them have even laid eyes on each other. For example, the other day:
     Kennedy (screaming from her bed, first thing in the morning): MOM!!! I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR THESE JAMMIES!
      And later that same day, 
      Kennedy:  I love you this much (as she claps her hands stretched out in front of her, attempting to show Shulamith how little she loves her).

29. Kennedy is easily frustrated when people don't get her what she wants fast enough. She recently asked Shulamith for a drink, and Shulamith evidently didn't respond quickly enough:
      Kennedy: Look Mom! I don't even have a drink! See!!! See!" (as she held her hands out around an imaginary cup, so Shulamith could see that she didn't have one.

30. Kennedy is planning her 4th birthday party for this coming week. She's been terribly conflicted over whether to have a princess party or a Dark Souls party, a video game she plays with Matt. We'll see how that turns out, but this morning she was telling Shulamith about how fun it will be to have  her party at a splash pad.
      Shulamith: Do you want to have your party at the splash pad?
      Kennedy: Yes! All my friends will come and wear their swimsuits and play in the water. Except I can't open my presents in the water because they would get all wet.

31. Today we took Swen and Kennedy to the "Pay Your Age" event at Build-A-Bear. One headline I read about it said, "It was such a success, it failed." That's an excellent way to describe it. We waited in a line around the perimeter of Fashion Place Mall for three hours, but left without bears, only vouchers for $15 off the future purchase of bears. It was pretty anticlimactic, but we tried to call it an "adventure," to which Kennedy replied:
      Kennedy: "It's a STUPID adventure!"

32. Shulamith very much doesn't want Kennedy to be a perfectionist. But after watching her dance class weekly for the past year and a half, honestly, I think it's too late. She watches the teacher closely, waits, watches more, until she's certain she can do the moves perfectly. It's great really! Then there's this. The other day, Kennedy was frustrated because she couldn't find her shoe, which happened to be two feet from her, but still.
      Kennedy: My shoe is gone. Gone! I can't find it anywhere. See!? I'll never be able to leave this house again. See!? See!? Never.

33. Last week, Shulamith and Matt and their kids were visiting some friends in Lehi. Shulamith packed pajamas for the kids but forgot pajama bottoms for Kennedy. Kennedy was very upset about this. Shulamith tried to convince her to just wear the top and put on the bottoms once they got home. Or to put her pants back on with the pajama top for the ride home. But Kennedy wasn't having any of it:
      Kennedy: You didn't bring my pajama bottoms, so I'll just have to go the bathroom in my car seat!

34. Shulamith teaches a class at Salt Lake Community College two nights a week, so Matt has their kids by himself. Last Monday night he took them to the store and let them pick out some candy.
      Matt: Okay, you can eat the candy on the way home if you promise you will still eat the pork in the crock pot for dinner. Do you promise you will eat the pork?
      Swen: Yes, I will eat the pork.
      Kennedy: I will eat the pork.
So they ate their candy and then when when they got home, Matt gave them the pork dinner. Swen ate his just fine, but Kennedy refused.
      Matt: Kennedy, you promised me if I let you eat your candy, that you would eat dinner once we got home.
      Kennedy (in her sassiest voice). Well, I already at the candy, so sorry!
      Matt: So you're not eating dinner.
      Kennedy: Nope!

35. Kennedy wanted to go to Chevron to get candy. But it was Halloween, so Shulamith said Kennedy would get enough candy already.
      Kennedy: I want to go the gas station and get candy.
      Shulamith: I think you'll get plenty of candy today trick-or-treating, so we don't need to go to Chevron too.
      Kennedy: Then I'll just have to take off my shoes and socks. (Which she did).

35. Then there was the issue of her costume. She dressed up as Harley Quinn from Batman. The costume included two arm coverings, red and black. She misplaced the red one somewhere in the house, and there wasn't time to search for it.
      Kennedy: I'm not going without both my arm bands.
      Shulamith: It's okay. We don't time to look now, but we will find it later.
      Kennedy: HARLEY QUINN WOULD NOT WEAR JUST ONE ARM BAND!
      Shulamith: Well, we really need to go right now.
      Kennedy: Then I won't wear anything! I'll just have to wear my swimming suit to school!

36. Kennedy loves to wear her Mini Mouse dress, with leg warmers and her new white shoes with heels. Everywhere. Even though this dress is not very warm, and it's freezing outside.
       Me: What did you do at preschool today?
       Kennedy: We talked about what we want to be when we grow up.
       Me: What do you want to be?
       Kennedy: I'm going to the The Tooth Fairy!

37. So apparently on the rare occasions that Matt picks Kennedy up from preschool, he lets her "drive" the car. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but she says she drives the car out on the road.
       Kennedy: I drove the car with Daddy today.
       Shulamith: Really? You did?
       Kennedy: And I even turned a corner, and I heard no crashes.

38. When Kennedy goes to bed, she likes to put the pillow up flat against the wall and then sit upright, so when she falls asleep, her chin falls down on her chest.
       Shulamith: Kennedy, it's time to go to sleep. Put the pillow down flat on the bed.
       Kennedy: No.
       Shulamith: But you do it when Daddy asks you to.
       Kennedy: But I love you both.

39.  Kennedy has a spunky personality, and she isn't afraid to tell people what she thinks (which is a wonderful quality, by the way). But the question remains, is she 4? Or 14? Shulamith refused to return home to get the scarf Kennedy was planning to wear but forgot.
       Kennedy: Ugh. You are ruining my life. I am SO tired of you.

40. But then there's this...Kennedy was just sitting on the couch watching her tablet, and out of nowhere:
       Kennedy: Mom, I'll turn this down when we pray.

41. Kennedy is learning a lot at preschool.
      Shulamith: What did you learn at school today?
      Kennedy: One hundred years ago there were no people on earth, only dinosaurs.
      Shulamith: Really? One hundred years ago?
      Kennedy: Yes.
      Shulamith: What did the dinosaurs do?
      Kennedy: Oh they just walked around eating plants or meat.

42. Shulamith: Time to go to preschool, Kennedy.
      Kennedy: Are we meeting Her for lunch first?
      Shulamith: No, not today.
      Kennedy: Yayyyyyyy. (long pause). I love Her, but I can't wait to get to preschool!
     

     

Swen-isms - Part VIII

 300. Today is New Year's Day, 2024, and we planned to meet Eli, Amanda, and Jane for lunch. Swen was super slow to get ready, and Shulamith texted me to say she'd be late to pick me up as a result. On the way to the restaurant, Swen explained to Shulamith why he took so long to get ready.

Swen: I wanted Eli and Amanda to have to wait for us, because we always have to wait for them.

301. On that same drive to lunch today, I showed Swen a picture of President Nelson and his wife, Wendy.

Me: Look, this is President Nelson with his cute, young wife.

Swen (looking at the picture): Wow, that's sort of like how it is with Gerald and you.

302. And yet again, as we were driving to the restaurant, Swen was throwing things at me from the backseat and trying to hit me in the face.

Me: Stop throwing stuff at me, Swen?!

(He continued to throw even more random items.)

Shulamith: Who has the power in this relationship, you or Swen?

