Like Brother, Like Brother

On this cool, October morning, Seth awoke at 7:30 a.m., showered, dressed, and waited patiently until I got up at 8:00. I don't think I've seen him awake before noon on a Saturday in at least a year. Why this day? This day was the release Pokemon X, a 3DS game Seth pre-ordered using his precious babysitting cash. I took him to breakfast at Kneader's, then on to GameStop, where I waited in my warm car while he waited in a cold line for the store to open at 9:00.

He comes from a long tradition of video-gamers. I remember Christmas of 1999. It was the first year a video-game system found its way into our home, in this case the Nintendo Game Boy Color. Eight-year-old Isaiah had wished for it with a child's desperate longing, never imagining one could ever really be his. But I was on a mission, and it took exactly that to get one of these things; they were extremely popular that year! I had visited several stores, and the story was the same: when a shipment of the hand-held Game Boy Color consoles comes in, every one of them is sold in less than an hour. What was a Christmas mom like me to do? And a pregnant one, at that! Yep, Seth was with me on this endeavor, though he knew it not. I was about three months' pregnant at the time.

After searching countless stores with zero success, I finally appealed to the mercy of a kind salesman at GameStop in the mall in Burlington. "My eight-year-old really wants one of these. And he has no idea he might get one. And it will be the best surprise ever. Is there any way you can help me?" He took pity and offered to take my name and phone number. As soon as a shipment came in, he would call me. If I could get over there before they were gone, one would be mine. I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday when that phone call came. They received three units: one pink, one yellow, and one teal blue. "I'm on my way. Be there in 10 minutes. PLEASE save me either the yellow or the teal. I don't think he wants pink."

I was in my car and on the road in a matter of seconds. Ten minutes later, I held in my hands what would be the best surprise of Christmas morning: a shiny, teal blue, Game Boy Color. It would be the last gift Isaiah opened. I wouldn't even put it under the tree ahead of time. He would think he had opened everything, and then I'd bring out this one last gift. It went flawlessly. The surprise was everything and more than I anticipated. Isaiah looked at me with those giant, ocean-blue eyes with thick, dark eyelashes, his mouth wide open, and once he could speak, said in astonishment, "A GAME BOY COLOR! YOU GOT ME A GAME BOY COLOR?"

For the next three months, he played, but never by himself. Sprawled over him constantly was six-year-old Eli, straining every muscle he had to see the screen in Isaiah's hands. Isaiah was so patient. He never told Eli he couldn't watch. He never pushed him away. He never complained. March 13th was Eli's seventh birthday. He had a face full of chicken pox and had been home from school all day, miserable and itchy, a sad way to spend a birthday. But you should have witnessed the attitude transformation when he opened his only present, a bright yellow Game Boy Color. Let the gaming begin!

That was 13 years ago. Since then, Isaiah and Eli have bought, sold, and traded a wide array of gaming systems, along with countless games. I can't begin to remember all their names, but one stands out in particular. On November 19, 2006, Nintendo released its latest and greatest game system: the Wii! It was anxiously anticipated by gamers everywhere, including my two teenage sons, then 15 and 13. In order to get one on that very day, you had to pre-order it and then go to the store, take a number, and wait in line all day until midnight when it was released. Yep, Isaiah and Eli did just that. Walmart, my least favorite store on the planet, had set up an entire room in the back just for these people who would be squatting there all day. I stopped by several times, bringing sustenance to my waiting children in the form of candy, soda, and a McDonald's dinner. By midnight, I was home in bed, but even then it took the boys three more hours to get their game system because they had to wait for their number to be called. Eventually, they made it home, but of course they couldn't just put the thing away and go to bed. No way!

Seth was born into this world. Wait, actually he was part of this gaming world even before he was born, as he unknowingly accompanied me in my quest for that elusive Game Boy Color for my Isaiah-pie all those years ago. No surprise, Seth joined right in just as soon as he was old enough to hold a controller. He can play with the best of them and does so regularly. This new game he bought yesterday is played on the hand-held Nintendo 3DS, a few generations past Isaiah's first Game Boy Color.

I'll say straight up that, personally, I don't love video-games. In truth, I've never played one but I don't think I'd like them. I don't like animated-type stuff, and I really hate violence. Plus, I'm painfully awful at games of any kind; from board games to card games to electronic word games, I totally suck! When I play games, I lose so badly that I often wonder if I am mentally challenged but no one has had the nerve to tell me? So it's not likely I'd excel playing video-games, and in addition, they are crazy addictive. That said, video-games have created a bond among Isaiah, Eli, and Seth, which has now extended to Mathew. Though spread out 14 years from oldest to youngest, they are connected. For that, I am thankful. Admittedly, I get frustrated with the constant gaming, but even so, I do not regret going to the store on that cold day in 1999 and begging that nice GameStop salesman to save me a Game Boy Color.

Like brother, like brother.

Kennedy says...

So a while back, I started an ongoing blog post for Shulamith's son Swen, documenting the funny things he says. I did this for Shulamith because she doesn't have time to do it, and she will want to remember all this stuff. Recently, she asked if I would do the same thing for her daughter, Kennedy, so here we go.

1. We were in Costco, and Kennedy saw a huge play structure with swings, slides, etc. way up high on a tall shelf.
     Kennedy: I want to go on that.
     Shulamith: That looks like fun, but it's way too high to reach.
     Kennedy: Maybe a forklift would help.

2. Kennedy confuses Lagoon with Jungle Playland. Last week, Matt's work offered all employees and their families an afternoon at Lagoon. When Shulamith told Kennedy about it she said,
     Kennedy: I will ride the roller coaster with Her, and Her will hold my head.
This is because every time we go to Jungle Playland, I ride the fast, bumpy roller coaster with Kennedy, and I always hold her head next to me, so it won't shake and scare her.

3. . Swen and Kennedy were playing doctor.
     Kennedy: I need some medicine.
     Swen: Okay. What kind you want? I got allergy medicine, Ibuprofin, or pills.
     Kennedy: Hmm, maybe pills. Do I have to give you money?
     Swen: No, it's free!
So proud of Swen for his inherent understanding that healthcare should be free to everyone!

4. Kennedy's little brother, Theodore, is just a week old, and Kennedy adores him. But apparently she's still figuring out what it means to have a baby brother.
     Kennedy: Mommy, why is he coming with us?
     Shulamith: Who? Theodore?
     Kennedy: Yeah, the baby.
     Shulamith: Cuz he's part of our family now, so he's going to come with us everywhere we go.
     Kennedy: What?!?!
     Shulamith: Yes, he's my child too. He's your brother.
     Kennedy: He is?
     Shulamith: Yes.
     Kennedy: Okaaaaaaaaaaay.

5. So Shulamith has been talking to 3-year-old Kennedy recently about whether she might be interested in possibly giving up diapers any time soon. For the most part, Kennedy says no, that she is just fine wearing diapers. However, Shulamith has convinced Kennedy to try wearing her new Ninja Turtle underwear tomorrow and using the bathroom like a big kid. If she does, she gets to open the new Ninja Turtle toy that is still in its package. But then a couple hours after all this was decided, Kennedy wanted to clarify one important detail:
     Kennedy: Mommy, is it okay if my Ninja Turtle underwear get wet? It is, isn't it?

