101 Posts and Feelin' Good

So I fully intended to do something special with my 100th blog post. I wasn't sure what that would be, but certainly something should mark such an important number, right? It's sort of like when the kids in early elementary school celebrate the 100th day of school by bringing 100 items. I remember going to the bank to get 100 pennies, so Seth could take them to school on his 100th day of second grade. I thought about the upcoming 100th post when I was on #90 and again at #96; however, when I actually wrote my 100th post, I didn't think about it at all. I didn't even notice! The 100th blog post came and went (sigh) without the slightest fanfare. Ah, well. It matters not.

What matters is today I write my 101st blog post, and I have to tell you that I am feeling good. I mean really good. Like almost "normal" good. As you know, Shulamith's wedding was hugely emotional for me. It was the strangest thing. I love my daughter more than life, and in the past year, I have come to love Mathew nearly as much. Seriously, this kid has really gotten under my skin. He and Shulamith are so perfect together; what a blessing they found each other. Nevertheless, this whole wedding thing tapped my emotions in ways I could have never imagined. Worried that I wouldn't be able to hold myself together long enough to get through the ceremony, let alone two receptions, I was calmly reassured by my friend Lindsey. She predicted that I would do okay through the sealing and even through the first reception for the most part because I would have no choice. But the trip home in the car, she thought, might very possibly be a repeat of our trip home nearly six years ago after dropping Shulamith off at college for the first time (See May 21, 2009 post entitled "Angst" for details).

As usual, Lindsey was pretty much right on. I did okay at the sealing, and even pretty well though the Utah reception, other than right after they took off together in the decorated car. But the ride back to Montana the following day was pretty tough. As was the Billings reception the following week. As were the next two months, truth be told. I simply could not stop crying. Like four or five times a day. Every day. I would hear a certain song on the radio and cry. I would look at a picture of Shulamith and me and cry. I would go to the mall and cry. I would eat a Cinnabon and cry. I would wear one of the many items of clothing she and I have in common and cry. I would do absolutely nothing and cry. Sheesh!

Once again, Lindsey to the rescue. She told me that eventually, this would stop. Eventually, everything would feel normal again. My anxiety would decrease, and life would be okay. Well, I am here to tell you that I think she was right. This morning as I was driving out to the C.O.T., it occurred to me that I'm no longer crying every day. I still cry sometimes because I'm an emotional person, but not every single day and certainly not several times each day. When did the change happen? I don't know. It must have been gradual? However it happened, I am grateful. I still miss her tons, just as I always did. I still hate the distance between us and can't wait until we can move down there. And I'm still profoundly thankful for modern technology which allows us such regular contact. I know we're not supposed to worship "items," so I won't, but I'm pretty darned appreciative of cell phones, text messaging, instant messaging, and email. Moreover, every time she tells me the latest kind and thoughtful thing her new husband has done for her, I am once again thankful for Matt.

So yeah, to any of you who were concerned for my mental health, you can relax. I really am doing better.

101 Blog Posts and Feelin' Good!