Swen: Definitely me!

(He's not wrong.)

303. I'm here with Shulamith's three kids today because she's at some training meeting, and her kids don't go back to school until tomorrow. Swen got a giant stuffed snake for Christmas. (If you know me at all you know I have a fully irrational, but still very real, phobia of snakes.) Swen has always been very protective of me with regard to this fear; he warns me if he sees pictures of them or toy ones in stores (yes, I'm afraid of both; go ahead in laugh. I don't mind). So today, he brings down this snake stuffed into a big pillowcase, so I can't see it. As I'm trying to get him to take his ADHD medication (PLEASE!), he picks up the pillowcase:

Swen: I have a snake in here, and I'm not afraid to use it!

304. Swen: If you could only save me, Kennedy, and Theodore OR the whole world, which would you choose?

Me: You and your siblings. 

Swen: But then the while world would go extinct. Siblings can't get married, so there would be no more people. Unless you would mate with Gerald again to have more kids.

304. Swen: Hey Her. Did you and Gerald ever share a spaghetti noodle?

Me: What?? No. We have our own food. Why would we do that? 

Swen: Because I have this feeling that Gerald might have been cute back then. Or did you just marry him for his Porsche?

305. Swen: Gerald is kinda like a dog.

Me: Why do you say that?

Swen: Well, he stays in the basement all the time, like Waffles, and doesn't do anything. And he'll eat anything.

306. I have a bronze statue of three ballerinas at the barre. We always say that they are Kennedy, Shulamith, and me, because we all three danced while growing up. 

Swen (pointing at each girl): Oh this one is definitely Mom because she looks like she's about to fall. And this one is Kennedy because she has an ugly outfit. And this one is you because her nose is all pointy.

307. Swen was sick today and home from school. I spent part of the morning with him after I helped Shulamith assess her kindergarteners. Swen talked to me nonstop, asking question after question. I was trying to work on one of my classes as the semester begins Monday.

Me: Swen, just let me get this one thing done, and then I'll stop working and talk to you.

Swen: Her, wait, just one more question. Well....actually 60 more questions.

308. Recently Swen and Shulamith met with Ms. Felt, the principal (and Shulamith's boss) to talk about why Swen doesn't like his rotations group and to problem solve the situation. At one point Swen randomly started talking.

Swen: My mom just thinks everyone should be nice to each other and have peace and love everyone. But there is a war in the middle east. See, Mom, Ms. Felt knows there are wars.

309. In our church, boys receive the Aaronic Priesthood and are ordained to the office of a Deacon at age 11. Here is Shulamith's report of what happened when Swen was recently ordained.

Swen: I don't want a bunch of men putting their hands on my head.

Bishop: Well, how about just four men? Your dad and the bishopric?

Apparently, this was acceptable to Swen, because Shulamith says the ordination occurred.  

310. The smoke detector wiring throughout our house malfunctioned, and fire alarms were randomly sounding here and there all evening. I was telling Shulamith that I don't mind the chirping that smoke detectors do when batteries are expired because I've lived with that for decades. But actual LOUD alarms? That's totally different. 

Swen: Why didn't you change out the batteries?

Me: Because I don't know how and can't really reach them.

Swen: Her. You are a college teacher and a very mature person. Are you telling me you don't know how to change batteries in a smoke detector? 

311. Shulamith and Matt are friends with a guy Matt went to high school with and his wife. Tommy is very slender. (as is Swen).

Swen: Mom, I think I'll always be small. When I'm a grown-up, I'll probably be as small as Tommy.

312. Shulamith and I took her kids to McDonald's for dinner tonight. While we were there, Shulamith asked all of us how she should dress up for the 100th day of school. Kindergarten teachers typically try to dress like a 100-year-old woman.

Swen: Her, why don't you just go there as yourself.

313. So Shulamith was trying to bribe Swen to make good choices at school, so the administration (aka her bosses) don't have to call her to chat about something silly he did. She told Swen that if he would get through an entire week with no phone calls from the school, she'd let him stay up as late as he wanted, all night even, playing Roblox. So by Thursday, no calls!

Shulamith: Swen, you're doing so well this week. I haven't received a single phone call from the school.

Swen: Didn't Ms. Manning [assistant principal] call you? 

Shulamith: Uh no. Why would she call me, Swen?

Swen: Well, this one kid was telling me that I'm not a S.W.A T. guy, and I am. This made me mad, so I told my friend to go tell him he's a "nobody." So he did, and then the two of them got in a fight, punching each other. I didn't fight with anyone, but I still had to go talk to Ms. Manning.

Shulamith: But she didn't call me. Why didn't she call me?

Swen: Well, I explained to her that she CAN'T call you, because if no one from the school calls her about me this week, I get to stay up all night night playing Roblox on Friday. So she said, "Well, I guess what you did isn't really that bad, Swen. I won't call her."

314. One day last week Swen was supposed to ride the bus to school because Shulamith had an early meeting. She took Kennedy and Theodore with her but left Swen to ride the but. So of course, he didn't do that, but instead stayed home and watched TV. When Shulamith saw that he was marked absent, she called Swen and told him to get his stuff ready because Gerald would be there in five minutes to pick him up and take him to school. That all went as planned, but later they were talking about it.

Swen: Mom, wanna hear something crazy?

Shulamith: Sure.

Swen: When Gerald drove me to school the other day, I asked him questions, and he answered me. I asked him lots of questions, and he answered all of them!

Shulamith: Why's that crazy?

Swen: Because Gerald has never talked to me in my whole life.

315. Shulamith: Her is picking you up from your Jujutsu class today.

Swen: Oh no! Her is so stupid she will never be able to find the place.

Shulamith: I gave her the directions, she can use GPS.

Swen: No, Mom. Her still won't ever find it. She can't find her way to anywhere. I'll have to stay there all night. I'll have to sleep there. Her is that dumb.

316. Somewhere, Swen heard about the movie, Sin City.

Swen: Mom, have you seen the movie Sin City?

Shulamith: No, but you should ask Dad about it.

Swen: Dad, have you seen the movie Sin City?

Matt: Oh yeah. It's one of my favorite movies.

Swen: Really? That surprises me.

Matt: Why?

Swen: Because you're a nice person and you even go to church.

317. I picked up Swen from his jujutsu class and took him to Walmart, because the $50 he earned from feeding the neighbors' birds and axolotl was burning a proverbial hold in his pocket. As we drove down one aisle of the parking lot, all the spaces on the right were full. There were a couple on the left, but those would require me to make a U-turn in the parking aisle, and no I wasn't gonna do that. So I continued on until we came to an empty spot on the correct side.

Swen: Her, you are so dumb! Why didn't you park back there in those empty spaces?

Me: Because they were going the wrong direction.

Swen: Why can't you ever do anything right? You are the dumbest person I know. Don't you know Jesus is always saying to choose the right, but you never, ever do that.

318. Amanda gave me a mouse pad with Jane's picture on it a long time ago, like well over a year. Yet Swen is still unhappy about it.

Swen: Isn't it sad that Her loves Jane more than us?

Shulamith: Why do you think Her loves Jane more than you?