6.  And continuing on the subject of Kennedy and her lack of desire to bathroom train, a while back Shulamith was getting her dressed in her princess dress for her princess dance camp.
     Shulamith: I wonder if you should think about wearing underwear instead of diapers soon. I think princesses wear big girl underwear.
     Kennedy: No they don't! They only wear crowns!

7.  So just to set context, Swen often wonders why I don't eat various different (fattening) foods. I tell him it's because I'm fat, and I'm trying to be skinny. So Kennedy apparently overhears these conversations between Swen and me, which happen nearly every day. A couple days ago, she was mad at me about something, and in frustration, shouted:
     Kennedy: You're a stupid, fat Her!
Shulamith and I couldn't contain our laughter. Bahahahahahahaha!

8. And back to #6 above:
     Kennedy: Mommy, ask me if I want to wear underwear today.
     Shulamith: (so excited!): Kennedy! Do you want to wear underwear today?
     Kennedy: Um, maybe tomorrow.

9. At breakfast this morning at McDonald's, we were trying to leave, and both Shulamith's kids were playing and not getting shoes on.
     Shulamith: Come on, Kennedy. Let's get your shoes on. 1 - 2 - 3...
     Kennedy: Mom! Stop counting at me!

10.  Kennedy: Did Heavenly Father make all of our pieces?
      Shulamith: What do you mean?
      Kennedy:  Like did he make our eyelids and our toes and our eyebrows?
      Shulamith: Yes, he did.
      Kennedy: I think Heavenly Father made us like Legos.

11. Swen does not like it when Kennedy plays with his cars and car washes, and she knows it. So she mostly only does it when he's at school. A couple days ago, she was playing with his car wash just as Swen was walking in the door after school.
      Kennedy (running away from the car wash): Whew! That was close!

12. Kennedy loves to pretend she's a doctor (like Doc McStuffins), and poor Theodore is always the patient. She has a liquid medicine syringe, which she pretends is a shot, and she gives him dozens of shots each day:
      Kennedy (as she gives him another shot):  Here, Theodore, this will fix you in no time!

13. Kennedy was sitting on the floor in the living room eating some candy corn. I walked past and grabbed a couple pieces and ate them.
      Kennedy: I do NOT like it when big people eat my candy!!!

14. Like many new moms, Shulamith is still working to lose all the baby weight she gained while carrying Theodore. She's doing great, but still has a little left to lose. She was standing in a particularly unflattering position, when the following conversation between Swen and Kennedy occurred:
     Swen: Mommy, do you have another baby in your tummy?
     Kennedy: No, she doesn't. She just has fat.

Mr. Seth

As you've probably noticed, we are constantly entertained by our 10-year-old. We're pretty sure he's the funniest, most precocious kid around. I thought I'd post a few of his latest insights.

Be careful what you post...
A few nights ago, Seth surprised me with this conversation:

Seth: So Mom, you think I'm demanding?
Me: Seth, why would you say that?
Seth: I read it on your blog.
Me: You read my blog??
Seth: Me and Ethan were reading it, and you said I am demanding.
Me: Well, Seth, let's see. Do you know what it means to be demanding?
Seth: It means you want everything right now and you like lots of attention all the time.
Me: So do you think you're ever like that?
Seth: Ummm, yeah, probably.

Being Thankful
Seth has been asking for a set of scriptures, the nice leather type with his name imprinted, for several months. I've put off getting these, mostly because they cost $80. Finally, this past week, I decided to surprise him, so I bought him a green leather quad, exactly what he had requested. That same day, I also rented his trombone, so he can play in 5th-grade band. I came home with both these big surprises on the same day. Seth was elated. Later that night, he was still flying high.

Seth: I just LOVE my new scriptures. Especially because they are green and have my name in gold.
Me: I'm so glad you like them.
Seth: You know I love you all the time, don't you?
Me: Of course, (teasing) well except when you tell me you don't.
Seth: But you know I always love you on the inside, right?
Me: Of course I do.
Seth: You always tell me I should be thankful for what I have. Well, right now I am being thankful!

Hot Outside, But Not Inside
You know how some people are just naturally warm? They are always warm, even when it's cold outside. Then there are those of us (myself included) who are always cold. We sit wrapped up in blankets in the winter and always carry our hoodies in the summer. Well, Seth is in the former category. He is always hot. Always. He sleeps with no covers whatsoever. When he was younger, I would try to get him to wear a coat, but he always just carried it around; he rarely put it on. I no longer even bother.

Seth: I learned in science why I am always hot.
Me: You did? Really?
Seth: Yes. It's because I always wear black clothes. [He is definitely Johnny Cash the 2nd. Most of his shirts are black]. Black absorbs heat, so that's why I'm always hot. Well, that's why I'm always hot on the outside. I still don't know why I'm always hot on the inside.

Big Brother - Little Brother
Seth loves all his big brothers, including his newest one, Matt. He's decided lately, though, that he is just like Luke.

Seth: Did you know that I am exactly like Luke?
Me: No, I didn't know that.
Seth: Well, it's true. Luke played the viola and the trombone. I thought about playing the viola, and I am playing the trombone. See I'm just like Luke.
Me: I see what you mean.
Seth (lifting his arms in resignation): Yep, I'm just like Luke. Someday I'll probably meet a girl named Désirée, with all the hyphens. [I'm guessing when he says "with all the hyphens" he means the accent marks in her name.]

Mr. Seth.

Suspense Films and Not Missing the Dance

On Thursday, I had the opportunity to listen to Henry J. Eyring address new students and their parents at the opening devotional at Brigham Young University Idaho. His words were kind and reassuring, just what we anxious moms needed as we prepared to leave our precious children (young adults?) at college for the first time. As part of his remarks that day, he said,

"If the Lord were a movie maker, he would make suspense films."

He continued to explain that in our lives we can't always predict or plan for everything that will happen. For those of us who like to be in control of everything, this idea is a bit disconcerting. As a polarized "J" on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I DO NOT like surprises. I love to plan, and even more, I love to see my plans work out exactly the way I expect. But as Brother Eyring so eloquently reminded me, my life is not a "formula movie"; it is indeed a suspense film.

Pondering Brother Eyring's words the past few days, I was reminded of one of my favorite songs by country music singer Garth Brooks. In the final two lines from the chorus of his classic song "The Dance," he sings, "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." These lines are so perfect when we consider the ups and downs, the twists and turns of our lives. Heading up to BYU-Idaho with Eli, I really had no idea how painful it would be to leave him at college. He is my fourth child, after all. I have done this before. I did not intend to cry. Not at all. I really thought I could just hug him tight, tell him how much I love him and how proud I am, and joyously say goodbye.

Not so much.

I was a total mess. Like a sobbing mess. Not kidding. Fortunately, we were in the car, so only Eli had to witness this complete breakdown, and he was so sweet about it. He said something like "It's okay, Mom. It's okay if you cry. It will all be okay." And so it was. He walked off toward his dorm, and I drove the three miles to Lindsey's house, the perfect place to be that night with my dear friend. We laughed. We talked. We played Phase 10. I lost, just like I do every game I play. Thank you, Lindsey. And thanks for being in Rexburg right now, available to help Eli if he needs anything. It makes all this so much easier. I'll be there for you when the time comes to send Emma off to college, and if you think that's a long time away, think again. Just saying.

Brother Eyring said the Lord would make suspense films. Thank goodness! Because really, if we knew ahead of time exactly how everything would be, how many of us would be willing to choose the ride? If we knew about those screaming infants in the middle of the night and the utter sleep deprivation that goes along with that? Or if we knew about the setbacks, the failures, the disappointments, the sad times? Or if we knew how our hearts would feel as we wave goodbye to our beloved children? Would we do it? Are we that brave? I'm not sure.

