Uncertainty. Blah!

I was thinking today, well actually in the middle of last night (sigh!) and then again today, about how different people, depending on their personalities, handle uncertainty. On the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a personality inventory, one of the four components includes this idea. People who score toward the "J" (Judging) end of the spectrum prefer definite plans. They like to know what is going to happen and when. Conversely, people who score toward the "P" (Perceiving) end don't need such definition in their lives; they prefer to keep their options open.

So any guesses where I might fall on this "J/P" spectrum?

Yep, I'm a "J." I'm a strong "J." No, wait, I'm a polarized "J." I HATE uncertainty. I love to plan! I like to know what to expect in any situation, and I don't like surprises. Uh huh, I'm a happy "J."

That is unless life becomes uncertain. Then I'm not so happy anymore. And that's how I feel about the upcoming summer. For me, summer begins May 1st. That is Commencement Day at my university and my last official day of the school year. In case you haven't checked your calendars lately, May 1st is just three weeks and three days from today. That's 24 days. So you would think a "J" like me would have some idea what the following four months would bring.

However, I'm basically clueless. Every time I try to figure it out, I can't. There are just too many variables. Uncertainty. Blah!

My niece is getting married July 10th in Portland. The one and only thing I know for certain about this summer is that I will be in Portland that day. But how will I get there? Whom, if anyone, will I take with me? How long will I stay? All questions with no definite answers. If I drive to Salt Lake City and fly from there, I'll pay literally half the price I would pay to fly out of Billings. I could take Gerald with me and pay the same price as if I flew alone. But that would leave Seth at home with just Isaiah and Eli. They love him, yes. They would never let anything bad happen to him, no. Still, they tend to sort of ignore him and leave him to fend for himself, and they'll both be working full time this summer which doesn't help. I could bring Seth with me instead of Gerald, but then Gerald might not make it over to the West Coast at all this summer. I could bring Seth AND Gerald, but then I pay for three airline tickets. We could drive over, but that takes such a long time, and I'm not sure it's cost effective after paying for hotel rooms and food. Questions, questions, questions, none with clear, obvious answers. Uncertainty. Blah!

Then there is the remainder of the summer. I would like to go somewhere in August, but at this point, I don't know where or even with whom.

Last night, when I was mulling over all this instead of sleeping, I thought about the "P" people I know and how much easier their lives must be. All this uncertainty would not bother them one bit. In fact, they'd likely enjoy it. They would probably sleep right through it! Isaiah, for example, is a definite "P." In the evenings, we often find ourselves both on Facebook at the same time. If I'm very lucky, he will be bored enough at his job that he'll decide to chat with his mom. In case you didn't know, Isaiah is a hall monitor in the dorms at Westminster. His only duty is to sit at a desk and "monitor" the hall. In other words, he doesn't have to do a single thing. On those evenings, our conversations always begin something like this:

Isaiah: Hey Mom!

Me: Hi Isaiah! How are you?

Isaiah: Okay, just bored at work.

Me: When do you get off?

Isaiah: In another hour.

Me: What will you do then?

Isaiah: I dunno.

Me: What are you doing this weekend?

Isaiah: I dunno.

Now let me point out that in my profession, this "I dunno" stuff is somewhat annoying. But do I say anything about it? No way. I wouldn't do anything that might discourage Isaiah from chatting with me. He's by far the quietest, most introverted of my five children; I'll take any communication I can get. Also, he is an excellent writer. I'm not sure I've met another kid his age who writes with such strength, precision, and skill. And I say that NOT as a mother, but as an English teacher. So though mildly annoying, his "I dunno" is not a huge concern.

My point here is that when he says, "I dunno," he truly does not know what is coming next in his life. He has told me that he doesn't make any plans. He goes to his classes, and he goes to work. Other than that, he just waits to see what comes up. And usually, something does. Often something fun! Isaiah is a "P."

I am a "J." I need predictability in my life, and before too long, I will need to get this summer mapped out so my anxiety doesn't spin right out of control. I believe I'll start now. May 1st, just after the final mortarboard is tossed into the sky, I'm going to Salt Lake City. By then, it will be over five weeks since I last saw Shulamith, and yada yada yada (you know that story). But will I fly there? Will I drive? How long will I stay?

I dunno.

Uncertainty. Blah!