Swen: Because she bought a mouse pad with a big picture of Jane on it.

Shulamith: I don't think she bought it; I think Amanda gave it to her.

Swen: What kind of person would think their child is so special that they would give their mother a mouse pad with a huge picture of their child's face on it? 

319. This past week was Easter. Immediately following a congregational hymn "Christ the Lord Is Risen Today," Swen and Shulamith had the following conversation:

Swen: Why are all these people singing so loud, with big silly smiles on their faces?

Shulamith: Maybe because it's Easter, and they were really feeling the Spirit.

Swen: WHAT do you mean "Spirit"????

Shulamith: The Holy Ghost. When you feel really close to our Heavenly Parents and Jesus, so you feel so happy inside.

Swen: I have NEVER felt like that. And I would certainly never sing like this (big, fake smile on his face, bobbing his head, pretending to sing).

320. Shulamith walked downstairs wearing a denim jacket.

Swen: Mom, you have your clothes on inside out.

Shulamith (glancing down at her clothes): No, this is right.

Swen: Mom, you're wearing jeans on your arms.

321. Swen auditioned and was cast in a play at his elementary school a while back. Now that the performance  is coming nearer, he needed to make few things clear.

Shulamith: I am so excited to see you in your play!

Swen: Okay, But I don't want you to act all weird.

Shulamith: what do you mean?

Swen: Like you do at Kennedy's dance recitals. I don't want you being all weird and loud and shouting things like [high voice] "Oh, yay Swen!!! Hooray!!!"

Shulamith: I don't really shout, Swen.

Swen: Oh you do. And I also don't want you to get tickets for you and everyone in your family to sit in the front row. I ant you in the back!

322. Swen is going to the temple tonight with the youth from our ward to do proxy baptisms. Shulamith was explaining to him what it is, why we do it, how cool it is, and what to expect. 

Swen: Well, it's kinda creepy that a bunch of dead people are waiting around there to be baptized.

323. Swen: Her, do you wanna know what I tell my friends when they ask me who you are?

Me: Sure.

Swen: I say you're my aunt. Is that good?

Me: Well, it's not true, but it's not bad, so sure.

Swen: Maybe I'll just tell them you're an unknown being that is with our family a lot.

324. Traffic was unbelievable awful tonight, especially on Redwood and Porter Rockwell. Shulamith had to drive Kennedy to dance; then come back and get Swen, Theodore and me; drop Swen at Jujitsu; before we headed to Theodore's school to watch him in his DLI Spanish program. She was doing her best, but the wretched traffic made it so Swen would be 10 minutes late for Jujitsu. He was not happy about that.

Swen: I'm going to be late for Jujitsu, and it's all Kennedy's fault and her stupid dance.

Shulamith: No, it's the traffic's fault.

Swen: It's Kennedy's fault and also Theodore's and his dumb program.

Shulamith: Nope. It's traffic.

Swen: We can't blame cars for things. They're not real. We have to blame a person. Hey, maybe we can blame Jane!

325. Swen: I have a crush on Lilly still. Theodore, who do you have a crush on?

Theodore: Nobody.

Swen: Who is it? Max?

Theodore: No, he's a boy. That'd be weird.

Swen: Mom!! Theodore is being homophobic!

Shulamith: No, it's just that Theodore isn't gay, so it would seem weird to him to have a crush on a boy. He's not being homophobic.

Swen: Oh, okay, good.

326. Swen: Let's take the leftovers to Gerald. He'll eat anything. He's like a hog.

327. Shulamith had just baked cookies for something she was going to that evening. As she turned around quickly, all 12 cooies slid off the cookie sheet and into the sink.

Shulamith: [some sort of phrase that my have included swear words.]

Swen: Mom, those cookies are ruining our family.

328. I picked up Swen to taek him to Jujutsu, but I was texting someone, so I hadn't started the car yet, and Swen was feeling impatient.

Swen: Her! Am I gonna have to yell at you? I don't want to have to yell at you, but you need to start this car and go!

329. Swen recently returned from a week at diabetes camp. He really likes it there.

To his mom:

Swen: Camp is my first home. Our house is my second home.

To me:

Swen: Her, camp is just so uch fun. One day you'll understand.

330. Swen was mad at Shulamith for some reason. Most likely, he wanted something and she wouldn't buy it, or he wanted more time on his phone, and she wouldn't give it to him.

Swen: You're the worst mom ever.

Me: Swen! Stop saying that. You have the best mom. You are so lucky to have her.

Swen: No she isn't. She needs to read a parenting book.

331. So I run outside and jump into Shulamith's car, as I do most days, and Swen is in the seat right behind me. He immediately grabs my seatbelt to lock it tight, then puts his left foot up over the headrest and onto my shoulder. (This is a very common occurrence.)

Swen: Oh sorry, Her. I didn't know you were there.

332. Swen loves washing machines and has researched them fully, so when I decided to replace my washer/dryer set, he was excited to participate.

Shulamith: Let's go with Her to buy a new washing maching and dryer.

Swen: You don't get to help her make this decision. I'm in charge."

(I actually changed my mind and chose a front loader, based solely on Swen's research and insistence that they are better than top loaders.)

333. I recently bought a new MacAir laptop, and Swen wants my old one. But I'm gradually transitioning to my new machine and not quite ready to part with my old one, even though it's seven years old, not running well, and barely holds a charge. 

Swen: Her, give me your old computer.

Me: Not quite yet.

Swen: Give it to me. Mom said I can have it, and she's usually in charge of you.

334. Shulamith was checking Swen's backpack, homework, etc., and she came across a math assignment he had done. It was a story problem that began, "George needs help with his homework. Help him solve this problem."

...to which  Swen wrote, "I am not going to help George with his homework. George can do his own homework. Womp womp. Poor George."

335. I got new end tables for my living room. After Swen saw them, he  had this to say to his mother:

Swen: Mom! Why is Her's house so nice and decorated and ours is still so ugly with nothing?

336. Swen: Mom, can we go to In-N-Out tonight?

Shulamith: No, Dad took you there two days ago.

Swen: Okay. When I'm rich one day, I'm going to eat out like once a week.

337. Swen is in middle school for the first time, where they have actual grades.

Swen: Mom, is a "D" a good grade?

Shulamith: Well, not really, no. But it's passing, at least.

Swen: Good. Cuz that's pretty much what I'm aiming for. Maybe with a couple C's. 

338. Swen: Why doesn't Gerald get in any car wrecks, the way he drives?

Shulamith: I don't know. He's very lucky, I guess. Because he drives way too slow to be safe.

Me: Jesus really loves him.

Swen: I wonder why Jesus doesn't love you, Her. I know you really like Him.

338. Shulamith: Swen, when we get home, we need to work on your homework.

Swen: No!!

Me: Swen, you do need to do your homework, and be glad Mom wants to help you.

Swen: Really Her? Is this why Luke never comes to visit? Because you mad him do homework?

339. Swen has his first Jutitsu competition last weekend. Before he even got to compete in a match, there was a fire in the break room of the sports center.

Swen: This is the bst competition I've ever been to!

340. Swen: When am I gonna see Kylee again? I have a Pokemon card to give her.

Shulamith: I don't know for sure. It could be Christmas.