But of this I am sure: With all its trials, struggles, heartache and seemingly insurmountable challenges, this suspense film we call "life" is undeniably a dance worth dancing.

Kennedy says...Part 4

This is the ongoing blog post for Shulamith, so she can remember all the things Kennedy says. If you'd like to see earlier editions of this post, go here.

62. Since coming home from Disneyland, both Shulamith's older kids have so many great memories.
Kennedy: Whenever I watch videos of Disneyland, I get tears in my eyes because I miss it so much.

63. The "Monsters" (Monson-Websters) are moving into a fairly small apartment after selling their tent in the wilderness and before purchasing a larger home. 
Kennedy: When do we move into our new "compartment"?

64. When we eat at Chinese restaurants, Shulamith "reads" her kids their fortunes, except instead of reading what is there, she makes stuff up about them. For example, "It says, 'Swen is the most amazing boy who loves cars.'"
Kennedy: Sometimes you get really, really lucky, and the fortune inside the cookie has your name on it, like "Kennedy is the best dancer."

65. Shulamith and I always remark on how Kennedy is so NOT like us. We are extroverts, super social, and we like to go places all the time. Kennedy is an introvert, not very social, and she likes to stay home. But we recently discovered one way she is like us. A game of "Would you rather..." went like this:
Shulamith: Would you rather not be able to walk or not be able to drive a car?
Kennedy: Definitely not be able to walk. People could just push me around in a wheel chair.
Shulamith: But you couldn't run and play and dance and do gymnastics.
Kennedy: That's okay. As long as someone could put me in my bed and bring me food, and I could watch TV, I'd be fine.
Haha, yes, girl, we also love to lie in bed, eat good food, and watch TV.

66. Driving through downtown Midvale on the way to Shulamith and Matt's new apartment:
Kennedy: This is like old world.
And sure enough, we saw this sign:

67. We had no idea that Kennedy has been paying any attention at all to the presidential race, until this.
Kennedy: Mommy! Did you now that a girl is going to be the new president?
Shulamith: Well, a couple of girls are trying to be the president, but we don't know yet who will win.
Kennedy: No, Mommy, a GIRL! A GIRL is going to be the president!
(Oh, Kennedy, not this time around. But one day soon, we can hope!)

68. Then more on the election, out of the mouths of babes...
Kennedy: Mommy, I think everyone should just vote for Jesus for president.


69. Kennedy and Swen were in a conversation about whether it's better to be a girl or a boy.
Kennedy: It's good to be a girl.
Swen: It's better to be a boy. You can go to the bathroom outside.
Shulamith: But girls can have babies.
Swen: That's it? And sit around and look at Instagram.
Kennedy: That's a lot!

70. Kennedy's brother Swen is a very nice, kind boy to everyone in the world. Everyone except Kennedy. For some reason, Swen makes it his life's mission to make her miserable much of the time. One day she was at her wit's end with him.
Kennedy: Whenever we go anywhere, just LEAVE him!"

71. Last night was Halloween, but because of COVID, safe trick-or-treating meant only going to houses with bowl of candy outside.

Kennedy: I don't really like saying "trick-or-treat" to strangers. I like these bowls better.

Conflicted emotions: A tale of two brothers

Once upon a time was born a beautiful baby boy, welcomed with love by his parents and three siblings. He was a happy child, with a smile that melted hearts everywhere he went. After seven years as the baby of the family (a role he took quite seriously) something happened to rock his world. It was documented by his first grade journal entry, which began: "For seven years, I was the youngest in my family. Then my mom had a baby."

On a conscious level, the little boy was thrilled to welcome his new brother. He did all he could to help his mom care for the tiny babe and showered him with endless kisses and hugs. Subconsciously, though, he appeared to be a bit more conflicted. His behavior regressed more than a little, as he tried to win back the attention he felt he was losing. This was, of course, a perfectly normal response under the circumstances, and his parents did their best to love him right through it.

As time went by, these two boys, though separated seven years in age, grew to love each other with the unshakable bond only brothers fully understand. Through the years, they fought mercilessly over the dumbest things, including whose leg hair is longer (not even kidding) and whose Snap Chat is better, but in the end they were always each other's closest ally.

As life would have it, the older brother grew up and found the affection of a lovely young lady, and in good time, these two became engaged to be married. And just like that, it was now the younger brother, rather than the older, who struggled with the conflicted emotions. Karma? The law or divine reciprocity? You see, now the younger brother felt replaced, much the way the older brother felt once upon a time about 15 years ago.

This is evidenced in a myriad of ways, but allow the storyteller to share a dialog that occurred just last evening:

Mom: You will need to take three days off from school in April, when we go to Billings for the wedding reception.

Younger brother: Yes!! That's great! Where we will stay when we're there?

Mom: Well, you get to stay with Ethan (his very best friend, who lives in Billings).

Younger brother: Yes!! That's perfect.  Where is everyone else staying?

Mom: Well, Dad and I are staying with the Careys, and Eli and Amanda are staying in a hotel.

Younger brother: Amanda?!?! Why is she going? Does she have to go everywhere Eli goes?

Well, no, not everywhere. But it would probably be good if she showed up for her own wedding reception!

So, dear readers, the end of this tale is yet to be written. The hope of this mom is that in time, these two brothers will work out a relationship that is acceptable to both with no conflict. And that the younger brother will come to know that marriage is much more a gain than it is a loss. Because one day, it will be his turn.

See. I Really Do Have Friends - Road Trip to Oregon - Part 3 of 3

I have lived here in the Salt Lake Valley for two years now. I like most everything about it. I like the size of the city. I like the mountains all around. I like the TWO shopping malls just short distances from my house. Oh, and I really like my house. I like my very part time job. I like the variety of restaurants nearby. Most especially, I like that Shulamith lives right downstairs. I know that can't last forever, but while it lasts, I will enjoy every second. Yes, for the most part, I like it here in Utah.

One challenging part, however, is that after two years, I haven't really had any luck making friends. Okay, I guess you could say I have made two friends here: Jane and Jennilyn. So if either of you is reading, I am not forgetting you. I love you both, and I am grateful for you. But only two in two years??  It's weird, especially because I have never struggled with this before. I have made amazing  friends every other place we have lived. I have all sorts of ideas (all purely speculative) about why it's so much harder here, the social culture, etc., but I won't go into all that. Mostly, we just laugh at the situation. A while ago, a person from my ward "unfriended" me from Facebook. Yep, for reals. So not only can't I make friends; I can't keep the ones I have. This gave us further opportunity to laugh because laughing is clearly better than the alternative. Shulamith will just out of the blue say, "Remember that time you got unfriended from Facebook?" Hahahaha!

More often, though, she says, "You have friends. Many. They just don't live here in Utah." And that is the absolute truth. Which brings me to this third installment of my blog about our recent road trip. On Friday, I left Shulamith, Seth, and Swen with my mom and escaped by myself for a night of socializing. It was awesome! First, I stopped at Lloyd Center to meet up with my friend Lisa. It was pure serendipity that I would get to see her because she lives not in Portland but in Billings, Montana. She works for Horizon Airlines and was in Portland for the week training new employees. I wrote about her once before here, so I won't say a lot. Except that with Lisa, it doesn't matter how long it's been since we last saw each other or even had any contact (in this case, a full two years), we pick up right where we left off. We are instant BFFs again. It's as if we were never apart. We spent two full hours immersed in conversation, and it was lovely.

