So It's Probably the Craziest Thing I've Ever Done

...okay, let me backtrack. Between 1993 and 2004, we lived in a town called Mt. Vernon, 60 miles north of Seattle. During our time there, I had a friend named Joanne who made baby quilts. All the time. Dozens and dozens of them. She made quilts for every baby she knew and some she didn't. Not kidding. She would just happen to meet someone with a baby and think to herself, "That baby needs a quilt." Then she'd go home and make one. These quilts were seriously beautiful, absolute works of art. I watched her make them, one after the other, the entire process from start to finish, over and over. I was forever in awe of her talent.

Here is a picture of Seth holding the quilt she made for him 12 years ago when he was born:

Fast forward 12 years, and Shulamith is pregnant with Baby Swen. And I think to myself, "This baby will need a 'Joanne' quilt." But how? Okay, you guys know me pretty well. You know that my skill set is woefully limited. In fact, it takes only very basic math to count the number of things I can do. There are just three:

1. I can give talks in church.
2. I can teach English classes or Gospel Doctrine lessons.
3. I can write blog posts or edit text for others.

Yep that's it. I can't do anything else, and I am positively clueless about all things domestic. Sewing? Making a quilt? You've got to be kidding! But I'm also rather OCD, and for some reason I got this bee in my bonnet about Shulamith's baby having one of these quilts, so much so I decided that against all odds, I was going to make him one. Crazy? Absolutely. I mean come on....I've never so much as sewn on a button or made a hem. Never.

The first step was going to a fabric store to buy all the stuff. This was the nightmare experience I lovingly refer to as The Twilight Zone. You can read about it here if you like. After that it was a matter of remembering exactly what Joanne did and in what order. First, she would lay out the bottom piece and then put the white fuzzy stuff on top. Then she would put the top piece over the fuzzy stuff sort of like a sandwich and then pin the whole thing together. So that's what I did. Now it was time to begin the actual stitching. Sigh. Heavy sigh. Stitching is hard. I'm so not good at it. Even harder is threading the stupid needle, which seems to come apart about ever two minutes. Then there's the constant finger poking. Ouch! "Why do people do this?" I asked myself time and time again. It gives new meaning to the term "masochism."

My goal was to have the thing done by the time Swen was born, but as you know, he insisted that his mother deliver him a full month early, so alas, it wasn't done. By the time he was born, the actual stitching of the front was done, but I was utterly baffled by how to bind the edges. For the life of me, I couldn't remember how Joanne did it, and I still can't. I have some wonderful sewing friends, but sadly, they don't live nearby. One is in San Antonio, TX; one is in The Dalles, OR; and one is in Vancouver, WA. All of them offered advice from afar, and both Celeste (Texas) and Lorrie (Washington) offered to bind the quilt for me if I just mailed it to them. I considered both offers fairly seriously, but something held me back. I didn't know exactly what it was until Shulamith articulated it: "Are you sure you want to give up now?" she asked. No! I don't. I don't want to give up. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I want to finish it myself, but how? Oh how I wished that just one of those friends, Celeste, Diane, or Lorrie, were here to guide me through this final step.

Lorrie suggested that I buy something called "wide bias tape" for the edges. I thought that was a funny name: bias tape. It sounds like tape that is prejudiced! Anyway, I got some, and sure enough, it fit perfectly around the edges of the quilt. All three friends suggested that I find a sewing machine to sew one side of the bias tape to the quilt and then hand-stitch the other side. Now I know Joanne did not use a machine. I know she didn't, and I obviously don't own one or have the slightest idea how to operate one. But after trying every other possible way I could think of and having zero luck, I decided I would need to follow my friends' advice and find someone with a machine. But who?

Keep in mind that I have no friends in the Salt Lake area. Well, except Shulamith, who knows exactly as much about sewing as I do. So I did the bravest thing ever. Really, you are going to be so impressed. I called up a lady from the ward who lives down the street from us. I barely know her. We are not friends or anything close to it, but I know she's one of those people who can do anything. She's what I call a "Celeste." Everything she touches turns to beautiful! So I called her up, told her who I was, and asked her if she owned a sewing machine. "I do," she replied. In fact, she apparently has two of them, one for regular sewing and one for something she called "searching"? Anyway, she said she would be more than happy to sew the bias tape on one side of the quilt edge and that it would take her maybe ten minutes. It took five.

I was home in no time and ready to hand-stitch the other side of the tape. That was two weeks ago, and finally, last night, at about 10:30, it was done. Totally done. You can't even imagine the relief that flowed through my body. Now be cautioned: You won't want to look too closely at any of it. The stitching is crappy. Like really, really crappy. But I figure Swen is a baby, so he won't know the difference, and Shulamith doesn't care at all about crappy stitching, so it's all good.

So here it is:

Probably the craziest thing I've ever done.