Matt: Are you asking about my cousin, Kylie? 

Swen: No! I don't even know who that is. I'm asking about Seth's girlfriend. 

Matt: She is just a girlfriend, Swen; she is not his wife.

Swen: Well when are they gonna get married?

Shulamith: Swen, they've only been dating two months. It's way too soon. Dad and I dated for eight months before he proposed.

Swen: What the heck, Dad? It took you that long to decide?

341. Kennedy always illustrates my Christmas letter. She had for several years.

Swen: Why does Kennedy always get to draw on your Christmas card? Why don't I ever get to?

Me: I didn't know you wanted to, Swen. 

Swen: Yeah, I could draw a guy robbing a bank, or a giant car crash where everyone dies, planes exploding in the sky. 

Me: That is not what I had in mind for my Christmas cards, Swen.

Love Languages and Sacred Days

"Mine's Acts of Service"

"Mine's Quality Time."

"Mine's Physical Touch."

Most of us need only to hear such declarations to know the reference: Gary Chapman's iconic book The 5 Love Languages, published over 20 years ago. I've always sorta felt left out, like the author failed to include mine. If I had to choose from his five, I suppose I'd say "Words of Affirmation." With performance anxiety, it's helpful to hear that I'm doing okay. However, without question my genuine love language is loyalty, and that one didn't even make his list. To feel truly loved, I need to know that my friends are on my side, ready to stand up for me in any situation, against any criticism or opposing force. They are never neutral; they always have my back. And that one doesn't fit into any of Chapman's five.

It's fine. He obviously didn't write the book for me. That said, he was close on another one: Receiving Gifts. Except it's the opposite for me. While I enjoy receiving gifts as much as the next person, I wouldn't call it my love language. But the opposite? Giving gifts? Yes. That is it. Which is why Black Friday is a sacred day for me. Right up there with Christmas and the last day of every semester. Sacred, I tell you.

Last year, when I posted about Black Friday, I titled the post "It's okay. It will come again and again." And it did! So much quicker than we expected. 

I set my alarm for 6:45 a.m., though there was no need; I was wide awake at 5:00, too excited to sleep longer. I lay in bed for an hour dreaming of all the great sales we would find and how we would delight in every perfect gift. Dressed in warm, comfy clothes and shoes, with "Winter Wonderland" playing loud and proud, I drove around the corner and picked up Shulamith at 6:59 a.m. We drove through Starbucks for our annual hot chocolate, followed by Chick-fil-a to fill up our Stanleys with fresh Diet Coke, and headed to Sandy Target. We were ready. We were set. It was go time!

We were in Target around three hours and found so much good stuff! Of course, I can't tell you what any of that stuff is, because it's highly classified Christmas information, but trust me; it's crazy good stuff. Oh I can tell you one thing, so you don't feel totally left out. We found super cute maxi dresses for ourselves, mine in black and Shulamith's in black/white stripes. About an hour in, we wandered upon our Black Friday Target friends, the Combe Family! Sandy, Jen, Whitney, and Kelsey were there as they always are, a constant in our Black Friday lives. Yes, we see all of them once a month at Bunco, but this is different. Thank you, Combes, for showing up for us. We left Target around 10:30 with our haul and drove to Fashion Place mall.

Fashion Place brings all the feels, with memories dating back to 2004-2008, when Shulamith was in college, and I'd fly down from Billings to visit her. Hangin' at the mall while she worked across the street at Macaroni Grill. Shopping for my dress for her wedding and finding it at the Black & White store. To this day that dress hangs in my closet, and I love it. But guess what??? My book group just announced that the dress standard for our annual Christmas party will be "formalwear." Yes! I'm totally wearing that dress! 

We took a break for lunch at Cheesecake Factory, and then went right back to our shopping frenzy. So many stores at Fashion Place and so many great presents!  Again, I can't tell you about them, but not to worry. I'll fill in all the blanks eventually in my Christmas post! 

We did just two more stops to round out our Black Friday 2024: Hobby Lobby and Walmart. We found a few things, but that will be the last time I shop at either of these stores in the foreseeable future. I recently learned that both donated considerable funds to the Trump campaign, and I understand the assignment. In the next four years I will seek out as many ways as possible to resist; I will not stay silent. And my first step is boycotting businesses that donated to that man's campaign.

With my minivan filled to the brim, we headed home. Hardly anything brings me more joy than finding just the right Christmas gifts for my five kids. And this may have been the most productive Black Friday in our Black Friday history!

But the sacred day ended. As they all do. I'm already excited for next year. 

Kennedy Says - Part 5

 

72. Kennedy opened a fortune cookie that said an admirer was thinking about her.

Kennedy: I don't have just one admirer. Three people have crushes on me.

73. Kennedy: I think I'm the smallest first grader of all time. But that's okay. It's just how I was made.

74. Kennedy (as she was tucked into bed last night): I'm just so excited for our new house, and I'm so glad I came to earth, and I'm in this family.

75. We celebrated Amanda's birthday last night, with her favorite: chocolate cake AND chocolate ice cream.

Kennedy: Does Her have any normal ice cream, like vanilla?

76. Kennedy continues to be by far the smallest in her class and probably in the entire 1st grade. She is perfectly healthy, just petite. 

Kennedy: Some boys were teasing me. They said I'm so small they could pick me up and use me as a hockey stick. 

Shulamith: How did that make you feel?

Kennedy: Sad. I don't want them to use me as a hockey stick.

Shulamith: Well, they won't. They were just teasing you.

Kennedy: I know. They probably couldn't even lift me.

77. At Kennedy's school, (like all elementary schools), there is a program that offers extrinsic rewards to students for good behavior. They earn points, and then they can choose what they want to spend them on. One choice that costs 25 points is to eat lunch with the teacher.

Kennedy: Why would anyone want to do that? It's so dumb. You just eat your lunch, but your teacher is there, so you don't get to talk to your friends. I can't believe so many kids chose that one.

78. Kennedy tends to be a bit of a perfectionist, something I understand all too well. So this incident made me (and my mom) laugh out loud. Kennedy has soccer practice on Wednesdays at 5:00 p.m. But last week, Shulamith and I (and Seth and Isaiah) had tickets to a Jazz game, our first in-person game since before COVID. Matt is never home from work by 5:00, so Shulamith told Kennedy she would miss her practice just this one week.

Shulamith: I'm going to be gone that night at a Jazz game, so you can miss this one practice. It's okay.

Kennedy (melting into sobs): Fine. I guess I'll just never get good at soccer.

(In the end, Kennedy was so distraught that Shulamith asked the kids' grandma if she could take Kennedy to her practice, and she did. Whew.)

79. Kennedy has played soccer this season and worked so hard! Her last game was yesterday, and she so badly wanted to score a goal.

Kennedy: I just need some courage today.

(She must have found that courage because she scored not one, not two, but THREE goals in her final game.)

80. Kennedy's dance recital was also yesterday. Beforehand, Shulamith was showing her videos of past recitals when she was younger, and in one, she was searching for the 'X' on the floor, where she was supposed to stand.