My intent was to ask strangers to take pictures of me with each friend I saw that night, but I got way too wrapped up in conversation to remember to do that, so I had to go with Plan B and steal photos from Facebook in order to prove to you that these people actually exist. Here is Lisa with her daughter:

From Lloyd Center, I made my way over to Chicago Pizza to have an appetizer and a soda with my friend Janice. She is a friend from the distant past, when we lived in a house whose backyard was adjacent to hers. We lived there when I was in 5th - 8th grades, the longest we ever lived anywhere. Our moms were "over the backyard fence" friends, and Janice and I played together almost daily. Her sweet mom, who passed away just a year ago, was my 4-H leader. My culinary skills were no better then than they are now, but Jeanette showed me such kindness and patience, regardless. I will always remember her. Janice and I lost contact for many years but reunited through Facebook to discover that among other similarities, we both married and had five children. Here is Janice with her son's little boy:

All too soon, that visit ended, and I headed across the parking lot to meet my friend Lorrie for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Now unlike with Lisa and Janice, Lorrie and I remain in close contact almost daily, through the technology of email. Though we see each other rarely, those frequent emails which discuss the ins and outs of both our lives keep us intimately connected. Lorrie and I go back almost as far as Janice and I (though not quite). I met her when I was 13 and joined a service organization called Rainbow Girls. We remained friends through my high school and her college years and ever after, and we were each other's honor attendant at our respective weddings. Lorrie doesn't use Facebook, so I had to resort to stealing a picture off her daughter's wall. I am resourceful indeed!

So ended my socializing for that evening, but there was even  more to come the following day. On our drive to Boise on Saturday, we once again stopped at McDonald's in The Dalles, but this time my friend Diane met us for a short visit. I knew Diane when we lived in The Dalles between 1985 and 1991. She had four "big kids," while I had only two tiny ones. In fact, her daughter Anne-Marie was Luke and Shulamith's first babysitter, and a wonderful one she was! I looked to Diane as the ideal mom, and I wanted to be just like her. All these years later, I hope I at least partly succeeded. Here is Diane at her son's wedding:

The only unfortunate part to all my socializing is that I barely got to see my brother while I was in Portland. Ironically, his vacation week was the exact same week we were there. Thankfully, we got to stop by his work for a brief visit the night we arrived, but he seriously needs to come to Utah. Soon. Are you reading this, Tom? Here is a picture of him with his three cute daughters:

So there ya have it. See. I really do have friends.

He's Comin' Home!

Today is February 1st. That means I can now say, "He's coming home next month." Next month. Wow. I'm tearing up this very instant just thinking about it. When a mom sends a missionary into the field, she does so with all her heart. She sends him willingly, with love and pride and honor. She wants him to go. She has prayed for this day all his life; she couldn't be any happier or any more grateful for his worthiness and his decision to serve. Still, there is a pit in her stomach. Down deep. It's heavy and it doesn't go away. She won't see her precious child for 24 months. She can't talk to him, save four times on two Christmases and two Mother's Days. She will have to settle for weekly emails and a very occasional snail mail letter. It's tough. I'm not gonna lie.

When a missionary mom starts talking about her son's impending return, friends say things like, "Already? What? Really? Wow, that went by fast. It seems like he just left." And in some ways that is true. I think the reality for most missionary moms is that the weeks go by fairly quickly, but the days can be long, especially Mondays when we're waiting for that email. For sure, other people's kids' missions fly by. Our own kids, not so much. For me, the time has passed quickly in terms of normal, everyday events. The constant rush of life--deadlines, appointments, meetings, demands--has continued as always, and the pace hasn't slowed. Nevertheless, it has been a very long time since I wrapped my arms around my wonderful son and hugged him tight. The last time was 22 1/2 months ago outside the MTC. That is the last time I saw, in person, that infectious smile that is paralleled by no one. In that respect, time has not passed quickly. Not at all.

I have an incredible support group, though. Some of it stems from the awesome members who live in the mission area. So many times, often when I've been missing Eli the most, I log onto Facebook and what do I find? A picture posted by a member who hosted Eli for dinner or saw him at a fireside or sat with him at a ward activity. Thank you. Thank you so much. Then there's the Arkansas Little Rock missionary moms' super hero. His name is Brother Floyd. Well, he has a real first name. I think it's Richard. But we all call him Brother Floyd. And he is our hero. He watches out for all our kids serving in the Memphis area, gives them rides places, helps them move their stuff around, buys them food (Frosty ice cream club??), takes them suit shopping, and more importantly, introduces them to people he knows who are interested in learning more about the Gospel. But that's not all. He also helps us moms. If we haven't heard from our missionary on P-day, we message Brother Floyd. And he investigates. The man is everywhere. And he also pretty much lives online, so we rarely have to wait for reply. He finds our kids, tells us what's going on, and reassures us that all is well. No matter how long I live, I will never be able to fully express my appreciation for this man.

In addition, I have incredible support online and here at home. We have a Facebook missionary moms' group filled with ALRM moms just like ourselves. Those ladies are there any time I need a friend. Any time I need a boost, a bit of encouragement, or even a shoulder to cry on. They understand. They get it. And while we have moms from all over the country, a pretty healthy bunch of us live right here in Utah. We have had the wonderful opportunity to get together a couple times in the past two years, and we're planning another day just before Eli comes home. Here we are together  if you want to see for yourself! And again here!

A friend recently asked me how much contact I expect to have with this group after Eli comes home. My answer was, "I don't really know." For sure, I won't have the urgent connection that I share with them now. My obsessive interest in every single thing to do with the mission will obviously decrease. Already they are discussing the upcoming change in mission presidents this summer, and I find myself only mildly interested. Still, I hope I don't lose contact with these wonderful ladies. They have become my friends. In so many ways. And I love them.

When I woke up this morning, I made a long "to-do" list. Several items came from my other larger list titled "Before Eli Comes Home," which is displayed on our fridge. So far I have done none of those things. Because I decided to blog instead. Actually, I needed to blog. Nothing calms me or settles my anxiety quite like writing, so I decided it was okay. But now, I really better get on with it. Because you see on March 25th at 2:10 p.m., a flight will arrive at the Salt Lake City Airport. On it will be my Eli. And before I run sobbing into his arms, there is just a thing or two that I need to do:

1. Order "Welcome Home" banners.
2. Frame photos from the mission for his room.
3. Get him hooked up with a cell phone.
4. Put together "Welcome Home" basket with all his favorite things.
5. Create a Facebook "event" to invite people to his homecoming April 13th.
6.  Paint wall in kitchen, and put together collage of family photos all in black & white with black frames. (Yes, I know. This is another one of those crazy ideas that is WAY too ambitious for someone with my woefully low skill set, but I saw it at someone's home recently, and I really want to do it. You should probably try to talk me out of it. Like now).
7. Organize storage area under our house, find all Eli's stuff down there, and put away Christmas decorations. (Yes, I know, it's been over a month, but I need knee pads to do this, which is yet another story, so no judgment, okay?).

I have exactly 52 days to get all this done, in case you're counting.

Ready, set, go!

