Rhetoric Rant

Would you all indulge me in a brief rhetoric rant this evening. Please! I know, I'm just a bit over-the-top about these things, but three of my biggest pet peeves have reared their ugly heads over and over this past week, and it's making me crazy! I have to rant. I just have to.

First, there's the word "literally." People, let's be clear. "Literally" means just that. So if you say you "literally died laughing," then you must have miraculously returned from the dead because if you "literally died," then you are dead! End of story. Don't say "literally" unless you mean it.

Second, there's the word "unique." This is another one that trips people up; I hear it misused almost every day. "Unique" means one of a kind. If something is unique, there is no other like it anywhere. None. Consequently, something is either unique or it isn't. It cannot be "very unique" or "more unique" or "quite unique." Few things are unique. They might be unusual or peculiar or different. They might even be very unusual or really peculiar or extremely different. But if something is unique, it is the only one of its kind that exists, so don't add a modifier in front of it.

Lastly, there's the word "badly." The word "badly" is an adverb; it modifies verbs. She sings badly. He plays badly. Etc. It is not an adjective, and it cannot function as a predicate adjective. Excuse the English teacher talk; let's make it simple. The error is made when people wish to express their sympathetic feelings about something and say, "I feel badly about that." I heard this just last night on a preview for an upcoming "Desperate Housewives" episode. When Bree's husband shouts "You tried to kill me!" Bree (in total Bree fashion) politely and gracefully replies, "And I feel badly about that." Message to "Desperate Housewives" producers: Bree Van de Kamp NEEDS to get her grammar correct. It's positively out of character for her to make such errors.

Okay, back to the issue at hand. If we say we "feel badly," it means something is wrong with our fingers or our sense of touch, and we are unable to feel things well when we touch them. That is not what people generally mean when they say they "feel badly." Far more often, they are trying to express their sad feelings about something. In this case, "feel" is an intransitive verb, so takes no object, but instead requires the predicate adjective "bad." Even if you don't want to deal with all that grammar stuff, just remember this. If you want to express your sympathy or sad feelings about a subject, use the adjective "bad" NOT the adverb "badly." Say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I feel bad about that." Only if your fingers are seriously damaged to the point that they can't feel things should you say you "feel badly."

Whew. Glad we got all that settled. I don't feel so bad anymore. Literally.