Shulamith: When you were little, you always worried so much about finding your 'X."

Kennedy: I still do! It's very important to me.

81. Kennedy is a true Webster girl and loves fashion and cute clothes. She also love surprises. Recently, Shulamith bought her some shorts and just left them out on her bed. She was thrilled. She told Shulamith how much she loves "surprise clothes." So the next week, I got her a new dress and left it on her bed. Later, she talked to Shulamith about it.

Kennedy: Her picks out the best surprise clothes. You should only buy me clothes when Her is with you.

82. Shulamith was jumping on the trampoline with Kennedy.

Kennedy: Mom, you are forgetting the most important part - pointing your toes!

83. Shulamith: Do you think maybe you should do something else now; you've been watching you phone for quite awhile?

Kennedy: Why?

Shulamith: Because it's not good for your brain to be watching a screen all day.

Kennedy: No, It's find. I still know stuff.

83. Swen is a bit obsessed these days with washing machines. Talks about them almost constantly.

Kennedy: Talking about washing machines all the time is actually a lot weirder than you think.

84. We took all three kids school shopping with money Great-Grandma sent for school clothes.

Me: You're gonna be the best dressed kids at Mountain Point Elementary.

Swen: Nope. We won't. We will be well dressed. But we won't be the "best" dressed kids.

Kennedy: Yeah. We are just a middle family.

85. Shulamith: I really shouldn't have to clean your room for you when you are the one who made the mess.

Kennedy: Moms are always servants.

86. Kennedy has been playing soccer this fall. She enjoys the social part, talking to all the other girls, but unlike dance and gymnastics, she doesn't exactly excel at soccer.

Kennedy: I don't like being crowded in that big group of girls running after the ball, so I just stay on the outside.

87. Speaking of gymnastics, Kennedy is getting stronger and better all the time. In her current class, she is ahead of the other girls, who have just started, so the coach often asks her to demonstrate the skill for them.

Me: Do you like it when your coach asks you to demonstrate for the other girls?

Kennedy: Actually, that's my favorite part.

88. Because we have several of us with mental health issues, we talk a a lot about brain chemistry. Swen knows that he has ADHD, which means his brain deals with things a bit differently than is typical.

Kennedy: Swen, I don't think your brain is weird; I just think you're weird.

89. Kennedy: Let's go to Seagull Book!

Shulamith: We can't. It's closed on Sunday.

Kennedy: But it's ABOUT Sunday.

(Note: Seagull Book is a bookstore here in Utah that sells church books, paintings, etc.)ome

90. Swen: Someday, when Dad is rich, maybe he can buy my own laundromat. 

Kennedy: Swen, Dad will never, ever be rich.

And I told him about a little girl who wanted to be a princess

I grew up in Portland, Oregon, where a yearly event occurs called the Portland Rose Festival. It's a week filled with parades, amusement park rides, Navy ships, and I can't remember what else--keep in mind, I left Portland when I was 17 and haven't lived there since. One part of this Festival is the selection of a court of princesses, high school girls from around the city, who wear crowns and beautiful gowns and ride on floats and wave a lot. Along with this high school court is a Junior Rose Festival Court, made up of little girls ages seven to ten, who essentially do the same thing as the "big girls."

When I was seven, more than anything, I wanted to be one of those princesses. And I really thought I would be. I couldn't imagine that I wouldn't be selected; the thought never even crossed my mind. Naive? Absolutely. They select only eight little girls from the entire city! The night of the competition, along with dozens of other little girls, I put on my beautiful new dress and shoes. My mom curled my hair in ringlets, and with my parents by my side, I was off to a night that most certainly would end with a crown on my head and the title "Princess Terrianne."

I was wrong.

I didn't win. I got first runner-up, which my parents tried to convince me was "excellent," but of course that is a bunch of crap because at the end of it all, "first runner-up" means absolutely nothing.

I was not a princess.

And my little heart broke.

That was years ago, but I still remember the pain of that night. I remember taking my place as first runner-up, standing stoically beside the newly crowned Junior Rose Princesses, as the audience clapped and cheered. I remember holding it together just long enough to get into the car, then bursting into uncontrollable, breathtaking sobbing all the way home and long into the evening until I finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion. I remember taking off that dress, vowing never to wear it ever again (and I never did) and feeling so horribly, horribly sad.

And I have hated competition ever since.

Now before everyone yells at me all at once, let me say that I understand at least cognitively (if not emotionally) the value of healthy competition. I know about effort and sportsmanship and teamwork and losing with dignity. I get it. I don't enjoy it. But I get it.

Fast forward three decades from that fateful night when I was seven, and I'm the mom to five beautiful children. My only daughter was 14, and her passion was cheer. She had an extensive dance background just like me, but more than anything, she wanted to be a cheerleader. As tryouts for varsity cheer approached, she worked harder than I'd ever seen her work for anything. She spent hours preparing. The day of tryouts, I was so nervous I could barely breathe. My mom and I sat in a little Mexican restaurant across the street from the high school because it felt better to be close to her while she was trying out.

The following day, I stood by her side as she made the phone call to the recorded message that listed the names of the new varsity cheerleaders. She looked at me and whispered quietly, "I didn't make it." I didn't believe her. We all think our kids are perfect, but in this case, with my dance background, I knew this wasn't just my natural mom bias. I knew how good she was, and it made no sense that she wouldn't be selected. I made her call again, so I could listen just to be sure. But sure enough, her name was not on the list.

She cried just a little and was sad for about a day. We left the guys and went out for steak dinner, just the two of us. Then in true Shulamith form, she bounced right back with that incredible optimism that I can only dream about. As a very young boy listening to a talk by former church President Gordon B. Hinckley, Isaiah once remarked, "The only two people as optimistic as President Hinckley are Sponge Bob and Shulamith."Truth! She moved forward with grace and humility, telling all her friends she didn't make the cheer squad.

Monday morning, I received a call from the cheer coach: "Hello, is this Shulamith Webster's mom?" Uh huh. "Another girl came in to ask about her scores, which led us to review all the score cards. It turns out there was a mathematical error on your daughter's card, and she actually made the squad. I'm going to call her out of class right now to inform her, but I wanted you to hear it first from me."

Well great. A mother is only ever as happy as her saddest child. All the hurt in my heart for my daughter's disappointment could have been avoided if somebody had done his math correctly. Or even better, if every girl who wanted to, could be on the cheer squad. Yes, yes, I know; that is highly impractical. Ridiculous. Yes of course, how can I even say such a thing? But dang, I just think kids should get to do the things they want to do.

Fast forward eight years, and Luke has finished his undergrad degree and is just back from his mission. His goal? A PhD in psychology. His second goal? Not to pay for it. So he only applied to six schools, all of which were fully funded programs and hence, extremely competitive. As in only 2-3% of applicants are admitted. No worries, I thought. He's incredible. But one at a time, rejection letters arrived. Why hadn't it occurred to me to suggest he apply to at least one non-funded PhD program as a backup or even a masters program, both of which would be far less competitive?