Swen-isms

Shulamith's 5-year-old son, Swen, provides regular entertainment to his parents. Often, I tell Shulamith, "You need to write that down, so you don't forget it," but usually, she doesn't. She is six months' pregnant with Monster Baby #3, while caring for #1 (Swen) and #2 (Kennedy). When would she find the time to write?

So here are a few Swen-isms, recorded for Shulamith:

1. Swen: Her, what did you have a dream about last night?
    Me: I dreamed about Swen and me sitting in the chair together, snuggling.
    Swen: That's not a dream, Her. That's a real.

2. Eli and Amanda are in California this week, welcoming home Amanda's brother from his mission. Since they flew out of the Salt Lake airport, I have their car here.
     Swen: Why do you have Eli and Amanda's jeep?
     Me: Because they went bye-bye on an airplane, so I'm keeping their car while they're gone.
     Swen: But Her, the police will catch you and put you in jail if you steal Eli and Amanda's car.

3. Those who know us Erichsen-Webster are aware of our Diet Coke addiction. It runs through the entire family, all seven of us. At any given moment you can find large cups of Diet Coke sitting around our house, some old, some new, some in between. So Swen has learned to ask before tasting: "Is this old or new?" This morning, he came upstairs just as I returned from Chevron with a brand new, 44-oz, iced-cold Diet Coke:
     Swen (after taking a sip): This is so new! I love it!

4. Occasionally, Gerald takes Swen to preschool when Shulamith has other stuff to do. Apparently, he doesn't always use the same route Shulamith does.
     Swen: Mommy, when Gerald took me to school, he didn't go the right way; he went the left way.

5.  It's tough when you don't like girls but are surrounded by them for most of your day.
     Swen: I do not like girls, so no girls allowed. Baby is a girl; Mommy is a girl; Her is a girl. No girls allowed!

6.  Swen's sweet tooth is only paralleled by his mother's. The other day he was telling Shulamith about this new candy he discovered:
     Swen:  There's this one I really love. It's called "Sneakers."
     Shulamith: Do you mean "Snickers"?
     Swen: NO! Sneakers.
     Shulamith: You mean the candy bar with caramel and peanuts?  
     Swen: Yeah, that!!

7. Shulamith and I spend a considerable amount of time at McDonald's, where we sip Diet Coke and watch her kids play. Swen often makes friends with the other kids in the play area. The other day he was telling this new friend about us:
      Swen: (pointing to Shulamith) That's my mom, and (pointing to me) her name is Her."

8.  Gerald and I were in Las Vegas the past two days, so Shulamith gracious agreed to drive Isaiah to the airport, something Gerald or I normally do. On the way, this conversation transpired:
      Swen: Where are we going?
      Shulamith: We're taking Isaiah to the airport to go bye-bye on an airplane.
      Swen: Where do airplanes go?
      Shulamith: Wherever you want to go.
      Swen: Do they go to the dinosaurs?
      Shulamith: No, they're all dead.
      Swen: How did they die?
      Shulamith: I don't know.
      At this point, Isaiah went into a detailed lesson on meteors and what led to the extinction of the dinosaus.
      Swen: That's sad that they all died. Do you think they'll be back in an hour?

9. Driving to preschool this morning, Shulamith and I were talking about someone we know who is getting marred:
     Swen: What's "married"?
     Shulamith: When two people love each other and want to be together forever and ever, they get married. Like Daddy and I are married. And Gerald and Her are married.  So when you grow up, you'll meet a cute girl and get married.
     Swen: Or can I meet a cute boy?
     Shulamith: Yes! Or a cute boy.

10. And randomly,
     Swen: Kennedy, you're difficult.
     Shulamith: Why is Kennedy difficult?
     Swen: Girls are difficult. Boys are "intresting" [3 syllables]. Kennedy, Mommy, and Her are girls. They are difficult. Dada and me are boys. We are "intresting."

11. Discussion of tonight's activities:
     Shulamith: Tonight is our mommy-son date to Chick-fil-a. I'm so excited!
     Swen: But what about Kennedy?
     Shulamith: Dada is taking Kennedy up to the mountains.
     Swen: I don't like the going to the mountains. They're too rough.

12. Yesterday, Swen came upstairs and into our bedroom, where Gerald was lying on the bed, and I was brushing my teeth. He walked over to my closet and exclaimed:
      Swen: Oh my goodness, Her! You have a million shoes!
      Gerald: Right, Swen?

13.  Then he started asking me about my parents.
      Swen: Who is your mommy?
      Me: Great-grandma in Portland is my mommy. Do you remember her?
      Swen: Yes. Who is your daddy, Her?
      Me: My daddy is in heaven with Heavenly Father?
      Swen: Why is he in heaven?
      Me: Because he died, so he went to heaven.
      Swen: What does he look like?
      Me: Come here and I'll show you his picture on the wall.
      Swen: Why is he by a fire truck?!?
      Me: Because he was a fireman!
      Swen: Why did he died and went to heaven?
      Me: Well, he got sick, and then he died and went to heaven.
      Swen: Did he get bit by an inchworm?
      Me: Sure, something like that.

14.  We picked Swen up from preschool today, and this was part of the conversation:
      Shulamith: What did you have for snack today?
      Swen: Fruit Loops and raisins
      Shulamith: That sounds like a great snack! Did you eat all of it?
      Swen: No. I did not eat the raisins. I am allergic to raisins. They make me die.

15. I spend most of my life on a low-fat eating program in order to maintain a desirable weight. When he asks why I'm not eating ice cream or fries or pizza, I always tell him "Because I'm fat." So now he's taken it upon himself to monitor my eating:
      Swen: Are you still fat, Her?
      Me: Yep, I am.
      Swen: Then you shouldn't eat those pancakes.

16. Last week, Gerald somehow accidentally took my cell phone to work with him. He apparently can't tell the difference between a Samsung phone and an iPhone. Plus, he managed to take two phones, his and mine.
      Swen: Her! Where is your phone? I want to watch your phone [meaning he wants to watch you-tube videos on my phone.]
     Me: Gerald took my phone to work with him.
     Swen: Did he stoled it?
     Me: Yes, Swen, he stoled it, and I'm not very happy about it.

17. Swen's mommy, Shulamith, will deliver a new baby brother in exactly 19 days. Swen is very interested in that whole process. He knows the baby is growing in Mommy's tummy, so...
     Swen: How will the baby get out?
     Shulamith: The doctor will cut a hole in my tummy and take the baby out?
     Swen: How will get get all the food off the baby?
     Shulamith: He'll wash it off.
     Swen: Will he also use a vacuum?
     Shulamith:  Sure, Swen.

18.  Swen calls me "Her." Obviously, this isn't something we planned, but as he grew, Shulamith would often say, "Show her your new toy" or "Ask her to get you a drink of water." Eventually, Swen came to believe my name was "Her." Because it was so funny when he first started calling me that, we didn't stop him. Now both he and Kennedy call me "Her," and it drives Matt crazy.
     Matt: Swen, you know that isn't really her name, don't you? Because the word "her" is not a name. It can refer to all girls and women. Do you know what her name really is?
     Swen: Yes, Daddy. I know that "her" means all girls. And I know her name is Terrianne. But I don't like that name. I call her "Her."

19. Swen and Kennedy were playing doctor.
     Kennedy: I need some medicine.
     Swen: Okay. What kind you want? I got allergy medicine, Ibuprofin, or pills.
     Kennedy: Hmm, maybe pills. Do I have to give you money?
     Swen: No, it's free!
So proud of Swen for his inherent understanding that healthcare should be free to everyone!

20. Swen is currently adjusting to his week-old baby brother, Theodore.
     Mom: Swen, why are you angry and grumpy today?
     Swen: Because Heavenly Father made me like this.

21. Yesterday, Swen and I were running to the store, and the only car available at the time was Isaiah's. Isaish is a minimalist, and this shows in his choice of a car. When he purchased his first car after graduating from college, he deliberately bought one without automatic locks or windows.
     Swen: How do you roll down the windows in this car, Her?
     Me: Like this (and I proceeded to demonstrate how you grab the handle and literally roll it around to lower the window).
     Swen: Wow, I've never seen a car like this before!
To say Isaiah is not the neatest person in the world would be an understatement. The back seat and floor of his car is filled with all sorts of crap.
     Swen: Isaiah throwded a lot of stuff on the floor. He needs to vacuum this car and take it to a car wash!

22. Swen was mad at Kennedy and sort of attacked her. Immediately after, as Kennedy was screaming:
     Swen: Her, I want to watch your phone.
     Me: But Swen, you just hit Kennedy and made her cry. So that makes me not want to give you my phone.
     Swen: No, Her! That's not how it works!

23. So Swen was very unhappy to learn that his daddy ate all the apple Nutri-grain bars. I don't blame him because those are super delish.
     Swen: Where are the apple bars?
     Mom: Dada ate the last one.
     Swen: He is the stupidest Dada in the whole world! I want you to not be married to him anymore.
     Mom:  Well I already am married to Dada for ever and ever.
     Swen: Take Dada's ring and throw it in the garbage. Then you won't be married to him, and you can get married to Her.

24. Swen and I took a road trip to Rexburg to visit Eli and Amanda and also my friend Lindsey. As we were driving, we discussed traffic laws and what happens if you break them.
     Swen: What is that sign for?
     Me: It tells me how fast I can drive.
     Swen: What happens if you drive faster than the sign says?
     Me: Then the police can pull me over and give me a ticket?
     Swen: Do the policees have a very long string to pull your car over?

25. Swen loves to hear stories of him as a baby.
      Swen: I know we've talked about this before, but how cute was I as a baby?

26. So this one is more of a "Shulamith-ism." Recently, Swen has become a bit obsessed with smoke detectors. This has sort of replaced his interest in car washes, or at least set it aside for now.
      Shulamith (in the most serious tone ever): Swen, sweetie, I can't find you any you-tube videos of smoke detectors because, you see, not everyone is as interested in smoke detectors as you are.
      Swen: Why not?
      Shulamith: Well, they just aren't. Most people think smoke detectors are just sort of "there."

27. It's General Conference for our church this weekend. I was watching the session this morning. Well, when Swen came up, hoping I would give him some "conference treats." He stayed for a while and ate three Mint Milanos, then went back downstairs. Then this conversation occurred between him and his mom:
     Swen: Mom, do we have to be quiet when we listen to this church on TV?
     Shulamith:  Well you can talk, but just try not to be too loud.
     Swen: Well, Her said I have to be really quiet during church TV.
Yep, I sure did. Because I love this "church TV."

28. Shulamith: Ugh, I cannot keep up with the four of you and your messes!
      Swen: Mommy, that's why you shouldn't have three kids. It's so hard with three kids because Theodore cries all the time, and me and Kennedy make messes, and Dad throws his socks on the floor!

29. Swen: Mommy, why don't buses have seat belts?
     Shulamith: Well, buses are really big, so if another car hits a bus, the people in the bus don't get hurt.
     Swen: Also, buses are already flat.

30. Swen used to want to be a garbage man when he grows up, but lately, he has changed his mind and wants to be a fireman. But I'm not sure it's the best career choice for him.
     Swen: When I grow up, I'm going to be a fireman. But if there is a real fire, I won't go in the building because that would be too scary!

31.  As an extension of #26 above, Shulamith has managed to find a couple You-Tube videos about smoke detectors. Swen is thrilled! So the other day I was trying to take care of Shulamith's baby Theodore, and Swen wanted me to find smoke detector videos:
     Swen: I want to watch about smoke detectors.
     Me: Swen I don't know how to find smoke detector videos.
     Swen: You just type it in your phone.
     Me (trying to get out of this): I don't know how to type "smoke detectors."
     Swen: You can type "smoke detectors." I know you can. Sound it out: ssssss-mmmm-ooooo-kkkkkk-detectors.

32. So the Monson-Webster Family recently moved out of our home, and I am so sad that I really can't talk about it without crying (which is why I haven't given it its own blog post...yet). But Swen is also trying to adjust. Swen loves order and routine, so change is never easy. He is also obsessed with smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors. About a week ago, he stole my carbon monoxide detector and took it to his new house. The following conversations have occurred since:
      Swen: Look, Daddy, I took Her's carbon monoxide detector, and now if there's carbon monoxide, she won't know, so she will be dead in heaven with Kitty [our dog, who died a couple years ago]. But I think she will still be crying all the time there, because she misses me so much at my new house.

Then today...
      Swen: Mommy, look, I still have Her's carbon monoxide detector. I hope she doesn't die because then we won't see her anymore or go places together. What will you say to me if I say "Mommy, can I go somewhere with Her?" but she's dead?
      Shulamith: I would say, "Well, honey, you can't go anywhere with Her because she's in heaven," and that would be really sad, so I don't want to talk  about it.
      Swen: I hope she isn't dead right now, because I'm sleeping in her bed soon. (Since they moved, Swen has been asking to sleep here with me, and we promised him tomorrow night he can).

And then a few days ago...
      Swen: Her, if I take away your smoke detector, your house will burn down, and then you can come live with me at my new house.

33. Like many new moms, Shulamith is still working to lose all the baby weight she gained while carrying Theodore. She's doing great, but still has a little left to lose. She was standing in a particularly unflattering position, when the following conversation between Swen and Kennedy occurred:
     Swen: Mommy, do you have another baby in your tummy?
     Kennedy: No, she doesn't. She just has fat.

34. So Swen and his dad have a great relationship, but they do run into conflicts occasionally. I'm glad Swen doesn't shrink from the fight; he always stand his ground. Go Swen!
      Swen: You are mean, so I'm going to live with Her for ever and ever and ever. That's what I'm going to do.
---or this
      Swen: I don't want to talk to you, Daddy. So I'm making a sign that says "Pass." I will hold up the sign, and when you see it, you can just pass right by, and don't talk to me!

35. Swen has been learning sight words in kindergarten. Those are very common words that can't be sounded out or that appear so frequently that they need to recognize them by sight.
      Swen: Her! Your name is a sight word!

"Thanks for the cookies. They were good." - St. George Weekend, Part 1 of 3

This is one of my favorite quotes from this past weekend, when Shulamith and I traveled to St. George to attend the wedding and celebrate the marriage of my friend Patty's daughter, Lindsey. There were other great lines as well. This one came from Patty's brother James, whom I met for the first time at the reception Saturday night.

Backstory: Patty and I only lived together for one brief semester during our junior year in college, but somehow (and it's rather remarkable, really), our friendship has endured the test of both time (three decades) and distance. I wrote about that here, so I won't repeat, but suffice it to say that one of the coolest parts of this past weekend was putting faces to names of the many people in her life, whom I've come to "know" though never actually met.