When the final letter arrived from Indiana University, I was sure it would also be a rejection. It was a thin, regular business envelope, nothing to suggest extra paperwork, etc. that might indicate admission. I texted Luke at work to tell him the letter arrived. But did he rush home? Nope. He drove through Taco Bell first. Then he came home and sat at the dining room table and ate Taco Bell, as that flippin' letter sat unopened on the kitchen counter. I know motherhood is not for wimps, but I was never warned that it involved this kind of torture.

Finally, he decided to open the letter, and of course, the rest is history. He was accepted to Indiana U. and even selected as the one fellowship student from the incoming class, and five years later, became Dr. Luke Erichsen.

Fast forward three years, and my very last baby is a junior in high school. His passion: choir. He has sung in choir all three years, but for his upcoming senior year, he decided to audition for Vocal Ensemble, the select performing group. Auditions involved singing a solo in front of the director and another music teacher, and Seth was so nervous. Me? I do a little better now than I did in my earlier days of parenting, but I still get plenty nervous. Then we had to wait two weeks to find out if he made it, until last night when the senior VE members came around with personal letters to each student who auditioned. Seth made it (whew!), but two of his best friends didn't, and after all this waiting, I felt so sad for them. They just want to sing and dance in this group and make people happy, and I think they should be able to. Once again, don't yell at me.

While Seth and I waited anxiously for the letter to arrive, my memories were close beside us. I told Seth about how competition is hard for me, especially when my kids are involved. I told him about Shulamith's cheer tryouts and about Luke opening his grad school acceptance letter.

And I told him about a little girl who wanted to be a princess.

January Joy: (No more whining!)

I've written way too many whiny January posts. This is the eleventh year of this blog, and I'm pretty sure if you look back, you can find a whiny January post at the start of nearly all eleven of them. Let's just say it's not my favorite month. So this year, rather than whining, I decided to write about some January joy. Here goes:

1. After two weeks of no contact with Seth, I got to chat with him this morning. Wooo! Last week was a killer, my friends. Apparently just as he and his companion arrived at the cyber, Gmail stopped working. Seth had no way to contact me. I want to report that I did pretty well, all things considered. Here are some things I did NOT do:

• I did NOT have a full-on panic attack.
• I did NOT call the mission president.
• I did NOT message Sister Hansen (president's wife) on social media.

Instead, I tried hard to believe my family, who told me that no news is good news because the church would certainly contact me if anything bad happened. They also reminded me that whenever I don't hear from my missionary, there is always a perfectly logical explanation. One would think that 18 months into my third missionary's two years of service I would have learned this. I'm a slow learner. Here he is with his new district in La Floresta, where he is serving as the district leader.

2. I got to celebrate Amanda's birthday. On Thursday, we had a game night, where we played a new version of Pictionary; rather than drawing, you use cards with pictures on them to make words. It was intense, let me tell you, but so much fun. Then yesterday, we ate a yummy lunch at Cheesecake Factory, followed by a four-layer chocolate cake with birthday cake ice cream for dessert. Happy, happy birthday, Amanda! I'm so very glad you were born and that you said "yes" to Eli four years ago.

3. I got to wear a brand new dress to the first day of spring semester. This may not mean much to you, but I just love clothes, especially surprise ones. So caught up in the Christmas rush, I totally forgot that at some point in the thick of it all, Shulamith and I both bought new dresses at Old Navy for a crazy steal price of $15.  When I was searching through my closet for the perfect "First Day of the Semester Dress," voila! There was this cute black and white dress, tags still on, that I forgot I bought. It was such a good surprise.

4. I got to watch my Jazz boys crush the New York Knicks, 128-104, with my two favorite Jazz partners, Shulamith and Isaiah. In case you haven't heard, my Jazz boys are creating an incredible season, game after game. They've won 15 of their last 17 games; honestly, they just get better and better. What's their secret? Team is everything, Coach Quin says. That and outstanding defense. These guys truly care about each other, and it shows. They are not selfish. There are no superstars. They work together. They build each other. We'll see how they do in upcoming weeks when their schedule becomes decidedly more challenging, but whatever happens, they'll remain the awesome players and awesome people they already are.

January is not my favorite month, and I've done plenty of whining about it in past years, but this year, nope! This year, it's all about the January joy!

Welcome 2010!

I recently heard a somewhat heated debate over what we should call this new year. Should we say "two thousand ten" or should we say "twenty ten"? My initial response was, "Who cares?!?" If you want to say "two thousand ten," say it. If you want to say "twenty ten," say it. Really, aren't there more important issues over which to argue? However, as I began to type the title to this blog post, the voice in my head said, "Welcome......." and I wasn't sure how to proceed. In the end, I wrote "2010" and pronounced it "two thousand ten." So there's my decision in case you too were debating this monumental issue. I have now solved this problem for you and for the world.

New Year's Eve was quiet here. It usually is. To be truthful, it's not the best holiday for me. I generally feel isolated, lonely, and anxious. It's like time is getting away from me, and I can't control it. I tend to think unproductive thoughts like, "What if the best of life is already behind me?" or "Is there really anything to look forward to in a new year?" Stuff like that. This year was no different, so around 10:30 p.m., I decided to surrender to sleep, putting all the sad thoughts to rest. I'm sure the ball dropped in Times Square precisely at midnight, but I was not awake to witness that personally.

New Year's Day, however, was much better. Gerald and I went to Red Lodge, a small resort ski town about an hour west (well, I think it's west, but then I am directionally-challenged, so I can't be certain) of Billings. We were there back in May, and I wrote a more detailed blog post then. If you'd like to read it, go back to the May 2009 post entitled "Imagine." This weekend was much the same except we replaced hiking with cross-country skiing. Now, I should tell you that I'm not a huge fan of cross-country skiing. I even find it a bit deceptive to use the word "skiing" to describe it. It's really just walking with skis on. Seriously, all you do is put skis on your feet and walk on snow. It doesn't in a million years compare to the incredible rush, the speed, or the thrill of downhill. Still, this past Saturday was about the perfect day to cross country ski. It was warm, sunny, and beautiful. Gerald said it was around 34 degrees, which is very warm for Montana in January, and it felt like 70. I kept removing layers of clothing until I had on only a light jacket, with no hat or gloves even! There were several prepared trails on which to ski, and we spent about two hours exploring them. It was quite lovely, actually, and a good workout as well. I felt justified in forgoing P90X for the day.

Before returning to reality, we spent part of Saturday evening back in Billings looking at possible dresses for me to wear to Shulamith's wedding. Before she left the week prior, she and I had looked at probably 50 different black dresses, most of which I tried on, so I had several options to show Gerald. And yet, I'm still not sure. I don't think I've found the perfect dress. My friend Tom (not to be confused with my brother Tom, even though both their last names begin with "W") suggested that I find a "hot, little black dress." YES! That's exactly what I need. Only which one? There are so many. I keep telling myself that when I find it, I will know. It will scream out to me, "THIS IS THE DRESS!" Until then, I will keep looking. After all, I still have 38 days.

Happy 2010 (two thousand ten) to all!

It's okay. It will come again and again and again.