Her brother James is one of those people. The closest I came to meeting him was during the semester Patty and I were roommates, when I helped her bake cookies for him. So Saturday night I introduced myself like this: "Hi, I'm Terrianne, and once upon time during college days, I helped your sister bake cookies for you." As I was leaving the reception, he said, "Well thanks for the cookies. They were good."

Then there's Patty's niece, Clarissa. As Shulamith and I sat in the waiting room of the temple prior to the sealing, I tried to figure out which one she was. I'd seen pictures on Facebook, but it was still hard to be sure. There were two cute, blond girls, and I figured one of them had to be she. I was right! I confirmed with Patty's sister Claire after the sealing and then introduced myself to Clarissa: "Hi, I'm Terrianne. I've "watched" you grow up (virtually) for most of your life," to which she replied, "Well that's scary!"

Finally, the very best line of the evening...no, the entire weekend...came out of a dinner conversation with Patty's sons, Tyler and Jacob. I had actually met Tyler once before when he and Eli were seven months old, and Eli and I visited St. George. Tyler and Eli crawled around the living room, while Patty and I reminisced  about college days and chatted about marriage and motherhood. Twenty-four-year-old Tyler didn't remember that day at all. In fact, he had no idea who I was or how I knew his and Jacob's names.

He may not remember, but I feel like I've known both these amazing young men all their lives. At one point, Shulamith asked both brothers how they feel about their sister's new husband. Jacob said they like him just fine, though they don't really know him that well yet.

Then Tyler chimed in:

"But I'm sure my mom knows him very well. I'm sure she's been interrogating him nonstop since the first day she met him, just like she does us. Question after question after question, until finally you just give up answers, anything to make it stop: "Please, Mom, I need to go to the bathroom!"

Two things: Tyler could be a stand-up comic, and Patty is a mother after my own heart.

"Thanks for the cookies. They were good"

The seeds we plant...

A week ago, Eli rose early and logged into a Zoom call, where he witnessed a baptism in Louisville, Kentucky. He was able to participate, though virtually, in the joy of that day, as his friend Tom entered the waters of baptism.

This story began eight years ago, when Eli (Elder Webster) was serving in the Arkansas Little Rock Mission, which includes parts of Missouri, Mississippi, and Tennessee. One day a ward member called Elders Webster and Hadlock and asked them to come help his childhood friend, who had just relocated to Memphis, move into his new house. I should point out that this wasn't just any ward member; this was the amazing Brother Floyd, who worked tirelessly alongside the missionaries serving in the Memphis area and kept tabs on all the others in the mission as well. If a P-day rolled around and we moms hadn't heard from our kids by mid-afternoon, our go-to guy was Brother Floyd. All we had to do was shoot him a message, and within a few hours, he would track down our missionaries and find out why they hadn't emailed. Every six weeks on transfer days, Brother Floyd always had all the deets on who was transferring where. With his help, we moms knew where our kids were headed almost as soon as they did.

The missionaries love Brother Floyd and they love to serve, so they cheerfully agreed to help his friend move. They put on their work clothes and headed right over. They liked Tom immediately; he was a kind and generous guy with a fun sense of humor. As they finished helping him move in and were about to leave, Elder Webster discreetly (or perhaps non-discreetly) placed a copy of The Book of Mormon on his dining room table.

And that was that.

For awhile.

At some point, Tom agreed to take the missionary discussions, and Elders Webster and Hadlock were excited to teach him. As they studied together, their friendship with Tom grew although he did not choose to be baptized at that time. In March of 2014, when Eli finished his two years and was headed home, Tom posted a message on my Facebook page, "Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl." Eli was way too young to have even heard of Three Dog Night, let alone this song, but I was well familiar with both, and this message made me so happy!

And that was that.

For awhile.

For eight years, actually.

Then just over a week ago, Elder Hadlock called Eli with the best news: Tom was getting baptized! He and his wife had left Memphis and relocated to Kentucky, and thanks to modern technology, both these former missionary companions, the ones who helped Tom move into his house in Memphis eight years ago, were able to zoom into the baptism. 

The seeds we plant.

All three of my missionary sons had challenging times on their missions, times when they felt like they weren't making a difference, like they weren't accomplishing anything. But that was never the case. They may never fully know the fruits of their labor, but the seeds they planted were good seeds, and the Savior will handle the rest.

Congrats, Tom.

"I wanna be a teacher like Mr. Mac."

When Eli was little and asked the age-old question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" his answers were typical of many young boys:

"I want to be a fireman because they save people."
"I want to be an ice cream man because they get lots of money!"
"I want to be in a rock band." (He actually still wants to do that, and I believe he will one day. Eli on vocals and keyboards; my brother, Tom, on guitar. It's gonna happen!)

But something changed for Eli in fifth grade when he had an amazing educator at Little Mountain Elementary School in Mt. Vernon, Washington. The teacher's name was Jeff McRoberts, affectionately known to his students as "Mr. Mac." What made Mr. Mac so special? Was it his brilliant knowledge of math? Or language arts? Or history? Maybe. But more important than any of that was the relationship he had with his students. My friend, Jane, recently completed her doctoral degree in education. She is quick to tell anyone who will listen that the principal component of effective teaching and learning is not the teacher's knowledge of content or even his ability to explain that knowledge to students, but rather his relational skills. Learning is relational.

When teachers relate to their students and truly care, students feel it. And they respond. Mr. Mac did exactly that. Learning was fun in his fifth grade classroom because it was a team effort of both teacher and students. Mr. Mac cared about his students personally; he got to know them. Their interests became his interests. After his year with Mr. Mac, Eli changed how he answered that question about a future profession:

"I wanna be a teacher like Mr. Mac."

Well, just the other day, progress toward that goal became a reality, as Eli walked across the stage at BYU-Idaho and received his diploma for earning a B.S. in elementary education.

He still has a couple steps to go, including student teaching, but "Mr. Webster" is just about there.

College was not Eli's favorite. Unlike for some of the rest of us, writing papers, taking exams, and sitting in classes is not exactly his "Chick-fil-A sauce." But he did all those things anyway, many times over, one semester before his mission and four years since coming home. Every semester, at some point, he told me he was dropping out. He never did. Instead, he pressed forward, and each time, it was my pleasure to say, "Another successful semester down, Eli!"

The part of college he did enjoy were the teaching practicums. In the elementary classroom, he thrived, and just like Mr. Mac, the kids loved him. As he finished each practicum, he was showered with cards and notes, hugs and high fives. He is going to be such a great teacher.

Mr. Mac built relationships, and some of those lasted even after the kids left fifth grade. His bond with Eli persevered, even after we left Mt. Vernon. When we returned to visit, Mr. Mac would take him out for ice cream and talk to him, just like you might another adult. He never talked down to kids. With social media, we continue to keep in touch with Mr. Mac and his wife. He posts the very best political memes. Frequently, Eli will text me and say, "Did you see what Mr. Mac posted today? So, so great!"

So, thank you, Jeff. You rock. That little boy who sat in your classroom 15 years ago is soon to have a classroom of his own.

Monday afternoon, with 2,000 other graduates, Eli processed into the "I" Center to "Pomp and Circumstance." It was a majestic moment for this mom. He was surrounded by family,

His big sister and tiny nephew,

His little brother,

His incredibly proud parents,

...and his beautiful wife!

Major congrats, Eli! We love you!

Let's just read books and watch TV all the time.

Me: Let's not teach any more classes. Let's just read books and watch TV all the time.
Shulamith: Done.

Shulamith and I both teach a couple English classes at Salt Lake Community College, and we recently completed fall semester, giving us four full weeks of break. Needless to say, we really like it.  Break, that is. So much so that this afternoon as I finished the book I was reading, The Woman in the Window, I texted Shulamith, which resulted in the above conversation. Honestly, I think I would be perfectly content to read books and watch TV all my days. And eat good food, of course. And walk. Don't worry, Emily, I won't stop walking. I have walked for so long, I think my body would rebel in a big way if I ever stopped.

With the year end approaching, friends have been posting their favorites of 2019: books, TV shows, movies, memes, etc. In addition, I've seen a few "least favorite" posts, including two about least favorite Christmas carols. I decided I needed in on the action, so here goes:

I didn't see enough movies to make much of a list, but hands down, the best one I saw this year was Rocketman, the biographical musical drama based on the life of Elton John. It doesn't hurt that I crazy love his music (and him!), but seriously, this film is so well done. Pure delight. Isaiah and I sang every song. Later in the year, Isaiah surprised me with not only the best concert I saw in 2019 (okay, it was the only concert I saw in 2019), but the best concert I've seen in my whole life. Highlights here!

Honorable mention goes to the documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor? based on the legacy of Fred Rogers, creator and host of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. 

Moving from big screen to small, I like a lot of shows, all pretty much the same genre. We've already established that I'm a reality TV failure, and I'm not that good at comedy either. I can count on one hand the number of comedies I've really loved, and none of those aired this past year. So sorry JoJo Siwa, but I'm definitely not gonna "Hold the Drama." It's all I like to watch! I've narrowed my faves of 2019 down to three, in this order:

#3 Almost Family. I know, I know, it seems like the stupidest plot ever, so stupid that I'm not even gonna tell you about it. You just have to watch. The strength of this show are its characters. All of them. They're quirky and complicated just like the rest of us, and endearing right down to their souls.

#2 A Million Little Things. This one hooked me from the first episode, when the most influential character of the series dies. After that, he appears in occasional flashbacks, but really, his presence is felt most deeply through the impact he had on all the other characters, through whom the writers explore and interrogate the most basic meanings of friendship.

#1 This is Us. Despite the glaring grammatical error in its title (Ugh!), this show easily wins first place in my heart. With nothing short of brilliance, these writers move us back and forth in time. Maybe I'm just fond of dead characters (and no, I never watched The Walking Dead - way too violent!), but the hero Jack Pearson, alive only in flashbacks, breathes life into this show in a way few can equal. The story's essence is Jack: his wife, his kids, their kids, and then back the other way to his dad, mom, and brother. I'm captivated every single episode by how the show presents parallel plot lines, as it moves seamlessly and effortlessly through time. Watch it. You won't be disappointed.

Honorable mention goes to Jane the Virgin, a telenovela that explores the strength of women, the strength of family, and the vulnerability that always accompanies genuine love. It's a fun one, and a little bit comedy to prove that I don't totally suck at comedy.

Way more challenging than movies, concerts, or TV shows is to figure out my favorite books. I read so, so many. So many stories. So many characters. So much angst. So much joy. It's hard to remember. I have four lovely suggestions, but I can't guarantee they are my for sure favorites of 2019, because I could be forgetting something wonderful. If so, my apologies.

#4 Where the Crawdads Sing. I always say that all good literature is true, because it speaks of life, and in doing so, communicates to readers what it is to be alive and human. By this definition, Crawdads, though obviously fiction, is true in every way. As we read, we live and breathe right alongside Kya, the marsh girl, abandoned by everyone, yet strong and resilient, and that's enough right there. Don't want to spoil anything for those of you who haven't yet had the pleasure.

#3 Small Great Things. Through the story of Ruth Jefferson, an African American labor and delivery nurse, we are smacked square in the face with the uncomfortable topics of racial injustice, prejudice, and hate, in a way that makes us squirm mightily. And squirm we should.

#2 Just Mercy. Disclaimer: I've only read 30%. I started it too late because I was finishing another book for my book group, and then my loan expired. It's back on my Kindle queue, but it's popular, so I'm still waiting. But even with just 30%, it finds its way to #2 on my list. It's that good. The only non-fiction on my list (remember, all good literature is true, but this story actually happened), this book is like a train wreck. It's so awful, but I couldn't stop reading, and when it disappeared, I felt simultaneously relieved for the break and desperate to have it back.

#1 The Things We Cannot Say. While all story elements are important: plot, characters, setting, point of view; for me, it's all about voice. I yearn to hear a genuine, honest voice, and this book delivers exactly that. Woven beautifully between WWII Poland and modern day, this story threw me head-over-heels in love with both protagonists, Alina, the young girl in worn-torn Poland, and Alice, the woman plagued by her quest to uncover a family secret. The story causes us to reflect on secrets, indeed the things unsaid, those that protect as well as those that do harm, and the brave souls who fight to know the difference.

Honorable mentions include The Silent Patient; Little Fires Everywhere; Where'd You Go, Bernadette?; and Every Note Played.

Finally, for the fun of it, let's talk about crappy Christmas carols (oooh, gotta love that alliteration). I've heard numerous rants about the song "Baby It's Cold Outside." Is it promoting date rape, with lines such as "Say, what's in this drink?" and "I like to think of it as opportunistic"? Okay, yeah, I can see that inference. I can. But I don't think this was the song's intent really; maybe I'm naive? I actually sort of like the song, truth be told. Sorry to those who hate it.

Then there's debate over "Mary, Did You Know?" citing Luke 1:26-35, where the angel appears to Mary and foretells the coming of the Savior and his mission. Again, I get it. But I'm okay suspending reality just a bit. After all, we set up manger scenes with both shepherds and wise men, who in reality, visited the babe years apart, and as Gerald noted in a post, we sing about how He never cried, which is incredulous considering he was a human baby. So maybe it's okay if we sing a pretty song that asks Mary if she knew.

Another favorite to hate on is "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer." My biggest issue with this one is, again, GRAMMAR! Come on, people. Otherwise, the song kind of makes me laugh. I guess I just don't take it seriously enough, and also, I have this fond memory my mom carrying Luke (Born Dec. 4th) around the house, singing this song to him to sooth his newborn cries.

So what songs don't I like, you are dying to know? Counting down the three crappiest Christmas carols. Second disclaimer: I still sing numbers 3 and 2, because they're as old as dirt and everyone sings them. I just don't care for the meaning in the lyrics.

#3 "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." This song presents a terrible example of bullying and shunning a poor reindeer because of his appearance, then loving him only when he's desperately needed. Blah.

#2 "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." And this one promotes the false belief that children can be "bad," and that if they are, Santa (who creeps on them night and day) won't bring them any presents. The worst line in this one: "You better not cry." Double blah.

Last, and this one I DO NOT sing. I get mad when it comes on the radio. Guys, I really loathe this song.

#1 "Santa Baby." Some girl with a sexy voice petitions Santa to "hurry down the chimney" and bring her everything under the sun, including a sable, a light blue convertible, a duplex, and the deed to a platinum mine! How utterly materialistic! And the only way she'll be a "very good girl" next year is if he brings her all this stuff. I really might throw up.

There you have it, my favorite movies, concert, TV shows, and books. And my least fave Christmas carols.

Also, if you're looking for Shulamith and me, we are reading books and watching TV all the time. For the rest our lives.

It's fine.