Thursday evening after dinner, I fell into a deep, post-Thanksgiving meal sleep. We had feasted on turkey that Mathew smoked in his Traeger, and I'm pretty sure I'll never roast a Thanksgiving turkey in my oven ever again. I'm not a fan of surprises or things not going according to my ever-so-careful plans, but this particular part of the mayhem worked out perfectly. When my oven broke prior to Thanksgiving and was not repairable, we asked Matt if he'd consider smoking the turkey, in case I couldn't get a new oven installed in time. As it turned out, my new oven was delivered Wednesday evening, but Matt decided to go forward with the smoking adventure anyway. I AM SO GLAD HE DID! Augmented with the traditional stuffing, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, deviled eggs, and rolls, it was a fabulous meal. Sadly, I didn't remember to take any pictures that day, other than my BeReal, so I'll give you that one:

Sorry no one was posing or even looking at the camera, but we were all too busy being real. 

Throughout the day, like so many other moms, I felt immense gratitude for my wonderful family; everyone was here with us except Luke and his daughter, who live in Maryland. People tell you to avoid discussion of religion and politics at social gatherings, but in our family, those are the two most favorite topics of all, and Thursday was no exception. It was somber as we shared our feelings about the tragic situation in Israel, and our heartbreak for all parties involved. Gerald and I have a trip to Israel scheduled for May. Will we even get to go? We don't know. 

Between dinner and dessert (yes, Matt, that's how it goes; we need time to digest our food and get hungry again before diving into pie), we played Ransom Notes and Family Feud. Eli is the best game show host and should definitely be on TV! Eventually, I found my way upstairs to my glorious bed, and, as noted above, fell promptly into unconsciousness, but not before remembering that "Tomorrow is arguably the best day of the entire year!" It's true. I love all holidays because I love to celebrate! I love making memories, establishing traditions, and any excuse for my family to be together. But Black Friday is special. It brings together most of my favorite things: shopping, eating, laughing, and preparing for Christmas. 

I can't even remember the first time Shulamith and I went Black Friday shopping, but it's been at least two decades. And we never miss a year. For seven of those, we froze to death through the early-morning winters in Billings, Montana. Even in 2020 when we were stuck home here in Utah, we improvised. Yesterday marks another Black Friday shopping day, and it was epic. I picked Shulamith up at 7 a.m., the first snow of the season falling gently to earth on BLACK FRIDAY! Could it get any better? We drove through Beans & Brews for steaming cups of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream, then headed straight to Target. In a couple hours we parted with much of our Christmas cash, but also made serious progress on our Christmas shopping lists, and we moved on to Fashion Place. That place has way too many memories for me and surfaces all sorts of nostalgia. Coming to visit Shulamith during her college days, roaming the mall while she finished her shift across the street at Macaroni Grill, shopping for my dress for her wedding, the list goes on.

We are, if nothing else, efficient shoppers, and at the mall, we continued to cross item after item off our list. The only lack of efficiency was a few times when I tried to pay, and the sales associate told me they "don't take cash at this register" and I'd have to go to a different one. Haha, I use cash only one day in the year: Black Friday. I withdraw cash every month starting in January and put it in a well-hidden envelope. By Black Friday shopping day, I have quite a wad. I love using the cash! It's already out of my account, so I mean it's basically free money when you think about it. 

While sharing our favorite Chicken Madeira with mashed potatoes at Cheesecake Factory, we reorganized ourselves and our shopping lists, and formulated a plan of action for the afternoon. We also took the opportunity to order stuff from Amazon, because, though we love the "shopping in real stores" experience, some deals are just better online. With Thanksgiving desserts still in our fridges at home, we skipped cheesecake and headed back out.

Next stop, Costco, followed by Walmart, our absolute least favorite store, but one that had a few items we needed. After an hour or so at each, we declared ourselves done for the day. One brief stop at Maverik for Diet Coke, and we were home.

Oh, and in case you're asking yourselves, "Did they buy anything for themselves?" of course we did. Every year, we get one item for ourselves, usually the same thing, but this year, not even close. I bought a super cute pair of corduroy joggers, and Shulamith bought a 4-slice toaster. When your husband bakes the best sourdough bread on the planet, your family eats a lot of toast!

Friday night, I began to feel the sadness of the day ending. It was exactly the emotional boost I needed, in the throws of so, so much grading and the many challenges that have been mine this fall. But Black Friday will come again and again and again, and now we focus forward, toward our month-long celebration of the baby born so long ago, in a small town to humble parents, the baby that changed absolutely everything.

Real or Fake?

If you've read my earlier blog posts this summer, you may remember that we have two major trips planned, one this weekend to Oregon to attend my niece's wedding and another in August to Costa Rica. I travel often, but 90% of my trips are between Billings and Salt Lake City because I am the wimpiest mom ever and can't go a single month without spending time with my daughter. Trips to Salt Lake City are easy; I barely take anything at all. I use all Shulamith's hair and cosmetic products, and for the most part, just wear her clothes. I pack a small carry-on bag with a few essentials, jump on the plane, and that's it.

The two trips this summer, however, especially the one next month to Costa Rica, have taken and will take just a bit more planning. Gerald, Seth, and I will leave early this Friday and drive to Salt Lake City, spend the night, and then fly over to Portland first thing Saturday morning, in plenty of time for the 3:00 p.m. wedding. So my planning is well under way. A few days ago, I mentioned to Gerald some of the items on my list of things to accomplish before we leave. Along with getting laundry and packing done for Seth and me, some beautification is also a must:

1. Buy more of my gradual fake tanning lotion, so my legs don't look totally white.
2. Get my eyebrows waxed.
3. Have my hair cut and highlighted.
4. Get a pedicure to match my dress.

Oh yeah, the dress saga. Let me be the first to tell you, in case you didn't know, that Billings, Montana is NOT the shopping capital of the world. I know, right? You are overcome with shock. But no. We have one little mall with a few stores (Dillard's, Maurice's, JCPenney, the Buckle, Abercrombie) and a couple strip malls with Old Navy, Ross, Target and Kohl's. That's really all there is. How do I survive here? Who knows? Anyway, a couple weekends ago, I dragged Gerald through every one of the above-mentioned stores in attempt to find a simple dress to wear to this wedding. I tried on every potential dress in each store. The styles this year seem to be about 2 inches shorter than last year, making them just a tad too short. Combine that with the lack of sleeves in most of the styles, and I wound up exhausted from trying on clothes and entirely empty handed.

At the exact same time I was shopping, Shulamith and Matt pranced into a Down East Basics store in Salt Lake City. Matt pulled a dress off the rack, Shulamith tried it on, and voila! It was totally adorable. She sent me a picture right there from her phone. So cute! At that point, lamenting the fact that we don't have a Down East store here, I decided to go to their website and order a dress. Shulamith and I looked online at the same time and found one we really liked, but when I went to place the order, the dress was not available in my size. Grrrr. Persistence pays off, though. I began calling Down East stores near where Shulamith lives, asking if they had the dress in my size, and finally, after several calls, I found it! I begged them to hold it for me, and the following day Shulamith and Matt went to the store and bought it. Well, first Shulamith tried it on and sent me a picture, so I could be sure it was as cute as I thought, and fortunately it was. So I have a dress. I haven't actually seen it in person yet, but I have it. It's hanging in Shulamith's apartment, and I'll get it Friday night. Whew!

Okay, back to my "to do" list: tanning lotion, eyebrow waxing, hair cut and color, pedicure. When I mentioned these "to do" items to Gerald, he had this to say:

"So when you're all finished, I won't see the 'real' you any longer. Your skin color won't be normal. You're hair color won't be normal. Your toenail color won't be normal."

Nope, I guess not. I guess I'm a totally fake person. But can you blame me? My natural skin color is a pale, pasty white. My natural hair color is a mousy, boring brown. And my toenails, well every girl needs pretty toenails, but especially girls who have ugly toes from years of cramming them into pointe shoes.

Real or fake? I'd like to believe I'm quite genuine on the inside where it counts, but I am indeed thankful for the various advantages cosmetology has to offer.

Donny???

I am a reality T.V. failure.

Big time.

I just don't get it. I like to watch shows that include actors and plot, stories that make me think or touch my soul or simply entertain me, but stories, nonetheless! Reality T.V. is so boring. The format never changes. They find a bunch of people to compete against each other for a prize. One by one, they are eliminated, either by a panel of judges or by the studio audience or by the contestants themselves or by fans who vote using their phones. It's always the same.

People compete based on all sorts of things: their intelligence, singing skills, dancing ability, cooking expertise. (I especially hate those cooking ones because very rude, mean chefs yell at people and tell them how bad their food tastes.) On one show, contestants race all over the world, trying to reach the finish line while encountering all sorts of trouble along the way. On another, "guests" are trapped inside a house and forced to eat gross food and compete in really dumb contests of strength or endurance. Ridiculous! Then there are the talent and singing shows, where supposedly famous people and good singers (though I've never once seen Neil or Celine on one of these) critique contestants' performances.

Then, some get to move forward (go through), and others are sent home. It's sad.

Perhaps the most popular are the shows associated with what's called "Bachelor Nation." It's like a cult following! One guy dates 30 girls on exotic islands. They drink lots of alcohol and spend lots of time kissing and having awkward conversations, all with the goal that the one guy will find his soul mate. (Well, except those who are there "for the wrong reasons.") And just like the other shows, one by one, the girls are eliminated. They go home crying in a limo. Then, the next time around, it's one girl dating 30 guys. Same format: Cocktail parties and rose ceremonies. Rinse and repeat. This is actually the only reality show I've ever watched start to finish because Shulamith and several of my friends like it, but try as I might, I'm just not feelin' it. My least favorite part is near the end, when it's down to three girls, and the guy is encouraged to sleep with each of them, one after the other, and they call it a "fantasy." Blah.

Possibly the worst reality T.V. show is one of the oldest. They put a bunch of people on a primitive island (nothing like the beautiful islands on The Bachelor) with no food and barely any clothes, and leave them there to survive. That's it. And it's been on since Y2K. The very worst part is that it's definitely rated "S." Practically every episode features at least one of those nasty "S" creatures.

But just when I thought reality T.V. couldn't get any dumber, it did. My guess is producers couldn't think of a new idea, so they asked a bunch of kindergartners:

Producers: We need a new show? Do you have any ideas?

Kindergartners: Why don't you find famous people and dress them up in giant animal costumes with masks. They can sing songs. Other famous people can try to guess who they are.

Producers: Done and done!

The Masked Singer was born. Call me naive, but when Shulamith and Eli first told me about it, I thought they HAD to be kidding. This could not be real. I was wrong. Shulamith and Eli love reality T.V. as do Seth and my mom and several others in my Portland family. That's why I feel like I should like it too. I don't want to be left out. They have challenges among themselves, guessing who will win these shows, and I can't participate because I know I won't watch.

So why on earth would I ever consider watching this new one with the giant animal costumes? Well, because apparently, people are speculating that Donny Osmond is the Peacock (see picture above). Yep, Donny! Other guesses for the Peacock are Neil Patrick Harris, David Copperfield, and Wayne Brady, but as time goes on, all the clues seem to be pointing in Donny's direction: child star, Vegas performances, friendship with Michael Jackson, wig that got him put in jail. Yeah, I think it's Donny.

...which means I'm stuck watching the semi-finals and finals in order to find out. Ugh!

I am a reality T.V. failure who is now forced to watch reality T.V.

The struggle is real.

What can you say about the fifth high school graduation?

Being fifth in a family of five kids has definite advantages. Seth is everyone's favorite. He never has to compete, and they all let him do pretty much whatever he wants. They let him find all the Easter eggs. They let him move the mouse on the Advent calendar. They let him steal their Halloween candy with no repercussions. They always let him go first. Some of them are old enough to have careers and money to buy him stuff. In many ways, it's great to be fifth.

On the other hand, sometimes it's challenging to discover what's special in an event that's happened four times already. That is sort of the case today, as I struggle to blog Seth's high school graduation. Nevertheless, I will give it my best try because his graduation was special and important and noteworthy. Because it was his, and we are so proud. It was held at the Maverick Center in West Valley. It wasn't our first graduation ceremony there, or even our second. Both Shulamith and Isaiah graduated from Westminster College in the Maverick Center.

But Seth is our first Utah high school grad. The very best thing about the ceremony was getting to hear him sing, one last time, with both Vocal Ensemble and Concert Choir. VE sang the National Anthem at the start of the ceremony, and Concert Choir closed out the celebration with "Defying Gravity" from Wicked. Both were beautifully done.

The ceremony, itself, was a bit long, as graduation ceremonies tend to be. I loved the student speakers; the adult speakers were meh. In the middle of the principal's remarks, he burst out into song, singing "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Mis, the fall, 2017 Hillcrest High School musical that won best musical in the state of Utah. His singing was so unexpected right in the middle of his speech that I didn't know how to react. I whispered to Shulamith, "Do you think he thinks he's a good singer?" Anyway, weird.

I gave birth to Seth eighteen years ago this coming week. I had been up all night in pre-labor when the phone rang first thing in the morning:

"Hello. This is the lunchroom at Little Mountain Elementary School. Your son, Eli, has an outstanding balance of $4.82 on his account, and this will need to be paid before the end of the school year next week."

"Okay. Well, I'm actually in labor right now, but I'll get on that just as soon as I can."

"Oh my! Yes, you go have your baby then."

We headed to the hospital, and Seth was born a few hours later. I missed Shulamith's 8th grade graduation that morning, but she came right over afterward to show me how beautiful she looked in her deep blue, sparkly dress we had bought for the occasion. And she held her fourth and final brother in her arms, creating a bond that would last the next 18 years, and I'm guessing, forever.

I thought this new child, this capstone baby, sent to us seven years behind the others would seal the deal for me: I'd be a mommy forever. Surely he would never really grow up.

He totally betrayed me.

Today he is 6'2", a full head taller than me. And so handsome. And kind. And smart. And funny. I love him so. My goal is to enjoy every second of the next 82 days before he leaves on his mission, and not let a single unappreciated moment slip past me.

Happy graduation, Seth! I know you're feeling sad to end this chapter, but they call it "commencement" for a reason. The best is yet to be.